Edward's POV
We were sitting on the top of the roof of the frat house, waiting for them to mention the rapist.
"So, did Matt pick up his phone?" one man's voice said at last.
"Nah, he's probably still fucking that Swan chick," another man voice answered. A growl rose involuntarily in my chest. Jasper put a hand on my shoulder, sending waves of calm in my direction.
"Shouldn't the roofie have worn off by now?"
"Yeah, but I heard that she's a slut. She probably liked it and invited him to spend the night," the other man said, still laughing.
"Absolutely revolting," Rosalie hissed from beside me. She was getting almost as worked up by this conversation as I was.
"Too bad we didn't get a taste! But Matt is always so egotistical when it comes to sex," a third guy murmured.
"What?! It's not uncommon for him to share," the second guy said.
"That's only because he thinks it's hot doing them gang style," the third guy chuckled.
"Maybe, we can try her another time. I actually heard a rumor that she works as a prostitute for older men," the first guy said.
This entire conversation was making me nauseous, which didn't happen easily for our kind. Luckily, no one was suspecting foul play yet, and therefore none of them had contacted the police. Jasper grabbed his phone from his pocket, as it began making a noise.
"It's a text from Alice. She's asking if one of us will bring Bella's bike to the apartment. They have left the key in the bike's engine. It's parked outside her room at this unihall," Jasper said, showing us the text that included an address.
"I'll get it. I can't listen to this," I murmured before standing up.
"They are fucking pigs! We should do the world a favor and snap their necks," Rosalie exclaimed angrily.
"I agree… But we can't do anything about them until Bella is in the clear," I said looking at Rosalie intently.
"We could frame them for Matt's disappearance," Jasper said thoughtfully. "I'm not sure how, though."
"Try and look into it, please," I sighed. "I'll go get the bike."
I jumped off the roof, and ran toward the unihall where Bella lived. Hearing those men talk about rapings was bad enough, but seeing their memories of what they had done to other girls, made my blood boil. Incredibly enough, they didn't even consider it rapings, but just gangbangs of sluts. I was thankful that only one of them had gone after Bella yesterday. Matt however was the one who usually supplied the drugs they would use on the girls, so with him dead no one should be assaulted, at least for a short while.
I arrived in front of the unihall and saw the red motorbike out front. I ran a hand over it, and revelled in how much it smelled like Bella. Even if it was a human death trap. I couldn't imagine how that boy, Jacob Black, could make himself help Bella in fixing it up.
I looked towards the entrance, and let my curiosity have the best of me. I easily detected Bella's scent and made my way to her room's window, opening it before climbing in.
From the smell alone, I was sure this must be her room, even if it looked nothing like her room back in Forks had. It was devoid of almost any personal belongings except for clothes and books. I glanced at the bookshelf, and was surprised that there weren't any of her old favorites. Maybe Bella had left all of her old romance novels at Charlie's home in Forks? I couldn't even find Wuthering Heights, which was a book I had always teased her for loving. I thought the male lead was flawed and egotistical…. In the present, however, I felt a strong resemblance to him. I remembered how on her 18th birthday we had watched Romeo and Juliet. How I thought that Romeo had made mistake after mistake and, consequently, had destroyed, both his own happiness, but also the happiness of his love.
I shook my head and looked closer at her current collection. Handmaid's Tale, A Queen's Gambit and 1984 were among them. They all had certain amounts of romance in them, but it wasn't the central theme. Their themes were darker and more cynical; women, or men, who couldn't depend on much other than themselves… Maybe that was closer to how Bella's own life was today. I had seen the memory of her friend, Cody, and how he had confessed how he felt about her, but she didn't want his love. A knock from the door shook me from my thoughts.
"Bella? Are you in there? Please, open up! Tell me what's wrong," a female's voice said. It was the voice of Bella's blond friend from yesterday.
What is going on with her?! She looked so shocked and confused and hurt yesterday. I've never seen her like that before… She has always been so stoic. Some, who don't know her particularly well, have even called her cold or callous, as she has never been much for socials, especially not romantic relationships… I wonder what could have shaken her like this…?
The girl stopped knocking after a short while, sighed and went on her way. But her thoughts still seemed so clear in my head. Bella, my Bella, stoic, cold, callous?! Those would be the last words I would use to describe the sweet, warm, caring and slightly insecure Bella I had always known. Those words were what described my kind…
I looked around the room again, and saw almost nothing that reminded me of my Bella. It was sparse and devoid of any real personality, even with the messy clothes on the floor and the bottle of alcohol on the table.
It broke my heart seeing her home like this. I went out the window again and went straight for her motorcycle. The keys were in the engine, and soon I was driving down the road. I could go faster, way faster, then what I had thought it would. Was it tuned to be able to go at this speed?
Soon I was parking the bike in front of the tall apartment building, just as Esme was coming out of the entrance.
"Edward," she said smiling and rushed to my side. I hugged her tightly, before asking how Bella was doing.
"She seemed somewhat upset at Alice when they arrived," Esme sighed. "Alice just told me quietly that she had said something that had bothered Bella, but I don't know any specifics."
I just nodded at that, as my mind started racing about what Alice could have said.
"I'm sure it will be fine, son," Esme said with a small smile, and patted my cheek gently.
"Thank you, mom," I said, returning her small smile, before going into the building. Soon Alice's thoughts from somewhere far above, became clear to me. She was sitting next to Bella on the couch, and was rethinking their conversation over and over again, trying to find the right way to apologize.
"I just don't think it's healthy, nor safe, to sleep around with any guy-" Alice had started, before she was interrupted by Bella.
"Don't you dare give me bullshit about the way I live my life, or who I fuck around with. That's my business, and has nothing to do with you or your family!"
"I just don't think you should let random guys use you like that. You're better tha-"
"USE ME?! So because I'm a chick, that has to mean I'm the one being used? Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I'm the one using those men for easy sex? That maybe, I prefer casual hookups instead of all that lovey-dovey bullshit? That I'm the one who doesn't return their calls, or leaves in the morning before they get a chance to wake up?"
Their previous conversation stopped me right in my track, and I almost crumbled to my knees in front of the elevator. My heart was breaking apart at the thought of random men getting to be with Bella like that. Men who didn't even know how lucky they were, who didn't understand the wonderful mind and soul of the girl they were being intimate with. I was dragged back in time to a conversation I had had with Bella years ago. The night after she had really seen me in the meadow for the first time, the night after we had shared after first kiss, the night she had let me lie next to her in her bed as she slept.
"Have you ever...?" I didn't finish my sentence, hoping she would realize what I was asking.
She responded immediately, "Of course not." I could smell the blood rushing to her face again, "I told you I've never felt like this about anyone before, not even close."
I instantly felt appalled for ever thinking that Bella was like a normal human.
"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company." I explained.
"They do for me. Now, anyway, that they exist for me at all," she sighed.
I tightened my arms around her again, and took her fragrance into my lungs, letting my throat burn in pleasure, "That's nice. We have that one thing in common, at least." I said, pleased.
It seemed things had changed immensely for her these last few years. In a way where love and lust never kept the same company. Where the two were entirely separate things. I didn't even know why I was still surprised, given how she had responded positively to a friend wanting to sleep with her, but completely opposite when he had told her about more loving feelings. Was this all because of me? Had I broken her heart to the point of it never being able to heal and love again? I entered the elevator as Alice, somewhere above me, had finally found words to apologize.
"I'm sorry, Bella! I shouldn't have tried to chastise you or told you how you should live your life, that wasn't okay. I was just surprised, to be honest, but I know it has been years and you are not the same person anymore and-"
"It's fine, Alice!" Bella interrupted her "I know I got pretty mad… You just aren't the first person to give me that talk, and it just annoys me, that as soon as I'm not being overly responsible or careful, people will try and correct me! Maybe I don't want the life that everyone else wants. Maybe I don't want a boyfriend, or to get married and have children, and have to be the sensible parental figure again! Sometimes I just want the easy way without all the trouble and heartache and-" She stopped her sentence abruptly.
I couldn't help but think of what other things she wanted to avoid. If her heartache had been just a tenth as bad as mine had been these last three years, I couldn't in any way judge her for wanting to stay away from romantic relationships altogether. Moreover, I had never even considered that Bella wouldn't want certain things for herself, that I had assumed almost every human wanted. Things like marriage and children… After I had asked her if she had ever been with anyone, she had asked me about marriage for my kind… I had however told her that could never happen between us, but afterwards I had assumed she would want marriage in a broader term. The elevator had stopped at the highest floor now, and I exited the elevator slowly walking towards the apartment's door, but didn't enter.
"I understand," Alice said to Bella quietly. "Or at least I think I do… Esme and Rose both have always wanted certain things, like children, and I couldn't quite understand why. Maybe because they could remember their human lives or certain experiences they had, I'm just different."
"Yeah, we are all shaped by our experiences," Bella sighed. Again I couldn't help but think about what kind of experiences I had left Bella with, and how she today was shaped by it.
Bella continued talking, "Look I know my mom loves me, but I also know, in a way, that I was a mistake. That my mom regrets getting married and having a kid, before she herself was barely a grownup. Before she had a chance to get an education or travel or find out who she actually was. It was just always tough in my childhood, there was never enough money or time for me, I had to take care of everything from a way too young age, because I knew if I didn't we would end up on the street! I love being by myself, that I can be independent, that my actions don't affect other people around me, that I can live my life without having to constantly worry!"
I had obviously known that Bella's mother had never been the responsible type, but I had never known how much Bella had grown to resent the roll that had been pushed on her because of it. To me her behavior, and her responsible nature was just such an integrated part of who she was. I had always assumed that she liked to take care of her parents like that… That she almost enjoyed housework and other things like that.
"I- I get that… I just wish there was someone there who, sometimes, could take care of you! Someone you could share your worries and troubles with," Alice said sympathetically.
"But things don't always work out like that, Alice! Do you know how hard it is when that one person you thought you could finally open up to, gets bored with you and leaves? That the family, you thought you had finally found, doesn't want you in it anymore? I'm not going to search for another person like that, when I know that in the long run they won't want me around! It's just easier to be by myself, to not rely on other people like that. I hated having to rely on the pack, seeing their lives get turned upside down or ruined, just to keep me alive! I hated not being able to go where I wanted or do what I wanted to, without my life being at risk," Bella said, her voice sounding teary. After what I had done and said, she really believed that no one could ever want her long term. That it was best, to be by herself rather than wait for another person to toss her aside, the same way I had. If I had still been able to cry, I would have at that.
"But the motorcycle and all these other dangerous things you do-" Alice said back.
"They are my choices! If I get hurt doing it, I only have myself to blame! I can try my entire life to be careful or scared, but even with that, I can still get hit by a car in the school parking lot, or get assaulted on my way back from a fucking bookstore! Situations in which I have absolutely no control over, and can't do shit about!" Bella cried out. "I'm not going to be dependent on another person like that ever again! To have someone else hold my life in their hands, or at the very least be that influential in my life, is too goddamn hard! Then I'd rather be by myself… Making my own decisions and being in control of my own life."
I crumbled to the ground as I listened to Bella's teary voice. Bella had always been independent and self-reliant, but not to the point of rejecting all others' love or help. I had barely ever considered how hard it must have been for Bella to be so little in control of the things happening to or around her. How weak she must have felt not being able to stop a car or an assault the way I could, while I barely even had to try.
I could only vaguely remember how it felt being a fragile and sick human. Seeing my parents die of sickness next to me without being able to do anything to help them or myself for that matter. I had been living in a powerful and immortal body for so long that I barely recalled how it felt to not be like this. The only time in decades I remember feeling weak and out of control was when I had caught Bella's scent that first day in biology class. How I was barely able to stay in my seat, and not attack her and all the other students in class. But I wasn't that I'd felt helpless, I had felt too powerful! Too powerful for even a whole class of humans to be able to physically stop me from getting what I wanted; Her blood.
No, the only times in decades that I had felt helpless or powerless was when James had gotten to Bella. How I had wanted more than anything in my lifetime to be next to her, to be able to help her, but all I could do was race against the clock, as life was slowly drained from my Bella. As my entire reason for staying alive was ripped from my hands. It was a slightly similar feeling I had had on her 18th birthday. However, back then I had done more damage than good, as I had flung Bella backwards, out of my brother's reach, and right into a glass table. I had felt out of control of my powers for the first time, since I'd started my relationship with Bella. I had been astounded at how I was able to touch her or kiss her, without causing her any harm. But that day I had seen how easily I could hurt her, completely involuntarily. It had shaken me to my very core, and only within a few hours I had made the decision to leave her for good… By now I almost didn't know what I regretted most; Having left her that september or that I hadn't left after the first day I met her in biology and was almost completely overcome with my bloodlust.
"She's asleep," Alice said quietly from the other room. I still didn't move, so Alice came out and opened the door. She looked down at my crumpled form sadly, before reaching down and pulling me up. She led me into the apartment's living room, where Bella was napping on the couch, a slight frown on her face. I sat down on the floor in front of the couch and took her warm hand gently into mine.
"I'm so sorry, Bella," I whispered into her hand with a kiss. "I'm so, so terribly sorry, my love…"
"You have to tell her that, when she is awake," Alice insisted sadly, as she sat down beside Bella's feet on the couch.
"I don't think she wants to talk to me…" I replied quietly, while stroking Bella's hand.
"That's because she thinks that you left when you got bored or didn't want her anymore. She thinks you just feel sorry for her now," Alice argued back, firmly.
"I do feel sorry… About all the pain I've caused her… About everything she has had to go through because of me… I have ruined her life," I said in almost a whimper.
"It wasn't just you," Alice sighed. "We all left her… I think that would cause the best of us to become somewhat reserved or withdrawn."
I couldn't help but think about how her friend's thoughts had described the present Bella.
"Her friend, the blond one from yesterday, showed up at her room, while I was there to pick up her motorcycle. She thought about how Bella always seemed to be so stoic… How some people had even thought that Bella was cold and callous…" I whispered, looking at my love's sleeping face.
"I imagine, with everything that has happened, that she has been distancing herself from others. And I don't just mean, with us leaving. Everything with Victoria and the wolves…" Alice sighed. "Hearing the people around her discuss if she even deserved to live… If she was worth all the trouble of keeping her alive, while risking others lives in the meantime… It must have been very hard and painful for her… Did you know her dad married two of the wolves' mother? The 14-year old boy and his older sister who had teared into Bella about Victoria? They are her step siblings now," Alice finished. I just stared up at her feeling confused. Bella hadn't told any of this in her story.
"Wha- How do you-" I stammered.
"I saw the wedding picture back in her room. Of Charlie and Sue! Their combined kids, Bella, Seth and Leah were in the picture too," Alice explained. "Bella said it had been awkward between her and Leah for a while, but that it had gotten better… Also that Leah had been the one to rip Victoria off of Bella, after she had gone to give herself up…"
I hadn't even noticed a wedding picture back in her room. I had been so focused on her books, and then the thoughts of the friend who arrived. Bella started whimpering in her sleep, while turning from side to side.
"I'll take her into the bedroom," I whispered before gently lifting Bella up into my arms. It had gotten dark outside, since I had arrived at the building. Bella's hands clutched to my shirt, and her face buried itself in my chest as I carried her into the bedroom and towards the large bed. I softly placed her down on the bed, and tried gently prying her hands from my shirt. She started whimpering more loudly and muttered, "Don't go… Don't leave me…" while having the saddest and most frightened expression on her face. I lay down next to her on the bed, and began stroking her back. "Shh, my love. It's okay… I won't leave you… Ever again…." I whispered against the top of her head, placing light kisses there. She was still clutching my shirt and pulled herself tighter into my arms. I wrapped my arms around her, and embraced her tightly, while whispering soothing words in her ear. She slowly began relaxing against me, but still stayed almost right on top of me. Years ago she would sleep every night like this in my arms… I felt so nice holding her again like this, but it also felt wrong as she wasn't conscious of what was actually happening. I couldn't make myself leave her, though. Not when she had whimpered like that when I had tried. It hurt too much hearing her voice like that. So I just held her, and breathed her scent deeply into my lungs. It burned in my throat, but I didn't mind it in the slightest. The pain of being away from her hurt way more…
"Edward," she murmured softly in her sleep, a small smile on her face. I kissed her forehead and just whispered quietly "I'm here, Bella. I'm right here."
Alice's thoughts from the next room were loud and wondering. What does it mean that she, unconsciously, still wants him close? Does she still love him, or does his presence just give her a sense of safety and comfort. It's incredible that she can still 'recognize' him in her sleep. Is it his cold hands? Or maybe it is just his scent? Well, she certainly doesn't want him to go again. Maybe, I can get Jazz to find out how Edward makes her feel, even if it's subconsciously. If it's love or fear or resentment…
I tried to ignore her thoughts for now. I didn't want to try and interpret anything from this, neither the positive or the negative. Especially not when I still hadn't talked to Bella about me lying and leaving her. I was scared of how her reaction to it all would be… So I just lied next to her, holding her, and taking in her scent throughout the night. I would have to talk to her when morning came, and just the thought made me exceptionally nervous. How was I even supposed to explain to her my reasons for hurting and leaving her like that? Especially as it had all completely backfired, and I had put her in an even worse situation than the one she had been in before. I heard Jasper enter the apartment and begin talking quietly with Alice in the next room. I just shut out their thoughts and focused on how I would apologize to Bella, as I watched the sun start coming up over the horizon. Soon light was streaming into the room, and I knew my time was almost up. I began gently moving away from under Bella again. I didn't think she would be happy with waking up and finding me lying with her. She was still sleeping heavy enough that she didn't complain when I moved. Her brows frowned slightly, when I placed a kiss on the top of her head, before exiting the bedroom. Jasper and Alice both looked up as I entered the living room.
"Oh, don't look so dejected, Edward! She has clearly missed you," said Alice, who had always been so optimistic about my relationship with Bella.
"There is nothing clear about it Alice! She is asleep, she didn't even know I was there," I sighed.
"She seemed pretty calm and content, with you in there, though," Jasper said. "At least more than she is feeling now that you left."
"Yeah, but I don't think she would be happy with waking up and finding herself on top of me, though," I groaned, feeling bad about the whole situation.
"Hmm, maybe not," Alice somewhat agreed. "But you are going to be talking with her today, right? And telling her everything about why we left! She needs to know the truth, Edward!"
"Yes, I will," I sighed. "I just don't want to upset her… These past couple of days have been hard enough for her, as it is!"
"Of course, but continuing to see us all today will only keep hurting her until she understands that we did what we did, in the hope of her having a better life," Jasper said softly. I looked into the ground, continuing to contemplate the best way to do all this. Suddenly a phone started ringing from the next room. We looked at each other before realizing that it must be Bella's. The sounds of Bella turning around came from the bedroom, before her sleepy voice sounded.
"Hello?"
"Bella, you haven't called me yet! I have my grocery list," an older man's voice came from the phone.
"Fuck," Bella whispered almost inaudible, before she louder said, "Just give me two seconds! I'm really sorry, Henry." Shuffling came from the bedroom before Bella ran out into the kitchen rummaging for something.
"It's alright! I just need some bread, milk, dish soap," the man on the phone started listing different items. Through the doors we could see Bella with a pen in one hand continuing to search for something, before giving up and starting to write the things down on her arm. Before long it was entirely covered with words of different groceries the man needed.
"Okay, is that all you need today Henry?" Bella yawned, rubbing a hand over her tired face.
"Yeah, I still have some of your dishes in the freezer," the man on the phone responded.
"Great, is your house still tidy enough?" Bella asked. "Or do I need to do some cleaning too?"
"Nah, I can wait until next week. You sound tired," the man said gently.
"I'm fine, really! I'll be by with the groceries soon then, Henry. Bye," Bella said quickly before ending the call, and resting her head on the table. "Fuck me…" she mumbled into the counter top, as Alice walke into the kitchen.
"What's that all about?" she asked and began stroking Bella's back.
"It was just Henry. I help him, and some other older men, with different odd jobs around their house," she mumbled tiredly. Jasper entered the kitchen too, but stayed closer to the doorway and at a distance from Bella. He wasn't sure if Bella would be uncomfortable around him, after he had tried to attack her that september.
"Odd jobs for older men?" Jasper asked curiously.
"Yeah, a guy at a party a few months ago asked me if that was codeword for prostitution," Bella said chuckling. She doesn't seem to feel uncomfortable around me in the slightest, Jasper thought surprised. I wonder if the rumor that she was hooking for older guys-
"But I just help those men with groceries, cooking, cleaning, whatever they need that week. I basically just do for them what I've done my entire life for my parents, except that I get paid for this," Bella mumbled, while rummaging through her jacket and seconds later pulling out a pack of cigarettes. I quickly moved to the very corner of the living room as Bella was headed my way, and then towards the balcony that was connected to this room. Alice followed Bella out, but Jasper was looking my way. Come out and talk to her!
I shook my head and whispered "Not yet! In a minute." Jasper rolled his eyes at that and followed the girls out onto the balcony.
"But you can't go out looking like this, Bella!" Alice exclaimed, as Bella lit a cigarette. "Someone will ask questions!"
"I have to! No job, means no money, which means no college," Bella mumbled around the cigarette. "And, I can't leave him with no food, especially on such a short notice! When the holidays or exams arrive, I make sure to buy extra groceries and such in advance, so that they don't go hungry, while I don't have time to work."
"Well, let me go out and get the groceries! Then you can at least stay here," Alice insisted.
"I also have a cleaning to do, for another man," Bella sighed. "And I can't send you there, that guy tends to get way too handsy."
"So, you won't let Alice go to his place, but you don't mind going yourself?" Jasker asked critically.
"I can take care of myself," Bella snapped back at him. "And Alice is younger and prettier, so I imagine he would be extra handsy."
"I'll go with Alice then," Jasper argued, while sending calming waves at Bella. "Then there shouldn't be a problem."
"I don't think it necess-"
"Bella, please! We don't want the cops to be looking your way, and they will if anyone sees those handprints on your neck. We will have the work done within an hour or so," Alice said, confidently standing her ground.
"I'll make up some excus-" Bella started before she was interrupted again.
"Haven't you learned not to bet against Alice?" Jasper said with a smile. "You know she will get her way no matter what."
Bella took a long and slow drag of the cigarette, while staring them down.
"Fine! Just don't get me fired," she sighed. Alice grabbed Bella's arm and looked at the grocery list written down there.
"Got it! It will be done in no time. What are the two addresses?" Alice said, looking almost excited at the thought of getting to do work.
Jasper walked towards me, while Bella gave Alice the rest of the information.
You will get your chance to talk to her now, so get it done! Jasper said, while trying to calm my anxious self down with his powers. It will be fine! You can make her understand it all.
I sighed and nodded slightly, as Alice came in from the balcony too.
She will be done with her smoke in one and a half minutes. Then you have at least an hour of talking with her before we get back, Alice thought while giving me a small smile.
Don't mess this up! I have missed her way too much to lose her again, was Alice's last thought before they exited the apartment. I took several calming breaths, while looking at Bella still standing on the balcony. It looked like she was enjoying the view from our tall apartment building. After a while she put out the cigarette, turned around and walked through the balcony door. She stopped abruptly in her steps and she saw me standing there. Her eyes widened and her heart sped up as she stared at me.
"Hello Bella," I said quietly, while looking into her big, beautiful, brown eyes.
AN: Sorry to leave you on a cliffhanger! But as we have finally gotten to the conversation, I want to have an entire chapter just for that. Also sorry about some of this chapter having sections just like the last, but thought it was important to see Edwards reaction to Alice and Bella's conversation. Thanks again for reading!