Mouth Sewed Shut
Penny leaned her head back against the wall behind her, wishing she could swear or scream or do anything but sit on the cot in what amounted to a cell. Of course, they didn't call it a cell. The people who had put her here…the ones who had beat the shit out of her when they'd captured her, just called it a room. A room in an 'education' center where other women and girls who had being caught doing something they weren't supposed to were caught and 'gently instructed on the errors of their ways.' That 'gentle' instruction hadn't begun just yet…they'd only come in to lecture her a few times as she'd only been there for a day or so, and she had no idea if Sam even knew where she was. He had to know that something was wrong, surely. She should have been back in the room by then. She didn't know how long she'd been knocked out for, but she knew that.
She just had to pray that Mr. Stark didn't know she'd been captured, which felt appropriate, because they were all about praying here.
The mission had been top secret. Mr. Stark hadn't even known exactly what they were doing, mostly because he was supposed to be retired but also because there was no way in hell that he'd have ever been okay with her coming to a European country that had gone batshit crazy in the last few years and were trying to pull off a 'Handmaid's tale' type restructuring in their government. They'd started by banning abortions. Then birth control. The religious extremists had taken over the government, a few seats at a time. They'd basically followed the book to a T, and the Avengers were on a mission to infiltrate and prove that they were guilty of serious human rights violations.
Only one problem…they didn't want the Avengers sniffing around. So it had been a tough call, trying to figure out which one of them would go in. Bucky with his metal arm was an obvious no. He and Clint would be standing by. Bruce too. Sam had been given a different identity and a Nano mask that would make him look just different enough to make him unrecognizable. He was a foreign diplomat sympathetic to their cause.
And Penny was his handmaid.
Okay, so they didn't use that term. There was a different word. The rules weren't quite the same as they were in the books Penny had read, but they were close. Her role was his deceptively named 'assistant.' But everyone who looked at her in her uniform of a brown dress and boots would now. She remembered standing in the mirror, her hair loose around her shoulders as she'd held the piece of metal that would go over her mouth while she was in public. She'd been growing her hair out ever since she'd been told about this mission, and it still wasn't quite long enough, but it would have to do.
Sam had knocked on the door of the tiny bathroom of the private plane and she'd called for him to come in, glancing back as he'd come in, dressed in his own old fashioned suit, the mask making his face just different enough to match his new ID. She'd held up the piece of metal with a smile. "You always did want me to shut up."
"Stop," he'd told her, looking sick as he'd closed his eyes, shaking his head. "Don't…damnit, kid, don't even joke about that."
She'd smiled a little and, ignoring how her heart had started beating just a little faster, she'd pressed it to her mouth, lifting her hair and, with hands that had started to shake, she'd snapped the buckle shut. It had been so tight…tight enough that she could barely open her mouth, and he'd rested a hand on her shoulder.
"Hey, it's just while we're in public. You can take it off as soon as we get to our rooms."
Penny had nodded, grabbing the key off the sink and handing it to him. After a moment's hesitation, he'd taken it, sticking it in his pocket. She could easily snap it off. That's what she'd told herself.
The initial meeting had gone well. Penny had stayed a step behind him at all times, head bowed, making sure not to make eye contact with anyone. Sam had said all the bullshit they'd planned for him to say, and then they'd been led to their rooms and Sam had unlocked the mask the second they'd been alone, grimacing when she'd rubbed a hand over her face, working her mouth up and down.
"You okay?"
"Yeah."
"Too tight?"
"I think it's supposed to be," she'd tried to joke.
"You don't have to…"
"Yeah I do," she'd told him simply, dropping onto the only bed in their room. "But if you want to make it up to me, you can sleep on the sofa."
He'd chuckled. "Yeah, you got it kid."
The first few days, Penny had done her job, following every rule. She'd spent time among the other women and she'd run errands and every second she'd spent not in their rooms had been spent with that awful mask. She hadn't even tried to talk. She had listened around corners and she'd followed Sam into important meetings where they did their best to gather information to share with the other Avengers. The evenings hadn't been so bad, though. Sam had sat with her at the kitchen table and they'd eaten dinner and they'd chatted softly about what she'd discovered and what he'd learned. He'd told her stories about working with Steve and she'd talked about college. And they'd made sure their voices never carried beyond their closed door.
And then she'd slipped up.
Tears ran down Penny's cheeks as she looked around the room they'd given her. There was a cot. A bathroom. A window so high that a normal person couldn't reach it. She could hear someone screaming and she hoped that she wouldn't be next…not that she could scream. Not now. She pulled the threadbare blanket up around her shoulders and prayed that Sam would come soon and that Mr. Stark would never find out about this. Because if he did, there was no way he'd ever let her go on another mission like this. He wasn't her father but he was close enough, and she knew that if he asked her not to do something like this again, she wouldn't.
Sitting there in the dark, she thought that maybe she didn't want to anyway. Maybe she wanted to tell him every detail of the mission and have him beg her not to go on anymore Avengers missions so that she could have an excuse to never find herself in this situation ever again. Because she didn't feel brave and she didn't feel like a superhero…she felt like a terrified little girl that wanted the man who wasn't her father but who was like her father to wrap his arms around her and promise her that everything would be okay.
The door opened and a tray was placed on the table by her bed. They weren't afraid of her…didn't know what she was. They looked at her just like they looked at all the other women in this place…like if she stepped one toe out of line, they would shove a cattle prod into her side, and she was pretty sure she would scream then, maybe even tear the stitches, so she kept her eyes on the ground and she bowed her head in thanks for the protein shake and she prayed that Sam would come soon. It was good that they didn't know who she was…what she was. It needed to stay that way.
Another girl had been in trouble. That's how she'd gotten caught…how she'd slipped up. They'd been hitting her…out on the street. The girl had been her age, or maybe younger with one of those masks on her face and the guard had started by yelling at her for an infraction Penny hadn't caught. And then another guard had come up to her and pulled a fist back and Penny's heart had jumped into her throat.
Then he'd pulled back a foot.
And Penny had dropped her shopping basket and she'd thrown herself at the man, silent because of the mask. Then the cattle prod had been shoved into her back and she'd screamed under the mask as she'd dropped and then her whole world had gone dark as something had made contact with her head.. She'd woken up in this room and her head had ached along with the rest of her…but her face had been the worst.
At least they had enough, she thought, wincing as she drank the protein shake. She couldn't bring herself to regret it, no matter how much she was hurting…no matter how she couldn't stop shaking and she didn't know if it was from fear or pain or the unique terror of being unable to open her mouth more than a few centimeters…just enough for the straw. So she drank her protein shake and tried to stop shaking. As long as they didn't suspect anything, then she was fine. Sam would come and he would figure out a way to get her out and then they would leave.
But she needed to stop crying. That's what she told herself as she finished the last drops of her protein shake, the straw making a loud sucking sound as she tried to get every bit of it. She was on a mission and something had gone wrong but she was an Avenger and she needed to be calm and professional no matter what. Sam already called her the kid. He already didn't think she should be going on missions like this. She'd wanted to prove herself…prove that she could be just as good as they were.
She didn't care about that anymore.
Penny had been locked in the room for almost a full two days before she heard Sam's voice. She'd heard lots of screaming. She'd heard interrogations and someone fighting back and she'd heard the footsteps of the men who ran this place and the women who worked for the men who ran this place. She'd drank her protein shakes and listened to the lectures and nodded, looking as pious as she could. And the protein shakes hadn't been enough so she'd stayed as still as she could to conserve energy. She didn't think she could even get out of bed anyway.
Sam managed to sound calm as he demanded to know if his assistant was there. He even managed to sound calm when they unlocked her door and he first saw her, laying in bed and shaking from cold or hunger or maybe even terror.
"I'll take it from here. Thanks for finding her," he told the guard behind him, somehow managing to sound cold and uninterested, but his face, changed though it was, gave it all away. "Shut the door behind you. I'll sign the papers in a second."
The moment the door closed, he was on his knees beside her, a shaking hand on her cheek. "Jesus," he hissed. "Jesus fucking Christ…"
Penny gave him a weak smile, wishing she could tell him that she was okay and that she was glad he was there, but not knowing how to communicate that with just her eyes.
"Are you okay?" he whispered, and she nodded, giving him a weak thumbs up, and he choked on a laugh. "Alright. We're going to get you back to the room and I'll take care of it there. Can you stand up?"
She nodded, but that turned out to be a lie because the second her feet touched the floor, her knees buckled and Sam had to catch her, swearing under his breath. He glanced at the door, tucking her hair behind her ear and pulling her close in a quick hug, but that only made the tears that had filled her eyes fall faster, dripping down her cheeks.
"We have to hurry. Come on, Pen. I'll help you."
He kept his face calm somehow and she kept hers downcast, and slowly they made their way to the guard's station where he sighed papers, her leaning on the counter and listening to the guard chat with Sam about how much better she would behave now. She knew it wasn't real but the words still hurt and still scared her, and then they had to sit in the car and she shivered in the backseat while he talked to the driver in the front.
When they were finally in their room, Sam locked the door behind them and half carried her, still crying, to the bed where he eased her down. "Okay…hang on…just…" he swore under his breath and raced into the kitchen, yanking open drawers until he found the scissors. Then he sat beside her once more, tilting her face up so she was looking at him. "Alright, Pen, open your mouth as much as you can and try not to move, okay?"
She nodded, just a little, and did as he'd asked as he carefully, with the steady hands of someone used to administering field medicine, snipped each of the stitches in her mouth. When he was done she gasped for air, putting a shaking hand over her mouth, and he wrapped an arm around her.
"You're okay…baby, you're okay."
Penny gave a desperate, gasping sob, nodding. "I know…I'm sorry…I'm okay…"
"Don't be sorry. You're okay. It's alright."
Shaking so hard it was hard to keep her teeth from chattering, Penny leaned her head against his shoulder and Sam wrapped his other arm around her, holding her tight. "I'm sorry," she whispered again, and he didn't answer, just hugged her like he was trying to hold her together.
"Here's what we'll do. I'm going to sterilize some tweezers and get the rest of that. We'll get you cleaned up. You can take a shower. Change. I'll go get you some food. Then we can figure out what to do next. Okay?"
Penny nodded, still shaking. She was still shaking as he used the tweezers to pull the remnants of the threat out of the tiny holes in her lips and as he gently wiped the blood away with a warm washcloth. It wasn't until she was standing under the hot spray of their shower that she was able to stop…until she was able to take deep breaths, mouth wide open, and sob until she couldn't anymore. And then, once she'd dried off and had gotten dressed, and once she'd eaten the food that Sam had gotten for her, scarfing down at least three full servings, she finally felt a little better.
"You okay?"
"I'm fine. Promise. It…it barely hurt."
Sam shook his head. "It didn't have to hurt for it to be scary, Pen. I sure as hell don't think any less of you for being scared. Hell, I was scared to death when you didn't come home…and not just because Tony would have killed me and fed me to his alpaca if I didn't bring you home in one piece."
She managed a laugh.
"You want to talk about it?"
Penny dropped her eyes, shaking her head.
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"Okay. Think you can tell me what you saw?"
That, she could do. She told him everything she could remember and everything she'd heard. She told him all about the attack on the girl she had tried to stop and what they'd done to her, from the cattle prod to waking up with her mouth sewn shut. And she was fine.
But that night it was Sam's hand on her shoulder that woke her from the nightmare where she couldn't open her mouth or even breathe, and he rolled her over, pulling her upright so her face wasn't pressed into the pillow. "Penny…kiddo, come on. You're okay. Wake up. You're alright."
She opened her mouth, taking jagged, painful breaths as she clutched too tightly at his arms, only letting go when he winced. "Sorry…sorry…"
"It's alright. Don't be sorry. You're okay," he murmured, holding her tight and pressing one hand to the back of her head.
"I don't know if I can do this," she whimpered, hating herself for being so afraid. She didn't even know what exactly she was talking about…this mission in particular or working with the Avengers…but he just stroked her hair, rocking her back and forth.
"That's okay. We can leave if we have to. We've got enough. Our testimony will be enough. We can go home if you need to."
"But…we're on a mission and…"
"And we got what we needed. You did your job, Pen. You did a great job."
"I'm supposed to be an Avenger," she whispered, as quiet as she could.
"And you are one," he told her, not a hint of doubt in his voice. "You are an Avenger. You are a superhero. You are the bravest kid I've ever known. You have every right to be scared by what happened. Okay?"
"I couldn't talk. I couldn't…I felt like I couldn't breathe!"
He nodded, rubbing her back.
"I was hungry but I couldn't even eat and I was afraid…I was afraid they'd use the cattle prod and then I'd scream and…and I'd rip them open. And I knew you would come…I knew I could get out if I needed to but…but I was still so scared…"
Sam squeezed her, rubbing circles over her back until she was able to breathe right again…until her eyes were heavy and he was easing her back down to the pillow, on her back this time, pulling the covers up over her and sitting with her until she fell asleep.
They headed home the next day, and she didn't even wait a full 24 hours to get her hair chopped off, throwing the dress into a bonfire that night at Mr. Stark's farm as she roasted marshmallows with him and Morgan to make smores.