Chapter 39: The Journey So Far Part 3
AK 2x04
Amber: (Scoffs) Right? That's what I said. Anyways I don't want to date my sister's best friend that is just a recipe for disaster. Although you probably predicted it wouldn't happen anyway since me and Link were never an option to begin with due to my hideous personality.
Andrew: No that's not…that's not what I meant when I told you that very stupid thing, I told you.
Amber: (Doesn't believe him) Really?
Andrew: (Wants to clear the air) Okay can I explain myself for two minutes and not get interrupted by you throughout that time?
Amber: (Decides to show mercy) Fine go.
(Amber crosses her arms across her chest anticipating being disappointed again)
Andrew: Okay…When I told you I didn't imagine you with a guy like Link I didn't mean that he could do better than you I meant you could do better than him.
(Amber looks at Andrew in surprise)
Andrew: I know that he's the chief of ortho and he was the surgeon for the Seattle Mariners and he's got like three percent body fat-
Amber: (Wants to correct) 2.5.
Andrew: Okay no interrupting you promised.
(Amber clamps her mouth shut)
Andrew: Despite all of that…I don't see him as that special person in your life. Guys like Link they don't put in the effort because they think girls just fall at their feet. I think you deserve to have effort put into asking you out and dating you because…you're amazing.
(Amber's heart rate increases due to her reignited feelings for Andrew as he continues complimenting her)
Andrew: I know I am the last person to tell you that but it's true, I saw you defend a woman with misdiagnosed Munchausen and you helped an alcoholic when he had DT's. I think someone as amazing as you deserves someone amazing and I don't think Link is it. Two minutes are up.
Amber: (Tries to be composed) …Oh well thank you and sorry for accusing you of being a jackass.
Andrew: (Chuckles) It's not the first time.
Amber: Yeah…just so you know your pretty amazing too.
LATER
SCENE: ALEX AND JO'S HOUSE
(Amber is sitting on the couch in agony eating ice cream with Jo after explaining what happened)
Jo: So you broke up or you took a break?
Amber: Well he said to call him if I stop my pity party and hope he's not in between some Italian sluts legs by then.
Jo: So that's it? That's how your gonna leave it with the both of you miserable and alone?
Amber: (Eats a spoon of rocky road) Yeah well I told him what I thought for a while and he took it to offense and called it off completely.
Jo: There's nothing either of you can do to work through this?
Amber: What do you want me to do? I was awful and he was awful everything is just awful now.
Jo: (Scoffs) Unbelievable.
Amber: Yeah I know it's just a shitshow now.
Jo: Yeah because you made it that way.
Amber: (Taken back) What?
Jo: (Looks at her in contempt) You think because now your in therapy that instantly makes you unworthy of someone like him and instead of taking a risk you turned around and ran to avoid getting hurt. I know that move Karev, I tried it first and believe me I was lucky it backfired when Alex proposed to me again. Andrew did the same thing after you got him to get help and you were a wreck for weeks. Now you're doing the same thing to him and I am resisting the urge to slap you into 2021. And even worse you told him that his mania was the reason you were together.
Amber: Jo I…I'm giving him a chance to think for himself and see if he can find what he needs in his hectic life.
Jo: He needs you! He has told you that repeatedly but it hasn't sunk in because you are so determined to let your issues get in the way of that. You've been in therapy like three times and suddenly you think you're an expert now? Let me tell you something you don't know everything about everyone and you don't know what DeLuca needs in his life only he does.
Amber: (Pinches bridge of her nose) I'm just…I'm scared.
Jo: Yeah I know you are I was too for a long time but eventually I figured out that…love isn't something to run from, it's something you run towards. The good, the bad, the ugly it's all a package deal and you can choose to let all those ugly moments tear you apart or make you stronger as a couple.
Amber: (Sighs) …Love sucks.
Jo: (Laughs) Yeah it does.
(Jo and Amber continue eating as Alex walks inside)
Alex: Hey, what did I miss?
Amber: Pain, misery and despair.
Alex: Well maybe I have something to change that. (Pulls keys out and tosses them to Amber) Come outside and see what's on the driveway.
(Amber raises and eyebrow and stands up heading to the front porch. She stops when she sees her car in perfect condition and gaps at it in shock)
Alex: (Grins) Too be clear this is a birthday present for the next fifty years.
Amber: I-I-I how did you…?
Alex: Money and a lot of it so don't come complaining about a scratch and expect me to fix it.
Amber: (Chuckles in delight and runs to her car stroking the hood) Oh baby I'm never letting anyone hurt you again I promise, your uncle Alex patched you up real good didn't he?
Alex: He did with a little help from uncle DeLuca.
Amber: (Turns to him shocked) What? Andrew helped?
Alex: Oh yeah, he had a buddy of his back in Wisconsin restore this bad boy for less than what the junk yard said it would cost. If it wasn't for him you'd probably resort to walking and carpooling for the next ten years.
(Amber looks at the car in shock and Alex is oblivious as he leaves Amber with the car. Amber gets in the drivers seat and strokes the steering wheel in nostalgia. She sighs and leans back with her feelings shifting from sadness to love)
AK 2x07
(Andrew paces the front nervously in his leather jacket and button-down shirt as Amber walks out wearing black pants, black heels, and a red peplum top with her hair wavy and her makeup done)
Andrew: (Awestruck) Wow. You look…
Amber: Weird. I look weird right?
Andrew: Actually, I was gonna say you look beautiful.
Amber: (Grins) Thanks you look good too…so are we going in your car or mine?
Andrew: Um I was gonna suggest we take my bike but we can go in your car if you want.
Amber: (Exhales in relief) Great, no offense I just don't trust bikes due to the abnormal rate of accidents associated with it.
Andrew: (Chuckles) Don't worry there's always the next date. Give me the keys I'm driving.
Amber: I can drive.
Andrew: Can you drive blindfolded?
(Amber raises her eyebrow in confusion and Andrew pulls out an eye mask)
Andrew: (Shrugs) You said you like surprises. Let's get in the car and you can put this on.
Amber: Quick question does this surprise end with an ax to my chest?
Andrew: Don't worry it's a date not a funeral date. Come on.
(Amber has a questioning look on her face and takes her car keys out to Andrew before pulling them back)
Amber: (Scary tone) I am warning you right now. If you crash my car, you better pray to God that the impact kills you before I get my hands on you.
(Andrew chuckles, Amber's death stare stops him)
Andrew: (Gulps) I will treat your car like my life depends on it.
Amber: (Serious) Good because it does.
(Amber hands the keys to Andrew who gets behind the wheel. Amber hesitates for a moment before getting in the car and putting the blindfold on)
Amber: Just so you know I took two years boxing so I'm certified to kick anyone's ass.
Andrew: (Chuckles) Good to know. Just lie back and relax I'll let you know when we're there.
AK 2x18
SCENE: GREY SLOAN MEMORIAL PARKING LOT
(Amber and Andrew make out in the backseat of Amber's car with Amber lying under Andrew)
Andrew: Shouldn't we head inside? Rounds start in twenty minutes.
Amber: Let's call in and just continue what we're doing for the rest of the day. How does that sound?
Andrew: Well, I don't think it's a good-
(Amber pauses Andrew by snaking her hand under his shirt trailing his torso stopping him midsentence)
Amber: (Teasing) It's not a good what? Can you finish that sentence?
Andrew: (Grins) You're the devil you know that?
Amber: (Chuckles) You love it.
AK 3x19
(Andrew walks to his bike when Amber's car pulls up next to him with In This Moment blaring the speaker)
Amber: Get in.
Andrew: (Chuckles) Or what? You'll murder me?
Amber: Oh yeah, I've got a machete in the back along with my duffel bag with enough stuff for the week. Now get in the car so I can drive us to your place.
Andrew: (Eyebrows raised) You know the normal response to a question would be a simple yes or no. Not that I don't love the passion in this. It's very romantic.
Amber: Yeah, well that's me, I'm a passionate romantic. Besides have I ever been normal to you? Are you getting in DeLuca?
Andrew: (Grins) Can I at least pick the music?
Amber: (Territorial) One step at a time Andrew.
Andrew: (Chuckles) All right.
(Andrew gets in the passenger seat. Amber drives them to his apartment)
AK 3x01
(Amber and Andrew get in the car with Andrew behind the wheel)
Andrew: Hey uh could you check the glove box? I think I left my ID in there.
Amber: (Really?) I keep telling you to leave it in your cubby. Honestly, I don't know what I see in you.
(Amber looks in the glove box but only finds two tickets. Andrew grins as she pulls them out)
Amber: What are these?
Andrew: (Grins) Those are tickets to Camp Anarchy this weekend.
Amber: (Unconvinced) Your funny.
Andrew: I'm serious look at them, the evidence is in your hands.
Amber: (Skeptical) How did you get the tickets? Their sold out.
Andrew: They were but I called a high school buddy of mine who manages concerts at the Chicago Theater. He pulled some strings and got us two tickets for the whole weekend.
Amber: (Chuckles) No you didn't.
Andrew: (Serious tone) I did, go ahead, and ask Bailey. I convinced her to give us the week off starting tomorrow so we can drive over there and back. Come on I'm a good boyfriend admit it.
Amber: (Realizing he's serious) You're not kidding.
(Amber stares at the tickets in shock and then squeals and smiles making Andrew grin)
Andrew: There it is. I didn't even know you could squeal.
Amber: (Excited) Neither did I! Oh my god! I can't believe you did this, this…is amazing you are amazing.
Andrew: (Smiles) Well I thought you should have at least one good thing happen to you and a weekend with loud bands and craft beer tastings is Disneyland for you so I figured why not?
Amber: (Grateful for Andrew) Thank you, I love this and I love you. When we get home, you are so getting the good loving.
Andrew: (Shocked at her words) There's a good loving? What have you been doing this whole time we've been dating?
Amber: (Teasing) Taking it easy on you.
Andrew: (Grins) Really? Well by all means don't, I will gladly take it.
(Amber kisses Andrew passionately until she realizes what he just said)
Amber: What do you mean when you say drive to and back? Are we flying over there or going on a road trip? Please say flying.
Andrew: (Oh no) Uh…I tried to get plane tickets but there weren't any, I think all the other rockstar enthusiasts got them. So now we're gonna drive over there.
Amber: (Eyes wide) That's a 40-hour drive.
Andrew: 36 I checked and hear me out please. We'll drive nonstop except for bathrooms when we really need it and we'll only eat burgers and Cheetos on the road. I know that doesn't sound ideal but you know what does. NOFX, Suicidal Tendencies, X and all the other anger inducing bands in one spot. I think it'll all be worth it; don't you think?
Amber: (Exhales and still worried) What if we break down?
Andrew: Baby your car is a machine. It's been alive longer than our parents and it's still a badass on wheels, I think she can handle a road trip across the northern states. Come on you need this, don't think about why you can't and just say yes. Okay?
Amber: (Sighs) …Yes.
Andrew: (Smiles triumphantly) Yes! We'll pack our bags when we get back and leave at dawn.
(Andrew starts the car and Amber sighs)
Amber: (Still worried and whispers to herself) NOFX, Wilhelm Scream, and Rancid. NOFX…
AK 3x23
SCENE: AMBERS CAR
(Amber is lying on top of Andrew post coital in the backseat with a blanket covering them while it's raining outside in the night)
Amber: What time do you want to drive?
Andrew: (Checks watch) Five hours? Hopefully we get some sleep in that short amount of time.
Amber: We probably won't.
(Andrew chuckles and kisses Amber)
Andrew: (Sighs in content) This is nice.
Amber: (Snorts) It's always nice, why do you think we're still together.
Andrew: No, I mean this is nice, the whole scene. It's just the two of us in here, it's quiet, peaceful, cozy. I like our life when it's like this.
Amber: (Hums in approval and kisses Andrew's chest) But it is our life, which means we have horny bedmates, kids, and prudish homeowners when we get back home. So, enjoy this moment while it lasts.
Andrew: (Strokes Amber's back) No luck on the apartment hunt? What's it been like two years now?
Amber: Hey! Finding a place on your own is a lot harder than it looks. You should know you spent half a year in an on-call room.
Andrew: Hmm true and you know what's even sadder?
Amber: What?
Andrew: This backseat is actually more comfortable than the beds in there.
Amber: (Laughs) Well maybe I should move in here then. I mean it's private, I've got heat, AC, I could put my undies in the glove compartment.
Andrew: I am not even gonna ask where you use the restroom…you know I um…I could make room for you at my place maybe give you a drawer.
Amber: (Looks at Andrew) A drawer? At your place? My, my what a big step.
Andrew: (Shrugs) It's a start unless you want to risk being kicked out by Link and Amelia again.
Amber: (Groans) I still can't believe they did that. I swear if I didn't need ortho or neuro hours I would've strangled the both of them.
Andrew: (Chuckles) The hours are what stopped you?
Amber: Well yeah, I'm not dead inside.
Andrew: (Grins) So uh…about the drawer?
Amber: (Thinks about it) Yes, I would like it if you made a drawer so I don't have to pack up to stay over and not have my horny bedmate stop my sex.
Andrew: (Chuckles) Okay, I'll see what I can clear when we get back. Now let's enjoy the scene while we can.
Amber: Best idea you've had since this road trip.
(Amber snuggles up against Andrew enjoying the intimate scene)
TRANSITION TO PRESENT
(Amber leans forward and comes to an epiphany and starts her car quickly driving away from the house and to Andrew's apartment)
TEN MINUTES LATER
(Amber runs to the door and knocks on it repeatedly and waits a moment but no one answers causing her to knock again)
Amber: Andrew it's me! Look I know I was an ass and I'm sorry but please open the door and let me-
Landlord: He's gone.
Amber: (Turns around to find the landlord approaching her) Gone? What do you mean he's gone?
Landlord: He signed over the sublet and left with his bags he said he would be back in a month.
(The landlord leaves and Amber looks at the door in distress before getting inside her car. She quickly pulls her phone out and calls Andrew waiting for him to answer but gets his voicemail. She waits for the beep and speaks)
Amber: Andrew it's me I…I know we left things off heated not that long ago and…I know I said awful things and I am so sorry. I'm sorry for saying that you never loved me and that your mania is the reason we worked at all, if anything you're the reason we lasted as long as we did in spite of me constantly trying to push you away and letting my insecurities get the better of me. You love me for all the parts of me that I don't love about myself and that scares me more than anything and that's why I always do this to us. I am a mess of a woman living in this mess of a world reeling from her messy life. I act like I know everything but I don't I know some things but I'm always questioning myself and life. But I know one thing unquestionably and undisputedly and that is how much I love you. I love you so much Andrea Vincenzo DeLuca, no matter how many times I've questioned myself or us it all comes down to this in the very end, you're the love of my life. You're the light in my dark as hell existence and I both want you and need you in it…I don't know if you feel the same way and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't but you need to know this before you leave. For the first time in my life, I have someone I want by my side for as long as I live…and that someone is you. Please call me back.
(Amber hangs up and looks out in the windshield in thought hoping Andrew calls her back)
LATER THAT NIGHT
SCENE: SEATTLE AIRPORT
(Andrew vents to Carina via Facetime as he waits for the plane to start boarding while she works in the hospital in Italy)
Carina: (In Italian) So she thought it was the mania that made you love her?
Andrew: (In Italian) Apparently, she thinks I need a mental illness to love her and of course she saw it as reason enough to break my heart.
Carina: And you just kicked her out and told her to get her act together if she wants to get back together?
Andrew: (Frustrated) Carina no matter how much I show her that I want her she tries to push me away and there's a limit to how much I can take and I've reached it.
Carina: So, you're pushing her away now?
Andrew: I have been patient with her throughout our entire relationship. I stood by her when her brother got fired and I respected her decision to end our relationship. I took her back after she changed her mind and I have been trying to help her during this whole nightmare with Mance. I did that because I love her and I would do anything for her because that's what you do for your partner…but I'm not her partner. She doesn't believe in us and she doesn't love me like I love her…I don't know if she ever will.
Carina: Oh Andrea, your still such an idiota.
Andrew: (Eyebrows raised) Wow thanks for bringing me down even more.
Carina: Amber is not you or me she is her own person. She has had to overcome great difficulty in her life all on her own and she hasn't really learned how to love like most people. But she does love Andrea and I can see that in how she acts around you. She doesn't have to say outright that you're her partner and I think you know that too, otherwise you would've left her a long time ago.
Andrew: (Sighs and groans) We both said horrible things to each other.
Carina: You did that before and yet you got past that and that pain didn't break you two if anything it made you stronger. I'm not gonna tell you what to do baby brother but I will ask you this, do you really think you can find someone better than her? Is she a person you leave behind when trouble comes…or someone you want by your side to wave through the storms? Let me know what you decide and call me when you land so I can pick you up, ciao.
(Carina hangs up and Andrew puts his phone in his pocket when he feels something in there. He takes it out and sees the ring box he intended to propose to Amber with he opens it and looks at the engagement ring in thought)
AK 2x25
Andrew: What is it?
Amber: (Inhales and exhales) I need to know why you love me.
Andrew: (Sits up) What?
Amber: You told me all the flaws that you've accepted about me because you love me but now…I need to know why you love me.
Andrew: (Stands in front of Amber) Because I do.
Amber: (Sighs) I really want to trust you Andrew, I need to know that you said those words to me to say them and not as some…Hail Mary attempt at reconciling. If I knew why you love me then maybe I'd stop being so scared and actually come to terms with what I feel for you and…maybe say the words too.
Andrew: Okay, I can give you about hundred reasons why but the pit's gonna fill up so I'll settle for 10.
Amber: (Raises eyebrow) You really think you can come up with ten reasons at the drop of a hat?
Andrew: (Grins) There, that's #1. Because I actually like it when you challenge me which is often, by the way. #2, I love you because you tilt you head when you try to be cute. #3, an obvious one, you are insanely beautiful.
Amber: (Flustered) I am not.
Andrew: (Chuckles) That's 4, you are completely unaware of your effect on me and try to be modest about it. 5, you actually care about your patients and will go to no ends to give them the treatment they deserve. 6, you throw a hell of a right hook.
Amber: (Chuckles) Okay, I think you can stop now because you're embarrassing me.
Andrew: Ah 7, you try to act all tough but I know deep down inside your soft like a marshmallow. 8…despite everything they've done to you, you still care about your family.
Amber: (Looks away) Yeah well, it's not easy.
Andrew: I know but you still try to forgive them and help them when you can…that's 9 by the way. 10…I love you because you don't play games and let me figure out what it is your thinking. You just tell me exactly what you're thinking without question. You're the only woman who's called me out on my bullshit. You make me want to be a better person, the kind that you deserve. Those are some of the reasons I love you, I hope it's enough to convince you and make you be just a little less scared to love me too.
Amber: (Looks at Andrew with affection) It does and as scared as it makes me…I love you too. I love you enough to make as embarrassing of a speech as you on why I love you.
Andrew: (Chuckles) You don't have to.
Amber: I do…I love you because your hair is the same as a Greek god and every time, I touch it I feel like I'm touching velvet.
(Andrew grins and runs his hands through his hair)
Amber: Number 2 I love your cooking and I'm not saying that because I've never had a homecooked meal before well maybe partly. 3, I love it when you watch those gory as hell movies with me despite me giving you a free pass repeatedly.
Andrew: I almost took it when you picked out The Human Centipede, I didn't eat chocolate pudding or anything resembling the color brown for days.
Amber: (Laughs) 4, you make me laugh even when I think your jokes are annoying. Um 5, I love that you make me feel safe enough to trust you to drive my car, you've known me long enough to know that's basically trusting you with my baby in my book. 6, I love it when your cheesy even though I act like I don't, I actually like it when you go all romantic on me. Is it an Italian thing?
Andrew: That and being mostly raised by a woman and getting girl advice by my sister who is very expressive on what women like in bed, which I hate but grudgingly give credit for landing me sex on first dates.
Amber: Sex is number 7 which I don't have to explain to you since your also present. 8…I love that you gave us a chance even after what my brother did to you, it shows me just how much of a good man you are. 9, even if you never admit it, you miss your dad and wish you could've helped him.
Andrew: (Inhales sharply) I guess you picked up on that since you've been through that as well.
Amber: And finally, number 10. I love you because you make me so happy, you make me feel things I've never felt for anyone. I know that because I'm willing to give this embarrassing speech even if it makes me feel all weird and gooey inside which I hate. But if it means letting you know why I love you…then it's worth it.
AK 3x20
Alex: Pretty recently I was mad at my sister same as you. I was mad at her not for judging me but for doing something against my wishes because she thought it was best for me. I know better than you, how hard Amber is. She is hypocritical at times; she can commit morally questionable acts when she deems it necessary and sometimes, she can be a brat especially to people she doesn't like including me and you. I have been where you are man, I get it. And yeah, I'm a little pissed that you compared her to our parents to hurt her but you know what? Deep down I kind of get it. I have said worse to people when I've felt slighted and I can't imagine what I would say if I was accused of having a mental illness.
Andrew: I don't-
Alex: Shut up I'm still talking. I know that what you're going through is hard but you need to think about what your gonna do next because it's not just you anymore, it's you and Amber. You told her that she has to be the sun in your relationship well she is not the sun, you're the sun, you're the one who radiates joy everywhere. Amber is the moon here; she is the one shining light in an eternal space of darkness. I know this because despite all that she has gone through she came out on the other side better than I was at her age. When I was her age, I didn't let anyone near me emotionally it took me a long time to get past that but Amber…she let you in. It took time but she let you into her heart and she has loved you with everything in her. It's why she came here last night even though she was angry at you because she loves you. (Andrew's face softens) And man, when she loves you, she will move mountains for you, she will do everything in her power to help you when she thinks you need it. When she loves, she does questionable things for you but it's worth it to have her in your life. I know you still love her not just because you wanted to propose to her but because I think, I think you kicked her out of your room to save her from yourself. Because you think she doesn't deserve to go through this again so you're making the choice for her to get out but that's never gonna be your choice. It's Amber's and she is not giving up yet, that's why she's holding an intervention for you when you get back to your place.
CUT TO INTERVENTION
Amber: I set this up so that I can get you to listen. I brought all these people here so that you can see that there's nothing to be afraid of. What you have is…horrible it is completely unfair but it's not the end, it doesn't define you. The man that I fell in love with is kind and generous and loving as both a doctor and a person. You care so deeply, you fight so hard for your patients, for the people you love. It's not the mania that makes you like that Andrew…it's you.
Bailey: You-You know I live with obsessive compulsive disorder. But I take medication. I get therapy, and I stay on top of it. And, no, it is not always easy for me. Look, you're not alone. You have an illness, but there's no shame in that.
Andrew: No shame?
Bailey: No.
Andrew: That's a joke, right?
Cynthia: Why do you think it's a joke? To say there's no shame?
Andrew: My whole life, I've had one goal. One thing that would mean I did okay. Don't end up like my dad. I wanted it more than being a surgeon. One thing. And I just…I failed.
Carina: No, you're not like him.
Andrew: (Breaking down) I don't care what you think, okay? I don't care about Bailey's OCD. I don't care about Aaron's guilt. I don't care about saving Suzanne's life. I would give up every life I have ever saved if I could just not feel like this.
(Amber tears up as she sees Andrew finally breaking down with Aaron holding her hand)
Andrew: (To Amber) I'd give up knowing you! (Punches a wall and cries) God!
(Andrew punches the wall repeatedly. Amber sits there in shock and sadness as Andrew slides down the wall crying)
Carina: (Goes to him to comfort him) Hey. Hey.
Andrew: (Voice breaking) I know I'm not okay. I just don't know what to do.
Carina: Okay. You listen to the people that know what to do and let them help you, Andrea. Th-That's it.
(Amber lets go of Aaron and kneels down to Andrew with tears in her eyes as well)
Amber: All we're asking you to do is fight as hard for yourself as you fight for everybody else. Okay?
(Andrew sniffles as he calms down)
Andrew: …Okay.
(Amber holds Andrew's hand handing him some of her strength)
AK 4x15
(Amber is in her casual wear walking out of the hospital ready to leave. Andrew is on the bench in casual wear too)
Andrew: Hey, are you headed out?
Amber: Yeah I am I just finished my quota for the week, you?
Andrew: I'm knocking off, I gotta take my meds and get some sleep.
Amber: (Nods) Yeah sounds good.
Andrew: Yeah have a good night.
(Andrew turns to walk away when Amber speaks up causing him to stop and turn back to face her)
Amber: Andrew wait, I uh I-I need to uh…
Andrew: (Confused) What is it? Is something wrong?
Amber: (Blurts out) I love you.
(Andrew freezes and looks at Amber in shock)
Amber: (Realizes what she said and panics) Oh my god! That is not how I wanted to say it, that is not how I wanted to uh-I love you. (Chuckles awkwardly) There it is, I did it again! I-I love you; I am in love with you and I have been ignoring you because of that because I thought I was crazy. I have been trying to ignore it, trying to rationalize it as residual feelings but it's not. I know that now and so did everyone else before me. Caleb is a great guy, he is, he's gorgeous and kind and he doesn't have any mental problems. He didn't compare me to my parents and my brother never beat him up and he liked me. He really liked me but I couldn't feel that way with him. I couldn't and he knew it, he knew that I was still in love with you and I am. I loveyou. I have been a wreck for days thinking that I was in love with you because I was convinced you and me would be triggering. It would trigger my past but you are not triggering. (Voice breaking) You…you make me feel things I didn't know was capable of. You make me happy which is something foreign to me. And you make me angry, which is something I am used to but not a lot since we met. I look at the person I was before we met and I don't recognize her. Before I met you, I laughed at the idea of someone having a better half because that is just crazy but I found mine. You are my better…everything. You're my heart and my conscience and my joy. When I'm with you I don't feel like I have to change, I'm just a better version of me. You make me a better version of me, you make me into someone who deserves a guy like you. And I just…I. Love. You.
AK 4x20
Andrew: Hey.
Amber: (Looks up and takes a breath) Hey.
Andrew: You're breaking out?
Amber: Yeah I still got to take this cast home but Link is gonna get it off in five weeks. After pt and checkup I'm good to go to work in six weeks. Until then I will be resting on my bed in my basement trying to pass the long ass wait till my life is back to normal. I think I'll reread Lord of the rings by then. I could use some of Gandalf's wisdom.
Andrew: That's great I'm happy for you. Listen, I know we haven't caught up lately but can we talk?
Amber: (Sighs) …You only said it because I was dying. I was dying and you didn't want me to die feeling like an idiot for professing my love for you the night before a truck crushed me. I get it you had old feelings brought back when you saw me like that and now…now they're gone. I missed my chance about a hundred times and you knew it that night. That's why you froze and walked away and why you've been ignoring me since I got this room. You waited till I was getting discharged to tell me that because that's the kind of standup guy you are. I wouldn't blame you if that was the case.
Andrew: No that's not the case at all… Amber I told you I loved you in that OR because I never stopped. (Amber looks up hopeful) Even with all the crazy crap that happened with us the last year I never stopped loving you. But…you made it clear that this wasn't what you wanted that you didn't want to be a part of my mental health routine and in extension my life. You made it clear that night in our apartment and that night in Target.
Amber: (guilty) I know and I…I meant it then.
Andrew: I know you did; I know you and I know how hard it is for you to change your mind. I'm not blaming you I've played a big part in that massive blow up, but the fact is you told me that night you didn't want to be a part of that lifestyle again that we needed to let each other go. So, what changed?
Amber: …Everything.
Andrew: This pandemic is changing all of us but I need to know that's not the only reason you want to try this again. You've told me for months you don't want to do this and then last week you pull a Nicholas Sparks confessing how you need me and you can't-
Amber: (Clarifies) I don't.
Andrew: You don't what?
Amber: Need you. I don't need you Andrew, I've never needed you I was fine without you and I'll be fine if you reject me.
Andrew: (Taken back) Wow okay thanks for clearing that up.
Amber: I want you in my life. It would be worse if I needed you because then I would be destroyed by needing you in spite of feeling suffocated by your problems. I want you Andrew, I want you and all of you. I want your smile and your laughter. I want your messed up head and mood swings. I want your willingness to love me for all of me the same way that I am going to love you.
Andrew: Amber…those are words you can't just say them you have to mean them. I need to know you're not yearning for familiar comfort because the world is falling apart. I need to know you actually want this. I…I need to know that you're all in this time. Are you?
Amber: I am. If there was a time when I am completely sure of what I want for once in my life it's now.
Andrew: (Sighs) I'm doing the work but I'm not magically cured. I can promise that I'll keep taking my meds and going to therapy but I can't promise I won't trigger you.
Amber: …I was afraid of getting triggered because of what happened with my mom and my brother but that isn't the case. I was mad as hell after Richard's surgery when you lied and I was convinced at that point you were too far gone like my mom and your dad but…we're not our parents. I've seen the work you do and I see you as the man I fell in love with. I'm not triggered when I'm with you I was but not anymore. I want to try again, do you?
Andrew: (Sighs and thinks it over) I do but…if we're gonna do this again we need to do things differently this time. Things have changed so changes have to be made if we want to move forward.
Amber: (Hopeful) Okay what are you proposing?
Andrew: I promise that I'll continue to take my meds and go to therapy. I'm my best self when I'm on them and I know skipping them is a deal breaker for you. I promise to keep doing the work and adjust my meds when I need to.
Amber: Okay I'm glad to hear that and what promises do I have to make?
Andrew: (Sighs) I know I hurt you that night when I told you the truth but…the way you just left my apartment without even talking to me. It almost shattered me.
Amber: (Guilty) I know and I am sorry.
Andrew: You can't do that to me again okay? If you feel like I'm doing something that's triggering you, you talk to me okay? You talk to me and we can figure it out instead of just up and running. If we get back together, I need to know you won't do that again, can you promise me that?
Amber: Yes, I promise. I know I could've handled it better that night and I didn't. I promise I won't leave without talking to you and letting you know what's making me feel that way. I know that wasn't my forte in the past but with you…I don't feel scared to let my guard down.
Andrew: (Nods) Okay.
Amber: (Grins and nods) Okay so…I guess we're back together again.
Andrew: Yeah and the way to start this again is to have a first date again.
Amber: (Sad) Which we can't have until I'm done quarantining for two weeks. And it is killing me even more seeing you here in your leather jacket and your hair tousled up so perfectly. Damn it could you have just one physical flaw so I don't feel the need to dry hump you right now?
Andrew: (Laughs) Sorry and if it makes you feel any better, I feel the same way right now.
Amber: (Scoffs) I haven't showered under pressurized water in six days, I am wearing my baggiest clothes and I have a cast on my leg. I am the opposite of what you look like right now.
Andrew: Not to me.
Amber: (Groans) Okay please walk away before I break so many rules right now. Walk away DeLuca.
Andrew: (Grins and backs away) I'll be counting the days She-Karev. Until then we can pass the time with virtual games and late-night phone calls.
Amber: (Chuckles) I can't wait.
(Andrew walks away from the room pumping his fist in the air as he walks away. Amber snorts and smiles giddy)
CUT TO PRESENT
(Andrew looks at the ring in thought for a silent moment before hearing the intercom announcing his flight is boarding. He closes the box)
STAY TUNED FOR NEXT WEEK TO FIND OUT WHAT DELUCA'S NEXT MOVE IS, REVIEWS ARE WELCOME.