Chapter 38: The Journey So Far Part 2
AK 3x12
Carina: Si, is there a problem?
Andrew: (Grins) No it's the opposite in fact.
(Andrew pulls the box out of his coat pocket opens it and puts it on the desk in front of Carina who looks at it confused)
Carina: What is this?
Andrew: It's an engagement ring.
Carina: (Eyes widen in shock) Cosa?
Andrew: (Smiles) I'm finally doing it Carina, I'm gonna propose to Amber Karev.
TRANSITION TO PRESENT
(Andrew takes the ring out of Amber's hand and puts it in his pocket)
Andrew: I'm sorry I forgot that was in there.
Amber: (Inhales sharply) It's fine. The ring you showed me was different from that though.
Andrew: Yeah I…I got that from Carina, she said it was our nonna's and she wanted me to propose with it instead.
AK 3x13
(Andrew and Carina go inside her office closing the door. Carina pulls a small white leather box out of her drawer and gives it to Andrew)
Andrew: What is this?
Carina: (Grins) Open it and see.
(Andrew opens the box and finds a platinum ring inside with a round diamond on top accented with two baguette moissanite side stones)
Andrew: (Taken back) Wow it's…wow.
Carina: (Chuckles) It was nonna's, she was happily married for 60 years.
Andrew: (Eyebrow raised in irony) Really? There are some DeLuca's that didn't fit into the disastrous marriage and divorce pattern?
Carina: Yes, believe it or not that was only mama and papa. Hopefully you and Amber can break that pattern together.
TRANSITION TO PRESENT
(Amber bitterly nods and puts the duffle bag on the bed trying to move forward)
Amber: Um anything you want to put in the duffle bag?
Andrew: Uh just my clothes and records, I'll put the rest in checked luggage.
Amber: Okay…what did you do with the other ring? Did you put it somewhere else?
Andrew: No, I gave it back to Carina. I figured after…everything that a relationship wasn't an option for us let alone marriage.
Amber: (Nods) …You know you leaving was bad enough but finding out that you wanted to propose to me was added misery.
Andrew: Would you have said yes if I asked like I had planned?
Amber: (Clears throat) …I think so yeah.
Andrew: You think?
Amber: Well…I mean come on you've known from day one how I feel about marriage and that was before your mania. My dad almost killed my mom and my brothers it's a miracle the four of us made it out of that hell alive. I know most marriages aren't like that but it…
Andrew: It made you afraid that you would end up in that hell again.
Amber: (Sighs) Yeah…you know if I'm being completely honest here a part of me always thought I'd end up with a woman.
Andrew: Yeah that makes sense, I mean your dad, your brothers…Mance, pretty much all the men in your life have scared you in some way. Me included.
Amber: (Looks at him in sympathy)
AK 3x18
Andrew: Do you want to know what would happen to you if I left? If I didn't stick around after being exposed to all your flaws and insecurities? If I took a page out of your book and left and hid like a coward?
Amber: (Tries to stop him) Andrew DeLuca you are angry and tired. So, you better think about what your gonna say before-
Andrew: (Ignores her) You would end up like your father.
(Amber's eyes widen in shock and it quickly turns to anger as he continues)
Andrew: You'd get in your car and leave the people that your supposed to care about behind to pick up the pieces. You'd pick up odd jobs wherever you could, ignore what you did, hell you might even-
(Amber stops his tirade with a slap to the face causing him to flinch. They stare at each other in anger for a few moments before Andrew turns around and slams the door behind him leaving Amber)
AK 3x19
Carina: Andrea, we were just worried about you. Okay, this is just like when Papa-
Andrew: (Yells) I'm not him, okay?! I'm not him! For the first time in my career, I'm succeeding on my own, without anybody's help. Why can't you just be happy for me and accept that? Why-Why-Why do you always got to accuse me of-of not being well?
Amber: There is a history here Andrew-
Andrew: (Spiteful) Okay, well I don't accuse you of having schizophrenia every time you talk to yourself, do I?
(Amber looks at Andrew hurt and shocked by his comment)
Andrew: You know, you can go, Amber. Please, just-just leave.
AK 3x20
Andrew: My whole life, I've had one goal. One thing that would mean I did okay. Don't end up like my dad. I wanted it more than being a surgeon. One thing. And I just…I failed.
Carina: No, you're not like him.
Andrew: (Breaking down) I don't care what you think, okay? I don't care about Bailey's OCD. I don't care about Aaron's guilt. I don't care about saving Suzanne's life. I would give up every life I have ever saved if I could just not feel like this.
(Amber tears up as she sees Andrew finally breaking down with Aaron holding her hand)
Andrew: (To Amber) I'd give up knowing you!
TRANSITION TO PRESENT
(Amber inhales sharply as Andrew packs his suitcase tensely)
Amber: Would you really give up ever knowing me if it meant you didn't inherit your dad's mania?
Andrew: (Inhales and exhales) Wouldn't you if you inherited your mom's crazy gene?
Amber: …Yeah I would. Fucking parents huh?
Andrew: (Chuckles lightly) Yeah, fucking parents. It's another miracle we lasted as long as we did with your schizophrenic mom and my manic dad.
Amber: Yeah…we fought a lot though.
AK 3x17
Andrew: Hi. I heard what happened, are you okay?
Amber: (Angry) Oh so now you care?
Andrew: (Hurt) Amber come on-
Amber: No, you know what, you have been ignoring me since your dad left, you didn't even respond to my texts or calls when I was in Iowa. So now that I have hit rock bottom again, you suddenly want to talk to me? I don't want your pity, Andrew.
Andrew: It's not pity, it's just me being concerned for my girlfriend who was just attacked and humiliated. I just want to make sure you're okay.
Amber: I'm fine. It's not the first time someone called me that, the only difference is it was either to my face or behind my back. It's nothing I can't handle so you can just go.
Andrew: Amber I'm trying to help.
Amber: You can help by leaving me alone, you've mastered that this past week so it should be easy for you.
AK 3x21
Amber: (Angry) I am boiling mad at you right now and I am this close to kicking your ass if you keep unpacking.
Andrew: I did not have sex with Jo, we didn't even kiss it was just-
Amber: It was what? You falling madly in love with her during the time you were trying to send my brother to prison?
(Amber quickly shoves her clothes in her case and zips it. She rushes out of the bedroom and tries to grab her keys but Andrew beats her)
Andrew: Amber you're overreacting over something that happened before you and I even met.
Amber: No, I am not overreacting I'm just reacting. It's just not the way you want me to. Now hand me my keys.
Andrew: I am trying to explain what happened, can you just stand still for a little bit so I can explain and make you see that there's nothing for you to freak out about.
Amber: You just told me that you were in love with my sister! What can you possibly say that's gonna make it okay?!
AK 3x22
(The two of them follow Amber who grabs a bin of gauze wraps as she turns right and spots Andrew talking to Casey down the hall)
Amber: (Angry) Parker move!
(Casey quickly gets behind her after sensing the angry tone and Amber greets Andrew by throwing a wrap at him hitting his forehead)
Andrew: (Shocked) Ow! What the hell Amber?!
Amber: (Boiling mad) What the hell is wrong with you?!
(Amber throws more wraps at Andrew who shields himself as Casey and the bystanders looks on in shock. Dahlia and Sam finally arrive)
Casey: She's gone She-
Sam and Dahlia: We know!
(Sam and Dahlia stop Amber from throwing more wraps. Sam grabs her throwing arm as Dahlia grabs the bin)
Sam: I think you made your point.
Dahlia: Breath in and breathe out.
(Amber groans as Andrew approaches her in confusion)
Andrew: What the hell are you thinking? I know your pissed at me but-
Amber: You told them what happened?! It isn't enough you humiliated me at home, you had to humiliate me at work?!
Andrew: (Notices people looking) Not here come on.
(Andrew guides Amber to the stairwell and the others follow behind them)
Andrew: You need to calm down.
Amber: Calm down?! You expect me to be calm after finding out that you told everyone here that you were in love with Jo?!
(Andrew tries to shush her from spilling but the others heard it behind them and express shock)
Sam: What?!
Dahlia: Jo Karev?!
Casey: You were in love with her sister?!
(Amber freezes on the spot in equal shock and turns to Andrew who rubs his eyes frustrated over their new situation)
Amber: You didn't tell them?
Andrew: (Frustrated) No, I didn't. What could possibly make you think I did?!
Sam: (Gingerly raises hand) Levi told us you two broke up but he didn't say why and I told Amber he told us but didn't mention his name at all.
Casey: (Still shocked) And now we know why he didn't tell us.
Dahlia: (On Amber's side) You fell in love with her sister? What the hell?
Andrew: (Clarifies) Was! I was in love with her sister! Not anymore.
Casey: It's still twisted man.
(The five of them stand there for an awkward moment before Amber gets angry that the secret is out)
Amber: Damn it!
(Amber stomps out of the stairwell and slams the door behind her. Andrew rubs his temples after what happened)
AK 3x24
Andrew: Yeah, because I had to! I did what you wanted me to do, I did what our parents couldn't do! I did that for you because I love you! You know that and I know you, I know that you appreciate I did that because you didn't run the day of the intervention. You didn't run you sat there and told me that my illness didn't define me. I know that me leaving to get better is what you wanted. I know your using this to hurt me and push me away. I don't accept that! So, grow the hell up and tell me what you want!
Amber: (Breaks) I want you!
(Amber yells and turns away pulling her hair in frustration)
Andrew: You want me?
Amber: Yes, but I don't want to want you, damn it! I don't want another head case in my life but I can't stop loving you that's why I rejected X the next morning, that's why I backed out of being with her.
Andrew: Then why tell me you wanted to?
Amber: Because I can't be with you! I can't have another crazy person to take care of again that's why I wanted to break up with you the day you left. (Andrew looks at Amber shocked) I wanted to break up with you and you beat me to the punch only you thought of me and I thought of myself.
Andrew: So, you wanted to end it that day? Is that what you're telling me?
Amber: Yes. I wanted to end it because I can't do this Andrew, I can't be collateral damage in this mental war again!
Andrew: I wasn't asking you to!
Amber: That is literally what you asked me two minutes ago! You're asking me to marry you in spite of this. You're asking me to make a lifelong commitment to someone whose mental illness will trigger me every day. That is what you are asking of me and I don't want that, that is my answer!
Andrew: (Angry face) Thank you! You could've said that but instead you bring up the fact that you had sex with your ex to push me away.
AK 4x03
Andrew: How long Amber?! (Amber stops) How long are you gonna be punishing me for?! I have apologized I have groveled I have taken every jab you throw at me without complaint these past two weeks! So how long am I gonna be your punching bag?!
(Amber gets frustrated and takes her mask off revealing her scowl. She turns around to face Andrew)
Amber: Don't you do that; don't you dare make yourself into a victim here! You weren't the one who was lied to, you weren't the one who was gaslighted by someone you thought cared about you!
Andrew: What? I would never gaslight you-
Amber: Yes, you did! You gaslighted me into believing that you were okay that you were taking your meds when you weren't. You manipulated me with your words and your facial expressions you manipulated me into thinking that I was crazy that I was overanalyzing. You made me feel like an idiot when you told me the truth and I was livid by not just you but by myself for being stupid and falling for this again.
Andrew: I lied because I was going back on them when Webber was diagnosed. I didn't lie to make you feel like an idiot I only told the truth of something that would happen later.
Amber: (Shakes her head in disbelief) God I have heard piss poor excuses but this one really takes the cake.
Andrew: It's not an excuse it's the truth.
Amber: What the hell do you know about the truth?! You lied to me to my face about taking your meds in present! Not in the future but in that moment when you came to my house you lied to me!
TRANSITION TO PRESENT
(Amber helps Andrew fold the clothes into his suitcase)
Andrew: Yeah, I guess that was something our parents passed down to us.
Amber: If that were true one of us would make annual trips to the ICU.
Andrew: Good point…we work well together sometimes though.
AK 1x22
Andrew: You're the one who believed her. Why?
Amber: Because I thought she was telling the truth and I wanted her daughter to have a normal life. (Groans) Okay, lets ignore the files and the preconceptions. Let's pretend for a minute that everything Janine told us was the truth. She is a woman who has had stomach pains that have worsened as she ages.
Andrew: Which would mean that her doctors missed something right from the start. They thought it was just something that could be solved with an antacid or aspirin.
Casey: And the more frequently she comes the more the doctors are concerned so she's saddled with a psych diagnosis. And as the symptoms get worse, she took too many painkillers to treat it so her doctors think it's just increasing self-destructiveness.
Taryn: But that could indicate a worsening of her real physical disease.
Amber: Okay so what's the missing illness that started it all?
Dahlia: (Goes through the file) uh one that makes her feel stomach spasms and vomiting after she eats.
Andrew: Associated with menstrual cycles that come and go infrequently and joint pain.
Levi: What if she doesn't vomit every time she eats, but every time she eats a specific food?
Amber: What do you mean?
Levi: I mean she claims that she vomits infrequently. She says that there are days she feels sick after eating, what if it's her bodies response to a certain kind of food?
Amber: She did say she gets sick from eating a sandwich. (Realizing) Her body is overreacting to the gluten in the food.
Andrew: Are you thinking Celiac Disease?
Taryn: I thought that only happens to kids and toddlers?
Andrew: It does but it's a bitch to diagnose and it lasts to adulthood.
Amber: It can heighten after pregnancy increasing the symptoms making it unbearable.
Andrew: Was there a serology test?
Casey: (Looks at the records) No, she never got one they didn't feel the need.
Andrew: Well, let's get one now.
TRANSITION TO PRESENT
(Amber helps Andrew pack his kitchen knives)
Amber: So what time is your flight tonight?
Andrew: It leaves at 10, I want to catch the red eye and arrive in Rome by daytime.
Amber: I imagine tourism isn't gonna be a problem for you over there.
Andrew: Nope just illness and mass death.
Amber: Does your dad know that you're coming?
Andrew: No why should I tell him?
Amber: (Shrugs) I don't know, family duty, I guess.
Andrew: I don't owe that man anything and he made it clear he doesn't want to be my family. Besides, seeing him is like seeing myself 35 years later and I don't want to imagine myself in his position. No wife, no kids and no concern over his mental state.
Amber: (Feels bad for him) You know you're nothing like your father.
Andrew: And you're nothing like yours either. So uh…how's therapy going?
Amber: (Surprised) Good it's good, I think. I mean it's talking mostly and breathing exercises but I think it's helping.
Andrew: Yeah, the talking is the hardest for me honestly.
Amber: I have the emotional capacity of a teaspoon, it's harder for me.
Andrew: (Chuckles) Well give it time it'll get easier, not great but easier. Therapy can help a lot…even with your issues about us right now.
Amber: (Confused) What does that mean?
Andrew: …Um nothing just forget it.
Amber: I don't want to forget it, what did you mean by my issues with us?
Andrew: (Sighs) …Okay tell me honestly, did you come up with this break all on your own or did you talk about it with your therapist?
Amber: (Scoffs) I didn't make this decision lightly Andrew the fact that you think I haven't talked about it with someone I think can help me is insulting.
Andrew: You know what one minute your saying you want me by your side and the next you tell me to leave. So forgive me if I feel like this is some spur of the moment decision your gonna regret later on. It wouldn't be the first time you did that.
Amber: When have I done that?
Andrew: (Frustrated) You and I slept together a few months ago and you left right after! Twice!
AK 3x24
Amber: (Frustrated) Listen to us this is toxic; we are in a toxic relationship Andrew. I just told you I had sex with X so that you can kick me out because I can't talk to you. I wanted to break up with you the day you left because I didn't want your problems to become mine.
Andrew: (Pinches the bridge of his nose) I know.
Amber: (Exhales) You compared me to my father to hurt me. You compared me to my mother to hurt me. You kicked me out of your hospital room to hurt me.
Andrew: (Sighs) I know.
Amber: (Breathes heavily) And the worst part, you told me you were gonna propose to me the day you break up with me and I have been a wreak because of that, because of you! I should hate you Andrew I should want to rip you to shreds right now but I don't because I love you!
Andrew: Then stop loving me!
Amber: I can't!
(Amber exhales and looks at Andrew who looks at her with a frustrated face as well)
Andrew: And that's the problem. We don't work!
Amber: (Swallows) I know.
Andrew: (Sighs) Then we agree. There's nothing to salvage here.
Amber: (Nods) Yes, there's nothing here, not anymore. It's over, we're over.
(Amber and Andrew stand there for a tense moment. The sexual tension is clear as Andrew sighs before giving in and kissing Amber who responds as well. They make out passionately and Amber moans in pleasure before taking Andrew's jacket off. Andrew lifts Amber up by her legs and she wraps them around his waist. Andrew walks while kissing her and puts her on the bed)
Andrew: (Panting and takes his shirt off) God, I missed you.
Amber: (Panting) I missed you.
(Andrew rips Amber's blouse open popping out a few buttons. Amber pulls him back to kiss him)
AK 3x25
SCENE: AMBER AND ANDREWS APARTMENT
(Amber and Andrew stare at the ceiling blankly as they lie in bed under the covers after having sex. They both lie there in silence for a moment. Amber sighs and moves first sitting on the side of the bed getting dressed with Andrew watching her. He sits on the opposite side getting dressed as well with their backs to each other. Amber stands up and walks out of the room stiffly and quietly)
TRANSITION TO PRESENT
Amber: That is not fair, I was lonely and scared and confused over what you put me through and the pain that came from being exposed to this mind fuck again. I was not in my right mind for reasons you didn't know about back then and now I am dealing with it. I made a choice and I thought about it with every cell in my body and every thought in my brain. You know that I spent half a year raking my brain over what I wanted and needed…and it was painful and exhausting but I made my choice then just like I'm making it now.
Andrew: (Shakes his head) And what about my choice? What about my decision who I spend my life with? Are you forgetting that this isn't about you this is about us? What about my feelings in this?
Amber: (Stays quiet for a moment with a pained look on her face)
Andrew: (Scoffs in frustration) Jesus if you can't tell me the real reason why you feel like I'm not in this 100 percent then you can just go and I'll pack by myself.
(Andrew goes to open the door when Amber finally speaks up)
Amber: (Voice quivering) How do you know you love me and I mean really love me?
Andrew: (Stops in place and turns with a confused look) How can you even ask me that?
Amber: (Sniffles) Andrew in the course of five minutes we've listed everything wrong with each other and everything wrong with our relationship over the past three years. I mean what good comes from this because all we've listed is misery.
Andrew: Every relationship has its ups and downs Amber, not just your parents or mine, okay? Theirs just had more downs.
Amber: And ours doesn't?
Andrew: So, is that the real reason you want to call it quits? Because you can't move past those awful moments and look toward what we can have? Is this you trying to make me take all the blame?
Amber: This is me questioning if it was you that fell in love with me or the mania all this time!
Andrew: (Taken back) …Wow you really went there huh?
Amber: I am just saying that you did a 180 from wanting nothing to do with me to wanting to marry me pretty quickly. I thought it was because you got past what Alex did to you but maybe it's because that quiet manic side of you craved the chaos that comes from dating me. Maybe-maybe it never made you consider more viable options out there, ones that don't have years of trauma she's starting to face. I'm borderline with PTSD on the side, I don't know what mood I'm in from one day to the next I can't guarantee shit. So, what makes you so sure you want to spend the rest of your life with that? Are you fucking crazy?
Andrew: You (Groans in frustration before taking a deep breath) Okay have many people have you dated?
Amber: Dated? Please I-
Andrew: No, no not slept with or went to dinner once with I mean dated, been in love with.
Amber: (Scoffs) ...one.
Andrew: Yeah, exactly you think you know everything about relationships when you've had as much experience in it as a high schooler in the romance department.
Amber: Can you honestly tell me that you haven't had doubts about us since I started showing signs of my illness? Can you tell me you haven't felt what I felt back when you were the one suffering from this fucking disease? Can you…Can you tell me that you don't feel like I am not enough for you to go through this with me?
Andrew: …Jesus Christ Amber. I've always known that Karev's were fucked up but I don't I've ever been happier to be a DeLuca.
Amber: (Looks at him in shock)
Andrew: (Frustrated) What do I have to do to show you that I love you, I love you not my mania, not my need to punish myself, it's me Amber! Yeah I've had doubts and questions about us but in the end I know how I feel about you...it's you that doesn't know how you feel about me, I just wish you would stop letting your insecurities get the better of you and maybe just maybe we can finally be happy…but I don't think you'll let that happen. I have always been patiently waiting by you side every time you think this relationship isn't worth fighting over because I love you and I want to be with you but…not this time. If you miraculously get over this whole 'I am not worthy of love crap' why don't you give me a call…hopefully by then I won't find someone better like you said. (Opens door and says coldly) Now leave I have a lot of packing to do.
(Amber looks at him in still shock for a moment before moving past the door and past Andrew who closes the door behind her. She looks back reaches for the doorknob but pulls back and walks numbly back home)
TO BE CONTINUED