Chapter 13. Everything

Content warning: Contains sexual content which may be unsuitable for readers under the age of 18.

Jane

Despite Thor's assurances that Bucky and I would be housed together in the FBI dormitory his supervisor Regina Frigg made it clear it would not be permitted due to FBI fraternization policy. However, she was able to arrange a house on the Marine base, not just for me and Bucky, but for Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, and the other three NYPD officers that would be returning soon for the final training sessions, Sam, Joaquin and Carol Danvers, who I had yet to meet. Frigg also arranged for a security detail to stand guard 24/7, even though the house was located on the base and civilians weren't allowed without registering in advance.

The New York people all arrived that evening at the airbase in a private jet arranged by Tony. Transported to the house in a large limousine wasn't exactly keeping a low profile but it was Tony's style and nothing the FBI said was going to change his mind. When they entered the house he made a beeline for me, giving me a big hug.

"How are you?" he asked, looking at me carefully, then dropping a bomb on me. "We know how they found you."

I looked at Thor who rolled his eyes slightly. "We took every precaution, Mr. Stark," he began, obviously expecting this.

"I know you did, Agent Odinson," replied Stark, enunciating every syllable of his last name. "But you forgot one important thing." Odinson waited for it. "A luggage tracker." I knew exactly what he was referring to and went to the stairs to get to my luggage before Tony stopped me. "It's okay. We disabled it remotely before you even left Canada for here. They hacked it and found where you were but it took them a while."

"So it's my fault Erik was shot," I stated, trying not cry. "I forgot I had one in my luggage. How did they know I had one?"

"You're not going to like this part," said Tony. "Come sit down." He moved to the couch, but I stayed standing. Nervously, he and Bruce looked at each other. "I guess it was need to know while you were gone. John actually showed up demanding to see you ten days after you left. Said his lawyer had been trying to contact you to get the restraining order removed and he figured you were blocking the calls." He took my hands. "I had Happy escort him off the premises with a promise to have him arrested for trespassing if he showed his face again."

I sat down on the nearest chair, as Bucky put his hands on my shoulders from behind. "Did he succeed in getting the restraining order lifted?" I asked, dreading the answer.

"No, he didn't," said Bruce, kneeling down to me. "We called your lawyer and the police immediately after he left. He's facing a contempt charge for even being there as the protection order was still in place. The judge was not happy with him and threatened to have him put into custody until his trial. His lawyer had to post a bond for him. He's under a strict no contact of any kind order. Any breach puts him into custody."

I wasn't surprised. His arrogance knew no bounds. He was fully capable of being a nice guy, having done it long enough for me to fall in love with him and marry him but once he got what he wanted from me he reverted back to type, back to the man I first met, condescending, overbearing, and cocky.

"So, what does this have to do with the luggage tracker?" I asked, dreading the answer.

"While he was distracting us at the office someone broke into your apartment," said Tony. "They went through it pretty well, I'm afraid. They climbed in through the fire escape so the FBI team on stakeout didn't see them. It wasn't noticed until the agent posing as you returned home. Even though they left the place in a mess the only thing that was taken was a piece of luggage."

I shook my head, not believing what I was hearing. "That had a luggage tracker and they used it to hack the one in the bag I had."

"Yeah," said Tony. "Still took them some time. The security on those is quite impressive. Might have to look at adding those to our product lineup. It was Peter who came up with the luggage tracker connection. We hacked in as well when we realized what they took. As soon as we did, we shut yours down, but they already had your location by then and had shot your friend. They don't know you're here and I say that with complete confidence."

"What happens when Bucky and the others go on their assignment? Are we staying here?"

Everyone looked to Odinson. "You will be safe but exactly where you will be hasn't been decided yet," he said.

Talk about having my life on hold. I felt defeated already and just stood up, trudging to our room. Tony called my name, but I just ignored him. A few minutes later there was a soft knock on the door and Bucky stepped in. I was sitting on the side of the bed, and he stood in front of me before kneeling down so he could look up at me.

"It sucks, doesn't it?" he said. "All that effort, from you, me, the FBI, everyone, and we were betrayed by a piece of technology that's made to find lost luggage. You must feel so frustrated."

I made a huffing sound then looked at him. He seemed worried about me. "I'll be alright. Why is he so fixated on finding me? Why does he want me silenced? Why are the militia helping him?"

"I have my own theory about all that," said Bucky, then he climbed on the bed, sitting with his back to the headboard, and patted the spot next to him. I snuggled into him as he put his arm around me and kissed my temple. "You're a loose end that can unravel everything John did. Your testimony ties him directly to that software. With you gone he wanted to point the finger at you and say you were the hacker because of your background. Except the more he tried to take you out the deeper the hole he dug for himself. Now it's a matter of pride for him. You've outsmarted him."

"Outsmarted him? I've just been lucky to survive everything he's tried. Now that Tony and Bruce have proved that I didn't write the hack why does he need to get rid of me? What does he prove by it?"

"These right-wing militia guys have one thing in common," stated Bucky. "They don't believe women have the brains to function in society. In their minds all women should be in the home; cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children, and that's it. You said John was rude and condescending to you from the start, until he suddenly seemed to see you as an equal? No, you're not his equal, not in his eyes. He's proving to his bosses, and the militia are his boss, that you are an irritant. You're a speck of lint to be flicked off his clothing."

It was true what Bucky said. They wanted me dead because I offended their view of what women in their warped world should be. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around Bucky as he held me closer. Part of me wished that I met him instead of John all those years ago. Despite what we were going through, when I was with Bucky, I felt like I mattered, like he was the man I was meant to be with.

"Bucky?" I asked. "When this is all done, and you've completed your undercover assignment; what about us? I know we haven't been together long but ..." I took a deep breath. "I wish I had met you seven years ago instead of John. Are we going to get through this intact?"

He shifted so that he could face me, taking my hands and bringing them to his lips. "I want you in every sense of the word. I want a life with you, a home with a dog, a family, and a play gym in the back yard, barbecues with our friends. I'll step back from undercover and commit to supporting you in every way I can. This past while with you has been the most satisfying relationship I've ever experienced. You're it for me, Jane. We'll get through this, I promise."

His hands shifted to cradling my face then he gave me the sweetest and most gentle kiss I had ever received in my life. I sobbed a little as it made me emotional and he enclosed me in his strong arms, whispering it would be alright over and over again. Every part of me wanted to believe him but there was just that small nagging doubt that John and his right-wing friends would allow any of this to happen.

"They know you're involved with me," I said suddenly. "Won't that endanger you going undercover?"

Bucky tensed up slightly then pulled away. "I'm not going to lie," he replied. "I'm concerned that I've already been made. But there are ways to make me unrecognizable even to my own parents. If this is to be my last undercover assignment, then I'll go out in style, and they won't know what hit them."

His words should have made me confident but instead a chill made the hairs on the back of my neck rise and I hoped his declaration didn't come back to hurt both of us. My life was in his hands, and the others in this house. While I knew he wouldn't stop defending me I was afraid that at some point John and his associates would get the upper hand. I took another breath, a ragged one and Bucky pulled away again to gaze at me with those incredible blue eyes.

"Can we just go to bed?" I asked. "I don't want to go back downstairs. I just want to be here with you and forget everything for one more night, at least."

"Alright," he whispered. "I'm going back down for a moment to tell them then I'll be right back."

He left and I took my clothes off, getting under the covers. When Bucky returned, he locked the door, then pulled his phone out and brought up music. Crossing his hands over he pulled his shirt off over his head and I felt the stirrings of desire in me at the sight of his broad shoulders, muscular chest, and toned abdomen. My hands ached to be touching him, but he stood in front of the door, not coming closer. Unzipping his jeans, he left them pooled on the floor and pulled his briefs off, his own arousal evident. There was no embarrassment or hesitation as he stood there in his glory, not hiding what he wanted.

Turning the overhead light off he approached the bed and sat on the edge beside me for a moment, gazing at me in the darkness. I placed a hand on his thigh, running it up towards his hardening cock, while his hand caressed my breast and nipple. Both of us made soft moans with our touch then he leaned over me and kissed me, firmer this time, his tongue searching for mine. Pulling the covers back he ran his hands over my body, stopping when they got to my thighs as he pulled them apart. Kneeling on the floor he pulled me over so that my pelvis was perched on the edge of the bed. Without a word he lifted my legs over his shoulders and lowered his mouth to me, nudging me open with his mouth then flattening his tongue over that sensitive part of me that was on fire.

My hips automatically raised themselves into his touch and his hands snaked onto my abdomen and breast, firmly holding me down as he bore his tongue into me. I was lost, caught between the sweet agony of his mouth on me and the pleasure that was radiating into my whole body. There was no militia, no John, no one in the house; it was just Bucky wrecking me, ruining me for anyone else. Just as I thought I would come he stopped and lifted his face from between my thighs. He placed his mouth on my thigh, slowly kissing and mouthing the sensitive skin, beginning there and moving up to my abdomen. I was aware of lifting myself, hoping to find something that would touch my clitoris, needing that last bit of sensory stimulation to be satisfied. When he didn't provide it, I reached out with my hand, but he grasped it, kissed it and moved it away.

"No," he whispered. "Let me."

"Please, I need it," I gasped, pleading with him.

He pushed me back towards the middle of the bed and climbed over me, gazing at me. I moved my hand to cup him, and he smiled, pushing himself into my hands, and moaning. His cock was hard as I grasped him and began to slide my hand over the shaft. Together we guided Bucky into me, filling me up with a satisfied sigh on my part. Once again, his attentions made me feel like there was nothing else that mattered to Bucky. Still gazing at me, he thrust himself rhythmically, but with deliberation, before burying his face in my neck, mouthing the soft skin over the pulse point. With his mouth at my ear, he whispered softly.

"I love how your body feels under mine. You respond so well to everything I do. Babe, I want your hands on me."

Placing them on his butt I squeezed, pulling him in tighter to me. I could feel him smile as I did it, as his own hands roamed over me, squeezing and caressing me. Raising myself into him I accepted all that Bucky was giving me, physically and emotionally. His soft lips pleased me, his loving words warmed me, and his lovemaking was bringing me closer to a state of total surrender to him. I didn't want to think about John trying to find me, or Erik being in a coma, or the prospect of Bucky being found out when he went undercover; I just wanted him in the here and now, in my arms, in our world inside this bedroom. Placing my hands on his face I watched him as he moved into my body, studying and memorizing every pore on his face, even while I could feel the pressure build in me as he brought me close to coming. When the moment came, I succumbed to it, allowing the pleasure to overtake my body, then watching him as he came. His face tensed up at first, then his mouth opened as if he needed more air, but a satisfied moan escaped from him instead before he eyed me and dropped his full weight on me, pressing in slowly several more times before stopping.

"You alright?" he asked. "You seemed quieter."

I smiled at him and caressed his face. "I love you. When we're like this I don't want to be anywhere else, just with you."

"Me either." He kissed me again. "It'll be alright, Jane. In a few months' time we'll be through with the investigation and the trial. You and I can begin our lives together, our real lives."

After he pulled out, I got up to use the bathroom. He waited until I was finished then used it after me. Slipping into the bed behind me, he spooned next to my back and wrapped his arms around me. His kiss on my neck was the last thing I remember before I fell asleep.

I woke up to an empty space next to me and the sound of the shower running. Getting out of bed I went into the bathroom. Bucky heard me come in; sometimes I swear he could hear like a bat.

"Go ahead and do what you have to," he said from inside frosted glass of the shower. "I don't mind."

Smiling I took care of the necessities then put my hair up in a high bun before stepping in behind him. He handed me the body wash and turned so I could wash his back. While he rinsed I began using it on my front then he did my back before switching spots with me and getting out. While he dried I finished getting cleaned. Once I turned off the water I opened the shower door and was pleased to see Bucky there with the biggest towel which he wrapped around my body, before kissing me. His own towel was wrapped around his waist and he leaned against the bathroom counter while I dried myself.

"You had a bad dream last night," he said, looking at me, concerned. "You were whimpering and jerking your body a bit. I talked to you and you settled down."

I shook my head. "Don't remember. I don't feel very rested."

I looked down and he placed his arms around me, holding me close. "I know of some grounding exercises that can help. We can do them together before we go to sleep."

"Yeah, sure. I'm willing to try them."

I said that but whether I really believed it was another matter. He kissed me on the forehead and left me to wash and moisturize my face. He went out to the bedroom, and was quietly dressing when I got in there. While I dressed he made the bed and picked up our clothes from the night before. I did appreciate that he didn't try to cheer me up, understanding that maybe I needed to work through this funk by myself. Whether the others were as perceptive wouldn't be known until we went downstairs.

Sure enough, Tony tried being all chipper but Bucky gave him a brief head shake to let it go. Carol brought us both a coffee, black for Bucky and double cream, double sugar for me. I must have sighed when I sipped mine as she smiled at me.

"Thanks," I said. "Tastes good."

"You've had a tough couple of days," she said quietly, as the others were making breakfast. "You've heard of military acronyms like SNAFU and FUBAR? There's one I like called BOHICA ... Bend Over, Here It Comes Again. These things happen in clusters, or at least it feels like it."

"My dad always said bad things come in threes," I replied. "Maybe Erik being shot was the third thing. I sure hope so as I'm feeling a little persecuted right now."

"You're stronger than you know." She looked me in the eye. "That's what I hear. You'll get through this."

"Thanks," I said, feeling better.

It felt good being complimented by a woman described by Bucky as a bad-ass pilot and cop. Married with a kid as well and she was going undercover. There's something to be said when another woman who you don't even know supports you through a tough time. I remember when I first left John and moved in with a friend. We went out for lunch, just to try and have some normalcy in all the drama that I was going through at the time. John showed up at the restaurant, full of venom and hate, wanting to vent at me for filing for divorce. There was an older woman there having lunch with her daughter. When she heard him spew his toxicity at me she threw her napkin down onto the table and came right over to him.

"Young man, you leave here, right now," she said. "I'm not going to listen to you say such things to this woman. You don't have the right."

He turned his foul mouth on her and she just grabbed him by the balls and twisted, making him scream. Then she leaned over real close. His face was beet red and he could barely breathe.

"You don't want to go there," she said. "I killed my abusive ex-husband and was found not guilty by reason of insanity. I'm sure I could take this steak knife to your balls and plead not guilty by reason of PTSD because your behaviour triggered me. So you have a choice to make."

She let John go, then put her hand on the steak knife, just daring him to continue on. He left without a word. She just smiled sweetly at me then left the knife there, went back to her table and continued eating. Of course, a week later I was run off the road and they tied the two men in the car who did it to him. Still, at the time, it felt empowering and I preferred to feel that this time as well.

After breakfast three SUVs were sent by the FBI to pick us up; Tony, Bruce and I were going to the FBI Cyber Division while the others were going to the training centre. The original two week schedule to begin training for the undercover investigation had been moved up because of Erik Selvig's shooting, which had raised the threat level higher. Our SUV was accompanied by a second vehicle to ensure our safety for the almost 40 mile drive to their headquarters in the J. Edgar Hoover Building in Washington, D.C.

When we got there our vehicle drove down into the parking garage where we exited, were given Visitor ID badges, then took a dedicated elevator up to the office. The place was crawling with agents yet there was something "off" about being there. I wasn't sure what it was that bothered me until we got into the office of the deputy assistant director of the Cyber Division, John Westcott. Tony and Bruce both knew him, shaking his hand immediately. Then he approached me and offered his hand.

"Miss Peterson," he said, shaking my hand firmly. "Thank you for coming here today. I realize this has been a hectic couple of weeks for you, between finding out about your ex-husband's plan to implicate you in the creation of the security hack, the journey to secure custody in Canada, then the shooting of your host there. Rest assured that we take your security seriously. You are very important to this investigation and we believe we have found a way to ensure your safety during all of this."

He nodded at an agent at the door who left. Mr. Westcott gestured for me to take a seat. He sat in his office chair and leaned back, crossed his legs at the knee then clasped his hands together.

"A person who has been under investigation has agreed to provide evidence to us and assist us in the investigation," he began. "His only request is that you also be part of the team. You may rest assured that you will not be in any danger during his association."

I began having a bad feeling about this decision and when I heard his office door open behind me I turned to see who was coming in. Immediately, I jumped up.

"Fuck no!" I exclaimed, as I saw my ex-husband standing there with a shit eating grin on his face. "I will not be part of this."

"Relax Janey," he said in that smug voice of his. "I'm still up on the attempted murder charges. You'll get your pound of flesh because I do plan to plead guilty to those but only if you stay in this investigation."

With my eyes burning I pushed past him and ran out of Westcott's office, looking for a ladies room. I could hear both Tony and Bruce yelling at Westcott behind me so I guess they were kept out of the loop as well. I couldn't find the fucking restroom until a woman agent guessed what I wanted and quickly ushered me into one. Fumbling in my purse I found my cell phone, dialled Bucky's number and waited for him to pick up. After six rings he answered.

"They've brought John in on the investigation," I cried. "He'll only cooperate with them if I'm part of it. The fucking asshole is here right now, probably laughing at me. Fuck, what am I supposed to do?"

"Walk out," he said. "I will as well. They can't force you to cooperate with the man who tried to have you killed."

"He says he'll plead guilty to the attempted murder charges but only if I'm part of this team."

I started to sob. I could hear Bucky swearing at the other end, and telling the others what had just happened. There was a lot of swearing, including from Thor and what I assumed were his team. All of us were blindsided.

"Jane," said a voice and I turned to see Bruce's head in the door. As soon as I saw him I began to cry in earnest and he came in, putting his arms around my shoulders to comfort me. He could hear Bucky's voice on the phone and took it from my hand. "It's me, Bruce. We were gobsmacked by this. No idea they had this cooking. Walker is offering all of his knowledge to the investigation in exchange for two things. He'll plead guilty to attempted murder and he wants Jane to stay in the investigation. Of course, they're offering him leniency in the charges of cyber terrorism. It's completely fucked up."

"Tell them if they force Jane to be part of it I'm out," said Bucky. "She shouldn't have to be compelled to work with him. You know he's only doing it to mess with her head."

"That's obvious," replied Bruce. "The guy is a total asshole. I'm out as well. I can't be party to it. It's psychological abuse, in my opinion. We'll present a united front then. If he's part of the investigation we're out. Tony will go along with us as well. He's in there giving Westcott a piece of his mind."

"Okay," said Bucky. "Tell him and let me know what he says. I'll tell the others here. Talk to you soon. Put Jane on."

Bruce handed the phone back to me. "Bucky, I can't...I just can't."

"I know. You stand your ground. We'll back you up, no matter what." I could hear him give a loud breath. "I love you, Jane. We'll get through this."

We said goodbye and I looked at Bruce. He pulled a paper towel out of the dispenser and ran it in cold water, wringing it out, then handing it to me. I applied it to my cheeks, letting the cool wetness refresh me. Then I nodded at him and we went back to Westcott's office. Ignoring John I faced the deputy assistant director.

"If you include John Walker in this investigation you'll do it without me," I said. "He only wants me to be part of this in order to abuse me psychologically and I won't allow it. He tried to have me killed. I still have the scars on my body from the attempt. He's playing you for suckers and you're letting him. But I won't."

Westcott looked at me impassively. "That's unfortunate, Miss Peterson." John smirked. "We take Mr. Walker's offer seriously. If you won't cooperate we won't be able to provide any guarantees for your safety. We will have to pull our surveillance teams and remove you from the protection of your current billet. It would leave you in a precarious position."

"You do what you have to, Mr. Westcott," I declared. "If you force me to work with this asshole I won't be held responsible for his safety." I looked at John. "Remember that lady who grabbed your balls at the restaurant and threatened to cut them off?" John's face twitched as he scowled. "I have her phone number. When I tell her this development I'm sure she'll be triggered to come looking for you. I can't guarantee that she won't find you and perform a castration without anaesthetic. Mr. Westcott, the lady I just referred to has extensive press connections. I'm sure she'd be happy to learn the FBI is using emotional blackmail to force an abused woman to work with her abusive ex-husband. She'll be really thrilled that the deputy assistant director also revealed my assumed identity to the man who tried to have me killed, not to mention violated a federal protection order by allowing him to be in my presence."

Tony was grinning at me and smirked at both Westcott and John. Then he stepped forward and took my hand, as Bruce took my other hand. We left Westcott's office and went back down to the parking garage where our two vehicles were. I was shaking the whole way down to the garage but I felt good as well. Our drivers said nothing when we appeared as they were part of the Quantico office and didn't know that Westcott had threatened to pull support for our security. I never felt so empowered or so scared. I had just called what I hoped was a bluff on Westcott's part. If it wasn't a bluff then that was something I would have to deal with. No matter what I wasn't going near John Walker.