Konohagakure, how could a village so large seem so small, especially in the market district. Packed tightly with shinobi and civilians like myself doing their shopping, it was that kind of day that was asking for trouble. However kind of day it seemed never in my wildest dreams would I see the man who shattered the last remnants of my heart.
Leaving the last store on my list I moved off to the side to cross it off my list, only to run into a poor customer. Looking up at the person to apologize I was struck in a daze seeing the face of Shikamaru Nara the man that was once my light, and rock.
The silence we both seemed to have was a welcome one, for me it seemed at least, As everything we had to say to each other was said on that night. The silence seemed to have given us both time to actually see each other again after avoiding each other.
The old and familiar feeling of the cursed butterflies in my stomach causes me to mentally curse and the once intimate blush creeps back onto my cheeks.
No
Not again never again.
How long were we standing there just looking at each other? Five minutes, five hours? All I knew was that the sun was setting behind Shikamaru causing me to remember.
When the memories of us together crossed my mind, I wanted nothing more, but to cry and drag his lazy ass back home.
The feel of his arms around my then thin waist, and his lips on my own, memories that have comforted and haunted me. How many times have I found myself lost in my own head back in the fields of the Nara Forest with Shikamaru? How many times had I been woken up by the light touches on my back when we had fallen asleep stargazing? Them and more are memories that I would never trade for the world, even if I awaken in the night still feeling him next to me. However as much as I wanted to, I knew that he would never be apart of my life again.
Right?
That night was the worst night of my life, no amount of missing him will ever replace the pain of that night. I was selfish, the village needed him more than I did, but at the time I needed him beside me. Even now I wish he was with me like the old days by my side through the struggles I continue to face. Our sharp voices turned to hush yells until I had enough and walked out. Looking back I can not help but wonder if it was the worst mistake of my life. Although it was my fault in the end, all this had happened, and in my heart I knew when I walked out of our house that we would never be together again.
The past three years have been good to him it seemed, while miss fortune plagued mine. I can feel the extra weight on me that I still had yet to lose, and the heavy sleep deprived bag under each eye. He on the contrary now had some facial hair, the same laid back and guarded expression, and a look in his eye. It was a look that he held in his onyx eyes that I may have once had been able to understand. However now I can not understand how he can hold anything but pure hatred for me, and I can not blame him for that.
"You look well," Shikamaru said in the same laid back tone he was famous for, breaking the suffocating tension between us.
"Thank you. Time had been fortunate for you." I replied back softly, what else could I say?
I still love you?
No he already hates you!
Shikamaru lets out his trademark sigh before he said, "will you be at the Rinne Festival tomorrow night?"
The same festival when you first asked me to marry you? Yes, every year.
"Yes, however I am going with someone. I might see you there tho" I replied with a hitched breath, but to be honest I regret saying so.
His expression changed to a more guarded one, but he said nothing more. Shikamaru just nodded his head and walked away leaving me in the dimmed light of the store front.
Did he still care?
No, why would he?
Shaking my head, I hurried home knowing I was late to make dinner. However much I tried, I could not shake him from my thoughts. I missed him more than ever and to see him again threatened to release the tears I was holding.
Walking up to my door I unlocked it and turned the handle only to be greeted with a bright and smiling face. Every time I see that face it makes my heart swell with pride and a deep longing for what I can no longer have.
"Mommy, look what Uncle Kiba and I made for the festival."
He looks just like him…