Tim awoke that morning, glad that day would be the last he would have to ride without Lucy by his side. Only one more day of Nolan and his horrible dad jokes and crazy construction mishap stories. He liked the guy, and definitely respected him, but he'd been weighing on his last nerve for days now. He wasn't even sure he could make it through the next twelve-hour shift before snapping.

This last week, he'd been in a funk, like he was stuck on autopilot. He almost wasn't aware of his surroundings as he took Kojo on his walk that morning, but recent conversations he'd had were still fogging up his mind, diverting his focus. First, the conversation he'd had with Angela at the hospital was still weighing on him. And breaking up with Rachel had been a nightmare. But then there were the phone calls with Chen. Those had pretty much been the highlights of the past few weeks for him... although he knew they shouldn't be.

"Angela, even if I did have feelings for her, what could I do? I'm her training officer; she's my boot. She can't have her reputation be completely tarnished because of me. And one of us would have to switch and go to another department, maybe even another station? Come on! That's way too much for either one of us to ask."

"Please, is your job really all that's stopping you? Because you know we can figure out something and work around that. That's no problem."

"Well, I am with Rachel. That's a pretty big problem."

Tim completely hated himself for it, but until that moment her name had slipped from his lips, he had completely forgotten about Rachel. God, he was such an asshole! How could he be sitting there, talking about having feelings for Lucy, when he was dating one of her closest friends?

"Yeah, that's true. I'm sorry." Angela said, before finding the words to continue, "Look, I feel like the biggest jerk ever for saying it, so I can only imagine how you're feeling... but we all know what Rachel is. She is sweet, attractive, smart... really, she's a great girl. But, Tim... she is just a distraction. You can't let that make you turn your back on this thing with Lucy. Now that you know what you want, just end it with Rachel. A clean break, you know?"

It was like his mind had suddenly changed the channel, as it traveled to his conversation with Rachel. Mere seconds after he'd hung up with Angela, it seemed like fate was playing a cruel joke on him as he saw her name flash across the screen. He was so nervous to answer but he knew he at least had to give her the peace of mind she needed and tell her that Lucy had been found. When she told him she was on her way to the hospital, he remembered the guilt he felt eating away at him, especially as she walked up that hallway. How badly he'd felt, barely able to look her in the eye as the words spewed from his lips, vile even to his own ears because of what was hidden behind them, as he said, "I... I can't see you anymore."

He hadn't said anything more, but she hadn't seemed to need an explanation, as she replied, "I cannot believe you really called me down here to break up with me, while you're sitting here, pining and pouting by her bedside? You know, Tim, I always wondered about you two... but, at least now I know exactly how you feel."

Okay, so maybe it wasn't exactly the cleanest of breaks... but he's had a lot worse.

Then, like a flash, it was back to him hashing things out with Angela just prior to that. He was glad she'd been the one helping him along this journey, making him realize all these things he'd been denying about himself. She was easy to talk to and she could simplify things in a way that Tim needed sometimes.

"Whoa there, I haven't confirmed any feelings yet. I'm just... hypothesizing at the moment." he said, "Okay, well, another major issue there is the fact that when I was in junior high, Lucy wasn't even born yet. I mean, she is very mature for her age, but I only understand about half of what she's talking about and that's on a good day. And I don't know which makes me feel more like a geriatric loser - having to ask her what certain words mean or waiting to google them later."

Suddenly, he could practically hear Lucy saying things like, 'simp' and 'rizz' and 'cheugy' during their conversations. He knows she's doing it just to tease him, but she doesn't understand just how 'cringe' he finds it all. (Hey, at least he figured that one out by himself... he hoped.)

"Oh, do not give me that crap. She's the same age as Rachel, so if you can date her, then Lucy shouldn't be a problem either. And unless you're actually in junior high, who the hell cares about an age difference? My Uncle Roberto is eighteen years older than his wife and they just celebrated their twenty-seventh wedding anniversary! So, what, Lucy teaches you some new things? I'm sure you got a few things that you can teach her too, babe." Angela joked, "We both know, you are not a loser and there's nothing geriatric about you. I mean, if you're struggling there, just take a look in the mirror, would you? You are gorgeous... And she's gorgeous... And have I mentioned that I think your babies would be gorgeous? Like, oh my god. The cutest babies to ever exist."

"Okay, so we're having babies now? Have you picked out their names? Are you at least planning a wedding first?"

'Please.' he thought, 'I'll probably be planning Angela's wedding myself before Lucy and I ever tie the knot.'

It had barely registered to him that he'd made it back to his house, until he felt himself fumbling with his keys. He fed the dog but decided not to eat himself, choosing instead to pick up something to eat on his way to work. Besides, he really needed to go upstairs to shower.

As the water got nice and steamy, he took his clothes off, drenched with sweat from his walk. It was an older house, so the water's temperature was hard to regulate, and Tim was rather particular about it, but he found he could never get it just right when he was in the locker room showers at work or at the gym.

Once it was the way he liked it, just this side of scalding, he slipped under the spray, letting it run down his sore neck, his aching shoulders and stiff back. The heat was great at loosening the tightness in his muscles. He dampened his short locks and grabbed the shampoo, making quick work of that process. Then grabbed the body soap and did the same.

Truthfully, there was another reason he liked showering at home. There, he could imagine that Lucy was with him. He could imagine wet lips leaving others to explore and find each other again, biting... and sucking... and nibbling... and licking. Finding all those spots that make the other whimper... and stutter... and quiver with delight. He could imagine her kissing her way over his chest, his stomach. Her fingernails digging into his ass, her lips and teeth barely grazing over his hips, her tongue dragging down his cut groin. He could imagine her hair, soaking wet and falling down over her shoulders, grabbing it all up and twisting it around his hand, as he used it as a way to guide her lips closer to where he was so desperate to have them.

He could imagine leading her downward as she dropped to her knees to the tile below. She'd be running her hands up his muscular thighs before grabbing his hips, his ass, and pulling him closer. He could imagine it was her hand working him over, a few slow, tentative strokes, before gaining the courage to lick her way up the underside of it and swirling her tongue around the tip. He could imagine her mouth finally encasing as much as she could of him, trying so hard not to gag as she tested how far she could take him in. He could imagine her taking her time with it. He'd be almost bursting from the pressure building inside him as she sucked his cock - hard and fast like she was desperate for it, then slow and soft almost to the point of teasing, and then back to hard again. He was intoxicated by how much she enjoyed bringing him to the edge of bliss then leaving him panting, begging her to continue. He could imagine the way her eyes would flutter closed as she finally let him finish, savoring the taste of him on her tongue as her name poured from his lips in a gratified whisper.

As he shot his load all over the shower wall, he opened his eyes and realized he'd now have to wash himself again, but... damn, it was worth it. And well needed. He hadn't found the urge to pleasure himself for a while, but he'd just been so wound up for days that he knew a release was what he was looking for. Unfortunately, he couldn't get the release he really wanted, but he'd be lying if he said that the fantasy of Lucy wasn't better than most girls he had really been with.

When he exited the shower and went into his bedroom, the shine of something in the corner of his eye caught his attention. It was Lucy's ring, sitting on top of his dresser. He would never admit it to anyone, but he'd been carrying it with him ever since. To him, it was like a good luck charm, but also a reminder to never give up on the people he cared about and to keep them close. So, he slipped on his jeans and tucked it into his pocket, finishing up and heading off to work.

He'd seen Lucy at roll call that morning, but she looked like she had been in a bad mood. He wanted to try and see what was wrong, but Grey had begun the rundown of what they'd all do that day so he couldn't. But then, when they all normally met for lunch, Lucy had chosen to sit by herself, scrolling with a frustrated frown plastered on her face as she tried to find the biggest bottle of concealer that they carried online.

It was the same look he found on her face after work, as he caught her in the training room, hitting the bags. He hated that look. Almost as much as he hated the look of embarrassment she failed so poorly at hiding when she pulled up her shirt to wipe her face and he caught a glimpse of her tattoo.

"Hey. Hi." she said, letting the words stumble over her lips.

He heard that quiver in her voice that told him she'd been in there trying not to cry before he arrived. He loved that he knew her so well that he could detect those things, but at the same time, he wished he couldn't. Every time he did, his heart broke a little bit more for her.

"You got no quit in you, do you, Boot?"

"No sir. I get that from you." she replied, still trying to catch her breath.

"I don't think so." he shook his head and smiled, "You walked in the door this way. It's what makes you so aggravating."

She chuckled, "Well, I'm taking that as a compliment."

"It was meant to be." he said, pausing for a minute before adding, "You have a good night."

"Yeah, you too." she replied.

But as he put his hand in his pockets to turn and leave, he felt it tucked in there - her ring. And he was reminded that he needed to keep her close right now... to keep her sane, to keep her from falling apart. He couldn't give up on her. And to do that, he had to make her see that tattoo could hold some form of peace and accomplishment for her, if she would let it.

"You know..." he started, as he turned back toward her, "I got half a dozen scars - bullet wounds, knife wounds, broken bottle. Then there's the ones you can't see - Isabel's addiction... a dad who would tune me up on the regular. And whether I like it or not, they are a part of me."

She interrupted, "I... I know what you're trying to do, and I appreciate it, but this is different. I was tattooed by a sadist who etched my day of death into my skin."

"Okay, but you didn't die... Okay? You lived. And now he's the one in the ground." he said, and she seemed even more frustrated that he just wasn't getting it. And although he knew he probably never would, he continued anyway, "I'm not telling you what to do with it, okay? Burn it off, keep it, whatever gives you peace. All I'm trying to do is give you some hard-won perspective. You can choose to see that tattoo as your greatest failure, but I see it as proof that you're a survivor. It wasn't your day of death, Officer Chen, it was the first day of the rest of your life. And no one can take that away from you."

Her eyes welled with tears as she barely got out her "thanks". It almost seemed like she'd been lost for words, or maybe just in shock that he had been the one to say those beautiful things when his reputation around the station was so ugly. And she may have believed those things about him at first, but he knew that wasn't the way she saw him now. He'd shown her bits and pieces of the human he was behind the cold exterior, but it was the vulnerabilities that came along with it that he was afraid she would see. He also knew that if anyone could sneak a glance, it'd be her. He was just hoping she valued him enough to take his words to heart.

He put his hand in his pockets and felt her ring again, debating if he should give it back. Of course, he would... no question. This wasn't some first grade, 'finder's keepers' bullshit; it was hers. He just didn't know if he was ready to part with it yet. He'd grown a comfort in it he wasn't sure that conversations or stolen glances could satiate.

"Yeah... you're welcome." he said, awkwardly, not sure how to continue, "You riding with me tomorrow?"

She laughed and replied, "Yes, sir."

"Good. Get in early. War bags need restocking."

"Yeah, okay."

He decided that she probably needed a little better luck than he did at the moment, so he took her ring and threw it to her. She seemed mystified as she caught it, probably because she thought it had been lost forever, but... it hadn't been. The pieces snapped into place, a confirmation of what she already subconsciously knew. That Tim had been the one to find that tiny scrap she left for him, that he had been the one so hungry to find her. And like a feral dog, scared of when they'll get another, he had clung to it possessively until he could now finally bear to let it go.

The next morning when he'd made it to work, he opened his locker to find a bag of a dozen cookies sitting on top of his boots. They had to be the anise seed cookies that Lucy had been telling him about a while back. Tim was interested to find out how she'd figured out his combination, since there were no signs of her picking the lock, but honestly, he knew from the start she'd figure it out one day.

He opened the bag so he could grab one to try with his coffee in the break room, but then noticed a slip of paper that held a simple 'thankyou' written on it. He knew he had to have the world's biggest, cheesiest grin on his face at the moment, but he didn't care. Something about actually knowing that she took time out of her night to do something sweet for him made his stomach flutter.

'Oh, you got it bad, Bradford.'

His day seemed to be getting even better as Grey revealed the results of the Sargeant's exam - eighth out of one hundred and forty. He loved the way Lucy beamed with fulfillment, exclaiming, "Yes! I knew it!" as she bounced back and forth on her heels, excitedly. Knowing how proud she was for him made it difficult to contain his smile, a blush creeping to his cheeks, only growing stronger as the other man noticed and grinned.

Their smiles were short-lived though, as he offered Tim a sergeant's position at the North Hollywood station, stating the captain owed him a favor. He'd been working toward this for a long time now, and to get the offer the day the test scores were posted was unheard of, but... something was holding him back.

"You'd start in two weeks." Grey stated.

Lucy questioned, "T-wha... two weeks?"

"Uh... uh, can I think about this overnight?" Tim asked.

"Yeah, of course. But there's no guarantee you'll get a better opportunity if you pass this up."

He had always known he'd make it to that level, but he imagined himself where he was, at Mid-Wilshire. Did he really want to transfer and be the newbie there... in a sergeant's position, no less? How could he order around rookies, when he'd be in practically the same situation they were - trying to acclimate to new surroundings and getting a feel for how his new team operated? Besides, Lucy wouldn't be done with her training within the next two weeks. He'd get his promotion, but he wouldn't be there to finally see her get hers.

He knows she would never fail, but... he would feel like he failed her somehow. It just wouldn't be right.

Of course, he thought about calling Angela and asking for her advice, but he already knew what she would say. She would tell him to get over his stupid insecurities about being the new kid in class or whatever and to take the job that he's been working so hard for. Especially since moving stations meant that he could finally tell Lucy how he felt.

But... could he really?

She was still struggling with everything, and the tattoo earlier had proven it to him. Angela was the one who warned him not to tell her before she was ready, and although Lucy has been tough as hell through all of this, he knew it wasn't the right time yet. She still needed someone to help guide her through her trauma, and he still needed her to guide him through his. They still had so much to learn from one another... and he doubted he would find a better partner. They knew each other so well, and it was that symbiosis they shared that made it hard for him to take that risk and ask her out. But also, what made him know, that if he ever allowed himself to, that it would be fucking amazing.

But all those questions kept nagging at the back of his mind, and it was as if he could hear Lucy's reply to them all - What if, he took that job in Hollywood, and while he waited for her to finally be ready for a relationship, she forgot he even existed? (Like, 'Tim? Oh yeah, I think he trained me for a while. I don't really remember.') Or worse, what if she falls in love with someone else? (Like, 'Tim? Oh no, baby! He's just someone I used to work with.') Or... god, what if she didn't feel the same way about him at all? (Like, 'Tim? Please. I wouldn't date him; he's like my brother.')

And then there were the questions where she couldn't reply - the big one being, would he be taking a job he didn't really want just to be with Lucy, and wind up miserable and heartbroken because of it? And... how in the hell was he going to come up with an answer by tomorrow?

...Shit.