p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"strong3/strong/p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"In the end, the first year passes. He arrives at the military camp with little pomp and circumstance; deserves none, even though he is still technically the Emperor's ward. He settles in, familiarizes himself with the generals, and throws himself into the fight. He is merciless, imagining each soldier he cuts down is his uncle. When there is a lull in the fighting, he sits in his tent, dredges up every bittersweet memory and composes letters to her. emShe /emdid not ask to sever the connection, her brother did, so he hopes a little that she will see the letter as a sign that he hasn't actually abandoned her, that he will be there for her as much as he can. Each letter is consigned into the fire, because none of them can properly convey his regret and grief. /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"When a letter arrives from the Empress telling him that she has entered exile, he feels a sad sort of relief for her. The relief turns into anguish as he reads further and he learns that Shaoshang is in exile with her. This isn't the life that he wanted her to live after he left. Shaoshang belonged in the outside world, tinkering with her machines, and exploring the world around her, not simply existing. He begins a letter again, and this time he sends it. There is no return letter from her, and he does not expect one. /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"Instead, he receives intelligence that General Wan is under attack, and Yuan Shanjian's father is to form a rescue. He remembers all too well the devastation of losing his father, and how it twisted him beyond recognition. It would not do for Shanjian to feel the same, because he needs Shanjian intact to take care of Shaoshang in his place. So, he quickly gathers his Black Armored Guards, and rides out. The fight has broken out by the time they get there. He gives in again to his anger and grief and fights and fights until he finds himself bleeding on the ground, gripping the shaoshang string. He looks up to see A'Fei calling for him, and then calling for people to get his Young Master to the hospital./p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"He rests and mostly recovers, makes sure his men recovers more than he does, and goes back to the northwest border to do it all over again. There is nothing else he can do, nothing else he wants to feel./p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"****************************/p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"She enters Changqiu palace with a sense of relief. As the palace gates close, she stares at her crying mother who is begging her to return, that she is sorry for Niao Niao's hurt. Shaoshang can't bring herself to reply. Once, she would have soared upon hearing the genuine apology, but she doesn't want to feel anything now. She's tired, she just wants to rest with the most restful person she knows./p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"The emptiness is soothing and familiar. More importantly, she does not feel. Her days are spent making the Empress comfortable. She continues her studies with Her Majesty. She once hated learning of the different philosophers, histories, and etiquette because what use were such things to Shaoshang? But now she throws herself into book-learning, because it pleases Her Majesty. She finds the history stories interesting, and the etiquette useful. The philosophers, she'd rather not have to ever read again. /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"There is the time spent in her tinkering room and kitchen. She squashes every bittersweet feeling that swirls into her as she cooks sweet things and distills her wine. She pours all of her love and good wishes into every special dish she prepares for the Empress. Every once in a while, as she works, her sleeves fall and her fingers brush over the dark bite marks on her arm, and everything stops. Then her arms fall to her side and she lets the emptiness surround her like a cocoon./p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"The only time she comes out, just a little, is when she just sits and talks with Her Majesty. They share stories of childhood, and she laughs a little at the funnier stories. Shaoshang is sure that letters from Zhisheng are sent to Her Majesty, because she knows that the Empress loves Zhisheng just like a son, and Zhisheng is nothing if not filial, so there must be letters from him when he can spare the time. She sometimes braces herself for a gentle inquiry from Her Majesty about how she left things with Zhisheng, or for Her Majesty to talk about Zhisheng. But he never comes up. Right now she's grateful, because the wound he caused still hurts, and she doesn't know if she can handle it if it starts to burn again./p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"A few months from the end of the first year, Her Majesty hesitantly hands a small fold of bamboo to Shaoshang. Shaoshang accepts it with a small bow and stares at it. A part of her wants to open it and trace her fingers over the characters. But that part is buried deep. Ice forms over it and she stops herself./p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;""I said I would not forgive him in this life." Her voice is hollow./p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;""I am not asking you to." Her Majesty's voice is soft. Shaoshang looks at her, and then away again. She does not like the understanding she sees there. /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;""I do not want this." Stilted. Ground out through her teeth. But she does not let go of the letter./p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;""It is yours to decide what to do with. It would not have been right for me to keep it from you." Empress Xuan watches Shaoshang grip the letter. /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;""Child," she implores, and reaches for Shaoshang's cheek. Shaoshang curls her small hand around her fingers, and closes her eyes at the gentle touch. Xuan wants to cry with the realization that Shaoshang has been denied a kind touch for much of her life. "I will not deny him if he writes to you because he is my son, and I have a duty to him. But I will not force you to read his letters; that is for you to decide."/p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"Later that evening, Shaoshang opens the wooden box in the corner of her room. She places the unopened letter next to the smaller box containing his seal, and closes the lid. She does not look at it again for quite some time./p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"In the end, the first year passes. He arrives at the military camp with little pomp and circumstance; deserves none, even though he is still technically the Emperor's ward. He settles in, familiarizes himself with the generals, and throws himself into the fight. He is merciless, imagining each soldier he cuts down is his uncle. When there is a lull in the fighting, he sits in his tent, dredges up every bittersweet memory and composes letters to her. emShe /emdid not ask to sever the connection, her brother did, so he hopes a little that she will see the letter as a sign that he hasn't actually abandoned her, that he will be there for her as much as he can. Each letter is consigned into the fire, because none of them can properly convey his regret and grief. /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"When a letter arrives from the Empress telling him that she has entered exile, he feels a sad sort of relief for her. The relief turns into anguish as he reads further and he learns that Shaoshang is in exile with her. This isn't the life that he wanted her to live after he left. Shaoshang belonged in the outside world, tinkering with her machines, and exploring the world around her, not simply existing. He begins a letter again, and this time he sends it. There is no return letter from her, and he does not expect one. /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"Instead, he receives intelligence that General Wan is under attack, and Yuan Shanjian's father is to form a rescue. He remembers all too well the devastation of losing his father, and how it twisted him beyond recognition. It would not do for Shanjian to feel the same, because he needs Shanjian intact to take care of Shaoshang in his place. So, he quickly gathers his Black Armored Guards, and rides out. The fight has broken out by the time they get there. He gives in again to his anger and grief and fights and fights until he finds himself bleeding on the ground, gripping the shaoshang string. He looks up to see A'Fei calling for him, and then calling for people to get his Young Master to the hospital./p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"He rests and mostly recovers, makes sure his men recovers more than he does, and goes back to the northwest border to do it all over again. There is nothing else he can do, nothing else he wants to feel./p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"****************************/p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"She enters Changqiu palace with a sense of relief. As the palace gates close, she stares at her crying mother who is begging her to return, that she is sorry for Niao Niao's hurt. Shaoshang can't bring herself to reply. Once, she would have soared upon hearing the genuine apology, but she doesn't want to feel anything now. She's tired, she just wants to rest with the most restful person she knows./p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"The emptiness is soothing and familiar. More importantly, she does not feel. Her days are spent making the Empress comfortable. She continues her studies with Her Majesty. She once hated learning of the different philosophers, histories, and etiquette because what use were such things to Shaoshang? But now she throws herself into book-learning, because it pleases Her Majesty. She finds the history stories interesting, and the etiquette useful. The philosophers, she'd rather not have to ever read again. /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"There is the time spent in her tinkering room and kitchen. She squashes every bittersweet feeling that swirls into her as she cooks sweet things and distills her wine. She pours all of her love and good wishes into every special dish she prepares for the Empress. Every once in a while, as she works, her sleeves fall and her fingers brush over the dark bite marks on her arm, and everything stops. Then her arms fall to her side and she lets the emptiness surround her like a cocoon./p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"The only time she comes out, just a little, is when she just sits and talks with Her Majesty. They share stories of childhood, and she laughs a little at the funnier stories. Shaoshang is sure that letters from Zhisheng are sent to Her Majesty, because she knows that the Empress loves Zhisheng just like a son, and Zhisheng is nothing if not filial, so there must be letters from him when he can spare the time. She sometimes braces herself for a gentle inquiry from Her Majesty about how she left things with Zhisheng, or for Her Majesty to talk about Zhisheng. But he never comes up. Right now she's grateful, because the wound he caused still hurts, and she doesn't know if she can handle it if it starts to burn again./p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"A few months from the end of the first year, Her Majesty hesitantly hands a small fold of bamboo to Shaoshang. Shaoshang accepts it with a small bow and stares at it. A part of her wants to open it and trace her fingers over the characters. But that part is buried deep. Ice forms over it and she stops herself./p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;""I said I would not forgive him in this life." Her voice is hollow./p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;""I am not asking you to." Her Majesty's voice is soft. Shaoshang looks at her, and then away again. She does not like the understanding she sees there. /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;""I do not want this." Stilted. Ground out through her teeth. But she does not let go of the letter./p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;""It is yours to decide what to do with. It would not have been right for me to keep it from you." Empress Xuan watches Shaoshang grip the letter. /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;""Child," she implores, and reaches for Shaoshang's cheek. Shaoshang curls her small hand around her fingers, and closes her eyes at the gentle touch. Xuan wants to cry with the realization that Shaoshang has been denied a kind touch for much of her life. "I will not deny him if he writes to you because he is my son, and I have a duty to him. But I will not force you to read his letters; that is for you to decide."/p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal;"Later that evening, Shaoshang opens the wooden box in the corner of her room. She places the unopened letter next to the smaller box containing his seal, and closes the lid. She does not look at it again for quite some time./p
p style="margin: 0px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size-adjust: none; font-kerning: auto; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-feature-settings: normal; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-variation-settings: normal; min-height: 15px;" /p