Johnny shoved the door closed behind him with his foot, all his attention now on Joanne. With that one brief kiss, Joanne had seemed to grant permission to let all those conflicted emotions and desires spill out, and it was as if they were all pouring out at once now.

He wanted her right here, right now, and nothing else mattered.

Joanne's hands tugged at his shirt, finding their way underneath, soft and warm against his skin, and he could only respond in kind, fumbling with the buttons on Joanne's shirt until it opened and he slipped it off her shoulders.

He pulled away from her mouth, leaning in to start a line of kisses down her neck and down her shoulder, dragging a bra strap aside to get it out of the way. As he did so, he could feel Joanne's hands slide around to his back, pulling him in closer, and they slowly started moving forward until they hit something.

The bed. The one Joanne shared with Roy. Roy's bed.

The thought was enough to make Johnny pause for a moment, to consider what he and Joanne were doing. It seemed disloyal, somehow, and yet, Johnny didn't want to stop.

They were past the point of no return now, Johnny knew that. Besides, Joanne had made it clear that she wanted him, hadn't she?

Still, those conflicted thoughts were enough to give him pause, even as his desire for Joanne was strong.

"Johnny." Joanne's voice was soft, bringing him back to the present, her fingers working at his shirt buttons until it was laid open, her hands sliding up his torso and further fueling his desire.

He inhaled sharply before leaning in to kiss her hard again, all but pushing her down on to the bed, moving so that he lay beside her. She was so soft in all the right places, not just her skin, but everywhere else, and Johnny found himself getting utterly lost in her.

Maybe this wasn't exactly right, but it wasn't exactly wrong, either. In the moment, it felt right, somehow.

He undid Joanne's jeans and slipped his hand inside, seeking that nub of flesh, stroking with one finger. Joanne's breath caught at the move, and she let out a soft murmur, arching into his touch.

"Don't stop." Her voice was soft, almost on the edge of breaking. "Please don't stop."

"Whatever you want, Jo." Johnny managed to respond, continuing to stroke her. "Whatever you want."

Joanne shifted slightly, and it took Johnny a moment to realize she was taking off her remaining clothing. He couldn't see her in the dark room, but he could feel her as she spread herself further, allowing Johnny more room to maneuver.

He took full advantage, sliding a finger deep inside her while stroking with his thumb. Joanne's reaction was immediate, a sharp gasp followed by a soft moan, her hands spreading out across his back and moving downward.

The move caused his own already hardening flesh to strain against his jeans, and he let out a rough groan of his own. It wasn't long before Joanne started undoing his belt, followed soon by everything else before she started to slide his jeans off him.

Johnny pulled away long enough to finish the job, and he could hear his jeans hit the floor with a soft thump from the sheer weight of everything he carried with him. He had a brief moment of panic, thinking of the kids asleep down the hall. How the hell would they explain this, what Johnny was doing here in their mom's room?

Those doubts began to creep in again. How could he be so disloyal? Somehow it seemed that it didn't matter how much time passed, this would never be right.

At the same time, this connection between them wasn't merely physical. There was a strong emotional connection here, too. No, Joanne wasn't just another woman, far from it.

He let out a rough sigh, drawing in close to Joanne as he tried to gather his scattered thoughts. How he was supposed to resolve all these conflicted feelings, he had no idea.

This had been a terrible idea. He never should have allowed himself to be so easily caught up in the moment. If he had just put the brakes on as he always did, they wouldn't be here now.

"Johnny?" Joanne's voice was soft, questioning, and it brought him immediately back to the moment.

She was so soft and warm against him, and he suddenly wanted nothing more than to hold her close, to give her whatever she wanted. Part of him wanted the same from her, to find some sense of comfort in the chaos that had become their now upturned lives.

"It's nothing." Johnny assured her, kissing her forehead and sliding his hand down her body, letting it come to rest on her hip. "Just forgot about all the stuff I carry around with me. My jeans made a hell of a noise when they hit the floor."

"Hmm." Joanne murmured into his chest. "I don't think I noticed."

Johnny relaxed a little at that. If Joanne hadn't noticed, maybe the kids hadn't either. He couldn't hear anything outside the bedroom. Maybe he was freaking out for no reason.

Joanne's hands were sliding over him again, and she tilted her head up to kiss him, and once again Johnny found himself drawn in, wanting this as much as Joanne seemed to.

"Jo." He murmured, rolling her over to her back as he explored every inch of her body with his mouth and hands, allowing his own desire to build again, whatever doubts he might have had disappearing for the moment.

He worked his way down until he was between her thighs, gently spreading them apart before finding that same nub of flesh, dragging his tongue across it while his hands slid up her body as far as he could reach.

"Oh…" Joanne's reaction was almost immediate, soft and breathy, her hands sliding down his arms as she arched upward into his mouth.

"That okay?" Johnny asked.

"Oh God, yes." Joanne replied, followed by a brief giggle. "Don't you dare stop."

That was all Johnny needed to hear, and he dove in deeper, listening to Joanne's soft sighs and gasps, feeling her shift under him. There was something so deeply intimate about this, something he hadn't found with anyone else in a long time, and there was something so strange and terrible and wonderful about finding that intimacy with Joanne.

She suddenly let out a sharp cry, arching upward with a shudder, her fingers all tangled up in his hair before relaxing under him with a quiet sigh. Her fingers threaded through his hair as he shifted ever so slightly so that his head was on her stomach.

"Oh, Johnny." Joanne's voice came out almost as a sigh, with a note of something else to it, something Johnny couldn't figure out right away. "Come here."

He moved so that he lay next to her, his hand traveling over her body, leaving kisses along her shoulder and her neck. Now that he was closer, he could hear the hitch in her breath, could feel her shaking ever so slightly.

Joanne placed a hand on Johnny's stomach, letting it rest there for a moment before moving downward and taking hold of his still hard flesh, causing Johnny to catch his own breath.

"Jo, you don't have to—"

"I want to." Joanne replied immediately. "I need you to…please."

It took a moment for Johnny to catch on. "You sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay, hold on." Johnny told her, kissing her forehead. "Gotta find something first."

He was reasonably certain he had a condom stashed away in his wallet. He usually did, though he hadn't had occasion to use one in a while.

After some fumbling around, he found his wallet, breathing a sigh of relief when he found what he was looking for. He tore the packet open and rolled it over himself before returning to Joanne.

"Okay." He murmured softly, guiding himself inside her and finding a steady rhythm. The two of them became one, intimately connected, their breath and murmured words the only sounds in the room.

Johnny rode that wave of desire for as long as he could, finally releasing in a rush with a rough groan, letting his head rest against Joanne's shoulder for a long moment.

The emotion that rushed in behind caught him completely off guard, and all he could do was hold on to Joanne, who suddenly seemed overwhelmed by her own emotions.

"Ah, dammit, Jo." His voice sounded rough and ragged to his own ears. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

The only response was a muffled sob against Johnny's chest, which only made him feel worse. He'd taken advantage of her in a vulnerable moment, and even if she had wanted it, he still should have had the sense to back off.

On the other hand, hadn't he wanted this, too? He'd gone back and forth about Joanne for what felt like ages, ever since the night of the Ladies' Auxiliary fundraiser.

And now they were finally here, finally giving in to their mutual desire and need for comfort, for solace. All those needs and desires were still so muddled that Johnny couldn't tell if what he felt for Joanne was real.

Being here did nothing to solve that puzzle. If anything, it had made it more difficult.

"Mom?" Jenny's voice was right outside the bedroom door.

Joanne pulled away with a sigh, sitting up. "I'll be right there, sweetheart. Hold on."

She moved to turn on a bedside lamp, bathing the room in light as she moved to find a robe to wrap around herself. "She has nightmares sometimes. I'll be right back."

Johnny nodded, watching as she left the room, closing the door behind her. He took the opportunity to dispose of the condom, tossing it in a nearby wastebasket before finding all of his clothing that had been scattered around the room.

He should leave, he knew that. But it was one thing to bolt after a date with some girl he barely knew. It was quite another to bolt on Joanne.

No, he couldn't do that to her. He'd at least wait until she came back from taking care of Jenny.

The door opened a short time later as he was fastening his jeans, and Joanne came back in, closing the door behind her. "I'm sorry about that. Ever since Roy died, she has these terrible nightmares. I don't know what to do for her."

Johnny's heart sank at that as he moved toward her, pulling her in close. "It's okay. Not your fault, you know. You're doing your best for her. For both of them."

"It doesn't feel like enough." Joanne replied softly, almost sounding as if she were on the edge of tears again, and Johnny was at a loss. He sure as hell couldn't leave now, not when Joanne needed someone to lean on.

He wanted to do something, anything that would somehow fix this. But the only thing that would fix this was a time machine, and Johnny didn't have one. All he had was a shoulder for Joanne to cry on and arms to hold Joanne tightly, and that didn't feel like enough.

"I can stay if you want." Johnny offered. "For a while, anyway. Not sure I should be here when the kids wake up."

"No, I suppose not." Joanne answered quietly. "It would be hard to explain. I don't think they'd understand."

Johnny wasn't sure he understood himself. Still, they were here now, and Johnny was reluctant to leave. He pulled back for a moment and kissed Joanne's forehead. "I'll stay. Let's get you to bed, huh?"

Joanne nodded, and it wasn't long before they were settled back in bed with the lights out. Johnny held her close, listening as Joanne's breathing evened out and she fell asleep.

Johnny's mind was still going, nowhere near wound down enough for sleep. Despite their best efforts, it seemed that he and Joanne had made things a good deal more complicated for themselves.

He could only hope that the complications would somehow work themselves out.

# # #

Joanne stirred when she felt movement in the bed next to her, the gray light of morning just starting to creep into the room. "Roy? You've got a few more minutes." She murmured, not completely awake just yet.

She felt a kiss land on her cheek. "Not Roy."

That threw her into a panic, and she immediately sat up and reached to turn on the bedside light. Johnny was on the bed next to her, looking as panic-stricken as she felt. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"No, it's my own fault." Joanne replied quietly. "I wasn't quite awake. I'll see you out."

Both of them did their best to move quietly so that they didn't wake the kids. The last thing either of them needed was to try to answer the questions they would surely have, especially at this hour.

Johnny shoved his feet into his shoes and found his keys, fiddling with them briefly before meeting Joanne's eyes. "I'll see you in a couple days, right?"

"Right." Joanne nodded. "Football parents' meeting. I'm sure they'll be happy to find you something to do."

Johnny managed a slight smile at that. "Anything they want. And, well, anything you want."

He leaned down and kissed her cheek. "I'll call you."

"Okay."

With that Johnny left, and Joanne closed the door behind him, locking it before leaning against it with a sigh. Anything she wanted, indeed. She had gotten what she wanted and then some.

So why didn't she feel any better?

She knew the answer to that. Of course last night had made things more complicated than ever, the lines between friends and lovers blurred, if not erased completely. And it certainly did nothing to help her figure out how she truly felt about Johnny.

The whole thing was a mess, and it was all her fault.

And yet, she didn't regret going to bed with Johnny, not exactly. Physically, it had been wonderful. Emotionally had been a whole other story.

She'd been absolutely mortified at falling apart on him. Johnny, of course, had mostly taken it in stride, doing his best to comfort her, even as he seemed to be dealing with his own emotions.

But perhaps this was just a natural outcome of whatever had been growing between them. They were bonded by mutual grief, having spent the last few months leaning on each other to get through that grief. Joanne supposed it was somewhat inevitable that things would turn physical. They had certainly come close before.

What had changed? Joanne had little idea. All she had known was that she needed this, somehow, that she needed to know that she was still beautiful and desirable, that she wasn't just a grieving widow trying to raise two kids on her own.

And Johnny had done just that, with hands and mouth, doing things to her that her own husband had never done. She felt a bit guilty for that thought. She wasn't trying to compare the two men. They were very different, neither one better than the other.

But Johnny was here now, and Roy wasn't.

That didn't mean she should have thrown herself at Johnny. Maybe she should have allowed Johnny to put the brakes on again. Maybe she shouldn't have encouraged him.

Well, there was no point in ruminating on that now. What was done was done, and it was likely it wouldn't happen again.

By the time she made herself a pot of coffee and started getting the kids up and ready for church, she was feeling much better, more resolute.

"Mom?" Jenny asked as Joanne brushed and braided her hair. "Why doesn't Uncle Johnny come to church with us?"

"Well, I suppose because we've never invited him." Joanne was only slightly surprised at the question.

"Then why don't we invite him?" Jenny asked. "Dad always came to church with us when he wasn't working, right?"

"That's right." Joanne agreed. "Perhaps I will invite him one of these times."

"He was here last night." Chris appeared out of nowhere. "You should have asked him then."

"You're right, I should have." Joanne replied. "Do you need help with your tie?"

Chris scowled. "No."

"Are you sure?" Joanne asked gently. "It's a little crooked."

Chris pulled it loose and left the bathroom. Joanne could hear him saying the little rhyme that Roy had taught him. "Fat over thin, fat around again, fat into keyhole, right down the drain."

She could almost hear Roy's voice. Chris was starting to sound just like him.

"I think I got it, Mom." Chris appeared again.

Joanne nodded. "That looks much better. That rhyme Dad taught you must have helped."

Chris looked downcast and nodded, and Joanne almost regretted mentioning anything. She finished wrapping Jenny's braids and leaned down to kiss Chris's forehead. "It's okay to remember things Dad taught you. It helps keep him alive in your memory."

Chris pressed his lips together, suddenly looking resolute as he nodded. That stubborn tilt in his chin, the resolute expression, those things were pure Roy. It almost broke Joanne's heart.

"We'd best get going." Joanne told them both. "You don't want to be late for Sunday school."

The kids climbed into the car with minimal fuss, and they soon arrived at church. Joanne took the kids to the Sunday school to drop them off.

"Joanne!" Mary Ann, the head of the Sunday school program, greeted her with a smile and a hug. "It's so wonderful to see you. How are you doing?"

"Oh, every day seems to get a little bit better." Joanne answered, feeling a twinge of guilt. Considering the way she had behaved last night, perhaps it was a good thing she was at church today.

"Oh, good." Mary Ann beamed. "By the way, the preschool program is looking for volunteers if you have the time. I remember how good you were with the little ones when your children went here."

Joanne was immediately interested. At one point, long before she had married Roy and gotten pregnant with Chris, she had considered going to college for a teaching degree. Of course, once she was married and pregnant, she set that notion aside, and when the kids were of age, she had helped out with the preschool program at the church. "I'll keep that in mind. Now that the kids are about to start school again, I should have some extra time."

"Wonderful!" Mary Ann replied. "There's a meeting for volunteers tomorrow morning."

Joanne agreed to show up at the scheduled time, and she left the Sunday school wing to return to the sanctuary, where congregants were just starting to file in for the service.

It had been longer than she liked since she and the kids had been here, and Joanne felt a sense of comfort just being here. She had a hard time imagining Johnny in such a place, though she supposed it was certainly possible that Johnny attended a church of his own.

She greeted a few familiar faces, answering the same questions she had answered not so long ago. By the time she settled in to listen to the sermon, she was exhausted.

But it was the hymns that nearly did her in today. She couldn't help blinking back tears during a few of them, remembering Roy's soft, rich baritone next to her as he sang the hymns, often taking his hand in hers.

Yes, she still missed him deeply. Falling into bed with Johnny would do nothing to help that.

And there was that twinge of guilt again, the feeling that she shouldn't have wanted Johnny so desperately. But how could she not when he was right there, so kind, so warm, so gentle?

She wiped away the tear that was running down her cheek, and she felt a tap on her shoulder. The older woman next to her held out a tissue, and Joanne gratefully took it, using it to dab at her eyes.

"I understand, dear." The woman whispered. "It's been five years since I lost my Ralph, and I still miss him."

"You're very kind." Joanne whispered back. "Thank you."

She felt a bit better after that, and after the service was over, she returned to the Sunday school wing to pick up the kids. Jenny came racing toward her first, with Chris following just a little behind.

"Did you two have fun?" Joanne asked.

Both kids nodded, and Jenny immediately started to tell her all about her new friend. "Her dad died, too. But he died when she was a baby, so she doesn't remember him. Now she's got a new dad named Charlie. Her mom just got married last year. I told her that I might get a new dad someday, too, and that Uncle Johnny is kind of like my dad."

"Uncle Johnny isn't our dad." Chris told her scornfully. "Why do you keep saying that?"

"I didn't say he was our dad." Jenny pointed out. "I just said that he's like our dad. He goes to all our games and fixes things around the house and all that stuff, just like Dad did."

"But Uncle Johnny is just a friend, remember?" Joanne reminded Jenny.

"I guess." Jenny sighed. "But Charlie used to be just a friend, too. That's what Tracy said. Then he was a special friend, then they got married."

Joanne didn't know how to respond to that. "I suppose anything's possible, sweetheart."

Jenny fell silent until they were in the car on the way back home. "You know what, Mom?"

"What, honey?"

"I think Uncle Johnny wants to be your special friend."

"Jenny, stop it!" Chris snapped at her.

"No." Jenny snapped back.

Joanne took a deep breath and exhaled. "Why do you say that?"

Jenny shrugged. "He's always hugging you and touching you and stuff. Like Dad used to."

Joanne sighed. "I know you like having Uncle Johnny around. We all do. But I think it's a little soon for that kind of talk, don't you?"

Jenny went quiet, and Joanne could see her sulking in the back seat. So be it, Joanne thought. She wasn't going to fill her head with silly ideas. Heaven knows she came up with enough of her own.

By the time they got home, Jenny had dropped the subject, and Joanne was able to get through the rest of the day without thinking about Johnny too much. It wasn't until she was getting the kids ready for bed that Jenny said something again.

"I didn't mean to make you mad." Jenny told her as Joanne tucked her in.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean when I was talking about Uncle Johnny." Jenny replied. "Chris gets so mad. I don't know why."

"Chris misses Dad very much." Joanne explained. "And having Uncle Johnny around just isn't the same for him."

"But Uncle Johnny could be like Dad if Chris would let him." Jenny answered. "Then we could be a real family again."

And that was the crux of it, Joanne realized. Of course. She couldn't believe she hadn't realized it before. "Oh honey, there's lots of different ways to be a family. Ours looks a little different, but that doesn't mean we aren't a real family."

"Does that mean Uncle Johnny's still part of our family?"

"Yes, it does." Joanne leaned down to kiss Jenny's forehead. "It absolutely does. He doesn't have to live with us for that be to the case, okay?"

"Okay." Jenny seemed satisfied with that answer. "Good night, Mom. I love you."

"I love you, too." Joanne replied. "Sleep tight."

With that, Joanne closed the bedroom door. She couldn't help thinking about all that Jenny had said.

A special friend. Well, that was certainly one way to think of Johnny. Whether that would continue to be the case remained to be seen.