Sonja was running out of paper. Coincidentally, her bedroom was running out of space for another drawing too. If someone observed the sketches spread across every segment of her wall without further context, they'd perhaps compliment her promising future career as an artist, likely not accounting for how every sketch contained a military unit. Her family knew better.
knock knock
"Not now, father!" Sonja called, rubbing the pencil between her finger and thumb, her stare unmoving from the paper in front of her. Predictably, the door slowly creaked open in spite of her reply.
"You've been in here for nearly 4 days, Sonja." Said Kanbei. His concern did not need viewing to be understood.
"Then that will be 4 days impeccably well spent."
Silence followed as Sonja tried to study her newest sketch of an all new naval unit, concluding if it was a worthy idea or not. A difficult task when the feeling of her father 's eyes burning her back persevered.
"You've developed quite an ability for drawing." He spoke again.
"Thank you, but it's only the idea behind the drawing that matters." It wasn't her intent to deliver her sentences with such stoicism. But every moment in which she couldn't be left to focus on such important work stung her.
"Sonja… you're 16."
"I'm aware, Father."
"Developing strategy plans all day should be my job, not yours."
"Father…." Sonja inhaled a breath through sealed lips. "You've greater power over your units than I could ever hope to replicate. But relying on you for unit strategising and brainstorming has proven disappointing on the better days."
A pause was expected, but as on the mark as she usually was, she did not foresee the laugh that echoed off the bedroom walls.
"Well at least your sense of humour is still there." Kanbei remarked before adding, "There's someone here to see you."
It was Sonja's turn to pause. Rapidly, her mind attempted piecing together who it could be. Difficult when visitors for her were so rare.
"Um, who is it?"
If it were Sami, she would surely understand how her work was more important than petty, inconsequential reminiscence over school days. If it were Grit, come to check up on her, all she'd have to do is put on her most convincing smile, showcasing how perfectly fine she obviously was. If it were Drake… maybe she'd just tell him she spotted a lovely looking pirate ship along the harbour or something.
"It's Andy." Kanbei replied.
Sonja's breath halted. That may prove a little more difficult.
"O-okay." She had to blink in rapid succession before asking the obvious even occurred to her. "What's he here for?" She didn't turn around; unexplainably, simply moving to look at her Father felt absurdly difficult.
"What I've told you is all I know." Said Kanbei. "Shall I send him here? Or tell him you'll be down?"
A vision flashed through Sonja's mind of Andy observing the myriad of battle sketches, alongside the frenzied bullet points written beside them. Still, her refusal to care about what anyone thought of her, even him overpowered the vision. Especially if the possibility of her getting just a little more work done remained.
"The former." She answered quietly.
"Alright." Kanbei replied and the door shut tightly. Only for the brief sound of a small creak to appear a moment later.
"I'll be sure to leave you two alone." And the door closed again.
Sonja's entire body spasmed, ruining the paper's smoothness, her cheeks flushing rose coloured. It had been at least a year since Andy had taken full charge in saving her from Sturm's nightmarish being and she was certain she hadn't been too obvious about the feelings that had overwhelmed her when she thanked him. Yet even when a whole other war occurred since then, Kanbei managed to notice. Of all the situations for him to be observant.
"Heya, Sonja!"
To fall for someone who didn't even knock first…
She turned around to meet her visitor. There Andy stood leaning against her door, smile beaming like a gleaming star, as per usual. His hair had grown a little messier and Sonja felt an uncharacteristically irresistible want to run a hand through it.
"Good afternoon, Andy."
His smile grew at one side in acknowledgement and his eyes averted to the messy papers plastered upon her walls. Though she promised not to be bothered by anyone's judgement, she was grateful his smile didn't falter.
"You've sure been busy, huh?" He asked.
"You could say that." Sonja replied as Andy stepped further into the room. With a heave, he sat himself on her bed, looking at one of the pieces of paper, untidily lying on her quilt.
"Oh, I like this one!" Andy said, lifting it into the sun rays. If memory served her well, the sketch displayed a small, dome shaped boat with a little statue of a wrench above it. "What is it meant to be?"
"Oh, that's a unit idea I'm hoping to make. A ship that heals naval units. Still a work in progress." Sonja decided Andy being her inspiration for the wrench's inclusion in the design was a detail best left unsaid.
He chuckled. "Amazing! We could make that one together, some day, what do you think?"
Sonja laughed faintly. About the closest she'd ever come to being asked out.
"The thing is though…" Said Andy, settling the paper back down and looking around the room, his smile leaving him, "I don't quite follow why you're making all these ideas now."
Sonja sighed. She slowly returned to facing her desk.
"Was it father's idea for you to come here?"
"Huh? No, I've been planning on paying all our friends a visit, actually. Woulda come here sooner if you weren't so far away."
Immediately, Sonja spun back to him, raising an eyebrow.
"Far away? You have free access to airports, Andy."
"I know!" He stammered. "And I don't want to mention one, in case everyone makes fun of me over them again."
There was a brief pause. When to her own shock, Sonja burst out laughing, entirely unable to recall how long for. She was fairly certain several subsequent failed attempts at composing herself followed, though her mind was a little too hazy to recall.
"I'm sorry." She stammered. "I'm s-sorry." She stabled herself, swallowing as she suppressed a smile, insisting her collectedness return.
Andy had been studying nowhere in particular for at least a minute.
"Man, you and Sami really aren't different after all." Finally he shifted his focus back to her. "Anyway, about the pictures…"
Her smile fell as the reminder of her situation wounded her lifted spirits. Which in turn was a rather blatant indication her current hobby was doing her little good. Though she mentally insisted it was still necessary.
"It's just plans for the future, that's all. I want to be ready, in case another invasion happens out of nowhere. Minimal collateral damage." She spoke with her chin raised, as if to amplify her confidence in her task.
"Okay." Said Andy, folding his arms, "But why now? We just won a war. And Sturm's gone this time. Doesn't this seem a little much?"
Something in those words seemed to accelerate her impatience. Perhaps it was the repeated worry from everyone, or Andy mentioning her nightmare by name. All she knew was whether right or wrong, she was beginning to lose it.
"A little much? Excuse me, but the next time one of us is invaded and we're on the cusp of losing, that 'little much' might very feasibly be the only thing that saves a life!" She snatched a piece of paper off her desk and walked right up to Andy, whose figure had grown a little tense.
"Look!" Sonja raised the paper in front of her. "It's a stealth unit, designed to hide within every HQ we own. Any time the enemy is about to invade it, this unit will blast it to smithereens. Our most vital bases will never be vulnerable again! We'll save incomprehensible levels of time and resources."
Toppling her pride and self-satisfaction was a desperate need for Andy to react with amazement at her idea. To prove to her that her ideas were worth every second she'd spent locked up here and that her people could sleep just slightly more peacefully because of her.
"The HQ would get damaged."
Sonja's mind seemed to hitch.
"I'm sorry?"
"That unit looks powerful. You'd destroy parts of the headquarters. Heck, even weaker units would cause too much risk to the base."
He looked at her with concern that Sonja could only interpret as bewilderment at her idea. She glanced back at her paper and so simply, her hopes seemed to shatter around her as the reality of her stupid mistake settled in. Of course! Of course the unit would damage the HQ. How couldn't she have worked that out herself!? How could Andy have seen the transparent flaw in her plan before she did?
Her body was shaking, the front of her throat felt heavy. It would only take lord knows how long to revaluate this idea from the beginning. Well so be it.
She swung towards her desk, darting in its direction. When she felt a hand grasp her own.
She gasped, whirling back around and her eyes met Andy's. She barely controlled her breath.
"You look tired, Sonja."
Her mouth moved, yet her ability to form a reply was delayed.
"I'm fine, Andy."
His stare streamed into hers and she recalled that same sympathetically determined expression he wore when he'd told her Sturm was going down. She'd never known someone else to wear their bravery so clearly without likely even realising it.
"An hour."
Sonja blinked.
"Pardon?"
Andy let go of her hand.
"I want to spend an hour with you." He said, his tone abnormally heavy. His face then immediately brightened up. "Well, longer than an hour ideally, but I should probably start small."
Sonja's cheeks were redder than Andy's misleadingly titled army.
"Huh, wh-why, what for?"
"You look like you haven't had fun in a while. Someone's gotta make amends to that!"
Sonja fingers were suddenly frantic with movement, gripping and releasing the air continuously. An hour with Andy, devoid of fighting and stress. Not an unpleasant pitch. So pleasant in fact, it became all the more obvious that it wasn't as productive as where her focus should be.
"I can't, I have work to do. If I keep focus, I can make exactly what we need to –"
"I don't think you can." Said Andy, sincerely, lightly swaying his head. "Well on most days, of course you can! But whenever Nell gives me advice, she looks happy while doing it. Maybe that's part of it."
Sonja was unsure of how to reply. Backed into a corner by this boy of all people. It was in this moment that a likely conclusion started to form in her mind. His mind might not be the type to prioritise remembering a full, detailed list of units. But it could spot a person in need from a mile away.
"Please, Sonja." Andy pleaded, a soothing warmth in his tone.
Her second hypothesis; perhaps it was just that his eyes were genetically programmed to persuade her.
"…Alright, you win."
There was a radial illumination that crept across the room from the smile that slowly occupied Andy's face.
"I usually do against you."
"Hey!" Sonja snapped.
Andy laughed, grabbing the door handle.
"See ya downstairs, I'll give you a few minutes."
"Oh, thanks. Wait, a few minutes for what?"
Andy lightly motioned his finger at her.
"You're wearing your army uniform. I don't know if you're meant to say this to a girl, but I think it would help if you got changed for the time being. See ya!"
Andy spared her a wave as he shut the door. Sonja just stood there, totally bewildered. She was unsure whether to burst out laughing at the phrasing of his suggestion to her or to slap him for his lack of etiquette or to applaud his bravery. It appeared her emotions had cancelled each other out and she'd need a minute to process what just happened. Or a day.
—
Outfit selection had never proven a source of frustration in Sonja's brain before today. The thought of her mulling over something as insignificant as whether to pick the purple top and the red skirt or the green top and the white skirt would have infuriated the version of her from 10 minutes ago. She walked down the stairs, donning the former option.
A light sound of clicking and tweaking suggested Andy was in their living room, to her left. Pushing the door open, she spotted him in an armchair, feet up on the edge, wrench in hand, fiddling with a camera. A very familiar camera.
"Um, what are you doing with that?"
"Oh hey, I was just fi…" Andy's words faded into the air as he gave Sonja an unfamiliar look she couldn't decipher. Though she did know it caused her being to slightly shiver.
"Yes, go on." She said.
Andy's head gave a light shake.
"Right. Sorry. I took a look at this camera of yours while waiting and noticed it was broken. But I've done most of the work now, if I can just twist this last screw and…. HA!"
Gauging his smile as he stared into the back, alongside the light emanating from it, she could only assume it had turned on successfully.
"I gather it's working properly." Said Sonja, approaching the armchair.
"You betcha." Replied Andy, handing her the camera. "Now you can revisit all the memories you want again."
"Hmmm…" Said Sonja. She rotated the camera in her hand, blankly observing it as if it were alien technology. "I didn't even know it was broken."
Andy's eyes narrowed. "Really?"
"I've never used it since Father bought it for me." Sonja shrugged, setting the camera aside on a table. "I've yet to feel comfortable with photos, I guess."
Momentarily, Andy seemed a little scarce for words. Before he leapt right up and took hold of the camera again.
"Well, we can't have that any longer." Andy grinned, thrusting the camera in front of his eye. "The memories, they'll start today!"
Sonja placed a hand over the lens.
"They very much will not."
Andy sighed, bringing the camera back down.
"Alrighty, have it your way. So, what do you usually do for fun? Pre-battle planning, I mean. "
Sonja made to reply, but her mind struggled in supporting her. Since the last battle, her only source of even mild dopamine came from divising war strategies. Couple that with the weeks of repelling Black Hole, she had to seriously ponder the question before she could remember her own passions.
"Well… I sort of tend to hop between hobbies." Said Sonja, sluggishly. "Before the war… I was getting into playing that, I believe." She tilted her head over to the corner, parallel to where she and Andy were. There stood a piano, the layers of dust spread across it particularly evident, even from feet away.
"Piano, huh? Awesome! Let's make some music."
Before Sonja could object, Andy leapt out of the chair and over to the Piano stool. She rolled her eyes before joining him.
"This can fit two people, right?" Said Andy, looking up at her, prompting her to sit by him.
"It should. Still, when has something ever been too thin for you?"
"Hey, thanks." Andy beamed. Sonja opened her mouth to tell him it wasn't a compliment, but altering that shining smile would have been criminal, so instead she sat by him.
"Well, we'd better get this dusted." She sighed, picking up a cloth from the keys on her left. She made to start before another hand grasped the other end.
"Actually, I think it'd be right if I did this." Said Andy.
"Huh? Why?" Sonja allowed him the cloth out of confusion more than agreement.
"Well, while I was fixing your camera, I thought of something. You're the daughter of the emperor of Yellow Comet, right?"
Sonja raised an eye brow. "Yesss?"
"Well then, that means you're a Princess, right?"
Sonja's eyes promptly widened.
"What? Well, I – I suppose, but that's – that's, I've never thought about – look, the title doesn't mean anything here!" Sonja spluttered out. Andy's responsive grin suggested her reply meant nothing.
"Okay. Thanks for the heads up," He placed one hand on his stomach, performing a half bow. "Your majesty."
Sonja's felt herself redden.
'Lord help me, this will be a long afternoon.'
She switched her focus to the piano keys and began to fiddle, familiarising herself with each note while Andy cleaned the rest. As she did so, flashes of playing to various pieces swirled through her mind. Her nervousness at playing in someone's company deflated a little and her confidence began growing.
"Oh, hang on, I just thought of something else!" Bellowed Andy
Sonja looked back towards him. "Careful, another thought and you might hurt yourself."
Andy laughed, though his eyes narrowed cheekily.
"Well I only realised now; you always have your hair tied up."
She stared detachedly in his direction. Suddenly unusually conscious of the new topic, she lifted a finger to tickle one of her pigtails.
"Yes, I suppose I do?"
"Well, if we're trying to getcha to relaaaax, maybe that should change. Just for now, I mean. Only if you want though!" Those last two sentences were added hurriedly.
She continued blankly beholding his nervousness, disguised with a smile. Somehow, her mind seemed to dispel any nervousness about this proposition and she uttered no further response, simply raising her hands to her hair clips, clicking them out of place. She pocketed them and shook her head as her hair fell down to below her shoulders.
The shift in weight felt peculiar and her consciousness of herself could only be described as 'different.'
"Alright then. I hope you're happy." She stroked a finger through the back of her hair, her eyes staring nowhere in particular. Once she'd adjusted herself comfortably enough, she looked towards Andy to question his silence. Only to be met with a look that was gradually becoming more frequent, yet still indiscernible. His mouth hung moderately open and his eyes seemed unfocused.
Sonja wasn't sure how to interpret it, but she wished her body temperature would desist in spontaneously rising each time.
"Um, Andy?
"Huh? Oh, right, yeah."
He appeared unsure of himself as he murmured.
"Um are we ready to go?" He asked.
"I think so." Sonja replied, twisting back to the instrument.
"Fantastic!" He exclaimed, "Then fire away. I'll be quiet from here on. Starting now. Right now. 3, 2, 1." Sonja saw his hands cover his mouth out the corner of her eye and lightly snickered, before beginning to focus. In front of her was the same sheet music she'd been trying to perfect months ago. This likely wouldn't stand as her best performance, but as her psychiatrist used to tell her every single week to limited success, happiness is never gained from perfection.
She took a deep breath, her fingers hovering over the keys, slightly shifting in place. As she inhaled again, she almost believed her hands would freeze. When finally, she felt her finger press into the metal and create the first note. Followed successfully by another and another. Before she knew it, her fingers were gliding along the instrument, feeling she was becoming one with the melody. She was beginning to lose herself, the tension in her muscles was fading. Until one finger missed a key by half a second. She winced, but carried on. Over the next batches of countless note playing, a few similar mistakes were made and the dreadful image of her company judging her for her butchering crept into her brain. Rather than finish the full piece, she found a decently comfortable spot to stop, feeling slightly lightheaded as she withdrew her hands.
"Well… there we are." She rubbed her fingers over one another, trying to look at Andy, but not quite succeeding. The pause as he was seemingly processing the music was over felt shatteringly agonising in length.
But once he had, he began to clap.
"Wow! Amazing, Sonja! You really are smart at everything!"
It was the natural instinct to dismiss his praise with her own awareness of her mistakes. In spite of that, she offered a timid smile.
"In fact," Andy once again whipped the camera and turned around so his back was facing her, "I think this deserves to be preserved."
He lifted the camera up so he and Sonja were visible in its frame. Smiling, he pointed two fingers up, posing.
"Smile when you're ready!"
Though tempted to object, Sonja felt he deserved to be accommodated. Looking into the lens, she gave a withered half smile, awkwardly shifting her shoulders, a little unsure of what to do.
Snap
"Great! Let's have a look here… yep, perfect!" Andy reassigned himself to his prior position, still looking into the camera. "Wanna have a look?"
'Absolutely not.'
"Maybe later." Sonja answered.
"Sure thing." Said Andy, placing the camera on the instrument's side. "So what made you get into piano anyway?"
"Father kept suggesting that I needed something. To help me unwind after… that." Sonja's words faded, her fingers clenched and her body cringed. "He bought me a bunch of things I didn't ask for and this was the best, I guess."
As her sentence finished, she quickly decided she'd better not dwell on the subject.
"Anyway, do you want to do more or shall I get you something or…" She motioned her hand to prompt Andy to suggest something. But he was replying with a slightly uneasy expression.
"Hey." Said Andy, his tone historically softer and less lively, "Is it okay if I ask you something?"
Sonja's nerves heightened. What ominous timing to ask such a question. Rather unfortunate and pointless, when she couldn't know what the question is first. Despite that…
"Sure." She said, attempting a casual tone.
During the quietness, she noticed Andy's teeth lightly collide, as if he was readying himself to speak.
"Does… Does Sturm scare you?"
Sonja's breath halted. Her focus left Andy's face.
"What would make you ask that?"
He shrugged.
"I don't know. I guess maybe Kanbei assumed you were at least."
Sonja faced the wall, grumbling, "Well Father doesn't always get things right."
"I know. And I'm grateful, we'd have a lot less units if he did." He echoed a light laugh. Sonja barely reciprocated.
There was a heavy pause between them before Andy broke it. "Well, if you are – I mean 'were' scared… I want you to know there's nothing wrong with that. I only met the guy after destroying his army and he creeped me out too."
Sonja sat on his words for a moment. Those words were doing something, it felt like. Still, she didn't refrain from her discomforted, unfocused seating position.
"I… I don't know what I should say."
Without looking at him, she could feel Andy searching for his next statement. Not that it prepared her for it at all.
"What about Lash?"
She spun her head back to him, sitting up straight.
"How do you know about her!?"
Andy's weight fell backwards a little before he readjusted himself.
"Nell. She'd heard you had a bad encounter with her."
Sonja's breath accelerated, though she tried to calm it. Logic may have repeatedly shut the idea down, but she knew her heart remained unconvinced.
'You're exactly like me. We're not different all Sonja."
"Her words don't matter."
"Sonja, I-"
"No, they don't!" She snapped. "She's just a kid. I mean she's the same age as me, I think, - but she's just a psycho. A mad, immature psychopath. Who cares what she says about me?"
She cursed herself as she felt a heaviness build in her throat. Consciously, she rapidly inhaled and exhaled over and over.
"She's nothing. She wants to be an evil genius. But she's just… she'll never be like… him."
There it was. That face. If one could even dignify it with that noun. The horror as his gas mask somehow lifted into a satanic smile. The terror for her own life as he revealed his army before her. The hopelessness. The distance between her and her friends.
That laugh.
She felt herself beginning to choke.
"I… I can't – it's like he's still… that day, I can still feel-"
Every thought kept losing itself. She couldn't think, she couldn't see. Her eyes sealed shut and she was about to scream until she no longer had to be awake. She needed it to stop, to beg for it to please stop.
A warm hand softly enclosed her own.
Her eyes flew open again.
Andy's face was piercingly serious, his stare pouring into hers. Every negative thought, every fear melted like her tears. With such swiftness, all she could feel were the fervour in his eyes and the comfort of his hold.
"Sonja. I don't know anything about feelings or creeps like Black Hole or anything like that. I'm just a guy who likes to help out. So I'm winging it and I might not get it perfect. But… I saved you once. I mean it wasn't just me, but I kinda started it, you know. Point is, I did it then, because you deserved to be saved. More than anyone really. And if it came to it, I'd do it again. If it does come to it, I will do it again."
He swallowed his saliva, the nervousness behind his improvisation was detectable, but the sincerity in his expression never faltered.
"You're really smart and I'm glad I'm not. Because being smart looks hard. Seems like every smart person I know is always stressing out over something or making a risky move. And during that first war, you were riskier than any of us. But it's because of that, everything worked out. Because of you, I can be friends with Eagle, Drake, everyone really. But I don't get why you felt you had to do it on your own. Yeah, you're amazing…"
Sonja's stomach clenched. She had to wonder if Andy realised his hand had tightened when he delivered that last word.
"But you and someone else helping you would have been even more amazing. I think I'm not half bad. But if I didn't have someone backing me up all the time, I'd have fallen apart a long time ago. It's kinda unfair, when I think about it. I'm not the one who makes plans, I just do the fights and have a whale of a time doing it. Maybe, if you want, we could try and switch it up or something. I make plans and - okay, never mind that wouldn't go well. But if you're so busy, I want to be able to do something at least. Anything. Spend all night planning, or just listening to you. I hope you can put it aside sometimes. But whatever you do, if I help, maybe you'll feel more relaxed for a bit. Maybe I'll see you smile. That would be more than good enough for me."
It was a long few seconds before it was clear Andy had finished. But Sonja didn't reply, nor did her position alter. A glimpse of a memory appeared from when Andy had held out his hand, beckoning her from Sturm. His hair was a handsome mess and he stood strong, like the hero of Father's old bedtime stories. Yet here and now, a year later, she felt he'd somehow ascended beyond that moment. No one from Black Hole could share a feeling like this. She couldn't process their surroundings. There was only Andy. All that was needed.
Though many additional seconds later, the reality of how long they'd remained in such newfound intimacy was settling in.
With an instinctive gulp, Sonja finally found her voice again.
"Um, I can't play the piano with my hand like this."
Andy's eyes shifted to the soothing arrangement said hands were in and like a shockwave, his face jolted back into reality.
"Yeah, course you can't, my bad!"
He pulled away and Sonja had never known such dissatisfaction with how her hand usually felt before. As she readjusted to her starting position on the piano, concentrating proved difficult. However, there was a level of comfort within her that wasn't present before.
Collecting her breath, she opened the instrumental with less delay. The melody cascaded from her fingertips effortlessly, though the concern over the rapidly approaching, previously failed note niggled at her brain. As she played, it drew closer and closer. Its inevitability threatened with heavier vibrancy every second. And then…. she played it correctly. With equal faultlessness in the following notes. She was so atypically unaware of the passing time that outside of one very slight mistiming on a B major, she swiftly flew to the conclusion with a rare feeling of unrestrained satisfaction.
She turned back to Andy, equally nervous and excited to question him this time.
"What did you think?"
His initial response was a grin that had her knees failing her.
"I think it was brilliant." Andy said. He tilted his neck, lifting his gaze upwards before he spoke again.
"But then I would have always thought it was brilliant when coming from you."
Sonja was beginning to grow severely agitated with the regularity of her breath floundering. This boy. The same boy whom everyone belittled, just as often in his presence as they did behind him; here he was, casually delivering the perfect words to eliminate her heart's ability to beat at a normal rate.
Her mind didn't immediately allow itself to operate again. But when it did, she smiled. Truly, unabashedly smiled.
"Do you want to take a picture?"
Andy's head jerked in place.
"Huh?"
"I asked if you'd like to take a picture."
"What? Oh, I mean yeah, definitely! Only if you want to of course!"
"I wouldn't ask otherwise."
Andy blinked repeatedly, evidently a little astonished "Alright, great! Just gimme a second."
Picking the camera up, once more, he twisted himself to his previous photo stance and struck the same 2 fingered pose as prior. Sonja craned her neck and smiled into the lens, feeling relatively cute for the moment.
Snap
"Alright! Wanna take a look!?" Andy asked, turning back to her.
Sonja pondered doing so. She honestly did.
"Hmmm, sorry. I'm still not quite there yet."
Andy frowned, though his expression communicated acceptance.
"Oh well. I guess I'll just have to keep encouraging you. To the very end."
Sonja quietly sighed. The very end, is that right? Living a life with the words and motivation and sweetness of Andy to fall back on like a comforting pillow?
It appeared Sonja's initial plans would be waiting for longer than an hour.