Marinette sat on the balcony often, but this was the first time she'd considered jumping.
She wouldn't actually do it, probably, but still, the thought was there. Things would be easier that way.
She wondered if she'd be scared as she fell, if it would hurt when she hit the ground, or if she would just die instantly, peacefully. It was almost tempting to find out.
She tapped the railing, debating with herself, before climbing up to sit on the edge. She balanced her weight carefully, holding tight onto the railing while she got herself right.
She idly swung her legs, staring down at the road. Empty. No one would see her fall. She wondered how long it would take for someone to find her.
She let herself lean forward, to feel the weight of the world slide away for just a moment.
She knew what it was like to fall, to fly through the air and leave her problems far behind. She knew how freeing it could be, just for those few seconds before she caught herself and the problems returned.
She wondered how it would feel to fall without catching herself, to leave her problems permanently behind.
She enjoyed the feeling for a few more seconds, before reluctantly pulling herself back up.
"You're not thinking of jumping, are you?"
With a heavy, regretful sigh, she got down from the railing, leaning against it instead when her feet were firmly planted on the floor.
"Maybe." Marinette replied flatly, staring down the figure on her roof.
"Maybe? That's it, just a maybe?" Chat Noir jumped down, worry etched all over his face.
"What do you want me to tell you, Chat Noir? You want me to tell you that, yes, in fact, I was heavily considering it?"
Chat flinched. Marinette stared him down.
"That's about the last thing I would want to hear." He said, voice choked and hoarse.
"Then don't ask."
"Marinette-''
"What are you doing here, Chat?" Marinette sighed, sounding exhausted and defeated. "If you've come to lecture me, you'd better just go."
"What? No, I came to see if you were alright."
"I'm fairly sure you've gotten your answer." Marinette wouldn't meet his eyes. Chat stayed silent.
Marinette slid down, letting the metal press painfully into her back as she sat on the cold wood deck. Chat sunk down with her.
"What's going on, Princess?" Chat asked, voice soft and reassuring. Marinette wished he wouldn't be so kind, so caring. It made her sick.
What a loaded question. 'What's going on.' A better question was: what wasn't.
She carried the weight of the world on her shoulders, with no one to help lighten the load. She was responsible for so many things all at the same time. People's safety, their lives, depended on her and it was suffocating. The longer she couldn't defeat Hawkmoth the more she failed.
She neglected her friends, she never had time for them, and in the end, it was no surprise everyone had eventually sided with Lila over her. She was completely alone and hated, and it was her fault. Right now, she was inclined to believe that Lila had always been right.
Nothing felt ok anymore. Everything was too much; everything was messed up.
And all she wanted was for it to stop. It was all she asked for.
She wanted to go back to a normal life when everything was fine. She didn't want any of this. She never had, but it was forced on her and now she just had to be ok with it all. She wasn't ok with it.
She wasn't ok.
And she'd never be ok.
A part of her despised Master Fu, despised Tikki for putting her through this.
But mostly she just despised herself. Despised herself for not being able to handle it, for being so weak. Master Fu had made a mistake. Marinette was a mistake.
And there was nothing she could do because she was the guardian, with even more responsibilities.
She just wished the world would crush her sooner.
Marinette finally met Chat's eyes.
"Just leave, Chat Noir."
"No."
"Why not?" Her voiced cracked, her emotionless façade slipping for just a second before she got herself under control.
"Why-why not?" Chat Noir looked bewildered, green eyes blown wide and full of disbelief.
Marinette just continued to stare him down, not trusting her voice enough to come up with some kind of response. She settled on a nonchalant shrug, hoping it would make him leave faster.
It was just a matter of time, wasn't it? Everyone left her, she might as well just speed up the process. And it wouldn't be like she was really losing him, she'd still have him when she was Ladybug, and that counted. At least she thought it did. Well- if she was making the rules, then of course it did.
"Marinette, please, just-" Chat couldn't seem to find the words. Marinette didn't blame him. What was there to say? "Just talk to me, let me in. Like all those months ago, when I was sad over Ladybug not showing up to the special night, and you were heartbroken too." Chat looked so sad in that moment, trying his hardest. It only made Marinette hurt more.
"I can't." This time her voice didn't break, even though it felt like Marinette was tearing apart at the seams. She held herself together as best she could, not wanting Chat to see just how broken she was.
"Don't hide from me, Princess. Don't…don't bottle it all in."
"I have to." Marinette felt the seams coming apart stitch by painful stitch. She needed to get Chat out of here before she broke completely. "Leave. Please." Her voice wobbled now, and Marinette found herself choking back a sob.
Marinette felt the tears prickle in her eyes, blurring her vision just slightly. She ducked her head down, furiously trying to blink them back, only to find more tears following close behind. "I'm fine, just leave." She whispered a final time, knowing it was futile.
Chat was wrapping her tight in his arms the moment the tears spilled over, keeping all her broken parts together. She clung to him, letting her tears seep into the black leather of his suit.
She knew it, then. She knew he'd never leave her. With him, she'd never be alone, not really. He was her safety net, whether she was Marinette or Ladybug. He'd catch her every time she fell, every time she dangled off the edge.
And she'd never felt safer.
AN: Gotta love their dynamic 3
I may look into expanding this into a multi-chapter story if anyone would be interested, so be sure to comment if you liked it. Constructive criticism is always welcomed and appreciated.
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Thanks so much for reading, stay cool