AN: This chapter has explicit mentions of sexual assault. If that is a hard subject you can skip it in entirely, and should be able too just continue on to the next chapter, without missing anything important. Take care of yourself first and foremost!

Also I would like to thank you for all the support and kind comments for this story. It means a lot :)

Bella's POV

I sped down the road at a very high speed, even though I could barely see through my tear filled eyes. I needed to get home fast, before I'd have a serious mental breakdown in public. In just an hour I felt like someone had pulled the carpet out from under my feet, and I just kept falling, and falling and falling. Everything that I daily tried to ignore, to forget, had been pushed to the forefront of my mind, and I just wanted it to all go away. I parked my bike and practically ran for my dorm room, as the tears were starting to stream down my face. For probably the 100th time I was thankful that I didn't have a roommate; My constant night terrors had frightened three different roommate's away, before they let me have the room to myself. If I had thought sleeping was bad for those first few months after they left, I was nothing compared to the things I saw in my sleep, the months after having been attacked by Laurent, and then later by Victoria. Now, more than two years later, the night terrors didn't happen every single night, but still so frequent that I wasn't comfortable having a roommate.

When I was in the safety of my own room, behind a locked door, I finally gave in to the feelings that I had been keeping inside. Before long I was loudly sobbing on the floor, my arms wrapped tightly around me, to stop the hole in my chest from consuming me. The hole was still there after all this time… The edges had healed these past years, but it was still painfully present in my life. It reminded me of when I got my ears pierced in La Push, during a drunken dispute with Embry. He penetrated my ears with a hot needle before putting rings in them. "You have to keep the jewelry in them constantly for the first few weeks, so the skin will heal around the hole and not over it," he had told me. Even back then I saw the comparison to my wounded heart. How the hole was still there, even though it wasn't bleeding anymore. I'd sometimes wondered if I had somehow stopped it from healing completely, by keeping something in it, so that it could never completely close. Right now the hole wasn't just bleeding again, it felt tender, dirty and infected. I rummaged for a bottle of liquor that I'd saved for a time like this, and poured a generous amount into a glass with some energy drink. I started gulping it down, while trying to stop hyperventilating. I felt ashamed for having broken down in front of Alice… I should have walked away with my dignity intact, when I felt the tears starting to fall. I'd yelled things that I had barely mentioned to anyone ever. I was lucky that I had been able to speak to Jacob and the pack about some of it, but I'd always refused to talk about Laurent. Jacob and the pack saw it, obviously, just before they attacked him, but I had never been able to tell him what Laurent had said, or how it had started. That dayI had finally found my meadow after weeks of searching, but it had felt so bittersweet, seeing it again. It was empty of flowers and sunshine, and the man I still so desperately loved. I had also sat down then, my arms wrapped around me, trying to stop my wounded chest from swallowing me whole. Just as I had pulled myself somewhat together and stood up to leave, Laurent had come out from the shadows made by the trees. (AN: A good part of the next paragraph is copied completely from the New Moon chapter The Meadow, until my story starts separating from the original book. Even after that happens, I will still take several sentences directly, from the book)

"Laurent," I cried in surprised pleasure.

"Bella?" he asked, looking more astonished than I felt.

"You remember." I smiled. It was ridiculous that I should be so elated because a vampire knew my name. He grinned. "I didn't expect to see you here."

He strolled toward me, his expression bemused.

"Isn't it the other way around? I do live here. I thought you'd gone to Alaska."

He stopped about ten paces away, cocking his head to the side. His face was the most beautiful face I'd seen in what felt like an eternity. I studied his features with a strangely greedy sense of release. Here was someone I didn't have to pretend for—someone who already knew everything I could never say.

"You're right," he agreed. "I did go to Alaska. Still, I didn't expect… When I found the Cullen place

empty, I thought they'd moved on."

"Oh." I bit my lip as the name set the raw edges of my wound throbbing. It took me a second to

compose myself. Laurent waited with curious eyes.

"They did move on," I finally managed to tell him.

"Hmm," he murmured. "I'm surprised they left you behind. Weren't you sort of a pet of theirs?" His eyes were innocent of any intended offense.

I smiled wryly. "Something like that."

"Hmm," he said, thoughtful again.

At that precise moment, I realized why he looked the same—too much the same. After Carlisle told us that Laurent had stayed with Tanya's family, I'd begun to picture him, on the rare occasions that I thought of him at all, with the same golden eyes that the… Cullens—I forced the name out, wincing—had. That all good vampires had.

I took an involuntary step back, and his curious, dark red eyes followed the movement.

"Do they visit often?" he asked, still casual, but his weight shifted toward me.

"Lie," the beautiful velvet voice whispered anxiously from my memory.

I started at the sound of his voice, but it should not have surprised me. Was I not in the worst danger imaginable? The motorcycle was safe as kittens next to this.

I did what the voice said to do.

"Now and again." I tried to make my voice light, relaxed. "The time seems longer to me, I imagine. You know how they get distracted…" I was beginning to babble. I had to work to shut myself up.

"Hmm," he said again. "The house smelled like it had been vacant for a while…"

"You must lie better than that, Bella," the voice urged.

I tried. "I'll have to mention to Carlisle that you stopped by. He'll be sorry they missed your visit." I pretended to deliberate for a second. "But I probably shouldn't mention it to… Edward, I suppose—" I barely managed to say his name, and it twisted my expression on the way out, ruining my bluff "—he has such a temper… well, I'm sure you remember. He's still touchy about the whole James thing." I rolled my eyes and waved one hand dismissively, like it was all ancient history, but there was an edge of hysteria to my voice. I wondered if he would recognize what it was.

"Is he really?" Laurent asked pleasantly… skeptically.

I kept my reply short, so that my voice wouldn't betray my panic. "Mm-hmm."

Laurent took a casual step to the side, gazing around at the little meadow. I didn't miss that the step brought him closer to me. In my head, the voice responded with a low snarl.

"So how are things working out in Denali? Carlisle said you were staying with Tanya?" My voice was too high. The question made him pause.

"I like Tanya very much," he mused. "And her sister Irina even more… I've never stayed in one place for so long before, and I enjoy the advantages, the novelty of it. But, the

restrictions are difficult… I'm surprised that any of them can keep it up for long." He smiled at me conspiratorially. "Sometimes I cheat."

I couldn't swallow. My foot started to ease back, but I froze when his red eyes flickered down to catch the movement.

"Oh," I said in a faint voice. "Jasper has problems with that, too."

"Don't move," the voice whispered. I tried to do what he instructed. It was hard; the instinct to take flight

was nearly uncontrollable.

"Really?" Laurent seemed interested. "Is that why they left?"

"No," I answered honestly. "Jasper is more careful at home."

"Yes," Laurent agreed. "I am, too."

The step forward he took now was quite deliberate.

"Did Victoria ever find you?" I asked, breathless, desperate to distract him. It was the first question that popped into my head, and I regretted it as soon as the words were spoken. Victoria—who had hunted me with James, and then disappeared—was not someone I wanted to think of at this particular moment. But the question did stop him.

"Yes," he said, hesitating on that step. "I actually came here as a favor to her." He made a face. "She won't be happy about this."

"About what?" I said eagerly, inviting him to continue. He was glaring into the trees, away from me. I took advantage of his diversion, taking a furtive step back.

He looked back at me and smiled—the expression made him look like a black-haired angel.

"About me killing you," he answered in a seductive purr.

I staggered back another step. The frantic growling in my head made it hard to hear.

"She wanted to save that part for herself," he went on blithely. "She's sort of… put out with you, Bella."

"Me?" I squeaked.

He shook his head and chuckled. "I know, it seems a little backward to me, too. But James was her mate, and your Edward killed him."

Even here, on the point of death, his name tore against my unhealed wounds like a serrated edge. Laurent was oblivious to my reaction. "She thought it more appropriate to kill you than Edward—fair turnabout, mate for mate. She asked me to get the lay of the land for her, so to speak. I didn't imagine you would be so easy to get to. So maybe her plan was flawed—apparently it wouldn't be the revenge she imagined, since you must not mean very much to him if he left you here unprotected."

Another blow, another tear through my chest.

Laurent's weight shifted slightly, and I stumbled another step back.

He frowned. "I suppose she'll be angry, all the same."

"Then why not wait for her?" I choked out.

A mischievous grin rearranged his features. "Well, you've caught me at a bad time, Bella. I didn't come to this place on Victoria's mission—I was hunting. I'm quite thirsty, and you do smell… simply mouthwatering." Laurent looked at me with approval, as if he meant it as a compliment.

"I always wondered how your Edward could handle being so close to you," he said, stepping closer to me again. "Constantly smelling your sweet blood, feeling the pulse on your neck, listening to the blood rushing through your veins… If I was him, I would have ravaged you a long time ago."

I stood frozen, confused, scared, as he lifted a hand to my mouth, and slowly dragged his thumb over my lips, down my chin and neck, and finally stopped just over my hammering heart. He leaned in and nuzzled my neck, while making a deep growling noise.

"I wondered how he could possibly touch you, without losing control, and breaking your fragile human body," he stared into my eyes with curiosity, and something else… Bloodlust? Desire? The hand not currently resting over my heart, went to my waist and swiftly pushed me back into the grass. My head hit the ground, but I barely noticed as Laurent was now lying half on top of me. "So soft… So warm," he moaned, as his hand slowly moved from my heart and down my chest. No one had ever touched me like that before. When I was still with Edward, my body would practically beg for him to touch me, but he never did… And his cold hands were always so gentle and careful, nothing like how Laurent's hands were roughly feeling me up now.

"Threaten him," the beautiful delusion ordered, his voice distorted with dread.

"He'll know it was you," I whispered obediently. "You won't get away with this."

"And why not?" Laurent's smile widened, as his hand went up the hem of my shirt and started groping my stomach. "It doesn't seem like he cares enough to even try and keep you safe, now that he has already had his way with you. I'm sure he won't mind this. I just want a piece too," he groaned, almost nibbling on my ear. His hand went further up my shirt, and began kneading my breasts harshly. I could feel my eyes starting to water, both from pain, but also from the fact that Laurent was right; Edward didn't care what was happening to me. "Beg," my hallucination begged, as if to prove me wrong.

"Please don't," I gasped, squirming to try and get some distance between us, but he easily held me in place. Laurent just shook his head, his face hungry.

"Look at it this way, Bella. You're very lucky I was the one to find you."

"Am I?" I mouthed, while starting to tremble violently under his hands.

"Yes," he moaned, licking my neck. "I'll be very quick. You won't feel a thing, I promise. Oh, I'll lie to Victoria about that later, naturally, just to placate her. But if you knew what she had planned for you, Bella…" He shook his head with a slow movement, almost as if in disgust. "I swear you'd be thanking me for this."

I stared up at the sky in horror.

"Mouthwatering," he repeated, inhaling deeply, while dragging his mouth from my neck down to my chest. He was rubbing his hard crotch against my thigh, as his fingers started opening the buttons on my jeans.

I tensed when he plunged his hand down my underwear, my eyes squinting as I cringed away, and the sound of Edward's furious roar echoed distantly in the back of my head. His name burst through all the walls I'd built to contain it. Edward, Edward, Edward. I was going to die. It shouldn't matter if I thought of him now. Edward, I love you.

Through my narrowed eyes, I watched as Laurent abruptly froze on top of me, and looked in between the trees to our left. His hands came off my body and he swiftly jumped up.

"I don't believe it," he said, his voice so low that I barely heard it.

I had to look then; a huge reddish brown wolf sped towards us, with even more wolves just behind it. Still sitting down I inched towards the treeline, as the first wolf launched at Laurent. I swiftly got on my feet, before bolting into the forest. I glanced back and saw the reddish brown wolf stare my way, as the rest of the pack were growling and snapping at the vampire. I didn't have time to think about why they went after him and not me, a warm blooded weakling. I just ran until my lungs started hurting, and my sobs overcame me. I felt dizzy and sick. I put my hand on a tree for support, as I started vomiting violently on the forest ground. Once I didn't see double anymore, I started wandering in search of my car, still trembling with tears streaming down my face.

That night lying in bed, I was begging for Alice to see me. For them to come to my rescue, to come comfort me… But no one came, as I lay awake through the night, hoping that when Victoria would find me she would kill me quickly, and not take my fathers life too.

"Fuck Bella," I exclaimed slapping my own cheek. "Don't dwell on what you can't change!" I said to myself, filling my glass with straight liquor this time, before gulping it down. I was starting to become intoxicated, but even alcohol couldn't keep my maddening thoughts and feelings away.

My phone beeped, and I grabbed it to see what was interrupting my own little pity party. Amber had sent several texts asking me what had happened, and if I was okay. I didn't even know how to respond at the moment. I had another message however, from Matt this time.

He had sent the location of the party and the time it would start. It was only an hour away.

I stood up before, drinking the last liquor in my glass and started changing my clothes. It would probably be a good distraction for me to go out, get away from my thoughts and feelings for a bit. It seemed drinking alone wasn't enough at the moment… I brushed my hair, and put on make-up. It was a necessity, as my eyes looked very red and puffy.

I grabbed my things before walking to the party, taking calming breaths the entire time.

"Isabella," Matt said smirking, when I arrived. "It seems you can't stay away from me. What's your poison?" He was directing me towards the drinks table, putting a hand around my waist. I cringed away from him, and started mixing rum and coke into a red cup, before gulping it down quickly. "So what do you think about the frat house? My father has paid for most of the things in here," Matt said smugly. I sighed, emptying my cup, before asking for the bathroom. Any excuse to get away from Matt for a bit. I dabbed some cold water on my cheeks and took some deep breaths, before exiting to find a vacant sofa. I had barely sat down, before Matt was next to me again, handing me a new red cup. "A gin and tonic, right?" he said, still smug, as he handed me my least favorite drink. I sighed, before taking sips of the cup. I had never liked gin and tonic, as I found the drink too bitter. This one tasted especially bad. Matt put his arm around my shoulders as we sat on the sofa, and started monologuing about himself and his greatest achievements. He never asked me anything, which I for once appreciated, as I wasn't in the right headspace to make a coherent sentence. I could suddenly feel the effects of the alcohol badly. I felt dizzy and nauseated and so so tired!

"You look like you could use some fresh air," Matt said, pulling me off the couch with a predatory smile. As he dragged me out into the streets, I was going in and out of consciousness, and could only focus on my feet, so that I wouldn't trip. Before long we were in a back alley that I didn't recognize, and a hand was going up my skirt. I flinched away and banged into a wall, before the hands were on me again even more forcefully this time. The person pushed me roughly up against the wall, and held me in place as he began sucking on my neck. I tried pushing him away, but my body felt so sore and tired. I couldn't see anything in the dark, and couldn't understand how I'd come to be here at all.

"Shhh Bella, just relax," a man's voice said in my ear. "I'll be quick, I promise. You have just been a tease for so long. I just want a little taste," he groaned while grinding something that was both hard and soft, into my hip. I whimpered and tried cringing away from him. He grabbed a handful of my hair and knocked my head violently into the wall. My conscience was slipping entirely as a hand grabbed my crotch, and a voice said "You are actually lucky that it is just me doing this, and I'm not letting the rest of the frat house have a piece of you too..."