AN: Another chapter out! I have been having some issues with my laptop, which has made using it quite hard, so sorry, it has been some days, without me posting.

This chapter is the day as last the last chapter, but from Edward's POV instead of Bella's. And Edward's POV will have to be a least two chapters, so this chapter is the first part.

Edward's POV

"Time to go, guys," Alice said from the floor below. I groaned. I really wasn't up for another miserable college day of walking around happy, content, young humans. I've promised Esme, I reminded myself. I have to at least try to make it through the first week. I rose from my couch and wandered downstairs. I could hear that Rosalie was already getting annoyed at my indifference to getting to school on time. I took a seat in the back of the BMW, next to Alice and Jasper. Emmett sped out of the garage and down the road. There was no reason for going this fast, other than him enjoying it, as we would easily reach the college, with time to spare. He raced into the parking lot, almost hitting a motorcycle around the corner.

"Watch where you're going, asshole," was yelled from below the helmet of the rider. The voice absolutely stunned me. I sounded almost like… But it couldn't be! She would never use that kind of aggressive language, or be on a motorcycle for that matter. Then my siblings' thoughts breached my frozen mind.

Shit, it's Bella, Emmet thought.

Oh no, Edward heard her, came from Jasper.

Of course, she drives a motorcycle now, Rosalie huffed.

And last, but not least Alice; Well, the game is up. He knows.

I turned to Alice, giving her a look, that was begging for answers.

"Fucking richkids," mumbled the rider, to low for human ears, while parking. When the helmet came of, even though I could only see long brown hair falling down, I immediately recognized it. As she turned I saw the beautiful, yet tired, face of my angel. She fumbled for something in her pocket and pulled out a packet of cigarettes, before putting one between her plump lips and lighting it. I just stared at her, as my siblings stared at me.

"You knew… You all knew that she was here. I thought I smelt her yesterday, but figured that I was imagining it," I said slowly, not taking my eyes off my Bella. No, she was not my Bella anymore. Because I had left her. Because I had to let her go! Because I needed to stop thinking about what I wanted, and do what was best, safest, for her…

"I didn't see her in any visions, I swear," Alice said vehemently, as I frowned at her.

"Actually, Jasper and I saw her first. She was in our anthropology class, the day before yesterday," Emmett said, looking unsure. I saw a glimpse of the day in his mind. How the professor had called her name while taking attendance, but no response came. How she had suddenly showed up in the middle of class, and how hungover and tired she had looked. How she and a blonde girl started talking-

"We weren't sure how you would react, so we decided not to tell you as a start," Emmett exclaimed, interrupting his own memory.

"It doesn't matter how I'd react! We have to leave, we have to think about Bella!" I declared resolutely. Alice looked furious, and yelled back,

"We are thinking about Bella! She looks dreadful! She's tired, and hungover, and-" Scarred, Alice's mind thought, even as her mouth had stopped moving. And in her mind, I saw Bella wearing a T-shirt, where you could clearly see several long, red claw marks going down her chest, but what caught my attention was the oval scar on her neck, that shimmered faintly in the sun. "What?! I- how- WHO HAS BITTEN HER?" I shouted in absolute shock.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and huffed "And how should we know that?! It's probably her own fault!"

I started growling loudly before Jasper put his hand on me, and sent calming waves throughout the car. "We still don't know," he said calmly. "We are, however, trying to find out."

"We have just been keeping an eye on her these last couple of days, listening to her talk to her friends, but she obviously can't just tell them about how she came to be bitten by a vampire," Alice sighed. A girl came up besides Bella and started engaging in conversation. I hushed my siblings, and tuned in on what they were saying.

"You're here on time today!"

"You make it sound like I'm late everyday. I'm usually only late when I'm hungover or something," Bella said casually

"Exactly, that's like almost everyday!" the blonde laughed.

"Oh, shut up! You're always exaggerating," Bella also laughed "Are you joining me at Matt's frat party tonight?"

"She drinks?! That's illegal, she's still a few days shy of turning 21!" I exclaimed, still knowing what Bella's exact age was.

She does a bit more than just drinking, Rosalie thought all smug.

Emmett chuckled and said "Edward, relax! She's in college! That's what college kids do." Before accidentally adding in his mind, Well, maybe not to that extent.

I was just sitting there, completely stunned. Bella, my Bella, drinking, smoking, driving a motorcycle?! Had she no idea how dangerous all these things were?! Then I remembered the horrific scars I had seen, and felt almost foolish. She had not been safe, in the slightest. Had she even tried to stay safe? Had her promise to me, to not do anything reckless or stupid, meant nothing?! But why would she keep her promise to an ex boyfriend, from years ago, who said that he didn't want her anymore, and then left?

If she even remembered me, she probably despised me. I felt my heart shatter at that thought. I loathed myself with every undying fiber of my body.

"I'm not dealing with another of Edward's existential crisis. I have class, " Rose spouted, leapt out of the car and slammed the door shut. Emmett looked towards Edward, then at Rosalie leaving, indecision showing on his face.

"You go on ahead, Em," Alice said softly. "We'll take care of him." Emmett nodded his thanks, before racing after Rosalie. I watched mournfully as Bella stubbed her cigarette, before walking into the building with her friend. Jasper and Alice were both looking at me with sorrowful eyes. Jasper was trying to keep my emotions somewhat in check, but wasn't successful.

"Edward," Alice said, still incredibly gentle. "How are you feeling?"

"I… I don't even… Know how to feel right now… I thought, if I just left, that she would be safe and happy," I said quietly, burying my face in my hands.

"I know," Alice said, embracing me. "We also thought, or rather hoped, that she was content and secure, but it's not that simple, Edward. That doesn't happen, simply from removing us from her life… Just look at how the members of our family lost their human lifes. Fatal illnesses, animal attacks, suicides, rapes and murders are just a part of being human unfortunately."

"It's true, Edward," Jasper said softly. "Bella would have died in a car accident her first week of moving to Forks, if you hadn't saved her. And she would have died a brutal and degrading death that night in Port Angeles, if you hadn't come to her rescue."

"Honestly," Alice sighed. "It's pretty incredible that she's still alive and here! But from what we have gathered, she isn't happy, nor even just content. She looks thin and tired, she doesn't date, she drinks alcohol to the point of not even being able to recall who she goes home with… She isn't well, and that is putting it mildly." I winced at Alice's description of the woman I was still painfully in love with.

"I've been an absolute fool… I shouldn't have thrown away the one person who meant everything to me," I whispered, slowly raising my head.

"You did what you thought was best," Jasper said and sighed. "I certainly have my part in this too, after what happened on her birthday… I understand why you felt persuaded to leave her. But it hasn't done her, or you, any good. I think you'll need to see this as your chance to make it right again."

"I ju- I just don't know how!" I sputtered. "I doubt she would talk to me, even if I knew what to say. She- she probably hates me after what I did! After what I said the day I left her…"

"Oh Edward, I don't think Bella hates you," Alive reassured me. "You know I didn't agree with you lying to her like that… What you said probably hurt her immensely. She may still be sad, or even angry about it, but I really don't think she ever could hate you, even if she wanted to. Talk to her, tell her that you lied when you left, and tell her exactly why you felt the need to do it!"

She had looked so broken that day in the forest, when I told her that I didn't want her… Confused at first, but then so accepting of my words, as if she had been expecting it all along. I had thought that I'd have to lie through my teeth for hours, to even plant a seed of doubt in her mind. But it only took one sentence; I don't want you to come. She had backed down after I said that… As if she had never really been able to believe how I could possibly love her.

Jasper, who could feel my self hatred surge, grabbed my shoulder, and sent a wave of hopefulness throughout the car, before he started to talk

"Edward, what do you possibly have to lose? The worst that could happen in talking to Bella, would be her not forgiving you or not taking you back. How is that worse than the situation you are in now?"

"I don't want to make it worse for her! I don't want to ruin everything she's built up these past three years, so-" I exclaimed, before Alice interrupted me again.

"But Bella isn't well right now! Just because she's human doesn't mean that she naturally is doing good and is happy! Do you think all humans are happy constantly throughout their lives? Do you think every single student or teacher at this college is consistently happy? Because everyone is battling their own demons, and considering some of Bella's demons are vampire attacks, I would think she generally is doing worse than the average person."

I was back to thinking about the marks on Bella's neck… Who could have done that to her, why they would do it and how she had not turned, were questions that I need answers to. And I didn't know how we could possibly find out without confronting her. I had left her with knowledge, memories and burdens that she couldn't share with any other human, not even family or close friends…

"Look Edward, you don't have to decide anything specific right now," Jasper said, making eye contact with me. "Just, stay at the college and in town, keep an eye on Bella, like the rest of us, and slowly come to a decision over some time." Jasper was convinced that if i started 'seeing' her that i wouldn't be able to stay away for good, though he tried keeping those thoughts to himself. He knew how I'd always been so drawn to Bella, how curious I'd been about her back in Forks. And I was even more curious about how and why Bella had made these drastic changes to her lifestyle. Alice's eyes glazed over, and she started grinning before turning to Jasper and saying, "Edward is slowly coming to his senses and agreeing to stay. But we can't intrude on Bella's life, just yet!"

"And if she's fine, and doesn't want to see us, we will leave her alone," I added, in a demanding tone.

"Sure, sure. If you say so, dear brother," Alice said, chuckling. "Come on, we are sooo late for class." She reached over me and opened the door next to me, and practically pushed me out of it. We walked toward the main building, and I wondered which classroom Bella was in. What was she studying? I'd always imagined she would like literary history, as she loved reading, especially older books. Emmett had said she was in their anthropology class, so maybe she was studying humanity's history.

"When she was in one of your classes a couple of days ago, she didn't see you?" I asked.

"Ehm no, she was late, which was quite lucky for us. So we found out she was in the class, when the teacher called her name during attendance, but no one responded. She showed up to class 10 minutes later," Jasper replied, as he thought about the day. How Bella had gotten scolded as she entered the class, before sitting next to her blond friend, who she was also talking to today.

"...Err, yeah I kinda forgot the time," the Bella, in Jasper's mind, whispered blushing. "And then I fell asleep… I woke up 30 minutes ago, grabbed my clothes off the floor and had to run back to the bar from last night and get my bike, and then drove here as fast as traffic would allow me."

"That explains why you smell of beer and is wearing the clothes from last night. And whose floor was it you left your clothes on?" asked the blond girl arching an eyebrow.

I could feel myself freezing up, at the direction this conversation was going. I didn't want to think of another man, who definitely wasn't good enough Bella, touching her, kissing her, making love to her, all the things I'd always wanted, but couldn't do with her.

"I believe his name was…David? Daniel? Dylan, maybe? Something like that, I don't remember the details," Bella whispered back, trying to focus on the teacher, as a blush was creeping up her face again.

"His name wasn't an important detail?! How did you not get his name," the blond whispered back, trying to regain Bella's attention.

"He told me last night, but I had gotten quite a lot to drink, so I don't remember anymore," huffed Bella back, trying to end the conversation.

I stopped in my tracks, and just stood looking down the hallway. A guy she had met the day before, who didn't appreciate or admire or love her, had gotten to go to bed with her….

He probably didn't even understand how lucky he was, making love to the most beautiful, kind hearted, amazing woman on this earth. Jasper sighed, as he felt my feelings well over.

"Edward, look…. Bella is an adult woman who engage in casual sexual relations, as most college kids do nowadays. We thought about keeping certain details from you, but I'm not sure how it would be possible. And I didn't want Rosalie being the one telling you in a snide comment," Jasper said. I sighed and rubbed a hand over my face, before answering,

"I know I shouldn't be upset, or even surprised for that matter. I just… hoped she would be with someone who truly loved her…." Alice took my hand, before giving me a sad smile

"I don't think Bella does the whole, loving relationship thing anymore. She at least said to a guy, who asked her out, that she didn't date, and had apparently told him multiple times. I know that she turned a few guys down in Forks, before you and her got together, so I don't think it's just because of you, that she doesn't date….. But I could imaging it becoming worse, considering how your relationship ended," Alice said carefully. We had reached our classroom, and quietly entered without being noticed by the teacher. I just sat down at one of the small tables and stared into the nothingness. Was it possible that I had ruined her perception of relationships, to the extent of her never being able to engage in one again? Had I really left her to some kind of loveless existence, where she would never find or love another man? I hated how my monster growled at the thought of her loving another man. She should be able to! Wasn't that why I had left?! So she could fall in love, get married, have children and a long fulfilling human life. Even though I left, would she not be able to have any of that, because of me? I had been expecting that if I ever returned to her, I would see her in the arms of another man, whom she loved.

I knew seeing that would break my dead heart for good, even if that's what I wanted to happen for her. But in its own way, seeing a loveless Bella like this, was way worse...