'You and I walk a fragile line. I have known it all this time, but I never ever thought I'd see it break.' – Haunted, Taylor Swift
They say that when you lose someone you love, it's as if time stops. That grief is the last act of love we have to give to those we loved and that where there is deep grief, there was great love. The woman she loved might not have died that night, but god it sure felt like it.
There wasn't a second that went by that her soulful blue eyes didn't flash across her vision, or the scent of her expensive perfume didn't fill her nose whenever she closed her eyes. The Marine would wake up most nights screaming; her subconscious filled with so many different scenarios. What if she had begged her not to marry Ehsan? What if she told her how she felt…..had told her the truth that night when she'd come back from her meeting with Joe. Would anything be different?
It was only when she opened her eyes in the early hours of each morning that she was reminded of her irreversible loneliness; the bed beside her empty, only one woman she wanted to be by her side. It was normally around four o'clock in the morning by the time Cruz simply gave up trying to rest; instead opting to work out for at least a few hours a day, the soldier in her still engrained in every fibre of her being – regardless of the torment she had been put through whilst wearing that uniform.
She often wondered whether Joe regretted putting her out in the field again after she'd confessed her love for the terrorist's daughter, but was almost certain she didn't give a damn – not after her clear disregard for her safety and mental well-being when it was all over. If she ever laid eyes on her again, the Syrian wouldn't just be a split lip she was left with – that was for sure.
It was just over three months since her final day with Aaliyah, and today was one of the days she had been dreading the most. After almost six weeks of discussion with the disciplinary board, as well as hearings with her superior officers, the day had finally come for her to give her final statement about her 'misconduct' – ending with either her career being saved, or being taken away from her.
She had meant every word to the Captain that night about quitting, but to lose everything that the Marine Corp had given her? It would be a heart pill to swallow, that was for sure. The only saving grace she'd had over the last few months was Bobby; the only member of the Lioness team that had stuck by her throughout the emotional turmoil – her other colleagues simply staying out of it, likely to save their own asses in the process. But for her? Cowardness was the lowest form of ignorance.
After stepping out of the shower just after half past seven that Thursday morning, dressing herself in her freshly ironed Marine blues, Cruz was just buttoning up her black jacket when a soft knock came at the door.
"Come in….." she called out, not bothering to turn back to see who it was – the fellow soldier's footsteps being something that had become second nature to her. Moments later, Bobby's head peaked itself out from around the door frame; giving her friend an encouraging smile, also dressed in her formal uniform.
"Are you ready for this?" the blonde questioned in a gentle tone, padding her boot clad feet through the threshold before reaching out to place her hands on the brunette's shoulders; giving them a gentle squeeze, gazing at her from the reflection of the tall mirror attached to the wardrobe.
"I don't think I'll ever be ready to say goodbye to the only real family I've had, but…..I guess I don't have a choice anymore…." the female muttered back in response, clearing her throat before brushing the comb through her hair for the final time; slicked back and tied in a tight bun, now only missing her white dress cap. Only then letting out a heavy breath she didn't realise she was holding, she looked up to catch her friend's reflection in the mirror again; giving her the strongest smile her broken heart could muster.
"Have your friends at Interpol found anything yet?" the twenty six year old then questioned, having asked the same thing each and every day for the last nine weeks – each morning receiving the same response.
"Not yet. It takes time, especially going it under the radar like this. We'll find her Manuelos, it's just….." Bobby began to repeat before she was interrupted.
"It's just gonna take time – I know, I know. But what if she doesn't have time Bobby? I mean…. if her father really was who they say he was, then god knows what they would have done after it all. They – maybe the thought she knew who I was the entire time? I…. If they did then they'll….." she began to ramble, her mind in a downward spiral; the strong hold of her shoulders from the fellow Marine being the only thing to bring her back from the brink of darkness again.
"As soon as I hear, you'll be the first to know ok? Let's just battle one demon at a time shall we?" the thirty two year old suggested in a calm manner, giving her one last squeeze before stepping back; adjusting the buttons on her jacket before wiping a piece of dust from her medals, in recent months questioning what they all meant.
"We should get going…. but there's something I need to tell you first….." she then added after a few moments of silence, walking a few steps before perching herself on the corner of the bed; her hands knotting into her lap. Able to sense the unusual nervousness coming from her colleague, it was obvious to Cruz that whatever she was going to say was likely not good. Was it Aaliyah? H…. Had she heard something after all?
"You've got to promise me to stay calm alright? I can't afford to replace anymore doors or mirrors because you're not sure where to throw your fists – that's what we have a punching bag in the garage for….." the blonde then tried to reason, earning a glare from the twenty six year old.
"Just spit it out Murray….." the Syrian spat back, earning a glare of her own. Running her fingers through her hair, it was only then that the older female chose to speak.
"I got a call from Two Cups – Joe's gonna be at the hearing today….." she confessed before looking up at the fellow Marine; her expression changing almost immediately, her eyes growing into that dark look she had recognised so many times – the last being when she'd picked her up from a local bar, having consumed enough alcohol to kill a horse. God, that was a hell of a night in the hospital!
"I…..Are you fucking serious? How can she dare to show her face after what she did?!" Cruz shouted angrily, as Bobby instantly got to her feet; standing in front of the taller woman before reaching out for her cheeks, gripping them tightly in order to force her to meet her gaze.
"She was your commanding officer with Lioness, it's protocol. You can't go throwing fists again ok? You're lucky she didn't have you court marshalled for that right hook you gave her on the boat….." the blonde warned once more before looking at the watch on her wrist – it being just after half past eight.
"We need to leave – get your shit together before we get there. I can only put up with so much, and right now I am the only person on your side. Suck it up, find your inner Marine and we'll deal with it later alright?" she asked from her friend finally before releasing her face; turning her back before walking towards the door, lingering until she heard footsteps soon following.
Picking up her white cap from the small chest of drawers by the door, the Syrian let out a heavy sigh before nodding her head; silently telling Bobby she was in control, at least as much as she could be in that moment. Heading down the stairs as quickly as she could manage and grabbing her paperwork by the front door, as well as her hard carved wooden cane from its place on the coat rack, it was only then that the brunette and her colleague headed to the pickup truck in the driveway; climbing into the passenger's seat before putting on her seatbelt, her heart hammering against her chest. Could she really do this? Could she really see McNamara after all this time without losing her control? It seemed only time would tell.
The journey to the Quantico military base thankfully only took around twenty minutes; the early morning traffic having subsided by the time they had left. Pulling up into the parking lot after showing both of their ID's to the security guard, Bobby shut off the engine of the truck before reaching for her back seat to grab her cap; only then turning to face her friend once more.
"Stay calm…..alright? You are gonna be no use to your lady when we find her if your locked up ok?" she tried to encourage, hating to use Aaliyah as a way of blackmailing her but in certain situations it was the only choice she had. Nodding her head in response and letting out another shaking breath, it was only then that Cruz opened the door and got out of the car; taking a few moments to get herself steady, the cane being more than useful on days like this – no matter how much she hated using it.
Clinging to the important files in her right hand and zoning her eyes on the entrance to the building, the Syrian walked beside her colleague; the walking aid providing much needed support – her leg not playing ball today, just like so many others. Getting through security quickly and receiving their visitors badges, Bobby asked for her to settle in the waiting area whilst she got them both a bottle of water; the twenty six year old's mouth suddenly as dry as the desert, grateful for the blonde's forward thinking.
However, within seconds of her being left alone, it didn't take long for another pair of footsteps to approach; the Marine looking up in time to catch sight of Joe heading in her direction, her entire body growing tense within a matter of seconds.
Could she keep her promise to Murray and stay calm, or would she spent the evening in jail due to breaking the jaw of the former QRS Captain?