Chapter 27. Goals

Jane

In the taxi on the way to the hotel I could see Rose was worried. She loved her dad so much and to see him react like that was probably more than "grumpy" in her mind. I reached out and touched her hand with mine. She turned towards me then began to cry and I put my arm around her.

"He's afraid," I said. "You know how much he loves the job and how he identifies himself as a police officer. This injury could end that for him. I think he's also angry at me for being there."

"Why?" Rose pulled away to look at me, confused. "You saved him."

"Yeah, but think of it from his point of view," I replied. "He dropped everything to go into witness protection with me, so that he could protect me. It probably bothers him that I ended up doing for him what he swore to do for me. I don't agree with that as I was just a wife trying to keep her husband safe but I understand it."

"You're not going to split up over it are you?" asked Rose and I could see all sorts of fear in her eyes at the prospect of this coming between Bucky and me.

"No, he's got me for life," I said, as reassuringly as I could.

"Even though he and Mom were always good with each other it always bothered me that they couldn't fix their differences. I love Dan as a stepfather, and my half-siblings mean a lot to me but I always felt ... cheated that my parents split up. You love each other so much and I don't want this to wreck it for you."

"It won't," I replied. "Your dad is a very caring man, and very much in tune with his emotions. That's probably why I fell in love with him so quickly and agreed to marry him. This is a setback but he's always faced challenges head on and he'll do the same with this. You know that, in your heart, right?"

She nodded, sitting back in the taxi but still holding my hand, taking a deep breath.

"Do you think Dad would be okay if Joaquin and I got married?"

"Probably." I smiled and looked out the window before looking back at her. "He cares about him a lot, respects him. It was your dad that told me to get Joaquin when you had your meltdown on the video call. Said that he should know how to help you when you got like that. I think he was giving him permission to take it further."

"When we had the time together at the hospital he asked me to marry him. Said he would do it right, with a ring and everything but he's sure he wants me to be his wife. I said yes."

"That's wonderful," I replied. She still seemed tentative. "It is wonderful, isn't it?"

She nodded. "I've missed this semester but I can still take the next one and then finish my degree in summer school," she said. "Joaquin said we can get married after I finish but I kind of want to do it sooner. If anything happened to him between now and after I graduate I would kick myself for agreeing to wait."

"That's just logistics. You'll work it out."

I asked the cab driver to stop and wait at a grocery store, while I went inside and bought some small tubs of ice cream, some spoons, a bottle of wine, and a small snack platter for two. When we got to the hotel we changed into our pyjamas, I put the music channel on the TV, and we sat cross legged on one bed, finishing the snack platter and wine before digging into the ice cream.

Rose really was a lovely young woman. She wore her heart on her sleeve but there was an ethereal beauty about her that reflected the person she was inside and out. Sitting on the bed, eating ice cream and talking about music, movies, Joaquin, and Bucky, was fun and we both came to the conclusion that we weren't going to let her dad spiral into depression. At the same time we acknowledged that it was part of the grief process as he came to terms with possibly losing something very important to him. When we finally finished the ice cream and brushed our teeth, giggling as we stood together in the hotel bathroom, I put my arm around her shoulders and pulled her in close.

"Thanks for being here," I said. "It felt good just being able to talk with another person about all this."

"Same," she replied. "I'm so glad my dad met you. He needed someone like you, someone who lets him love you the way he does. His other girlfriends said he was smothering them but I don't think he does. I think he's just all in, you know?"

I rinsed my mouth out. "When we first decided to start dating he said he wanted to take it slow and get to know me before we took it to another level."

Rose giggled and shook her head, knowing that's not how it worked out. "He tried. I know he tried but I think he knew when he saw you on his undercover assignment that you were special. He went on and on about how much sass you gave him and how he liked it. He didn't even know you then. You made your mark on him and even though he let you make the decision, you committed pretty quickly too, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I did. He's something else and I don't regret a moment."

We each got into our own queen sized bed in the double room, turning off the TV, then the lights. I could see Rose's outline in the dark, heard and then saw her roll over towards me.

"I like that you're my stepmother, Jane," she said. "You're easy to talk to and you love Dad. I think you'll have a good life together."

"Thanks, I like you, too, Rose. Goodnight."

She said goodnight back and rolled the other way. We both fell asleep quickly.

A text from my phone woke me up the next morning. Picking it up I glanced at Rose but she was still asleep so I headed to the bathroom to read it.

Bucky: spoke to someone last night about being angry. I'm sorry for snapping at you and Rose. I promise I will work on being more positive. Love you

I texted back that I loved him, too. He sent me a selfie from the hospital looking better so I sent him one from the bathroom.

Bucky: can't wait to see you like this every morning in our own home. Bed hair looks good on you.

I chuckled, then looked at myself in the bathroom mirror at the mess that was my hair. Soon our marriage would be for real, not happening in the artificial environment of witness protection or the secret compound. It would be in a house in Brooklyn, with neighbours, housework, cooking meals, and getting used to actually living together. We had still been in a honeymoon phase of sorts, which was a weird way of thinking of it, considering all the drama that happened, with the planning, training, the raids and emotional turmoil of watching my husband be shot in real time. Once Bucky was released from hospital our actual life together would begin. With a smile I texted a reply to him.

Jane: I promise to look like that every morning for the rest of our lives together.

His answer was quick.

Bucky: Haha! I love you so much, Jane. You'll always be beautiful to me.

I was wide awake now so I quickly returned to my luggage and picked out some clean underwear and clothes. Stepping into the shower I washed my hair, finishing quickly and wrapping myself and my hair up in a towel. There was a discreet knock on the door and I opened it to Rose.

"Sorry, I have to go," she said.

Giving her some privacy I went out to the room where she had already pulled the curtains open. The sun was up and with many of the fall leaves still on the trees it looked like autumn was eager to share its beauty. Checking my phone for the forecast it called for sunny conditions all through the weekend. With Steve driving down from New York it would be great to have nice weather for the return. Rose came out and I resumed my preparations, putting moisturizer on and doing my minimal makeup. Then I blow dried my hair and got dressed. As soon as I was done Rose took my place in the bathroom.

While she was in there I checked the news to see if there were any more raids happening. Since we arrived in Baltimore we were basically out of the loop so we had to get our information like everyone else, through the news. There was an update about additional charges that were being considered for Alexander Pierce and Thaddeus Ross. They were related to the use of threats and blackmail to force vineyard owners to sell their properties. Apparently, Brock Rumlow had advised prosecutors about it, saying he was sent to several vineyards to threaten the owners about potential physical injuries. My phone rang at that moment, startling me, but I smiled to see it was my mother and I answered it.

"Janey? You're both okay?"

"I'm fine Mom," I replied. "Mom, you know what happened, right? John is dead."

"We know," she replied. "Sweetheart, I hope you're not feeling guilty about it. He made his choices and that's what got him killed. You were protecting Bucky and we're so proud of you for standing up to John. Where are you now?"

"I'm in Baltimore with Rose, his daughter, as Bucky was brought here for surgery. One of the bullets did a lot of damage to his left arm. He's lost feeling in it but they won't know how bad it is for a while. There are some treatment options that he'll explore when he goes to see the specialist in a couple of weeks. How is everyone?"

"We're good," said Mom. "We're actually going to New York to stay with the Barnes for a week. We were at different resorts but saw them around the local town and met up for drinks a few times. I hope we can come see you two. When will you be arriving?"

"This weekend."

I could hear a muffled voice before Mom's voice came back on the line. "We have to go to the airport now. You call me when you get to New York and we'll come to see you both. We just want to hug you and see with our own eyes that you'll both be okay. I love you. Give our love to Bucky."

"I will, love you too," I answered and hung up.

Rose came out after that and we headed to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. I texted Bucky wondering if I could bring him some extra food, knowing that hospital food could be hit and miss but he said his meal was actually good. He did ask if I could bring him some shaving gear and anti-perspirant, as well as some socks as his feet got cold overnight. Stopping back at the room I brought a small bag of his stuff with me, then stopped at a store for some puzzle magazines for him to work on. By the time we got to the hospital he had been moved into a regular room, a private one. With Steve and Peggy expected to arrive before noon, he could have more visitors. It also meant he could listen to music on his phone and surprisingly, he was listening to The Tragically Hip, as we had left him his phone and charging cord the night before.

"What's that you're listening to?" asked Rose, as we walked in. She stopped and listened for a moment. "Is that a new band?"

He smiled at her as she kissed his cheek. "It's a band Jane introduced me to," he replied. "The Tragically Hip, a Canadian band that don't perform anymore because their lead singer and songwriter died of cancer. It's good stuff, he was a poet."

Grinning at me as he told Rose, I blushed. Rose turned to me. "You got my dad hooked on a rock band that isn't AC/DC or Metallica? I'm impressed. They must be good. I'll check out some of their songs."

"Start with Bobcaygeon," suggested Bucky. "It's about a cop. Then Courage, Long Time Running, Ahead by a Century, At the Hundredth Meridian. Oh hell, they're all good."

Holding up his bag for him to see Bucky shifted so that his feet hung over the edge of the bed. Guessing that meant he wanted the socks I pulled a pair out and pulled them onto his feet.

"Thank you," he smiled. "It was cold in the ICU last night. They had to wrap my feet in one of those heated blankets."

"Do you want help to shave?" I asked.

Bucky's head swivelled towards me, his eyes dark, and a bit of a sly smile on his face. "Really? What type of razor?"

His look made me blush and I remembered him sharing a fantasy with me, involving me as a Bond girl with a straight razor, giving him a close shave. Rose looked from her dad to me then a knowing look came over her face.

"Oh, please, I can go somewhere if you need privacy," she offered, grinning. "I don't want to know the details."

"Your regular razor, if you must know," I said, running my hand over his stubble. "It's been a few days."

"If Rose doesn't mind seeing me with my shirt off and my dressings on display, I wouldn't mind a shave," he answered. "There's a basin in the bottom of the night stand, Rose, if you wouldn't mind putting very warm water in it and getting a towel and face cloth." When she left he leaned close. "I want you. Not sure I can hold on until the weekend."

"We'll have to be careful," I murmured, as I undid the snaps on his hospital gown top and eased it over his shoulders. "How's your pain?"

"With the Tylenol it's bearable although I shifted a few times in the night and it woke me up," he admitted. "Still no feeling below the break. But it's only been two days since the shooting."

Rose came out with the basin, towel and face cloth, placing it on the tray table. Her eyes drifted to the dressing on Bucky's arm then to the huge wrapping on his left arm. Tentatively, she touched it, then looked at her father, her eyes glistening.

"It's okay, baby girl," he whispered. "It's feeling better."

Placing the face cloth in the water I soaked it then squeezed the excess water out and held it to his face. After several minutes he indicated it should be ready and I put some shaving gel in my hands then smoothed it over his already visible beard, working up the lather. With his calm instructions I began gliding the razor over his cheek and jaw, then moving on to under his chin and the top of his neck. After each pass I rinsed the razor in the basin of warm water. Rose watched, fascinated with the process, making me wonder if she had reached this level of intimacy with Joaquin. It was an intimate act, especially the way Bucky had described his fantasy version of it and I could feel my own desires bubbling up.

"Rosie used to watch me shave when she was a little girl," said Bucky. "I would sit her on top of the bathroom vanity and we would talk about all sorts of things while I was shaving. We had some good talks, didn't we?"

"That's when you began to tell me how boys should treat a girl and not to take any BS from them," she replied. "It was good advice. Except when I pushed Bobby Parrish after he tried to hug me and kiss me in grade 6, even after I told him not to. He fell on his backside and lost his breath, then began to cry."

"Then the principal tried to explain Bobby's behaviour as boys being boys," added Bucky. "Told him that legally it was sexual assault to force his attentions on a girl. That shut him up. You know I miss those talks."

"Me too," she replied. "Can I ask you two a personal question?" We both nodded. "Are you planning to have any kids?"

Bucky got a soft look on his face then looked at me. There was no hesitation in his voice when he answered.

"We both want that," he said firmly. "You won't mind having a baby brother or sister, or two?"

"No, I won't mind at all. I think you should. You're a good dad and I know Jane will be a good mom. Just have them before I have any of my own. It would be weird for my kids to have an aunt or uncle younger than them."

"You got it," grinned Bucky, eyeing me as he said it.

I finished the last pass of the razor then ran my fingertips over his face, feeling for any small sections I missed. Finding one I went over it again then rinsed the blade really well and wiped the residue off his face with the facecloth before drying him with the towel. Reaching inside his toiletries kit I found the aftershave balm and poured some into my palm, distributing it between both my hands then smoothing it over his skin.

"Thank you, darling," he stated. "It feels better."

Rose took the basin to the bathroom to clean it while I snapped his gown back together. As my face was already close to Bucky's I took the opportunity to run my cheek against his then give him a kiss. It must have made him feel good because I could feel him relaxing. The nurse arrived to take his blood pressure and check his vitals.

"Am I allowed to go for walks?" he asked.

"I'll check your file," she replied. "But I don't see why not. Maybe for now just keep to the unit and take your wife and daughter with you. You must have been a teenager when you had your daughter, Mrs. Barnes. You look so young."

"I'm her stepmother," I replied, blushing. "Bucky was the teenager."

"We'll be starting our own family soon," stated Bucky. "Rosie's already given her blessing to some baby brothers or sisters."

The nurse grinned and shook her head in amusement. "I'll check with the doctor about whether you can walk further than the unit and let you know."

With that, she left us there and we settled down to listen to more music, while Bucky attempted to work on some of the different puzzles in the magazines I bought him. When the doctor himself came to see Bucky he examined him, testing his fingers for any feeling in them, then checking his other wounds. He gave us the okay to go as far as the first floor of the hospital and said tomorrow Bucky could go outside to the courtyard and get some sun. Other than that, he didn't have much more to say. Just after he left Steve and Peggy texted that they had just arrived at the same hotel Rose and I were at but wanted to take some time to have lunch and relax before coming over to the hospital. With that, we got a housecoat and some hospital slippers for Bucky. I helped him in the bathroom so he could relieve himself (the giggling alone while getting the process right was infectious). We headed down to the main floor and sat in the open reception area. After picking up some takeout from the food court we returned to Bucky's room just in time for his lunch to be delivered.

The arrival of Steve and Peggy seemed to boost Bucky's spirits considerably. They brought him one of those big get well cards that was signed by everyone in the precinct. There were also inquiries from many of his colleagues asking if he was up to video calls. When Steve sent a text to Clint, another sergeant, it was like a dam was opened as Bucky received several calls just in the few hours of the afternoon. He sat there, in an armchair in the room with a couple of pillows supporting his left arm, talking to everyone with a smile on his face and tears threatening to form as they all told him what he meant to them. The final call, from Sam and Natasha, was the one that made him cry.

"You look good, buddy," Bucky said to his partner, his voice catching as he broke down for a moment before regaining his composure. "How's your healing going?"

"Getting there," said Sam. "Don't have the ringing in my ears anymore and the headaches are gone. Still need some time for the blast effects on the rest of my body to wear off. I think I'll be back well before Christmas. Found a good therapist, to deal with the emotional side effects. I'll give you her name if you want."

"Yeah, I did talk to someone here and he recommended I continue to see someone when I return," replied Bucky. "You scared me, Sam. Thought I lost you, after all we've been through together."

"Hey, we're tough guys, right?" Sam smiled his gap-toothed smile. "Get Jane in the picture."

I sat close to Bucky and tilted my head so we were both in the frame. "Hi Sam," I said. "You do look good. Natasha's taking good care of you?"

"Yup, and that's another reason I wanted to call," he said, reaching his arm out to bring her close. "I asked her to marry me and she said yes. Said someone had to be responsible enough to keep me from doing stupid things like jumping onto a boat full of explosives from a helicopter. You'll be our best man and matron of honour, right?"

"You got it," replied Bucky. "Congratulations, you two. Natasha, you sure about this?"

"Yeah, took him almost dying to get motivated enough but I'm good with that," she replied. She began to cry a little. "You just take care of yourself and get better, okay? They need you back at the precinct. With the arrests that have been made there's going to be a whole new crop of rookie cops coming in that are going to need a firm hand. That's you and Sam's job, to mold these young ones into being the best cops in the New York area."

Bucky looked at Steve for an explanation but he just mouthed the word "later" to him. For several more minutes Bucky and Sam shot the breeze then they reluctantly decided to end the call, with a promise to connect after we returned. For several moments Bucky wept. When Steve looked at me if we should intervene I shook my head, but I did put a box of tissues next to Bucky and sat with him. After several minutes he grabbed several and wiped his eyes then blew his nose, one-handed using his right hand. Steve brought the waste receptacle and he tossed the used tissues in there then looked at his friend with appreciation.

"I know it doesn't seem like it but I needed that," said Bucky. "I kind of lost it yesterday with Jane and Rose. I'd rather cry it out than hurt the ones I love with built up anger. So what's this about rookies?"

"Well, there were quite a few arrests of upper ranked and middle ranked members of the NYPD," began Steve. "So much so that they're taking good people from just about every borough to fill those ranks. It's left a lot of positions open. I'm moving on to be a captain in Queens, two days a week to start then full time in the New Year. Clint has accepted a lieutenant's position in the Bronx, also in the New Year. While I know that you probably won't be ready to return to your previous position Rhodey and I thought you might be interested in taking on Clint's position as a light-duty assignment. You'll handle the squad room, doing the daily briefing and being responsible for the orientation of the rookies that we'll be getting after the next class graduates in December. Sam will do the more physical duties of mentoring them on the street while he also takes on acting lieutenant for the precinct until he's confirmed as permanent. Mankato has agreed to postpone his retirement until you're cleared for duty so you can be promoted to his lieutenant's position."

"He'll do a good job," said Bucky. "I like the idea of working with the rookies. I don't know if I'll get the use of my left arm back, Steve. The injury did a real number on my radial nerve and I have no feeling from my upper arm down to my fingers."

"I know. I also know that there's a doctor in New York, T'Challa Udaku and his sister Shuri who are doing some amazing things with bypassing nerve damage in limbs. The police chief and the commissioner have already contacted them about you. You and Sam are heroes, Bucky. You two put yourselves on the line to stop some angry misguided people from setting off an insurrection. The department also knows about your undercover work and your charitable activities. As far as they're concerned you two are the face of policing in New York that they want to promote. They're going to bend over backwards to keep you on the jobs that you love. If you do end up having to retire with a disability they'll approach you about being on the police commission, if you're open to that."

It was an incredible revelation to hear all that and Bucky just sat there, as if he couldn't believe it. For a man who had accomplished some considerable achievements in the years since he became a father, he was relatively quiet about what had just been offered to him. Even Steve seemed to be bothered by the lack of response and he kneeled down to his childhood friend.

"Buck, it's okay. We've got your back. No matter what happens to your arm you'll have a place with the department."

"I get that, Steve, I really do," he said, trying to sound positive. "I'm happy for you to be moving up and becoming a captain. I guess I just always thought the three of us would be in the same precinct forever. You know that you're one of the reasons I joined. I'll work hard to get better." His face became calmer until he looked at Steve with some emotion. "I'll miss working with you. You're a good lieutenant and you'll be a great captain. But Queens? Which precinct?"

Steve grinned. "Dad's old precinct, the 107th."

"No shit?" Bucky beamed, then put his right hand out. "That's great, buddy, it really is."

Gingerly, Steve and Bucky hugged each other. Rose hugged me, then Peggy and Steve, finishing with planting a kiss on her dad's cheek. With all of us accompanying him, Bucky decided to take another walk and we went down to the main floor atrium. Even though he was still limping from the bullet wound in his leg Bucky never once complained. I told him about my parents being invited to stay with his parents and how they wanted to come see us after the weekend. He reacted positively to the news and seemed pleased that our parents had connected even though they stayed at different resorts. When a grey-haired man walked by Bucky called out to him and stood up to shake the man's hand, introducing us all to him. He was the combination chaplain / psychologist who had spoken to Bucky the night before. After promising to come see Bucky after we left, he went on to his duties. When we returned to the room, Bucky hugged the others then turned to me and gently caressed my face before kissing me goodnight. Whispering that it would be alright he gazed into my eyes then told me loved me. I believed him because I knew it was true. We would be alright, of that I was certain now. This injury was just a small bump in the road we were travelling together.