Chapter 3 – Sun with a Gun

"Don't do this, Sun!" screamed Blake. "There's got to be another way!"

"I have to do this, babe," answered the monkey Faunus, anguish both in his voice and on his face. "Please don't try to stop me! There's no other way!"

"Just put down the gun, bro," reasoned Yang. "Nobody needs to die…"

"Don't you go calling me bro. I'm Sun, Yang! I'm Sun with a Gun!"

That was right. Sun Wukong, leader of Haven Academy's Team Sun, had found a firearm and was currently brandishing it wildly against Cinder Fall, whose continued existence he deemed morally questionable. It was only a matter of time now before he did something unthinkable…

"Please!" Cinder pleaded. "Don't hurt me!"

"You're a criminal imposter! I know it!"

"There's no evidence, Sun!" said Sun's partner and best friend, Neptune Vaseline. "You don't really want to hurt that girl! She's got to be innocent!"

"She says she's a Haven student, but literally no one's ever seen her before! She just showed up out of nowhere and said that she was going to be fighting in the Vytal Tournament, but I ain't never seen her ass in any class with me!"

"Dammit, he's right," said Neptune, Sun's dear companion and best friend. "I've categorized all female students of Haven's asses, and Cinder's doesn't show up in the record book. What if she is an imposter?"

"It's just a gun," Mercury dispassionately pointed out. "The monkey has a gun. Why are we treating this like such a big deal? We all use guns. My legs are a gun. Em, you have two guns."

"Merc," Emerald said with a roll of her eyes, "That's a 1976 Third Generation Colt Single Action Army Pistol with 0.44 caliber lead rounds. It's a goddamn Buntline Special, fucker. Just a gun – you might as well say that Neo is 'just a waifu,' you dunce."

"But Cinder's got aura…?"

"I don't care what fictional drivel movies and TV have filled your brain with, Mercury. Gunshot wounds are extremely serious and can often be fatal, if not due to the injury itself than due to blood loss and the risk of infection. Gun safety is no joke."

Mercury's confusion was visible, but he stopped asking question and just decided to watch the scene play out.

"I'm gonna do it!" said Sun.

"SUN!" said Weiss Schnee out of a megaphone, hanging off the rope ladder from a nearby helicopter. "I CAN OFFER YOU FIFTY THOUSAND LIEN IN UNMARKED CHIPS, A GETAWAY BULLHEAD, AND ONE OF THE HOSTAGES."

"I'm the only hostage here!" screamed Cinder.

"TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT."

"Make it forty thousand, and we've got a deal," bargained Sun.

Mercury raised a hand in the air. "Wait, did he just go dow–"

"I'M SORRY, SUN, BUT I CAN'T DO THAT. PLEASE, YOU'VE GOT TO WORK WITH ME HERE. YOU'RE A SMART GUY."

"You're wrong," said Sun, a single teardrop running down from his eye. "I'm not a smart guy. I'm a smart guy with a gun. Say goodbye, Cindy."

"Sun, no!" screamed Blake, but it was too late. Her boyfriend pulled the trigger, and Cinder Fall fell to the ground, dead.

"NOOOOO!" cried Emerald. "MA'AM! CINDER!"

"Hands where I can see 'em, dirtbags!" Sun turned his firearm on her and Mercury. The two miscreants raised their hands in surrender.

And so, Vale was saved by literally just a monkey boy with a long-ass gun.

Where Are They Now?

Team RWBY: Blake and Sun were unable to conceive due to infertility issues, and the ensuing argument about whose fault it was tore apart their already strained relationship. Weiss went on to star in a spin off made-for-television movie, Schnee Bought a Zoo, which got reviewbombed but did okay overseas. Ruby and Yang went on to become the Enabler Ship. My goal is to write one fanfic with each and every possible Team RWBY ship, so this is me getting the Enabler one out of the way in a crappy crackfic.

Team JNPR: Pyrrha still died, but because of asbestos, not Cinder or any of that other stuff. With no more need to pad the runtime with the equivalent of two whole volumes worth of their will-they-won't-they awkward sexual tension, Ren and Nora parted ways and went to youth hostels in Vacuo and the state of Rhode Island, respectively. We're not gonna talk about what happened to Jaune. There's just too much going on there to even start.

Fearing for her life, Salem turned herself in and is currently undergoing courtroom mandated marriage counseling with her estranged husband, Ozpin/Ozma. Tyrian entered into a deep meditative state for 6 years, 6 months, and 6 days, from which he emerged a much wiser and more peaceable scorpion Faunus; his current whereabouts are undisclosed. Doctor Watts went back to voicing characters in the English dubs of far more lucrative franchises, like All-Might from Dragon Ball Z and Vegeta from Boku No Hero Academia. Hazel attempted to lay siege to Beacon using a single trebuchet he purchased online, but Sun managed to shoot him with the same long-ass gun from before.

Ten years after his death, Sun was posthumously awarded the Knights Triple Cross, Vale's highest civilian honor, which had been initially denied to him due to political reasons. He is buried in a small plot of land just north of Forever Fall and is survived by his wife, sons, and suns.