AN: I'm so sorry this has taken even longer than last time to come out! I'm still back and forth with how I want everything to play out, where as up to the whole "Bella killing her assaulter" thing I had a pretty clear vision. Furthermore I STILL have computer problems and writing on my phone takes ages *sigh*. But, I have already startet the next chapter so hopefully it will be done soon enough. Thanks for following and reading my story, and for being patient with me!

Edward's POV

"-And I don't understand how you still can only believe the lie, and not what I am telling you now; The truth. Really Bella, how could you believe it?" I said passionately, while placing my hands on her shoulders and staring into her eyes. She just stared back at my face, seemingly too stunned to speak. Everyday for three years I had wondered sorrowfully, how she had believed my lie so easily. Everyday, in my mind, I had seen her dejected face from that day in the forest, and wondered how she could believe that I didn't love her anymore. It hurt just thinking about it! I had thought that having to spin excuse after excuse about why I didn't love her would be the worst outcome, but her easy acceptance and disheartened demeanor had been even more distressing to me.

"BECAUSE IT NEVER MADE SENSE FOR YOU TO LOVE ME! I always knew that," Bella cried, anguish showing in her eyes, just like it had that day. I stared back at her with a pained expression. She had never seen herself clearly; How she was the kindest and most selfless person I had ever met. How she was so merciful and accepting, and just downright good to the core. I had never understood how she wanted to be with me; to love the cruel and selfish monster that I was. I placed my left hand at the back of her waist, pulling her gently closer to me. I wanted to hold her, to comfort her, and tell her what an incredible person she was. How no man, least of all me, could ever be good enough for her or deserve her. However, given how the rest of our conversation had gone, I doubted that she would listen to me… I moved my other hand to the back of her neck, as I lost myself in her big, brown eyes. I could feel her warm, soft body against my own, and I wanted her closer. I needed to show her how much I loved her, but words didn't seem to be enough. I slowly leaned down towards her face, which looked stunned and slightly confused, and I gently placed my lips against hers. I felt her sigh against me, as I cradled her closer in my arms. Her hands moved to the back of my neck, and she too pulled me closer. I felt so good having her in my arms like this, feeling her soft, warm lips against mine, to be enveloped by her sweet aroma; It was absolutely exhilarating. I wanted more of her and I felt greedy, as I let the tip of my tongue graze her lips. She opened her mouth slightly, and invited me in with a moan. Oh goodness, her warm wet mouth felt so good, and that was not even taking into account the amazing taste! The kiss grew more heated, as I began exploring her mouth. She bit down on my bottom lip, pulling it into her mouth and sucked slightly on it. I felt like I was going to go mad from her allure as I groaned loudly. I grabbed her tighter, as my hand tangled itself into the long hair falling down her back. Her feet lifted from the ground, when I pulled her even closer to me, and I could feel Bella pressing herself further into my body, as I explored her mouth passionately. Her mouth and throat vibrated slightly as a high pitched moan came from her, driving me over the edge to madness. I felt like I was swaying or floating, but my only thought was how I wanted, no, needed, her even closer. I swiftly walked the couple of steps towards the couch, and dropped down on it, still holding Bella in my arms. She threw one of her legs over mine, and sat up over my lap effectively straddling me. In this position she was almost as tall as me, and it was quite a relief for me not having to bend down anymore. She roughly grabbed hold of my hair, though it didn't hurt me, and pulled me back down on her mouth. I could feel her against my entire body; her lips moaning against my own, her chest pressed against mine, her hands in my hair, and my arms wrapped tightly around her slim waist, but most of all her hot center rubbing lightly against my groin.

I had never been straddled like this before, neither by Bella nor anyone else, and the position felt exceptionally intimate. My fingers went just under the hem of her shirt, kneading the bare, warm skin on her back as gently as I could. All the control that I had slowly built up when we were together three years ago had disappeared in the time we had been apart, and I became slightly aware that I didn't know how to stop this physical intimacy, even if I wanted to. And given the firmness growing between my legs, my body certainly didn't want to stop.

Furthermore, in the past Bella had always been shy, and somewhat bashful, especially in sexual circumstances. And if she had responded quite eagerly, like when we had our first kiss, I had pushed her away in fear of accidentally hurting her. Back then I had thought there was no such thing as being too careful. I wouldn't risk hurting her no matter how bad my own desires got. She would still push the intimacy slightly, but in more innocent ways as holding each other close or kissing deeply. Never anything that grew too sexual in nature. Now, it was a completely different story.

Whereas just a few minutes ago her center had stroked gently against me, now it was vigorously rubbing against me in a rhythmic fashion and nothing had ever felt this good. Not any human blood, not even Bella's own, had had this effect on me. I grabbed her hips, trying to make myself stop her movements, but I couldn't do it. The only thing I could make myself do at the moment was push her hips further down, so I could feel her hot, damp center pressing even harder into my erection. My hands then slid from her hips to the skin on her stomach, pushing the shirt slightly more up. My hands were only an inch away from the buttons holding her pants closed and I desperately wanted to undo them. To see and feel the wetness in between her legs, maybe even find out if it tasted as good as it smelled. I pulled my mouth away from hers, as I could feel venom beginning to flow in my mouth, at the mere thought of tasting her. My lips moved to her ear where I gently nibbed it with my lips, before softly sucking on her earlobe. She moaned and grabbed my hair even harder, as I dragged the tip of my tongue further down towards her neck, nibbling and sucking there too.

Suddenly Bella froze in my arms, and tension flowed out from her body. Had I scared her? Did she think I was about to bite her? Or had my own sexual desires just pushed her too far? Less than a second later she violently flinched away from me, and I immediately let go of her body. She tumbled to the ground, a scared and somewhat confused expression on her face. She was panting and her cheeks were red, as she quickly sat up from the floor shaking her head slightly. I took note of her still battered appearance from what had happened a couple of nights ago. God, I felt like an ass, when I looked at the still vivid bruises on her neck, so close to where I had been kissing her just a few moments ago. Did her neck still hurt from when that rapist had tried choking her? Did I hurt her when I had nibbled on her neck? Or had I gone over her limit and not noticed in my own lustfulness? Had I actually assaulted her without even realizing? I slowly got up from the couch feeling absolutely terrible. Bella looked up at my rising figure and her face turned even redder. But where as before she had looked anxious and flustered, now she looked embarrassed and humiliated. She jumped up from the floor and snatched her bag up again, from where she had dropped it when I had begun kissing her.

"Bella, I- I'm sorry! I'm shouldn't have- have kissed you like that," I said, slowly reaching out towards her. But an apology certainly wouldn't dissolve the guilt I was feeling. Bella flinched away from my hand, as she yelled "Don't fucking touch me!" I immediately stopped in my tracks not wanting to push her even further, when I had clearly already made her uncomfortable. I called her name, but she just ran straight out the door, without looking back at me. She was so disgusted with me that she couldn't even look at my face. For a split second I thought about running after her, but I knew that I shouldn't. That I hadn't deserved her when she had been mine three years ago, and I deserved her way less now. I dropped to the couch burying my head in the cushions, that still carried the scent of Bella. How was it possible that I had only made everything even worse, when I was supposed to try and fix things again? Hadn't I hurt her enough without doing this to her too? She probably hates me… She couldn't even stand to look at me… I couldn't judge her for any of that… I was nothing but a horrible, sickening monster, and nothing I could ever do would make me worthy of Bella Swan. I would probably just have jumped off the balcony to end it all, if I didn't know that it would leave me completely unharmed. I could go to Italy… Maybe they would be willing to end this miserable existence of mine…

The door to the apartment opened slowly a while later, as I was still plotting ways to end myself. Alice walked in with Jasper trailing behind her. I hadn't even heard them coming into the building, so busy I was moping in my own melancholy. Alice gave me a pitying look as she went to sit beside me on the couch. Of course, she had seen everything… She should be absolutely disgusted with me too. Jasper seemed somewhat confused, having seen Alice go from happy, to worried, to sad, as she had her vision. They had hurried here without her telling him more than that Bella had gotten upset and left. But Jasper could feel enormous waves of shame, guilt and regret flowing from my body; Well, even more than usual.

"Oh Edward," Alice sighed, sounding way more sympathetic than I deserved.

"Don't… You shouldn't be with me… You should be with Bella… She's the one who needs you," I whispered barely audibly. Alice started stroking my hair gently, as Jasper tried and failed to influence my current mood with his powers.

"She won't see me," Alice said quietly, as a recent vision of Bella slamming a door in Alice's face, came to the forefront of her mind. "I hope she will talk to me later when she is less upset."

"I doubt she'll want to see any of us after... after what I… I did" I whispered into the couch cushion.

What in the world did he do or say to her? Jasper was thinking, making eyes at Alice.

"Edward, it will be fine! You just kissed her and-" Alice began gently.

"I did more than just kiss her! I pushed her way out of her comfort zone, especially after what she went through a couple of days ago! I was just so caught up in the moment that I didn't even think about…" I stopped mid sentence, feeling sad and guilty.

Huh interesting, Jasper thought as images of what I could have been doing with Bella came to his mind. They were even more sexual than what we had actually been doing, and the thought of going that far with Bella given the circumstances only made me feel even more sick.

"Maybe you let it turn a bit too… steamy? But it's not like Bella wasn't into it-" Alice said, before I interrupted her again.

"She was scared! I could see it in her eyes when she pulled away from me," I exclaimed shamefully.

" Okay, maybe she was scared, but I don't think it was of you! And she looked more embarrassed than anything when she ran out the room. Try and talk to her tomorrow, when she has had time to process everything you told her. Maybe she will start believing it all," Alice said, continuing to stroke my hair gently.

"She didn't believe we left to keep her safe?" Jasper asked.

"No, she thinks I left because I didn't love her… And that now I'm just feeling bad for her or guilty," I sighed.

"Yeah, she never had much confidence in herself. She never thought it made sense for Edward to love her," Alice sighed, having clearly heard the entire conversation in her vision too.

It hurt just hearing Alice repeat Bella's words. After all the thousands of times before that I had told her I loved her… She still couldn't believe what I was telling her. And any faith she had had in me before, had probably been destroyed that day in the forest, when I told her I didn't want her.

"I don't know what to do anymore… She won't believe anything I'm telling her. I told her over and over again that I had lied back when we left. That I had loved her back then and that I still do to this day. She would barely even hear me out… That's why I kissed her; I thought maybe I could show her how I felt. And for a short while I thought that it was working! But then she pushed herself off of me, and stormed out… She looked so distressed and humiliated before she left…" I said quietly, looking at Alice for help.

"I think she was overwhelmed with everything…" Alice said thoughtfully. "And as I tried telling you; Yes, I think she, in some way, got scared. But I don't think she was scared of you! After how that beast manhandled her only a couple of days ago, it's no wonder she would feel uncomfortable. Think about how long it took Rose to feel comfortable around Emmett, after her assault. I know that man didn't get as far in his assault of Bella as those men did with Rose, but it probably still leaves an imprint on her."

Alice was thinking about the parts of the assault she had seen, after I had left the house to go after Bella. The man, who was supposed to be Bella's friend, forcefully pushing her into the wall before roughly sucking on her neck. Bella whimpering and trying to get away, after which the man knocks her head violently into the brick wall and grabs her crotch.

"Stop!" I exclaimed, as I felt my body flinch from the images in Alice's mind. I didn't want to see it… I couldn't handle seeing anyone treat my sweet Bella like that…

"Sorry…" Alice said quietly. "I know it's hard seeing but I want you to understand how she must be feeling. Or how she maybe was feeling when she flinched away from you…"

Alice was now thinking back at her vision of me and Bella, just before she pushed away from me. She had eagerly kissed me, and rubbed herself against me until… Until I started sucking on her neck. The fear that suddenly came into her eyes when I did that… How she violently pushed away from me, tumbling onto the ground below.

"I shouldn't have kissed her like that…" I groaned. "I shouldn't have touched her like that when I knew that had happened. Jesus, it is less than 48 hours since that predator tried raping her… What the hell was I thinking?!"

"Well, as you said; You weren't thinking," Jasper said calmly, looking at me with pity too.

I sighed deeply, before talking again, "Back then, before everything… It was always tough not getting caught up in the moment, but I slowly found out how to be with her… To kiss her without it getting too far… I would constantly remind myself to be careful, to be thoughtful, out of fear of hurting or even killing her, if our relationship became too… intimate… But when I was kissing her now, all I could think about was how much I had missed her, and how amazing it felt to be with her again…"

"Emmett and I always found it exceptionally impressive how you didn't give in to the bloodlust, or other… desires, that most people have," Jasper said with admiration in his voice.

"I just…slowly built up the control to be with her… Very slowly! To have the strength to be in the same room with her as a start, then to talk to her, to touch her hand, to gently touch her face, to embrace her, and at the most to kiss her. By the end I had become so desensitized to her, that it was like second nature to me," I said, contemplating my previous relationship with Bella. The last time I had kissed her before we left, on her birthday, I had started losing control too. But that was only because I knew it would be the last time that I would ever get to kiss her. Therefore it had seemed almost impossible to pull away from her; to end our final kiss…

"Well, you aren't used to her now. You will have to start all over with that again," Alice sighed.

"If Bella will let us start all over… I doubt she will ever take me back, after everything I have done to her," I said sadly.

"Just try and talk to her again… After she's had time to think everything over," Alice said hopefully.

"How is she now? Is she alright? Did she make it home safely?" I asked, still thinking about how distressed Bella had looked when she left.

"Yes, I saw her make it home! Now, she's-" Alice groaned, as a new vision of Bella came to her. "Oh, Bella…"