Bella's POV

I stared at my, once upon a time, angel's face as he began speaking.

"Hello Bella," he said softly with the most heartbreakingly beautiful voice in the world. My mouth opened slightly, as he looked into my eyes, but not a sound escaped from me. At least not any sounds I could hear, but I was sure he could hear my now thundering heart. I felt like I was about to have a panic attack just from looking at him, and tried breathing in deeply, but it felt like no air was reaching my lungs. What was he doing here?! That was the thing that had worried me the most in coming to their apartment; the fear of running into him! But I had dismissed those thoughts thinking that he would never deliberately seek me out. He certainly never had before, no matter how much I had once wished and begged for him to return to me.

"Bella, I…" he said nervously, hesitating before continuing. "I wanted to talk to you."

I unintentionally made a quiet scoffing noise at that, and Edward winced slightly. What could he possibly have to talk to me about? After all this time now he wanted to talk?! I could feel my temper rising inside of me, overpowering all of the other things I was feeling at the moment.

"I'm sorry, I don't think you exist," I said sharply, repeating the same word from that day in the forest, as I glared at him. For a split second he looked confused, concerned as if I was mentally ill somehow, before realization hit him and he flinched. He looked down at his feet with a pained expression on his face. A part of me hurt just from seeing him looking so wounded, but I kept those feelings down. I started trembling slightly, as all the hurt and anger I usually repressed was bubbling up inside of me.

"I'm sorry…" Edward said quietly, looking up at me again with that pained expression. "I never should have said that… I never should have left-"

"Don't!" I bit at him. "Don't you fucking dare give me some bullshit apology!"

He stared at me stunned, while looking very unsure, his mouth slightly open as he tried finding his words again. He gulped audibly, before looking into my eyes pleadingly. A couple of years ago those eyes could have made me do anything, forgive anything. But I wouldn't have that; Not anymore.

"Bella, please just talk to me," he begged, stepping slightly closer to me. I flinched away from him, before turning towards the balcony again.

"I have nothing to say to you," I spit over my shoulder as I walked out on the balcony again in desperate need of some fresh air. I tried slamming the door in his face, but he easily caught it and followed me outside.

"You don't have to say anything then! But please, please just hear me out!" he said, staring deeply into my eyes with an incredibly pained expression. My breath caught in my throat as I looked at him, goddamn he was even more beautiful than I had remembered.

"I'm so sorry about everything, Bella… No, sorry doesn't even begin to explain how horrible I feel about it all! I thought you would be safe if I left. I thought you would be happier without me dragging you down, or holding you back-"

"Oh, please!" I sneered at him. "Don't pretend like you ever cared about me or my happiness! That summer together was the happiest I had ever been in my life, which I repeatedly told you. You left because you got bored, or tired of me or whatever, and went out to find some new distraction!"

I had started trembling violently, so I turned my back to him as I fumbled in my pocket for my pack of cigarettes. I preferred having something to do with my hands, in tough situations and smoking had become a very clear outlet for it. That and the fact that nicotine usually calmed me slightly down.

"I lied, Bella!" Edward cried out behind me, and I slowly turned around to look at him. "I left because of what happened on your birthday! I put you in harm's way again, and accidentally injured you when I tried to get you out of Jasper's reach! It scared me, Bella! I was scared of you being hurt, maybe even killed, either by me or another member of my family, because of our relationship!"

I remembered that birthday clearly, of course… The papercut, Jasper lunging at me, Edward flinging me into a table, the blood dripping from my arm… I shook the memories away.

"That was barely a scratch I got," I bit out at him. "I don't believe for a second that it had anything to do with you leaving! And by the way, don't you think what you did after that incident hurt me a hundred times more than a small injury?!"

He winced again, looking unsure of what to say next. I lit the cigarette, taking a long drag from it, while trying to keep my anger and hurt in check. I could not believe he was using my birthday as an excuse for all that had happened. I had begged him that night to forgive me for the papercut, but he had just dismissed me.

"It was more than a scratch, Bella… You had to get stitches! Jasper attacking you was already bad enough, and I only made the situation worse. And I was sure that something like that would only happen again if I stayed! I was constantly risking hurting you, and you were risking your life every single day that you were with me… I wanted you to be safe and sound!" Edward kept insisting, staring intently at my face.

"Safe and sound?!" I shrieked. "So when you left me defenseless in Forks for months as I was being hunted down by Victoria and Laurent, you were caring about my safety? I would lie in bed terrified every night of Victoria showing up in my room, begging to god that she would only kill me and leave my dad alone, hoping that she would be somewhat quick in finishing me off! And I could do nothing in that situation; I couldn't run, I couldn't hide, I couldn't even fucking fight back!"

Edward looked like he had been punched in the gut, as he began stuttering his next words.

"I didn- I didn't know that Victoria would come after you! I, mistakenly, assumed that if she wanted revenge, that she would come after me and not you!"

I scoffed at him, blowing smoke from the cigarette out of my nose.

"Yeah, it certainly wasn't the retribution she wanted to get. Laurent said that too! How it wasn't much of a revenge when you cared so little about me, to leave me unprotected like that!"

Edward got a distorted expression on his face from hearing Laurent's previous words. He reached his hand out towards me and took a small step forward, but I backed away from him again. Tears had welled up in my eyes, and I was blinking rapidly trying to stop them from falling down my cheeks.

"Of course I care about you Bella, but I genuinely believed that Victoria would never come after you! And even though I was so sure that you would be safe from her, I still spent months trying to track her down, but I just wasn't successful!" he claimed fiercely.

"Yo- you went loo- looking for Victoria?" I stuttered, with a slightly horrified look on my face. The large pack of wolves had tried for months to catch her and several got injured badly during the final altercation with her. If Edward had found her and gotten into a fight with her alone…

"Did Emmett and Jasper go with you?" I asked, sounding fairly hopeful.

"No, I went alone, right after I left you in Forks…" Edward sighed. "My family had offered to come with me, but I wanted to be alone. To have a sole purpose distracting me from you!"

"Victoria was your distraction?!" I exclaimed furiously. "And why the hell would you need a distraction from me? Was it really so bad remembering me as having been part of your life?! You would rather forget having ever been with me?!" I was blinking furiously as the tears started going down my cheeks. Was I really so awful, so vile, that the mere memory of me was too much to live with for him? God, that stung!

"I would never want to forget you! I have thought about you every hour of every day for three years now, the thought of you being safe and happy is the only thing that has kept me going all this time! I needed a distraction, so that I wouldn't show up at your doorstep, begging you to take me back and putting your life at risk all over again! I did it because I love you, Bella," Edward declared passionately, staring into my eyes. I stared back feeling confused and doubtful, as tears were now rapidly streaming down my cheeks. I didn't understand any of what he was telling me, I couldn't understand how you could leave someone you genuinely loved… Was he purposely just toying with my heart again out of boredom? Or was he saying all of this out of pity? Had he seen what an absolute mess I had become without him, and felt it was his responsibility to come and fix me? I took a deep drag of the cigarette and felt the anger and hurt rising inside of me again at that thought. I didn't need his help and I certainly didn't need his pity!

"Bella? I love you; I always have and I always will" he said, as he began reaching out towards me slowly. I stepped back, looking at my feet.

"...so full of shit…" I mumbled, while exhaling smoke from deep down in my lungs.

"Wha-what?" Edward stuttered, staring at me confused. I slowly looked up, meeting his eyes.

"I said, you're full of shit Edward! What the hell kind of game is this to you?! Are you purposely trying to fuck me over again, huh?! See how bad you can break me apart before I just go and off myself?" I shouted at him, as tears kept falling from my face. By now I was shaking violently, as sobs bubbled out of my mouth and chest. Edwad stared at me, confused, hurt, pitying…

"I'm- I'm sorry, Bella! I love you and I never meant to hurt you! I only want to help you now," he said, trying to pull me into his arms. I slapped his hands away, while seething.

"I DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKING HELP! I don't need you to come save me, just 'cause you feel sorry for me! Because you have finally realized what a damn miserable person I am!" I screeched at him, throwing my cigarette on the ground, before stomping inside at high speed.

"I'm not here because I pity you, Bella! I'm here because I want to! Because I love you!" Edward exclaimed following me inside. No matter how fast I ran, I couldn't run from him…

"Don't you fucking dare say that, when I know it isn't true!" I cried at him, searching the room for my jacket.

"I've told you thousands of times before that I loved you! I know that I lied that day in the forest, but I thought it was the only way. You weren't going to let go," he said pleadingly. "I could see that. I didn't want to do it—it felt like it would kill me to do it—but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought I'd moved on, so would you. But I never stopped loving you!"

I found my jacket hanging over a chair, and pulled it over myself, before walking towards my bag. Luckily I hadn't had time to unpack anything yet. I grabbed my motorbike key that was lying on the coffee table, and stuffed it into my jacket's front pocket.

"A bunch of pitying, fucking bullshit," I mumbled furiously, while picking the bag up. When I turned towards the exit, Edward stood right in front of me, giving me a begging look.

"I know that I'm a good liar, but how could you believe me so easily?! I thought it would be next to impossible—that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. And I don't understand how you still can only believe the lie, and not what I am telling you now; The truth. Really Bella, how could you believe it?" he asked fiercely, putting a hand on each of my shoulders and staring intensely into my eyes. I could feel his cold breath on my face, and, damn, he also smelled even better than I had remembered. A part of me wanted so badly to take a final step towards him, and be enveloped by his sweet smelling scent and strong arms. From this close of a distance I could count every long, dark eyelash around his gorgeous, golden eyes, and it almost made me feel like I was floating, being this close to him. If I reached out, my hand could run over his high cheekbones, down towards his pale pink lips and end at his strong chin. But I knew that could never be; that this god-like man wasn't made for someone like me.

"BECAUSE IT NEVER MADE SENSE FOR YOU TO LOVE ME! I always knew that," I cried into his face, staring at him with a pained expression. His handsome face frowned in anguish before he moved his left hand to the back of my waist and pulled me closer, until I could feel his cold body against mine. He placed his right hand on the back of my neck, staring deeply into my eyes, before slowly leaning his head down towards mine. I froze, confused, feeling slightly excited and happy at what was about to happen, but also sad and scared because of how much this would all hurt later. But when his lips finally met mine, my mind blanked out as I sighed against him. His lips felt firm and cold, just like I remembered. His breath smelled absolutely amazing this close, and I began breathing his scent deep into my lungs. It felt like finally getting air after having been drowning for years.

My arms wrapped themselves around his neck completely on their own accord, and I pulled him even closer against my body. God, how I had missed his kisses! They were intoxicating and made me completely captivated only in how they felt. Gentle yet firm, cold yet scolding hot.

I could feel the tip of his tongue against my lips, and I opened my mouth slightly, to let him enter.

Fuck, he tasted even better than he smelled! His lips became fiercer, as I moaned into his mouth. I pulled his bottom lip into my mouth, between my teeth and sucked on it.

He groaned, as his hand at the small of my back tangled itself into my hair. He began lifting me up, my feet leaving the ground, as he pulled me closer to him. I could feel his cold, hard body against my own, and I pressed myself further into him. My nipples were becoming perky and hard, both from arousal, but also from the coolness of his chest. A high pitched moan escaped from my lips, as he began plunging my mouth with his tongue.

Still, I felt like he wasn't close enough to me, and it seemed he felt the same, as he began walking towards the couch carrying me with him. He sat down on it, still holding me in his arms, and I swung my leg over his, and without any more thought, straddled him. We were now much closer to the same height, which only intensified the kisses as I grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled him more forcefully into my lips. His arms, wrapped around my body, also kept pulling me closer. I couldn't remember ever having been in an as compromising position, not with him at least. Before, years back, he had always been so careful, so restrained with me. But now he certainly wasn't any of that, and it only made me want him even more. Nothing I had ever done with any other man had come close to how good this felt. My chest was rubbing against his again, my nipples feeling incredibly sensitive and practically begging to be touched. His hand, still at the back of my waist, went just under the hem, rubbing circles on the bare skin there. I could feel him hard and wanting in between my legs, and I began grinding myself into his crotch, in a rhythmic fashion as if I was riding him. He groaned loudly as he grabbed my hips, pressing me further into his hard lap. I could feel myself becoming sopping wet, as his hand moved from my back towards my stomach. I felt as if I was going to explode from the desire, if he didn't soon touch my most sensitive place. I grabbed the hair at the nape of his neck roughly, as his lips moved from my mouth down to my neck where he sucked, licked and nipped just below my ear.

And then for just a second, it felt like I was somewhere else, in a confusing dark alley, where rough and warm hands were holding me in place and groping me harshly against my will. I flinched violently away from him, and tumbled down onto the carpeted floor below. I sat up on the floor, feeling anxious and absolutely flustered.

My breathing was ragged and shallow, as I tried clearing my head. I looked up and saw Edward rising from the couch looking confused. His eyes were still dark with unrestrained lust, but more than anything he looked ashamed. My face became red, as feelings of anger and embarrassment rose inside of me, and I leapt up from the floor, before grabbing my bag from the end of the couch.

"Bella, I- I'm sorry! I'm shouldn't have- have kissed you like that," Edward said, reaching his hand out towards me. I flinched away from him and exclaimed "Don't fucking touch me!"

I darted towards the door without a second glance at him. I couldn't bear to look at his face after what I had just done with him. I could hear him calling after me, but I couldn't comprehend any of his words, with my heart beating loudly in my ears. I found the staircase, I didn't want to wait for an elevator, and sprinted down the steps, almost tripping several times. I finally reached the foyer, and walked quickly past the doorman and out the exit. My motorbike was parked right outside the building; I wondered briefly if he was the one who had brought it here. I jumped on it, before putting the key into the ignition. Luckily, it turned on immediately and I backed out of the parking stop without even checking if the road was free. I was still feeling flustered and panicky, but most of all ashamed, and I just wanted to get as far away as possible.

A car honked at me as I sped out in front of it, but right now I couldn't care less. Soon I was speeding down the road, while tears were welling up in my eyes. But I didn't care about my lack of vision at the moment, as I had no plan to ever look back.

AN: Sorry, this chapter has taken so long to get out! I've been busy at work, and my laptop has a habit of not wanting to turn on lately ¯\_(ツ)_/¯*sigh*. Futhermore, I was unsure how this chapter should go, and what the outcome of the conversation should be. So I reread New Moon's chapter The Truth, to help with some of the dialog. I hope you all can live with that, as I felt they are still (somewhat) the same characters, and therefor would probably say some of the same things. And I also hope you can live with the more smutty section; The fanfic is rated M for a reason ;) The next chapter should hopefully come out quicker than this one, so keep posted for more!