I'll Never Not Love You
"I'll never not need you
I'll never not want you
I'll never not die inside each time I hear your name
I'll never not miss you
If I can't be with you
I'll never not love you."
-Thirty Seconds to Mars, "Never Not Love You"
Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars. Warner Brothers, Rob Thomas, & Spondoolie do.
The lyrics to "Never Not Love You" belong to Thirty Seconds to Mars.
Summary: Picks up after "Sedona" left off because readers have requested it.
Pairing: Logan & Veronica
Rating: T to M (for language and sexual content in later chapters if there are any)
Author's Note: This chapter references episode 03x09: Spit & Eggs as well as all of s4.
Logan sits beside the bed in the Grossman Burn Center in LA, where Veronica is recuperating after the explosion on their wedding day. She suffered severe burns over more than half of her body. She would require skin grafts but they would have to wait until the some of the most severe burns healed. He'd seen people burned from explosions in the Navy.
This was different.
This was worse.
This was his wife.
This was Veronica.
His Veronica.
Every time the doctors and nurses scraped away the burned skin, applied lotion, or changed the bandages she would scream. He knew she must be in agony because Veronica Mars didn't scream. She suffered in silence as he so often did. They were so much alike. It was one of the many reasons they'd fallen in love.
It felt like his own heart was being ripped out of his chest every time she screamed in pain. The fact that he could do nothing to stop her pain made him want to put his fist through a wall.
Or through Ephner's face.
Or both.
When Veronica wasn't enduring treatment for her injuries she was heavily sedated on I.V. pain medication so she could rest and her body could heal itself. Most of the time he stayed awake while she slept. On rare occasions he would return to the hotel to work out, shower or sleep while Keith, Wallace, or Mac stayed with Veronica. Hopefully the renovations to the apartment to repair the damage from the bombing would be completed by the time she was released from the hospital. He'd been granted extended leave while Veronica recovered but he dreaded the day when he'd have to return to active duty. He hated leaving her every single time he had to go. But he worried about leaving her alone even more now that she was injured.
The beeping of the medical equipment lulled him into something like a trance until he heard Veronica's sharp intake of breath.
She was awake.
She was lucky to be alive.
He knew Lily must be watching over both of them because he didn't have to imagine his life without her in it.
He's pulled from his thoughts by the sound of her voice.
"I gotta go take Pony for a walk," she rasps, her throat raw and scratchy from smoke inhalation and the tubes they inserted to help her breathe. In seconds he's on his feet at her side.
"He's okay," he assures her taking her hand gently so it won't cause her any unnecessary pain.
She tries to sit up and winces in pain, "If we don't let him out he'll pee on the carpet," she insists groggily, "And speaking of, Babe could you help me up because I have to pee."
Logan chuckles, "Nice try. You can't get up yet. As your commanding officer and your husband I order you to stay put."
"But I have to pee," she repeats, more insistent this time.
"The doctor hasn't cleared you to get out of bed yet. You've got a catheter."
This was true but he also didn't want her to see her reflection in the bathroom mirror yet. One side of her face was burned and her blonde hair had been burned away in a few places leaving bald spots behind.
Veronica wrinkles her nose, "I have to get up, please" she begs.
Her breathing is labored as if she's fighting for every breath.
"Logan, it hurts," she whispers, as she bites her lower lip against the pain. At that moment, all traces of humor disappear from his expression, "I know," he replies, "Lie back. Moving around too much will make it worse."
She bites her lip again, harder this time. Hard enough to draw blood. He reaches out and brushes it away with his fingertip.
"Oh fuck, it hurts!" she screams, as tears roll down her face. A second later, she looks at him and whispers, "Don't tell my dad I lost the bet."
He grins, "Your secret's safe with me. But only if you lie back before you hurt yourself."
Veronica. His beautiful, strong, stubborn girl.
He wouldn't change her for anything in the world.
Except maybe for her not to be injured in the explosion.
He'd give anything for her to be safe and whole again instead of suffering in the hospital.
She finally relents and settles back against the over starched pillow with a groan. They're both silent for a long time. The only sound is the constant beep and hum of the medical equipment.
"Do you need anything?" Logan asks.
He thought back to the time when he'd broken up with her in college.
He'd told her he'd always been there for her if she ever needed anything.
He'd kissed her forehead, and muttered bitterly, "But you never need anything."
He never would've guessed then that all these years later they'd be together and happily married.
They had to take her wedding ring off so her fingers wouldn't swell around it but he held onto it for save keeping.
He'd already held onto it for months. What's a little longer?
"Will you hold me?" she whispers, reaching for him.
"Always," he replies, "But I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't," she assures him, as he squeezes his five foot eleven inch frame into the narrow hospital bed. She rests her head against his chest and he wraps his arms loosely around her.
"This is kind of like our couch at home," he quips.
She laughs and winces in pain, "Don't make me laugh. It hurts."
"Sorry," he whispers, as he presses his lips against the bandage on her forehead.
They hold each other in silence for a few more minutes until the doctor knocks on the door.
"How're you feeling today, Veronica?" The doctor asks with far too much false humor.
"I'd shrug but it would hurt too much," she replies as she looks up at Logan who smirks.
"How would you feel if I told you you're cleared to get out of bed and I'm going to remove the catheter?"
"I'd build a statute in your honor and put it in the hallway," Veronica quips, "Can I get up right now?" she asks, already exchanging glances with Logan.
"Told you so," she whispers and he leans down to kiss her.
The doctor clears her throat as she glares at Logan who moves out of the bed as quickly as he can without shuffling Veronica too much.
"Do you want some privacy for this?" The doctor asks.
Veronica doesn't hesitate as she replies, "Nope. Trust me; my husband's already seen my lady parts. But I usually make strangers buy me dinner first."
"All right then," the doctor says as she snaps on a pair of latex gloves and reaches between Veronica's legs to remove the catheter.
"Good riddance," Veronica mutters, as she moves to sit up.
"Take it, slowly," The doctor warns, "your muscles will be weak at first."
"I'll manage. My husband can probably bench me and he has broad shoulders for me to lean on. Right babe?"
Logan grins, "I'm at your service, ma'am."
"Ma'am!" Veronica snorts, "Cuss you, I'm not old enough to be a ma'am!"
"Bet's back on then?" he asks even though he already knows the answer.
"It was never off. Can you please help me get out of this bed?"
Logan moves closer to the bed but before he can help her up the doctor looks at them both. "I'd like to talk to you about one more thing before I go. Veronica, did you know you're pregnant?"
"What?" Veronica exclaims ignoring the stab of pain in her ribs, "Pony's gonna be a big brother. Nice work, Daddy."
She glances at Logan to gauge his reaction.
He's smiling. He's as excited as she is.
"I'm guessing this is news to both of you," The doctor continues, "Good news, I hope."
"Yes." They both answer in unison.
"The I.V. meds could be harmful to the baby … "
"I'll white knuckle it if I have to," Veronica insists.
"I wouldn't recommend that. It will be painful," The doctor warns.
"What else is new?" she asks.
"Is there anything she can take instead that will be safe for her and the baby?" Logan interrupts.
"Acetaminophen," The doctor answers, "But I'd still like to keep you hydrated with I.V. fluids."
"Great. Let's go with that," Veronica says, decision made.
"All right," the doctor says, skeptical, "The nurses' know how to reach me if you need anything. I'll check in on you soon."
She doesn't know Veronica.
The doctor leaves the room and closes the door.
Veronica sits up, slowly. Logan stands at her side pushing the I.V. stand out in front of them both.
"Where do you want to go?" Logan asks as he puts an arm around her pulling her to her feet.
"Fiji," she answers without thinking and then shudders at the memory.
"I've got you," Logan assures her, "Let's get you to the bathroom first then we'll go to Fiji, okay?"
"I love you," Veronica whispers," We're gonna have a baby."
"Yeah we are," Logan replies, "And I love you too."
Veronica stumbles as she takes another step, "Mother cusser!" she exclaims but Logan's there to keep her from falling.
"Slow doesn't mean warp speed," he reminds her, "Take it easy."
She looks at him and rolls her eyes but keeps walking towards the small bathroom. A few minutes later she makes it. She doesn't protest as Logan follows her inside.
She uses the bathroom and washes her hands. As she turns to leave the bathroom she gets a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror. She screams and tries to move too quickly. She braces herself for the inevitable fall but she finds herself in Logan's arms instead.
"How can you still love me when I look like this?" she whispers through her tears.
"I'll never not love you, Veronica." He promises as he carries her back to bed and holds until she falls asleep.