AN: Finally some Edward action, baby ;) It's a bit "emo", because anyone who has read Midnight Sun, know that Edward was emo before it was cool LOL

Edward's POV

I looked at the doe below me and sighed. That such a beautiful, innocent creature had to die, just so I could continue this miserable existence. Today had been a looong day, and I was dreading another day tomorrow. Seeing young humans talking, laughing, greeting friends and classmates after having been separated over the summer, certainly put into perspective how I had nothing left in my life. My family was constantly keeping watch over me, scared that the moment I was out of their sight, I would run to Italy to end it all. The thought occurred daily by now, even though I never made more concrete plans. What I wouldn't give for a minute or just a second by the side of my love… The summer we had together before my world fell apart. I feel so naive looking back on it. How could I ever think that I deserved that kind of love, that kind of happiness, that she gave me. And after having experienced her, it was like I could never go back to who I had been before. There was a before Bella and an after Bella, and the differences were striking. If I had thought the past 70 years of my existence had felt dark and hopeless, it was nothing compared to how I felt now… I would look at the moon and wonder if she, my Bella, was also looking at it. Maybe even thinking about me too… Would she remember our time together as being extraordinary, or would she look back at that summer with regret? Would she even fully remember me, after three years, or would I be nothing but a drop in the bucket, a bump on the road in a long and fulfilling human life? Was another man holding her every night, whispering sweet nothings in her ear, as I once had? Any guy would be lucky to have her; I could imagine masses of young men lining up behind, just for a slight chance to become her love. I couldn't be me however… Bella was pure and kind and good to her very core. After a lifetime of sins, I would never be worthy of her love. No man would ever be truly worthy of her, but there had to be better options for her out there than me. She deserved love and marriage, children and grandchild, a long and happy life with a fitting end. She deserved everything I could never give her…

If Rosalie saw me right she would say I was moping in my own melancholy. She seemed angry, everytime I went by her. I could hear that she thought I was bringing my entire family down. Making them all unhappy, simply by being around them… I had tried to stay out of my family's way, they deserved happiness, even if I didn't. But being away from them was causing them to worry and wonder where I was, even more. I didn't know what to do any longer, how to deal with my family, as if there was no right thing to do. Rosalie wishes that we had never gone to Forks, that we had never met my Bella, maybe then they could all be happy. But I wouldn't trade those months with Bella, to be rid of the pain I felt now. The thought of Bella, that summer with my love, is what kept me sane now. And no matter how much I, on days like these, wished to have her by my side, her happiness was the most important. That summer I had imagined us going to college together. Bella would probably study something like literary history, and I would do the same, just so I could be by her side every moment of the day. But that could never happen… That had become clear after her 18th birthday. I didn't blame Jasper, for what was part of his nature, and he had only shown me what I had been too blind with love and happiness to see… That she didn't belong in our dark world.

I was looking at the moon slowly going down again, and dawn breaking through the sky. Had I been here all night? I touched the dead doe still lying on the ground, it had gone cold a while ago. I sighed, and slowly started walking back towards the house. There was no use hurrying home; there would be no one waiting for me there either. I would only be interrupting my family's own happiness, with my depressing state. I was covered in blood from my kill, having been too wild, animalistic, and thirsty, when I had begun my hunt, to be mindful of keeping myself clean. I entered the house and went straight through my room, and into the connected bathroom. Peeled the bloodsoaked clothing of my body, and into the shower, feeling the warm water trickling down my cold and dead body. The warmth reminded me of Bella. My Bella… How I used to love the way she would smell after a shower, even though it made my throat burn. That pain was nothing compared to this. If I had been human, I would have slowly drowned myself under the hot stream of water. Unfortunately, death didn't come as easily to my kind.

Edward is taking forever, Rosalie thought somewhere on the floor below. I'm not waiting for that cynical piece of shit any longer. I could hear the door to the garage being slammed shut, and one of the cars starting.

Damn, I had to get dressed if I wanted to make it to school on time. I quickly dried myself and got dressed in the first shirt and pair of pants I could grab from the wardrobe, and went downstairs. Alice and Jasper were waiting for me by the garage door, always being such good siblings to me. Alice squeezed my hand, before getting into a car and driving off.

He looks even worse than usual, thought Jasper. I wonder if he too would indulge in certain vices if he could?

I closed my eyes, trying to ignore my brother's thoughts. If I had anything to distract me from this hopeless existence, I would have indulged in it a long time ago.

Ironic that I told her how my kind was easily distracted, when it was the other way around. Humans always had ways to distract themselves from whatever was bothering them, but my kind was always painfully aware.

When we arrived at the college, students were milling around the parking lot, laughing, exchanging notes, rubbing sleep out of their eyes, drinking coffee from to-go cups. Always distracted with something. Several people jumped out of the way as an old, red motorcycle sped past them, and into one of the parking spots, probably being late for class. I glanced at my watch, before waving goodbye at my siblings, and walking briskly towards my classroom. I had several classes on music theory, which meant I was in the Art division of the college. Esme had encouraged me to study music, even though I hadn't played music in years. I reached the classroom and took a seat at the back of the class, trying to ignore the other students. A couple of girls in a row further down, kept throwing glances in my direction.

"He's so handsome, don't you think?"

"Definitely, he looks kind of brooding though!"

"I bet you he is the deep, artistic, passionate type."

"Totally! Sex with those kinds of men are always so intense."

"Oh, I'd let him into my bed any day of the week!"

I groaned, trying to block the onslaught of sexual fantasies directed at me. Absolutely preposterous! Not that I didn't understand sexual urges, but fantasizing about someone you don't even know, was definitely my breaking point.

I turned my attention toward the professor's presentation, trying to ignore the desires that those kinds of thoughts awakened in me. Bella's skin had always felt so soft under my fingers, and so warm. The noises she used to make when I kissed her neck or nibbled on her ear. How I always had to stop myself, before we went too far, and I wouldn't be able to stop again… The passionate kiss we shared on her birthday, in her bedroom, after I realized I had to let her go… No, I could never feel desires like that for any other person ever again, and I didn't even want to.

Bella's POV

I definitely needed a cup of coffee to stay awake for this lesson. I found the philosophy lessons fascinating, however very hard staying attentive throughout. The teacher went on and on and on, but I didn't get enough through my thick skull to write a single note. I sighed, and started doodling in my notebook. The professor started going on about the philosophy of love; I completely ignored him after that. I didn't do love anymore… It just felt hopeless after him. I would have sex from time to time, but certainly not lovemaking. Luckily, no one calls it that anymore. Now it was screwing or fucking or shagging, which was way easier than love. Smashing genitals until someone felt a release, then putting your clothes back on, saying goodbye and leaving was the uncomplicated way to go about it. I had always been bashful, which is why I also preferred getting drunk before knocking boots with someone. Luckily, bars and parties where it was expected you drink, were also easy places for a female to find a casual hook-up. I had never slept with the same person more than once, nor had I ever had sex while completely sober. This added to keeping all relations trouble-free and painless. When class finally ended, I really felt the need for a drink, but the school day wasn't over, and I would have to settle for that cup of coffee. I went straight to the cafeteria and got in the ever growing line.

"Hey, Bella," someone said, grabbing my shoulder. I looked up, and a guy I shared a few sociology classes with jumped into the line next to me.

"What are you getting for lunch?" Matt asked, trying to pick up a conversation with me.

"Just a cup of coffee," I said quickly. "I'm not really hungry."

"Oh yeah, I was also just getting some coffee," Matt said blushing slightly. "Here, it's on me." He said as I was about to pay for my coffee, I paid for both coffees.

"You really don't have to-" I started, before Matt interrupted saying, "Oh, it's my pleasure, paying for a pretty girl. Come on, let's sit down over here" and directed me to a table outside. Great, now I had to make smalltalk my entire lunch break. I took a sip of my coffee before fumbling in my pocket for my pack of smokes and a light.

"So, how was your summer, Matt?" I mumbled not really caring. Matt reminded me of Mike Newton from High School, with his constant persistence even in the face of rejection. Matt, as soon as being asked, went on and on about the amazing summer he had had. As if he thought, repeatedly mentioning how great he was, that other people would also start believing it.

"Yeah, these girls were hanging on my every word! Told me I was real boyfriend material, actually. Can you believe that?!"

"What, totally," I grumbled sarcastically, trying to refrain from rolling my eyes. The sarcasm went straight over Matt's head though, as he gave me a lustful smile.

"So, wanna do something this weekend? We could go out to dinner or something! I'm paying, obviously," he said, puffing his chest up, as if this declaration would make him seem as some knight in shining armor, and not an arse trying to get sex in exchange for a hamburger.

"No, thank you Matt-" I started, before he interrupted me again.

"And why not?!" he exclaimed clearly annoyed.

"Because I don't date, as I have told you before-"

"That's fucking dumb," he grumbled while sipping his coffee. "Who in college doesn't date?"

"Look, it's nothing personal, I just don't do relationships, okay?" I said flicking my cigarette on the ground, and standing up to leave, before Matt grabbed my hand.

"Bella, sorry! Sorry, I ehm.. Didn't mean to upset you… How about this, me and some other frat bros are having a party tomorrow, why don't you join us?"

I sighed, needing a drink even more desperately than I did one hour ago.

"Maybe, I don't really like to plan that far ahead," I sighed, pulling my hand out of his grasp.

"Great, I'll text you the details later," he said completely undeterred

"Sure, see you Matt!" I said, trying to end the conversation swiftly.

"Yeah, I'll see you at the party, Bella" he yelled after me, as I bolted out of there.

Alice's POV

"Well, that was uncomfortable, even just watching it unfold," Emmett chuckled.

"I swear, men have no class now-a-days," Jasper said, rolling his eyes from his seat next to me.

"Hmm," I said. "I can't help wondering if she actually doesn't date, or if she just thought that guy was a-"

"Total douchecanoe?! I'm seriously considering finding out what car he owns, just so I can slash his tires!" Emmett exclaimed, as Jasper and I chuckled.

"I think that's a slight overreaction, Em" said Rosalie, while trying hard not to grin.

"I don't know," Jasper said thoughtfully. "He seemed… off. He got way too angry about a typical rejection. I don't like it."

"Shit, Edward coming towards us!" I said quietly, before loudly asking Emmett about his computer classes.

"Yeah, it's great! We had a presentation about BlueTooth, which was super weird. Did you know BlueTooth is named after some viking ruler, who had a blue tooth? That's so badass!"

Edward mumbled a greeting as he sat down at the table, sniffing the air in the courtyard slightly, a confused expression on his face.

"How was your lesson, Ed?" Emmett asked, breaking Edward's train of thought.

"Oh, fine… The teacher was going on and on about how all music nowadays sounds the same-"