Chapter 23: puss and potions
I do not own kingdom hearts or the properties shown in this fanfic. They belong to the respective owners and the original story is based on the works of Darius Almighty. Kingdom hearts and trials of the keyblade is owned by square Enix, Disney, and Tetsuya Nomura. Please support the official release.
Right. Now time to introduce puss in boots to the group! Now I've noticed this character has got 2 spin-off films and a tv series on netflix. I hope that death wolf doesn't show up in this fanfic.
With that out of the way, here's the next chapter. Enjoy!
The Stormtrooper who guarded the cell winced as the screams of the silver haired boy reached his ears. The thick steel doors were not enough to drown out his anguished cries. It was a half hour since Darth Vader entered Riku's cell. A half hour of drawn out torture. At first the boy had refused to scream, to give in to the pain. But none could withstand Vader's methods for long. And the cries of pain reached the ears of the Stormtroopers unlucky enough to be stuck on guard duty. General Darius, who stood by the doors, seemed unaffected, having heard similar sounds so many times before...
The screams ceased, alerting Darius. The prison doors slid open and out strode Darth Vader, an aura of anger and annoyance about him. Without a word, he stormed off. Darius hurried behind.
"The boy will not break," Vader seethed, once out of the prison block. "He is stronger than I realized. If this keeps up he will die before he reveals the location of Disney Castle."
"He's just a boy," Darius said.
"Do not underestimate the power of a Keyblader, General. Especially after you yourself were defeated by them." The Imperial General clenched his fists at Vader's words. "Next to the Rebellion, that meddlesome king is our greatest threat. If they were to get together it could mean the end of the Empire." Darius bowed his head. He hadn't thought of that. "And we have one more problem to worry about. These new Keybladers. There must be a reason for them to be appearing again. Keyblades only reveal themselves when great evil is at hand. They haven't appeared since the Keyblade War."
"Keyblade War?" Darius questioned.
"The war that completely wiped out the Keybladers, that plummeted the universe into darkness."
"I've never heard of it."
"Not many remain who do. But that is for another day. King Mickey comes first...the Keybladers after. But until we can get that boy to talk we are at a stand still."
Darius paused. "Perhaps we are approaching this the wrong way," he said. Vader stopped walking and turned to his right handed man.
"You have a plan?", he asked, intrigued.
"I have a plan."
KHKHKHKH
Sora never did get to talk to Kairi that morning, being that Shrek had ripped him from his bed at some ungodly hour in the morning, it was difficult to get a word in. Kairi hadn't even woken up when he, Shrek and Beast had left to meet King Harold for a little bit of bonding time. Donkey, Shrek had guessed, had wanted to come. And once Donkey was going, Mushu wasn't far behind. And so Shrek, Sora, Beast, Donkey and Mushu were walking through the forest for a morning hunt.
"We're lost!" Shrek hollered through the bright forest. "We've been walking for hours!"
"We can't be lost," Sora muttered, taking out a map with scribbled down directions. "We followed the King's instructions exactly! Head to the darkest part of the woods..."
"Check!" Donkey said, looking around.
"Pass the sinister looking trees..."
"Check!" Mushu said atop Donkey's head, looking at the trees with scary faces.
"There's that bush shaped like Shirley Bassey!"
"We've passed that three times already!" Shrek shouted.
"Well, maybe if we had stopped and asked for directions..." Beast muttered.
"Who are we going to ask for directions!?", said Shrek. "The flowers? The air? That stupid bush?" Beast sniffed disdainfully. "My one chance to fix things up with Fiona's dad and I end up lost in the woods with the Village People!"
"Don't get mad!" Sora said. "We're only trying to help!"
"I know!" Shrek shouted. "I know," he sighed. "I'm sorry everyone. I appreciate you all coming along. I just really need to make things work with this guy."
"Hey don't worry about it, big guy!" Donkey reassured.
"Everything will work out!" Sora exclaimed. "Once you're in with the parents, you've got it all!"
"I guess you're right," Shrek sighed. "How did it go for you with that girl Kairi's parents?"
"Well they weren't exactly thrilled to meet me, especially after we'd just finished playing in the mud...wait a minute! WHAT!?" Sora shouted, blushing red. "Kairi and I aren't together!"
"Really?" Shrek questioned. "Could have fooled me. What with all the signs and all."
"Signs!? What signs!?" Sora asked, still blushing.
"Oh, please, Sora," Beast drawled. "You can't tell us that you don't like her. Everybody knows you do! I know it. Mulan knows it. Leon knows it. Why, even Jack knows it!"
"Yeah!" Mushu agreed. "I mean look at the facts! She gets captured, you go hopping around from place to place, fighting the forces of darkness, risking life and limb, and all to rescue her from the clutches of evil!"
"Did he fight any dragons?" Shrek asked.
"Boy, did he!"
"Oooohhh!" Donkey said, slyly. "Paging Dr. I .M Inlove!" Everyone shared a laugh at Sora's expense.
"Shut up!" Sora shouted. They just kept on laughing. They were having such a good time that no one noticed the mysterious shadow moving in the tree tops. It followed them as closely as a cat stalking its prey.
Finally, the laughter died down and the team continued to walk in silence, trying to find Shrek's new father-in-law. While they walked, a sound reached Shrek's ears. Perplexed, he turned to four-legged companion. "Donkey, are you...purring?", he asked, musingly.
"What?" Donkey asked.
"I know we had a good time back there, but really! Purring?"
"I ain't purring! Mushu, am I purring?" Donkey asked the small red dragon.
"I don't know, are you?" Mushu replied.
"I'm not purring! It's Beast who's purring!" The former prince frowned.
"I don't purr," he stated. "I may look like a cross between a dog and a werewolf, but I'm not a-" Something jumped down from the trees and landed a few feet in front of them, large black rubber boots crashing to earth.
"Ha-ha! Fear me, if you dare!", exclaimed what appeared to be an orange tabby cat with a Spanish accent. Yes a cat, dressed in large boots, a black hat with a yellow feather, and wielding a small rapier, was now standing before them. He hissed at them.
"Just when you think you've seen it all," Sora sighed.
"Hey look, a little cat," Shrek said, cheerfully.
"Careful, Shrek! He got a piece!" Donkey warned.
"It's a cat, Donkey." The cat dug his sword into the dirt and used it as a coatrack for his hat. "Come here, little kitty." Shrek said, cutely. "Come on. Come on, little kitty, kitty. Come here." In a single bound, the cat launched himself out of his boots and straight at Shrek with claws outstretched. Shrek's smile quickly vanished.
"Aaaahhhhh!", he cried as the cat dug its claws into Shrek's green flesh. Quick as only a cat can be, it crawled under his clothes and scurried all over his body, scratching and clawing everywhere. "Ow! Ow! Get it off! Get it off!"
"Whoa! Hold on, Shrek! I'm coming!" Sora called. He summoned his Keyblade and came to assist the ogre.
"Get it off! It hurts! Get it off!", Shrek cried.
"Hold still, Shrek!", Sora said. Aiming for the lumps where the cat was, he started whacking way.
"Ow! What are you doing?!", Shrek shouted when he was hit.
"Just hold still!", Sora replied, as he continued hitting.
"I'll help!", Beast said, summoning his large Rumbling Rose Keyblade.
"NO!", Shrek exclaimed, seeing the huge weapon.
"Alright, Shrek! I got this!" Donkey shouted, galloping over.
"Oh, for the love of criminy, get it off!" Shrek cried, as the cat continued to use him as a scratching post. Donkey placed himself in front of Shrek.
"Alright, Shrek, hold still! Just hold still!" Donkey instructed. Rearing back on his front legs he kicked Shrek where the sun don't shine. The ogre fell to his knees, his face scrunched up in pain. "Did I miss?"
"No," Shrek groaned. "You got them." The cat finally emerged from Shrek's clothes and launched himself back to his boots, landing inside them perfectly. He put his hat on again and withdrew his sword from the dirt.
"Pray for mercy from...Puss," the cat exclaimed. "...in Boots!"
"I've got him!" Sora declared, readying his Kingdom Key.
Puss in Boots grinned a sharp toothed grin. "En guard!", he shouted, jumping for Sora. The tiny sword clashed with his Keyblade. Puss in Boots was obviously a skilled fencer. With the literal reflexes of a cat and tiny body he was quite the opponent. Beast came to help out Sora bringing his Keyblade crashing down where Puss was standing. He jumped in the air and off Sora's spiky head using his large boots to dodge the attack that crushed the earth. He landed on Beast's head and smiled mischievously down at him. Without really thinking, Sora swung his Keyblade in Puss' direction, missing the cat but hitting Beast square in the jaw. Puss then jumped off Beast and landed in front of Sora, ready for more. "Ha-ha! Have at ye, scoundrels!" Puss grinned. "No one escapes the wrath of Pu-hack!" The small cat began coughing and hacking all of the sudden. He then fell to his knees and retched out a large ball of wet fir. "Hehe! Hairball", he grinned.
"Oh that is just nasty!", Mushu exclaimed, disgusted.
Shrek, having recovered from his worse pain ever, walked up to the still coughing cat and picked him up by the scruff of his neck, glaring into his slitted green eyes. "What should we do with him?", he asked the team.
"How bout we have Mushu turn him into a cat flambé?" Donkey asked. "A little bit of seasoning and he should come out nice and tasty!"
"No! Please! Por favor!" Puss pleaded, still held up by Shrek. "I beg of you! I meant nothing personal, Señor! I was only doing it for my family! My mother is sick! My father is about to be neutered!"
"Oh, look I'm playing the world's tiniest violin," Beast joked.
"The King, he offered me much mula in gold and I have a litter of brothers and sisters!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back up the truck!" Shrek said. "Fiona's father paid you to attack us?"
"The rich King? Si." Shrek dropped Puss and stormed off, shouting to the air.
"This whole thing was trap!" Sora realized. "He wanted Shrek dead!"
Shrek stormed around, muttering darkly. "Well so much for Dad's royal blessing!"
"Don't feel bad," Donkey chided. "Almost everybody that meets you wants to kill you!"
"Gee, thanks." Shrek stopped stomping about and sighed in defeat. "Maybe Fiona would be better off if I was some kind of Prince Charming."
"That's what the King said!" Puss spoke up. Everyone glared at him. "Sorry, I thought the question was directed at me."
Beast turned to the ogre. "Shrek, from what I've seen of Fiona, she loves you for who you are. Believe me, I have experience with this sort of thing. She knows you'd do anything for her."
"Well, it's not like I wouldn't change if I could! Heaven knows she's made changes for me!" Shrek looked at the ground sadly, imaging his dear Fiona's face before she transformed. The face she had given up to be with him. "I just...want to make her happy."
"Shrek..." Sora said.
Shrek's head suddenly snapped up. "Hold the phone," he said, reaching into his pocket. He pulled out the card that Fiona's Fairy Godmother had given. "Happiness is just a teardrop away," he read. "Quick everyone! Think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you!"
"Oh, where to begin?" Donkey drawled. "Well there was that time that these kids tried to pin a tail on my butt."
"The time when I was used as a fire cracker," Mushu groaned.
"The time when darkness destroyed my home and enveloped all of my friends," Sora said, full of melancholy.
"The time when I was turned into a hideous beast for ten years because of my selfish ways and then I changed back because of my one true love only to have her taken away from me by an evil sorcerer who changed me back to a beast just for the heck of it. Now I'm traveling around to a bunch of strange places with a bunch of weirdos in the hopes of finding her, all the while being mocked by a drunk, incompetent pirate." Everyone looked at him dumbfounded, then broke into applause.
"He wins," Mushu said, clapping.
"Hands down," Donkey agreed. Beast hung his head dejectedly.
"I meant, I need you to cry," Shrek hissed, trying his best to keep calm.
"Cry? What am I a faucet?" Donkey asked. "Besides, men don't cry! We burp! We play sports! We pass gas! We- OW!" Puss had just stomped on Donkey's hoof. "Ow! You little piece of litter box trash..." A single tear began to form in Donkey's eye. Shrek held the card under Donkey's eye just as the tear dropped. As soon as the tear hit the card, it glowed and a small image of the Fairy Godmother appeared on top of it.
"Is it on? Is it...? It is?", the image said. She cleared her throat. "This is Fairy Godmother. I cannot come to the card right now as I am currently engaged. But if you come by the office, we'll be glad to make an appointment. Have a 'happy ever after!' Cut it. I said cut it!" The image disappeared.
Shrek grinned with yellow teeth. "Who's up for a little quest?", he asked the group.
Sora slammed his fist into his hand. "That's what I'm all about!"
"Oh, yeah! Shrek and Donkey on another whirlwind adventure!" Donkey exclaimed. "With some help from their eager sidekicks!"
"Who you calling a sidekick?" Mushu growled. "I'm more of a favorite come-along." All of them started off through the forest.
"Wait! Hold on! Ogre!" Puss in Boots ran up to them. "I have misjudged you. All of you! I attempted to take your lives and yet you spared mine. On my honor, I am obliged to accompany you until my debt his repaid."
"Sorry, but we're fresh out of kitty litter," Mushu said.
"Hehe! Good one!" Donkey chuckled. "Let's go guys!" Everyone moved on but Sora and Shrek who stayed behind with Puss. "Guys? You stuck in hole?" Sora and Shrek didn't respond, mesmerized by the biggest, cutest, shiniest puppy dog eyes that Puss was now giving them.
"Aw, come on, Donkey!" Sora smiled. "Look at him..."
"...in his wee little boots!" Shrek cooed. "How many cats wear boots? Honestly."
"I'm gonna be sick," Beast groaned.
"Puppy dog eyes. Ha! I can do that too!" Mushu said. He bulged his eyes to the point where they were as wide as saucers. "Wait! Wait! I can do it!"
"Let's keep him!" Sora and Shrek said together.
KHKHKHKH
Back at the castle, preparations were being made for the grand ball that would introduce Princess Fiona and her new husband to the Kingdom. Everyone was to turn out for this glorious event. Invitations had been sent out all across the land. The city was abuzz with excitement as the day approached.
The celebration would take place in the castle courtyard under a blanket of stars. Decorators and caterers worked in the rising sun of the new day to be ready in time for the coming evening. Only people with the finest taste were allowed to work on such an event.
"Alright, lads, open your ears," Jack Sparrow said to the catering crew in charge of drinks. "The beverage is what makes the party. The event. The shindig, if you will. People come for the fun but they stay for drinks, savvy? And what is this we have here? Champagne?", he said, taking a bottle of champagne and tossing it away. He proceeded to do the same thing with the other bottles. "Gin? Wine? Brewskies?" He took a swig of the last one before throwing it away. "Allow me to introduce you to the best, nigh the greatest, drink known to man: Rum!" He took a swig of the bottle that was always at his belt.
"Will you get out of here!" King Harold shouted, chasing the pirate away with a broom.
"We'll talk later!" Jack called back to the caterers as he ran off. Harold sighed and sent then men off with their duties. Why couldn't all of the ogre's servants had gone with him? The one with the blue spikes was taking it upon himself to mess up the castle. The bandana man was sneaking more silverware, and the two women were assisting his wife with the decorations. Luckily they didn't remember that he had come to their room last night. But all that mattered was that the ogre wasn't here. By now he and his stupid butlers were sleeping with the fishes. Now if he could just avoid Fiona...unfortunately at that moment she was walking down the stairs that lead to the castle, having awoken from her sleep. Growing slightly panicky, he ran off to a random servant.
"I think we should go for the daffodils," Queen Lillian said to Mulan and Kairi. "Or maybe the roses?"
"They're both festive," Mulan agreed. "What do you think, Kairi?" Kairi didn't respond, apparently lost in thought. "Kairi?"
"Hmm? Oh, yeah...daffodils," she replied.
"Are you alright, dear?" Lillian asked.
"Yeah, it's just...I can't find Sora anywhere. Last night in the room, he said he wanted to talk to me and it sounded really important. Now I can't find him anywhere."
"A little young to be sleeping in the same bed, aren't you dear?" Lillian asked. Kairi balked and turned as red as her hair. Mulan resisted bursting into laughter.
"N-no! You got it all wrong! Sora and I aren't even together!" Mulan rolled her eyes. Thankfully, Kairi was saved when Fiona walked up to them.
"Mom, have you seen Shrek?", she asked. "I can't find him anywhere."
"No, I haven't, dear. A lot of missing people this morning." Fiona looked confused before Kairi explained that Sora was also missing.
"Beast and Mushu are gone, too. And it's not easy to lose those two," Mulan sighed.
"Why don't you ask your father, dear," Lillian said, kindly. "But you'd better speak slowly. He's acting a bit odd this morning." Fiona nodded and went to look for her Dad.
King Harold, seeing his daughter coming his way, tried to look busy, taking a piece of food from a servants tray and plopping it in his mouth. "Mmm! Very good! Exquisite! What do you call this?"
"The dog's breakfast, sire," the servant replied. King Harold stopped chewing and spat the food out immediately.
Fiona walked up to her father.
"Dad, have you seen Shrek?", she asked.
"Shrek? No, haven't seen him! Why would you ask me? What, you think I'm hiding something? No! I'm sure he just went to cool off in some...mud hole. You know, after your little spat last night."
"You heard that?" Fiona asked, embarrassed.
"The whole Kingdom heard that!" Fiona blushed. "I mean it's in his nature to be...well, a bit of a brute."
"Him? You didn't exactly roll out the Welcome Wagon."
"Well, what do you expect? My daughter comes home and I expect her to be married to Prince Charming! And what do I get? You, still looking like an ogre yourself!"
"Shrek loves me for who I am," Fiona said, calmly. "I would think you would be happy for me."
"Darling, I only want what's best for you." With that he walked away for his other duties. But not before saying under his breath, "I wish you would understand that."
KHKHKHKH
Sora, Shrek, Beast, Donkey, Mushu and their new companion, Puss in Boots, made their way through the forest heading in the direction of the Fairy Godmother's house. Puss knew the way so he sat on Shrek's shoulders pointing out which way to go. This was to the annoyance of a certain donkey since Puss was whispering into Shrek's ear and both were laughing. It irritated him more when he realized that they were talking about him.
"Hey, don't worry, man," Mushu said from on top of Donkey's head. "Guys like us? We don't get replaced. We're far to lovable! Shrek? He's lucky to have you! Mulan is lucky to have me! We're just one big, happy, very weird family!" Donkey grunted in reply.
The team reached the top of the hill they were climbing and spotted a medium sized house in the distance. It was a wooden cottage that had many pipes running in and out of it. 'There it is, my friends!" Puss exclaimed. "The Fairy Godmother's cottage. The source of all potions and hexes in the Kingdom."
"Are you sure about this, Shrek?" Sora asked, concerned. "What's the Fairy Godmother gonna give Fiona that you couldn't?"
"Happiness," Shrek stated.
"You can make Fiona happy without magic," Beast said.
"Doesn't hurt to have a backup. Now how bout we pop in there for a spell? Ha-ha! Get it? Spell?" Nobody laughed except Puss in Boots, who shrieked with laughter.
"He makes me laugh!" Puss said between breaths as they made for the cottage.
"Kiss tail little feline," Donkey muttered.
They walked inside the front door where they met their first obstacle: a receptionist. "Fairy Godmother's, please hold. Fairy Godmother's, please hold," the small fairy man with the goatee sitting at the desk said as he typed at his crystal ball.
"Excuse me," Sora said. "We're here to see-"
"The Fairy Godmother," the fairy finished. "She's not seeing anyone right now."
"That's okay, buddy. We're with the union," Shrek explained. The others stared at him but he shushed them with a gesture.
"The...union?", the fairy repeated.
"Yes, the union that represents workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign."
"Oh, that union!", the fairy realized.
"Are you feeling at all under-appreciated or depressed?" Sora asked, catching on.
"Well...a little." He leaned in to whisper. "We don't even get dental."
"They don't even get dental," Shrek repeated. "It's a good thing we're here. We'll just have a look around. Oh, and maybe it's a good idea not to tell the Fairy Godmother we're here, huh?"
"Yeah, huh? Huh? HUH?" Donkey exclaimed.
"Stop it." They all walked inside the doors.
The reactionist doors lead to a wooden railing that overlooked a large factory area. Large vats full of what seemed to be a sparkling substance were about. Conveyor belts carried empty potion bottles waiting to be filled. Different animals were kept in cages around the workplace. The employees of this operation were small plump men in white jumpsuits that completely covered their bodies. They stirred the substance in the vats, tended to the animals, and filled the empty bottles. All were kept busy. The group took all of this in while following a path that lead to a pair of large white doors. They opened them and walked inside.
"A drop of desire," a voice laughed as they entered. Inside was the Fairy Godmother flying around a large bubbling cauldron and pouring in different potions. "A pinch of passion." Another small explosion. "And just a hint of...lust!" Her 'hint' as she called it was a large jug labeled lust which she poured in with delight. This triggered a thick colorful cloud of smoke that filled the room. The Fairy Godmother laughed amid the smoke, giving her a rather sinister appearance.
"Excuse me?" Shrek interrupted. Fairy Godmother gasped at their sudden arrival and the smoke faded away. "Sorry to barge in like this..."
"What in the world are you doing here?" Fairy Godmother demanded harshly. "Oh, and you brought friends! They look exactly as I expected your chums to look. I wonder how your wedding looked."
"Shrek, needs some help," Sora explained. "At least he thinks he does."
"Oh, really?"
"Well, it seems," Shrek said trying to put his problem into words. "Fiona's not exactly...happy."
Fairy Godmother laughed loudly and cruelly. "And why do you think that is? It doesn't take someone as smart as him..." She pointed at Sora. "...to figure it out."
"That was uncalled for..." Sora groaned, while Mushu and Donkey snickered.
"You are an ogre," Fairy Godmother continued. "An abomination. A disgrace. A monster! Princesses fall in love with charming princes. Princes that slay the monster. Princesses don't fall in love with the monster! And monsters don't live happily ever after!" Shrek's anger grew at each comment she made. She was wrong. Wasn't she? Fiona was happy with him. Right? Unbeknownst to him, the same things were going through Beast's head.
"Alright. Listen, lady!" Shrek shouted, fed up.
"Don't you shout at me!" They each glared into each others eyes, sparks flying between them. Both too stubborn to look away.
"Your Pepto Bismol, Fairy Godmother," said one of the small jumpsuit-wearing men walking inside and tearing Shrek and Fairy Godmother away from each other. "Oh! I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were in a meeting. I can come back..."
"No, we were just leaving," Shrek said stiffly. "Sorry to waste your time, Miss Godmother."
"Just...go," she hissed. Shrek gave her one last dirty look before he and the others walked out or, in his case, stormed. Fairy Godmother snatched the pink bottle from the tiny man and downed it in one gulp. The man then ran off and she turned back to her potions, a lot angrier then she had been before. She heard a noise behind her. She rounded furiously. "I thought I told you to - AAAAHH!" Standing before her cauldron was the epitome of fairy tale villains herself. "M-M-Maleficent! W-what a surprise!"
"Hello Godmother," Maleficent smirked. "Still in the magic business I see." She waved her green hand over the concoction Fairy Godmother had been working on, instantly turning it into a green sticky substance. Fairy Godmother recoiled but held her tongue, knowing better.
"Yes. Nice shade. So, out of potions again? Well, I'll just call Jerome and he'll get you your stuff lickety split! Nothing but he best for my favorite customer! Jerome!"
"I'm not here for business, Godmother," Maleficent replied. "I'm here to ask a favour."
KHKHKHKH
Their previous attempt having failed, the strange group took more inventive measures. Stealing three jumpsuits, they planned to move through the factory in disguise. The uniforms were much too small for them, so they adjusted them as best they could.
"This is stupid," Beast growled, wearing the suit over his head like a mask but still leaving the rest of his body revealed. Shrek and Sora had done the same. "It's never gonna work."
"Have a little faith, Beast," Sora grinned under his suit. "A lot of great ideas seem idiotic at first!"
"You never know how idiotic they are until you try!" Mushu said from inside Sora's clothes. Beast slapped his forehead.
They made their way onto the factory floor, trying to look as casual as they could look with small suits on their faces. The small workers paid them little heed as their taller bodies walked among them. Some of them even waved hello. "Fish in a barrel," Shrek whispered. Beast shook his head hopelessly.
They headed to the end of the work floor to an archway that had the word 'POTIONS' displayed overhead. They walked inside.
The room contained huge shelves of potions that reached all the way to the high ceiling. There must have been hundreds of different bottles there, perhaps even thousands. The three disguised heroes stood in front of this, craning their necks to see the top. They took off their masks and Shrek lifted up his shirt, causing Donkey and Puss to tumble out of their hiding place in a heap.
"Get your fine Corinthian footwear out of my face!" Donkey shouted, pushing Puss off of him.
"Well you don't exactly smell like a basket of roses!" Puss hissed. "Boss, please allow me to rip his eyes out."
"One of these has got to help," Shrek muttered, eyeing the potions. "Now we just need to find the right one."
"And what is the right one?" Sora asked. "What are you trying to do?"
"Something that will make me look better, that'll make Fiona's Dad accept me. We need to get to the ones higher up. Puss, could you climb up there?" Shrek asked, the cat.
"No problemo, boss!" Puss exclaimed. "In one of my nine lives, I was the great cat burglar of Santiago de Compostela!" With a laugh he launched himself at the cabinets, clinging to the handholds and swiftly scurrying up to the potions on the upper shelves.
"Shrek, are you off your rocker? This is a bad idea! Let's get out of here before that wicked witch comes and delivers a world of hurt to our backsides!", Donkey stressed.
Puss climbed higher and higher up the shelves, checking the labels of the bottles as he went. "What do you see?" Sora called.
"Toad Stool Softener?" Puss called back.
"No thanks!"
"Anything on painful tongue warts?" Mushu asked from Beast's shoulder. Everyone stopped to stare at him. "Uh...it's for Mulan."
"Anything on 'handsome'?" Shrek asked.
"Hold on!" Puss saw something that caught his eye on a shelf that was behind a glass case. These were apparently the more powerful potions in the storage. "How about 'Happily Ever After?'" In the middle of the case was a bottle that contained a blue liquid and read in large words 'HAPPILY EVER AFTER'
"What does it do?" Beast hollered.
"It says 'Beauty Divine.'"
Donkey, fed up with everyone paying attention to Puss, looked out the archway they had come in from. Outside was the pointy eared man they had met at the reception desk. He was talking to one of the small workers with a scowl on his face. To Donkey's horror, the man in white pointed straight at him. The goateed fairy turned his scowling face to him. "Uh, guys?"
Sora turned to the talking donkey and saw the reason for his concern. "Uh oh. I think our cover's blown!"
"It'll have to do!" Shrek called back to Puss. "We got company!" Puss grinned and used one of his razor sharp claws to cut a perfect hole through the glass. He reached through the new hole and pulled the bottle out.
"Catch!" He dropped the bottle down.
"I got it! I got it!" Sora said, running under the bottle and catching it in his hands. "Now let's get out of here!" At that moment, alarms started going off, alerting the whole factory to their presence. Puss jumped down from the shelves and landed on Beast's back. They rushed out of the potions room with their prize in Sora's hand.
As soon as they emerged, the small workers ran around the factory in a panic, knowing that there was a robbery and that they were the thieves. The heroes paid them no notice and headed straight for the doors at the end of the room. Unfortunately, the doors swung open and several pointy eared men emerged armed with crossbows, all pointed at them. Without a chance to surrender they opened fired. Shrek picked up Sora and Donkey under his arms and ran to the left while Beast ran to the right with Puss and Mushu on his back.
Shrek jumped onto a conveyor belt and ran against it while arrows rained down behind him. Sora, still being carried by Shrek, used his free hand to raise reflega when the arrows got too close. Beast, on the other side of the room, ran on all fours, avoiding the frightened workers and hopping over machinery while Mushu shot fire balls at the pursuing security. He reached a cage that contained two tigers and bent the bars open with his strength. The tigers roared and ran for the security fairies who threw down their weapons and scattered in fear.
"Go, my feline brothers!" Puss cheered. "The time of liberation is at hand!"
Meanwhile, Shrek finally got the brains to jump off the belt and took cover behind a vat of magical potion. Setting down Sora and Donkey, he pushed the vat until it began to tip over. With some help from Sora, they managed to topple it over. Gallons of purple liquid spilled forth in a massive flood. The security screamed and ran away as did the workers as the liquid completely drenched them. The magic wave changed the animals in cages into people, workers into pieces of furniture and the security into flocks of pure white doves that flew through the factory. Beast saw the tidal wave heading straight for them, causing his eyes to bug out. Thinking fast, he grabbed one of the long poles used to stir the potion vats. Getting a running start, he pole-vaulted himself and his passengers to the upper walkway where they had entered, narrowly avoiding the wave and making a perfect landing on the path.
Sora climbed onto Shrek's back and the ogre lifted Donkey again. He jumped and grabbed a crane hanging overhead, and rode it all the way to the walkway soaring over the chaos in the factory. Shrek let go of the crane and all of them ran out the exit, with no plan on returning anytime soon.
KHKHKHKH
"Oh, that disgusting creature!", Prince Charming exclaimed. The workplace was a complete disaster area. Furniture walked about, doves flew everywhere, and puddles of the potion still flooded the place. "How dare he come here! And look what he's done! It's a mess! Clean up this place immediately!", he ordered a flock of doves. They flew off in haste. Prince Charming looked to the ceiling to see what damage was done there but instead he saw his mother flying down to him, looking anxious and happy despite her ruined factory.
"Hello, dearest!", she said, cheerfully.
"Mother! That disgusting ogre was here! Look what he did! But don't worry, Mother. I shall strike him down not only for what he has done today, but for stealing my bride! And when he is dead, I shall marry Fiona and the Kingdom will be mine!"
"Forget ruling the Kingdom, honey," Fairy Godmother said. Her son looked at her as if she had lost her mind. "After the deal I just made, we'll be ruling this entre world! But to do that, we have to be very clever."
"Fairy Godmother." The goateed fairy, now turned dove, flew up to her with a checklist in his feet. "All potions are accounted for, Fairy Godmother. Well...except for one." The Fairy Godmother grabbed the checklist and scanned it carefully. When she found what she was looking for, she smiled deviously.
"Perhaps we could use this to our advantage."
KHKHKHKH
"'Happily Ever After Potion. Maximum Strength. For you and your true love.'" This was the label Shrek read from the bottle of blue liquid they'd pilfered. "'If one of you drinks this, you both will be fine. Happiness, comfort and beauty divine.'"
"You both will be fine?" Sora repeated.
"I guess that means it will affect Fiona as well."
"I don't like this, Shrek," Donkey said. "My donkey senses are tingling! That stuff is bad news!"
"It says 'Beauty Divine,'" Sora reasoned. "How bad can it be?"
"Bad enough that it came from the home of Miss Wings On Too Tight! Get rid of that voodoo!"
"Boss," Puss said stepping in front of the ogre. "Just in case there is something wrong with the potion...allow me to take the first sip. It would be an honour to lay my life on the line for you."
"Wow, how noble!" Mushu gushed.
Donkey glared at the cat and rushed up. "Oh, no you don't! If there's any animal testing, I'll do it! That's the best friend's job." He snatched the potion from Sora's hand with his mouth and took a large gulp. Shrek took it back after he was done.
"Feel anything?" Beast asked.
"Gassy. That's about it. Do I look different?"
"You still look like an ass to me," Puss said slyly. Donkey glared at him again.
"Maybe it doesn't work on donkeys," Shrek muttered. He raised the bottle to his lips.
"Shrek, wait!" Sora exclaimed. Shrek stopped the bottle just before he could drink it. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Yeah, once you drink that, there's no going back," Donkey pressed.
"I know."
"No more wallowing in the mud!"
"I know."
"No more itchy butt crack!"
"I know."
"But you love being an ogre!"
"I know!" Shrek finally shouted. He then sighed. A sign he had made his decision. "But I love Fiona more." He drank the potion.
"Shrek! Wait!" Donkey shouted but it was already too late. The ogre gurgled the blue liquid quickly. He finally stopped, leaving little left in the bottle. All his friends held their breaths. Shrek just stood there, waiting for something, anything, to happen. He willed something to happen.
Nothing happened.
"Maybe it's a dud?" Puss offered.
"Or maybe Fiona and I were never meant to be," Shrek sighed. It was the only reason he could see. All the other magic the Fairy Godmother had used had worked. She must have been right after all. Monsters don't live happily ever after. Dark clouds began to form in the sky, followed by the sound of thunder.
"See? Look! Something's happening! Don't give up yet!" Sora said, trying anything to get the ogre's spirits up.
"It's just the rain, Sora," he sighed again. He tossed the Ever After potion over his shoulder and it landed in Beast's paws. Shrek then took off down the road, not bothering to see if the others were following. His friends could find nothing to do that would help the broken ogre. They only followed him while the storm clouds formed.
The only one who didn't follow right away was Beast, who still held the potion in his hands. There was still a little left inside. He stared down at it with his brown eyes weighing the ups and downs to what he was about to do. With a decisive face, he downed the rest of the potion. He waited for awhile as Shrek had but again nothing happened. Downcast, he followed after his friends.
By the time they found an old barn in which to take shelter, the rain had already begun to pour heavily. They ran inside, soaking wet. Beast shook himself dry and Puss licked himself while the others dried themselves best they could.
"Hey, don't be sad everybody," Mushu said from Sora's shoulder.. "Things just seem bad because it's dark and stormy and Fiona's Dad hired a sleazy hit man to whack us." Puss hissed at the dragon.
"See, dragon's got the right idea," Donkey said. "Everything will be better in the morning." Shrek didn't answer any of them. Looking out the doorway through the rain he saw Fiona's castle. That's where she was right now. Did she miss him? He missed her. But sadly, he thought that didn't matter.
"The sun'll come out..." Mushu began to sing.
"...tomorrow." Donkey sang along. "Bet...your...bottom..."
"Bet my bottom?" Sora asked. Donkey was swaying left and right, as if his legs were unable to support him. Finally he collapsed in the hay, snoozing soundly. "Donkey?"
"No!" Mushu jumped off Sora and to Donkey's side. "Don't you die on me, man! Don't you die on me! Noooo! He was my world! We were supposed to grow old together! Not like this! Why? Why!? Whyyyyyy!?" Suddenly Shrek moaned loudly and walked around in a daze.
"I don't feel so good," he moaned. He, too, then fell.
"Boss? You awake?" Puss asked.
"Shrek?" Sora panicked. "Are you guys okay? Beast! Let's help them! Beast?" To Sora's dismay, Beast was also moaning and holding his stomach. He staggered over to Sora, unable to stand up anymore. He fell straight for him. "Uh oh," Sora whimpered. The last thing Sora remembered was a crushing weight before he passed out.
KHKHKHKH
Kairi stood at the window of the royal lounge watching the rain patter on the glass. Every now and then, thunder boomed through the night. It had been a full day already and Sora had still not returned. She knew she shouldn't worry. Sora could take care of himself. He had proven that time and time again. But she just couldn't shake the feeling. Someone came up behind her shoulder and snapped her out of her thoughts. It was sonic.
"Don't worry," he said. "Sora's a tough kid. He'll be fine. And remember, he's not alone."
"I know," she sighed. "I wasn't able to help Sora before. I was the one always waiting. It feels like that again. I'm supposed to be helping him this time." sonic's brow furrowed.
"Look, I may be new to the group but I pick things up pretty quickly. Sora's your best friend right?" Kairi nodded. "And he knows that. He would do anything for you. Whatever he left for he must have had a good reason." Kairi nodded but was still unconvinced.
In the middle of the room was a grand fireplace that roared with a bright flame. King Lillian and Harold sat before this in large upholstered chairs. And before them stood Jack Sparrow, doing what he does best: making an idiot of himself.
"So here's how I see it," he slurred. "When dear Daddy keels over, heaven forbid, the ogre man and the ogre girl get the throne, the riches and all the love and respect that goes with it. But if, let's say, they were to get into some terrible accident that would leave them dead as a doornail, then said Kingdom should go to the son-in-law! Savvy?"
"You are not our son-in-law!" Harold seethed. "You're insane!"
"Why won't you accept me for who I am!?" Jack cried. Harold slapped his forehead while Lillian sighed. Fiona then walked in the room, with suitcases in both her hands.
"Dad," she began. "I've been thinking about what you said. I'm going to set things right."
Harold let out a sigh of relief. "Excellent! That's my girl!"
"It was a mistake to bring Shrek here. I'm going to go out and find him. And then we'll go back to the swamp were we belong." Harold and Lillian both turned, alarmed.
"I'm going, too," Kairi said. Fiona nodded in approval and headed for the castle exit. Harold and Lillian jumped from their seats and followed behind her, hoping to stop her rash actions.
"Fiona. You can't go anywhere right now! There's a storm raging outside!" Lillian pleaded.
"What about the celebration tomorrow?" Harold reasoned. "Everyone in the Kingdom is going to show up! You can't just leave!"
"And if you leave, we'll have to leave!" Jack whined. That made Harold reconsider for a split second.
Fiona and Kairi paid them little attention, both fully set on finding the ones they cared about. Fiona swung open the doors that lead outside into the pouring rain. As soon as Fiona took her first step, she faltered. A strange feeling began to wash over her. "Fiona?" Kairi called. The ogre princess then suddenly fainted in the doorway. "Fiona!"
"Fiona!", her parents cried.
"Big Sister!" Jack cried. Everyone glowered at him. "Okay! Not the time! I understand!"
With the help of the Keybladers, they managed to carry Fiona into her bedroom and get her into bed. Her parents hurried everyone out after she was safely settled, suggesting that she'd had a long day. Worried and exhausted, everyone left the bedroom. If they had stayed a little longer, they would have seen the bright light that soon enveloped her.
And that concludes another chapter. Be sure to write nice reviews, adapt the original story (Darius Almighty's work) on DeviantArt, turn it into a webcomic or post the story on TV tropes or follow and favorite it. And remember may your heart be your guiding key!