Chapter 28. The True Blue Heart
Content warning: Contains sexual content which may be unsuitable for readers under the age of 18.
Bucky
I was of two minds over the department news that Steve shared with me. I was thrilled that he had finally made captain, a significant achievement for a 37-year-old man. To become the commanding officer of the precinct his own father had worked in for so long was fitting as Steve's dad Joe was one of those old school beat cops that became part of the neighbourhood. He also gave his life in service of the public, being gunned down when Steve was twelve years old. There was no doubt in my mind that Steve would leave his mark on the 107th. At the same time, I was really going to miss working with him. Our friendship had served our working relationship well as there were times words weren't needed between us. We always had each other's back, no matter what. That Sam was taking on Steve's position was the only saving grace as my bond with him was as strong as it was with my childhood friend. Knowing that the department was planning for me to return to work was both uplifting and challenging. There was no doubt that Steve told me with the hope of increasing my determination to overcome my arm injury. Like I said, we knew each other well.
The next few days passed quickly until I was released from the Baltimore hospital. I was eager to get to that specialist in New York, eager to begin the long process of regaining my arm function, eager to get back to the job I was passionate about, and eager to begin living my life with Jane. Any doubts I had about jumping in too quickly at the beginning of our relationship, or of getting married so soon, evaporated at how much more she came to mean to me during that time I spent in the hospital. Perhaps because she had been in a similar position after surviving the attempt to murder her or maybe just because of her own strength of character, I knew that I found the right woman to spend the rest of my life with. Every look and touch between us was filled with the understanding that we had staying power. The smoulder in our relationship, evident as she shaved my face daily, was as far as we could go sexually in the hospital, despite my attempts to convince her otherwise. Reluctant to cause further damage to my left arm by what I wanted to do, she kept me happy in other ways without either of us having an orgasm. It was edging on a grand scale, with a promise that once we were home, we would make up for lost time. I was definitely going to hold her to her promises.
Before we left, Dr. Udaku's office phoned to set my first appointment with him for the Monday, the day after we returned. Although Dr. Khan said it would be two weeks before they would test my arm functions, Dr. Udaku's office said they believed in getting me in as soon as possible to undergo a process they called mapping, where they actually stimulated my nerves both above and below the break, to pinpoint exactly where my nerves were located. It would also help determine the treatment they would take after, as they could stimulate the regrowth of my damaged radial nerve, transplant a nerve taken from another portion of my body to replace the damaged portion of my radial nerve, or insert an artificial nerve which was still experimental. The mapping would be used to create a compression-type sleeve that would fit externally over my arm, bridging the portion of damaged nerve so that I wouldn't lose any musculature below the break, as it would be attached to an external power source that would mimic my nerve function. It was all very high-tech sounding, and they just gave me the Cliff Note's version over the phone.
The trip back to New York was mostly straightforward. Steve brought the minivan, minus the child seat. He insisted I sit up in the front with him, wanting to give me the full lowdown on arrests in the department but I made sure I could see Jane through the small mirror in the sun visor, as turning around was difficult and painful for me. I wore a full arm sling that the seat belt had to be carefully threaded through so that no pressure was placed on the arm. While Steve and Jane fitted me in, I felt as helpless as a child but when Steve returned around the vehicle to the driver's side, my lovely wife made sure to give me an extra squeeze where it counted before kissing me. It was devious, and I loved it.
We did stop outside of Philadelphia as I needed a bathroom break. I found out that Steve was a really good friend when he "helped" me in front of the urinal, without making eye contact, but definitely talking football as I relieved myself. Never knew his hands were so soft. We never spoke of it again. On the final portion of the journey, crossing over the Verrazzano Narrows Bridge, it was good to see the familiar skyline of Brooklyn approaching.
I almost cried when he pulled up in front of my house. It felt like forever since I was last there. I was also eager for Jane to like it. There were still parts of it I was working on, but the main floor was complete, as was the second floor where our bedroom and two more bedrooms were. The third floor and basement were still a work in progress that could wait until I was better. As she helped me out of the front seat, she looked up at my home then turned back to me, her face glowing.
"It's beautiful. Stained glass windows as well?"
"I kept all of the period features where I could," I replied. "Stained glass windows, hardwood floors, oak built-ins and finishing on the main floor. White finishings on the second floor as I salvaged what oak finishes were left up there to keep the look on the main floor unified. Still working on the third floor and the basement, which is to be a self-contained suite to rent out. The backyard is done, and I built a patio deck off the kitchen."
"It really is beautifully done inside," said Peggy. "Bucky is a perfectionist, and it shows in the quality of the workmanship."
Steve was already at the top of the front steps, entering the key code in the door. "Natasha went food shopping for you, so you don't have to worry about that," he said as he threw the door open for the ladies, letting them enter first. He gestured me in. "I'll get the bags."
It got me right in the feels as I watched Jane take in the living room. She ran her hand over the wood of the doorways and window frames, then she smiled at my furniture choices, modern but comfortable. As she walked into the large dining room she shook her head, seemingly amazed at how it looked with the built-in china cabinet. Looking through the bay window into the back yard she turned back to me, her eyes glassy. It wasn't just my home anymore, it was hers. I was as certain of that as I was certain that we would be okay. There would be a life lived in this house, with our children, and our extended families visiting often.
"Have a look at the kitchen," I said. "I had a choice to make it open plan but with wanting to keep as many period features as possible, I decided to keep it separate. It's pretty modern but with a classic look that fits with the rest."
The three women went into the kitchen while I stayed out in the living room. Steve put his hand on my right shoulder.
"She likes it, a lot," he said. "I thought you were crazy buying this place with your lottery winnings, but you've made a home out of it, and you belong in it together."
"Always hoped to find the right woman," I replied. "Didn't think it would be someone I met in the middle of the night in the worst part of New York, but I guess it was meant to be. We're going to start trying for a family soon. Am I being selfish wanting that?"
"No, not at all," stated Steve. "You've always stepped up to the plate and becoming a father again is something I know you've wanted for a long time. Maybe joining the army was a bit of an impulse but you met Sam there and brought him into our lives. Wouldn't have it any other way. You're my best friend, Bucky, and you're one of the best men I know. Time you realized that."
The others came out of the kitchen and Steve gave Peggy a look that she understood right away, being the right woman to hear his unsaid words. Rose picked up on it, seeing how Jane and I were looking at each other and hugged Jane hard then came over to me.
"I'm going home," she said, then looked back at Jane before looking at me again. "I love you Dad. You'll get through all this. I know it."
"Thanks for being there, baby girl," I replied then hugged her with my right arm and kissed her on her forehead.
Just like that the other three left and we were alone, my wife and I, in our house that I fixed mostly with my own hands. For several moments we just looked at each other then Jane came right to me and gently held me on the right side of my body, kissing me tenderly before pulling away.
"I love everything about it," she said softly. "It's the most beautiful house I've ever seen, and I can't believe you did all this yourself."
"It's easy when you have YouTube, friends who've done renovations before, and enough in your contingency fund to rip it out and start over if it doesn't look right the first time." I touched a loose strand of her hair and smoothed it back into place. "My previous girlfriends had issues with how much time I spent on it making it look how I wanted it to look. Maybe that's why we didn't last because I guess I was always building it for you." I could feel a lump of emotion building in my throat and my mouth began twisting as I tried to get my thoughts out before I lost it. "Right from when you saw it from outside, I knew you would love it, that this was your house, not just mine."
"This is where we'll raise our family," she replied and that's when I did lose it, sobbing as I bent my head down to her shoulder.
All the years since my divorce spent wondering what was wrong with me, with all that I had tried in my quest to be a better man, and yet nothing seemed to change for me in finding the right one, the right partner to share my life with. In between those relationships I poured my efforts into the job, being a good friend to Connie, a good father to Rose, and to making my house into a home. Now, here I was, finally with the woman who got me, understood me, and was holding me as I blubbered my way through the release of emotions after all those years of searching.
"Show me the bedrooms," whispered Jane and I nodded, then wiped the tears off my face.
She wrapped her arm around my waist, supporting me up the stairs and let me lead her into the master bedroom, taking in the king sized bed with a padded headboard, the separate ensuite with a shower/tub combination, and the walk-in closet. I had painted it a soft green colour with white trim, then the furnishings were whites and light grey. Stepping past me she looked at the other two bedrooms, the one with a queen-sized bed in it and the other unfurnished. She stood in the middle of the third one then faced me.
"This will be the nursery," she declared. "It's away from the front street so it will be quieter for the baby."
The way she said it tweaked something in my mind and I tilted my head at her.
"Are you?" I asked, not quite believing it could happen.
"I think so," she replied, still standing there looking so damned beautiful. "My period didn't come. It was due this past week. I wanted to buy a pregnancy kit before we got here but then others would have seen it, and I didn't want anyone to know before you. IUDs are almost perfect, almost. We'll know for sure if I start puking up in the next few days, but I think it's pretty certain that I'm pregnant."
"When did it happen?" I sat down on the edge of the bed as I felt a little lightheaded. "We've been so focused on everything related to the investigation and we were stressed, and the sex was great but ... How?"
"Our honeymoon," she said, sitting next to me. "If I have my times right. I was so glad when you told Rose that we were still going to start a family. For a brief time, I thought that you would want to wait until your arm was better before we even began trying."
Thinking back to that first night in the little cabin in Vermont, I thought of the place that our hosts claimed to have conceived all their children in, and how much I wanted to conceive our first child there. It seemed too good to be true but maybe luck was with us that night, almost five weeks ago. Raising my eyes to this beautiful woman beside me I just gazed into her eyes before we kissed. Our lips felt so soft against each other, as if all the strain of the past few months just slipped away. Her fingers undid the button on my jeans, then unzipped them and she slipped her hand down my underwear.
"We can do this now or we can wait until after I go to a store and buy a home pregnancy kit," she offered. "Either way, I'm giving you what you waited for."
"I can wait a little longer," I said. "You'll have to do all the work. Dr. Khan was pretty emphatic that I do nothing with this arm."
"Not a problem," replied Jane. "Where's the nearest pharmacy?"
"Left to the lights, then right a block," I answered. "The door code is 1928, the year the house was built."
"I'll be back as soon as I can," she said, kissing me.
Less than 10 minutes later she was back, as I could hear her coming up the stairs. I hadn't moved, realizing after she left that I wanted my shirt off, but I couldn't manage it on my own. She put her purse down and took off her jacket, leaving it on the chaise lounge in front of the window. Then she pulled the blinds down in the bedroom and in the bathroom.
"I can't do the test until tomorrow as it's best done right after getting up," she said. "You need help, don't you?"
I nodded and she gently took my T-shirt off, then I stood so she could undress me. Pulling the covers back on the bed, she helped me lie down and propped my arm up with the decorative cushions. Then she pulled her phone out and looked at me.
"Wi-Fi password?" she asked.
"TruBluHeart08," I answered. "One word, caps on the T, B, and H, no 'e' in true or blue. 08 was the year I became a cop. Before we broke up one of my girlfriends said I had a blue heart, with my deepest feelings kept for my friends on the force. At the time, it seemed true."
Jane smiled then kneeled beside me. "Blue hearts do symbolize deep friendship, but also loyalty, peace, and trust. You show all of those qualities and if she thought she was being insulting to you she was way off base. I couldn't be with someone who wasn't any of those. We have the passion and the romance; the rest is who you really are."
We couldn't kiss or touch because my left arm was between us, but I loved Jane so much at that moment. It took so many years for us to find each other and now we were here, about to begin what could be the best part of our lives. She looked at her phone again and brought up a playlist. Then she stood up and began undressing in front of me.
"I started this playlist after you kissed me at the baseball game," she said, as she took her jeans off. "That kiss awakened something in me, too. I wanted to love you right from the start and even though I was terrified, there was something about you that said I could trust you, that you were ..." Her voice trailed off before she sighed. "That you were looking for that one person just like me."
Pulling her top off over her head, she tossed it on the chaise lounge, then took her underwear off, before finally pressing Play on the playlist and straddling my legs. Sade's voice started singing Kiss of Life and Jane placed herself over me, avoiding any contact with the left side of my upper body. My right hand automatically went to caress her breasts and she closed her eyes briefly, enjoying my touch on her. Then she kissed me deeply and my wife, the last lover I would ever have, began making love to me, taking it upon herself to give me pleasure even though I was limited in how I could reciprocate. I tried, God how I tried, but the movement was jarring at times, and I had to let Jane do all the work. She still came, which I loved watching, as did I, and we laid there after, under the covers of our bed, listening to more of the playlist. I had to laugh when Friday I'm in Love came on.
"I thought it was meaningful when it came on your truck radio as you drove me home," she said, curled up under my right arm. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"
"No, it was great," I replied, turning my head to kiss hers. "Thank you."
"Are you hungry? I noticed a few places nearby with some good food choices."
"Yeah, no rush."
We fell asleep, not waking up for hours, at almost midnight. I didn't want Jane to go out by herself to pick up food, so she made omelettes for us in the kitchen. After cleaning everything back up we went back to bed and slept all night, our first night as a married couple, in our own home. It was the best night of sleep I'd had since waking up in the hospital a week before. Being in your own home with the one you love changes everything.
I woke with a start the next morning. It was early, the light from outside that bled through the gaps in the blinds was grey. Jane was sitting against the headboard, beside me, holding the stick from the pregnancy kit and her cell phone.
"It's positive, says I'm pregnant 3 weeks," she smiled. "I also threw up which usually begins at about 5 weeks."
"We're going to be parents," I stated. I looked at her, not sure how to read her at that moment. "You okay?"
"Terrified," she admitted, "but I want this." She put the stick and her phone on the night table on her side then slid down next to me, pulling the covers up over her and carefully draping herself over me. "I want your baby."
"I want your baby, too," I repeated back to her, then I smiled as I looked up at the ceiling. "It'll be alright, Jane. Doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl, I'm going to love you both with all of my heart."
An hour later we got up for real as we had to be at the doctor's office for 9:30 am. Jane made us breakfast then I handed her my truck keys, parked just down the street. As residents we had permits on our cars, but it meant we could park anywhere along that street. Even though I tried to park close to the house there were times I had to park further away and this time it seemed to be even farther away because it was raining, and the umbrella was in the truck. Running ahead Jane unlocked the truck, got the umbrella and came back with it holding it over our heads. After fussing with getting the seat belt threaded properly under my sling we finally started towards the doctor's office, in Queens.
We walked in with 5 minutes to spare. After checking in, we sat and waited for about ten minutes before being ushered into an examination room with a very hi-tech looking bed in it, as well as a standard examination bed. I was asked to remove my shirt and the sling. Just a few minutes later a man who looked to be about my age and a much younger woman carrying an iPad entered.
"Greetings, Mr. and Mrs. Barnes," said the man, in an accent with African origins. "I am T'Challa Udaku and this is my sister Shuri. Do not let her young age alarm you. She is a fully qualified research physician."
"My brother, Dr. T'Challa, only says that because I got my M.D. a full 5 years before he did at 25 years of age," smiled the young woman, with the same accent. "We work together on the more complex cases such as your own. I understand you refused to take any painkillers stronger than Tylenol. How is your pain level on a scale of 10, that being the most painful."
"Maybe 4," I replied. "I didn't wake up at all last night."
"Excellent," replied Dr. T'Challa. "I am going to move your arm, slowly and deliberately. I want you to tell me when you begin to experience discomfort, and when that discomfort becomes pain. I will stop immediately at that point."
Slowly he raised my arm out laterally from my shoulder, while still keeping it bent. When it got higher than my shoulder, I told him it was uncomfortable, with it becoming painful shortly after. He said something to his sister which she entered in her iPad. Next, he began manipulating my fingers, asking if there was any sensation in any of them. There wasn't and he asked me to raise and lower my hand at the wrist. There was a slight raise and Dr. Shuri noted that. They spoke in a different language for a moment then Dr. T'Challa looked at me, apologetically.
"English is not our first language, so we often revert to our native language so there are no misunderstandings in our deliberations," he said very precisely. "I'm going to remove your pressure dressing. If it is necessary to put it back on after our nurse will do it. I want you to lie on the diagnosis bed here, with your arm out laterally as much as you can bear. We will map out the location of the damage to your humerus as well as the radial nerves and any other nerve branches that were affected by the bullet wound. The bed will display a 3D image as it maps the area. That information will be integrated into a type of 3D printer that will create a sleeve to wear over your arm. This sleeve will keep your nerves below the break functioning, as it bridges the gap over the damaged part of the radial nerve. It is only a stopgap measure until we determine which treatment will serve you best, but we have had great success with how it keeps your lower arm musculature intact. Do you require help to get on the bed?"
I nodded yes and he cut apart my dressing, then wrapped his arm around my waist from the right side and expertly assisted me onto the bed. A section of it extended out from the side and I was instructed to raise my arm out laterally as long as it was still comfortable. His sister stood on that side with her iPad and began inputting into a keypad on it. I watched, fascinated as the lights in the room dimmed and the lights on the bed became brighter. It was like being on something you see in a science fiction movie. Once she was happy with the settings, she looked at me.
"Don't move now, or we'll have to start again. You may experience a tingling sensation in your arm, even in the part that is currently non-responsive. That is normal as the mapping process directly stimulates the nerves so that they show up in the display better. Any part that is not responding will show up in red but don't be alarmed at that as they could be still in a repairing stage which will be more purple in colour. You ready?"
"Ready," I replied.
Jane held my right hand as the machine began the mapping sequence. When the 3D display of my arm appeared everything was in red but as I felt the tingling sensation begin in my fingers and work its way up the colour of the nerves changed to blue. In a way, it was comforting to see the blue lines appear on the display as the machine worked its way up from my fingertips. As it got closer to my elbow there was more trauma as the colour became more purplish then the area where the break was turned mostly red, with portions in purple. Above the break the red disappeared, as the purple turned back to blue, which extended all the way to my shoulder. The scan was stopped at that point and the bed was powered down. The lights in the room brightened and Dr. T'Challa helped me back to the examination bed. He and his sister looked over the results on the iPad for several minutes then came to stand in front of us.
"Well, that was enlightening," said Dr. Shuri. "Considering the trauma is quite extensive we don't think simple nerve stimulation will do it. I'm going to run some computer simulations of the data I have acquired and I'm pretty sure we're going to use a combination of nerve transfer from another part of your body to replace your damaged radial nerve, and artificial nerve implants for the nerves that branch out of it. Brother?"
"I concur but we will run the simulations first to be sure. Do you have anywhere to be in the next hour?"
"No, we're free," I replied.
"Good," he stated. "We're going to create that sleeve right now and fit it to your arm. It comes with its own power supply that is about the size of a computer chip. This is going to keep your intact nerves from deteriorating. It will allow you some movement but I caution you not to lift anything or take part in anything too energetic after as it has to be placed exactly in alignment with the nerves in your arm. That would include any sexual activity that would involve the man on top. Sorry. In the coming week my sister will run her simulations and we'll schedule the surgery for next Monday. Any questions?"
"That soon?" I asked. "How long will I be laid up?"
"Hardly any time at all compared to traditional treatments," he replied. "The surgery will take several hours and you will rest overnight. We'll run some mapping at the hospital the next day to make sure the nerve transfer and implants are receiving the stimuli, then we let your nervous system take over reconnecting the damaged portion naturally. It will be about a week before we can expect to notice any changes. Another three to four weeks of physical therapy to restore your muscle functions. You should be ready to return to light duty by January, if all goes well."
"Will I have to get a new pressure dressing after I start wearing the sleeve?" I asked.
"It would improve the probability of keeping the sleeve in place, and you would have to continue wearing the sling as the break is still healing but the nerve stimulation will help with that. I think you should."
We were ushered to another examination room that didn't have the hi-tech bed in it and asked politely to wait. Jane looked at me.
"They sound very confident. How do you feel about what they're proposing?"
"Good, I guess," I replied. "Dr. Khan recommended them, and Steve said the police chief and commissioner already recommended them. They must have a good reputation. If they can get me back to work by January, that's months ahead of what I was expecting."
There was a text on my phone from Thor and Jane handed it to me. Returning it to her she read the message, looked up at me, her eyes bright.
"They caught Pierce and Ross? Is that it? Does that mean it's over?"
"I don't know," I replied. "Maybe for our people. There's a link there. See what it has to say."
She clicked on the link which took her to the official FBI press release that also had the insignias for the Department of Justice, ATF, RCMP, and several local police departments, including NYPD. The press release was timed for 6 pm this evening.
The Federal Bureau of Investigation would like to announce the arrest of fugitives Alexander Pierce, and Thaddeus Ross, after a raid on a boat in Lake Ontario. The raid, conducted by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, after an anonymous tip, was executed without resistance from the fugitives who were accompanied by several other persons of interest in the recent conspiracy to plant and explode bombs at public buildings owned by the government of the United States. All suspects have waived their extradition rights and will be transferred to the custody of the FBI this evening at 9 pm, local time, in the city of Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
We wish to thank the assistance and cooperation of all levels of law enforcement and civilian contractors, who were instrumental in the search for the individuals named. Charges will be announced in the coming days by the Department of Justice.
"Anonymous tip is suspect," I commented. "More likely another one of their underlings lost his nerve and decided to give them up. Regardless, without their money man I'm guessing the others, if there are any, will slink back to the shadows and the FBI will slowly reel them in."
It was an anticlimactic end to the conspiracy. Yes, there were a few deaths, and several people shot, including myself, but ultimately the damage could have been much worse. Which was good it ended now, because if Pierce and his supporters had succeeded they would have hurt many innocent people, just so they could put a very rich man into a position of supreme authority. Just as I started to suggest we answer Thor there was a knock on the door and Dr. Shuri came in the with sleeve. A nurse followed her.
"Alright, we're going to fit this to your arm," said Dr. Shuri. "I'm going to put the sleeve into a setting that will let me know when I've aligned the outlines of your nerves on it with the nerves under your skin. Once everything is aligned we'll begin to wrap your arm up, keeping it in place. Then you'll be on your way and we will call you before Friday, to confirm your surgery next week."
With the help of the nurse, it took them about 30 minutes to align the sleeve and wrap the arm up again. Once it was done, Dr. Shuri accessed her iPad and turned off the alignment setting, then turned on another setting. Right away I could feel my hand again, and began to wiggle my fingers, laughing.
"That's as much movement as you're allowed," she cautioned. "We don't put the sleeve on your fingers because it becomes too difficult to keep that section aligned but we found that doing it to your hand portion was just as effective. Now, Ayo here will run through the precautions you must take with the arm. You must still treat the arm as if it's broken. I will see you next week when I assist my brother in your surgery."
With that she was gone, and the nurse, Ayo, went through the care document carefully. She assisted Jane in putting my T-shirt back on then the sling, making sure I was comfortable before she showed us out. The rain had stopped while we were in the doctor's office and the sun was well on its way to making it a pleasant day. As we walked to my truck, we both lifted our face to the sun. Then Jane unlocked the passenger side door and helped me in, making sure I was buckled in properly. She came around to the driver's side and got in, sitting at the wheel for a moment. I looked at her as a thought from earlier crossed my mind once more.
"This is the way the world ends; not with a bang but a whimper."
"What is that?" She looked at me strangely.
"It's the final two lines in The Hollow Men, by T.S. Eliot." I blushed a little. "When I went to night school for my degree, I had to take an English course and we covered T.S. Eliot, Joseph Conrad, and William Golding, among others. It means the ending of something wasn't as exciting or drastic as expected. All that buildup that was Pierce's attempt at insurrection didn't pan out the way he wanted. The one explosion that did work took out his own man and a lot of their explosives supply but no one and nothing else, so it didn't have the effect he wanted. He was arrested without incident and by waiving his extradition rights he's given up, surrendered to whatever fate awaits him. Ultimately, he was hollow inside, unable to see his plans through because he didn't have substance."
She had a small smile on her face that I knew well; she was aroused. If my left arm was working, I would have been caressing her leg, or somewhere that would let her know what we would be doing as soon as we got home.
"I'm not just a pretty face, you know," I said. "There's a brain in this head. I have lofty thoughts every so often."
Her smile grew to a grin, and she looked at me with some appreciation. "I think you've outdone yourself in sexy talk. That was incredibly hot hearing you talk about a 20th century British poem about hopelessness."
"I have more poetry at home," I replied. "I can read you some while I'm laid up; work you into a real frenzy."
We both laughed and she started the truck, putting it into gear. The ride home was full of music, talking and laughter as we both let loose. This was a year of change for both of us and I couldn't wait for what was to come, with Jane at my side.
Author's note: The medical procedure described in this chapter is fictional, combined with some truth. Nerve stimulation and transfer is being performed on suitable candidates with increasing success in restoring feeling and function in the lower extremities. The mapping process, the bed it was performed on and the 3D printed compression sleeve are complete fiction but seem like just the type of thing Shuri would invent.
One more chapter to wrap things up.