11. A LETTER
Tywin had being in Riverrun for a few days, and he noticed that he was very at ease there. Whilst she tried to spend most of her time with him, Catelyn attention was often stolen away by different issues that would arise, normal practice for any castle. However, even with the constant bother, she very quickly managed to establish a good routine with him.
She was a very early riser, but Tywin not so much if circumstances didn't demand of him. So when he would look for her in the mornings, after breaking his fast and tending to the correspondence and matters that would have arrived for him overnight, he knew that she would be half way through her more pressing obligations.
He learned a great deal about his wife-to-be during those days. She was hard working, soft spoken, kind… However, she was also absolutely ruthless and had very little patience, making sure things were as she wished them to be. Once their engagement became common knowledge, widespread on the land, Riverrun became busier, by her own assessment. And people would not take to the rulings of anyone but herself, what would frustrate not only her uncle, but also Edmure.
Her household was ruled meticulously, and that was more of a compliment to Enya than to herself. Riverrun had a governess who was an elderly lady related by blood to Catelyn from her lady mother's side. This woman was now coming to the realisation that Catelyn and Enya would be leaving in the near future, and Edmure needed to be made to step up to his obligations, what seemed to bother the boy greatly.
The changes were coming rapidly to the Riverlands, and Tywin wondered if his presence was making it worse.
-Do you believe that this is all too much, too soon? –she asked, on one of their walks along the river.
-I only wish for you to be able to adapt comfortably. Your life will change drastically.
-But that's why we are here together, my Lord. –she smiled- To make this period more bearable.
And her plan on establishing closeness was working very well. Slowly, throughout the days, the residual awkwardness between them was being erased. Tywin found himself properly smitten with her, looking forward to the time they would spend together, imagining that if they could have a dynamic that enjoyable on such odd predicament and novelty, married life would be blissful.
That afternoon, Tywin was invited by her brother and uncle –who was slowly making peace with his niece's prospect- for a ride around the city. The Tullys were very friendly towards the common folk, knew many of them by their names and were always willing to establish conversation.
Most people, very respectfully, congratulated Tywin on the upcoming nuptials, making sure to let him know how blessed he was. The women acted very excited about it, and many handled them flowers that were destined for their Lady. Was also on this visit to the town that Tywin truly came to terms with the fact Catelyn was, indeed, The Lady of the Riverlands. Yes, Hoster Tully was the Warden, but she fared the war with them. Kept them fed, inside the castle walls, and even broken in grief and fear, held their spirits up. And her people hadn't forgotten those things. And many went out of their way to praise her to him, some even asking for him to be good to her.
He was also, maybe more than anything, very aware that he wasn't trusted yet, and the pleasantries were inspired by obligation. He had never being particularly liked, not even in the west, and he had no need for that. He demanded respect, and thus far, the Riverlands awarded him that. Back at the castle with his arm heavy with flowers, Meister Hoth informed them that the entourage would arrive at some point in the next couple days.
-As I said before... -Brynden Tully reminded Tywin- You should make the most of the peace and quiet. Hoster sent you both ahead of them for a reason. He trusts Catelyn enough to allow her to host you almost alone. And he allowed that because he knows that spending time with you is important to her, as she is protecting herself against a young woman's worst fear.
-And what would that be? -Tywin asked, at this point knowing that her uncle's input was very important to Catelyn.
-The fear of having to bed a complete stranger.
He then left Tywin in front of the large doors that led to the garden, the most probable place where to find her that afternoon.
The large red oak on the end of the garden was her favourite place. From there they could see the river, the shade always allowed for a pleasant temperature, and was far away enough from the castle that it felt like they were in the woods, however near enough to have people around and the guard keeping them safe.
He found her there, reclining against the tree, laying on a bed of layered fur, covering a large enough area that would comfortably accommodate her and her ladies. Enya and Elliasand Mallister were there, and they had being laughing, and a tray next to them showed a good selection of cold meats and cheeses, as well as fruit and a half empty wine decanter.
-My lord! -she smiled at him, not moving from where she was, but offering her hand, as she expected him to join them.
-Those are for you... -he said, placing the flowers next to her- From the folk in the city.
-How sweet of them... -she grabbed a few, feeling the perfume, and then gave some to her friends.
Enya, maybe for her age, similar to Catelyn's, or even for being a widow, carried herself in very different way. She always wore dark colours, in very modest cuts. Her straight black hair was almost never braided and she had beautiful blue eyes. Her little sister resembled her, but still needed to mature, and talks of marrying her to Tytos were apparently happening between their fathers.
Tywin would be happy to find Enya a good suitor that would be prepared to remain in Casterly Rock, as he was sure Catelyn would appreciate having her friend near her. Some of his knights were highborn enough to wed her, but as Catelyn explained when they were given some privacy, Enya wasn't ready to marry yet.
- Her husband was Sir Everard Cassel.
-A northern man? She would go with you to Winterfell. -he concluded.
-Indeed. -and Catelyn served him with some wine, when he finally decided that sitting next to her on a bed of furs, under the great red oak, barely visible from the castle, was too big of a temptation to resist to it.
-Were they engaged for long?
-Five years. -almost the same as Catelyn and Brandon Stark- We were too young and we thought we had all the time in the world, but of course we did not. Enya and Sir Everard grew closer with the years, as she would remain for a few months in Seagard and his House's domains were not very far from the Southern border.
-So they would meet frequently. -Tywin concluded, taking a sip of his wine.
-When the war started, and Eddard called his men to arms, they came to Riverrun. It was Lysa's wedding to Jon Arryn. And Enya's wedding to Sir Everard, exactly here, under this oak tree. She was happy, but as the rest of us, terrified. When the men left the next day, a full army behind them, we cried together. He, of course, died. Less than a moon from his wedding night. And no more than two weeks after that, we noticed. She was with child.
-Oh, dear. This story took a dark turn. -he said, feeling her hand caressing his face.
-The war was very dark. The child only lived for two days. It was a boy, and we buried him there. -she pointed at another tree, in the distance, in a field of wild flowers- For her, it hasn't being too long. She could have gone to the Cassel Stronghold; she could have gone home to her family... But she stayed.
-That is because her family is here, my darling. The little grave in the field. That is her family.
Catelyn was not emotional when telling him the story, but she teared up after what he said, looking away and trying to fight the tears. He held her face, unsure of what to do. He wasn't fully aware that he had expressed his thoughts out loud.
Tywin could not deny that he felt bad for Enya. With the passing of the days, he grew to like her. She wasn't what you would expect a widow to be, as she was very young, with her whole life ahead of her and endless possibilities. She was always pleasant, quick to start interesting conversations, and she was able to make Catelyn laugh as they had similar sense of humour. Kevan was taken on her beauty, and Tywin knew that if he was free, he would follow his brother's steps and try to get closer to her.
-Shouldn't we call her Lady Cassel?
-It would just hurt her more. -Catelyn promised, moving a bit closer to him, placing her hands on his chest, and allowing him to wrap his arms around her.
Very conscious that they were now lying on the ground, on each other's arms, away from prying eyes, he almost wished for her to tell him another sad story. It would distract his mind from the thoughts he was having.
-You are tense, my lord. -she said, feeling his back, with her head now resting on his shoulder- You did not upset me. Your words were very beautiful- she kissed his face and kept their faces pressed together.
-What if we are seen? -he asked, very low on her ear, resting his hands on the fur at her sides instead of embracing her, as he didn't trusted his hands on her.
He was never sure if she knew what she was doing to him, or if the contact established was just a sign of her innocence. He never knew how to proceed, and was happy to allow her to do as she wished, at the pace she would be more comfortable with. And because of that, releasing himself every night before going to sleep was absolutely crucial.
Her uncle seemed to be right, and he could see now that Catelyn was doing her best to make them at ease on each other presence. It was already second nature to hold her hand, and to have her slightly leaning on him when holding his arm. It was natural to receive a kiss on the face, to exchange hugs, and small chaste kisses.
And that was not always done privately, and no one, absolutely no one, had a thing to say about it. Not her brother, who was honestly just surprised, or her uncle who only seemed to worry if Tywin would treat her right. Her septa wasn't happy, but Tywin had now noticed that Catelyn didn't seemed to be very religious, and the presence of the woman was nothing more than a formality. To the best of his knowledge, she hadn't visited the Sept not even once since they arrived.
-Is there something wrong? -she asked, leaning back against the tree and staring at him.
-What if we are seen? -he repeated, keeping his hands out of her, but noticing that with that, he almost had her pinned against the tree, and the smaller of the movements would have him laying on top of her.
It was more intense than a hug, but he now couldn't do much about it, because he didn't wish to. And she didn't seem to notice how precarious his situation was. The neckline on her dress was not very deep, but the structure of the bodice pressed her breasts together, and they were now very close to Tywin's face. The layering of her skirts had rested on her sides, and now one of her legs, not even reaching her knee, was exposed, showing the small dagger he gifted her on her nameday, nicely tied to her calf.
He looked around for a moment, trying to make sure that they were really alone, even though he knew that at least three of his guards would be around, out of sight. Catelyn, however, had all of her attention on him.
-We had agreed that no one would care about a hug. -she said, and again, she had that almost naughty expression on her face.
-This is not a simple hug. -Tywin declared, now taking a good look at the woman he wanted the most in the world, but that was still not his wife, and that he still couldn't bed.
-Says who? -she leaned nearer him, their faces almost touching and Tywin's hand, involuntarily, enveloping itself on her hair, and holding her there, an inch away from him.
They had never seriously kissed before, he wasn't even sure if she had ever being properly kissed. Yes, they would press their lips together when first seeing each other in the morning and before parting ways at night. But Tywin knew that a true kiss, a kiss that would allow him to taste her... It was not proper. She was an enigma, and at the same time he wondered about her maidenhood being intact, he couldn't tell if she had ever felt a kiss. His breath was laboured, his eyes traveling from her face, down her neck to the vale of her breasts. She lifted her own hands now, touching the sides of his face and moving closer to press her soft lips against the very edge of his. Tywin moaned, and he did not try to contain it. She then moved to the other side and did the same. He had his eyes closed, and not aware how, he had enveloped her on his embrace, and she was so close... So close he could feel her breasts against his chest, and that was the only thing on his mind now.
-My lord... -she whispered at his ear, her lips touching the side of his neck, and with that, the growing bulk on his breeches pulsated and he could only hope her not to see it- You may kiss me if you wish...
-Catelyn... -her name was a guttural sound, coming from the depths of his chest -Oh, my darling... -he sighted, kissing the line of her jaw, trailing down to her neck- There's nothing in this world that would bring me more joy -although pulling her skirts away and making love to her, right there, under that tree, was a strong contender- But I fear that if I start I will not be able to stop.
-I will stop you in time. -she gently lifted his chin, and with an urge on her gaze but still with the softness of her ways, she pressed their lips together, a very small noise leaving her chest when Tywin was back to hold her head.
Gently, it had to be gently, he opened his mouth and took her lower lip to himself, now describing the line of it with the tip of his tongue. She was trembling on his embrace, but wouldn't move one inch away. And just like that, he separated their lips and staring her in the eyes, he looked for permission to repeat it, and she did not seem to oppose.
When he took her for another kiss, her mouth was slightly open and very carefully, almost feeling that he was, in fact, making love to her, he introduced his tongue on her mouth, hearing her small whimper, feeling her pulling him closer. He had to remain calm and under control as he gently massaged her lips with his. It would be too easy to go too far, and he was not sure she knew how close they were from crossing the line.
He separated himself from her, putting some distance between them. They both had laboured breathing, and Tywin couldn't deny that he was also slightly shaking. His erection was pulsing so hard that he could not think clearly.
Was that her first ever kiss? He couldn't know, but it certainly seemed so. It was their first kiss, regardless. And at this precise moment, the only thing his lady needed was to be held.
-Are you well, my lady? -he asked, when he leaned against the tree and immediately felt her arms around his torso, her head on his chest. She gave him no response, and in an attempt to hide the pulsating volume on his breeches, he adjusted a pillow on the area, with the excuse to get her more comfortable.
She was awfully quiet, and he feared that he had being too forward.
-Talk to me... -he asked, when her silence prolonged itself. She was still cuddled up on his chest, like that was the only safe place in the world.
-You are intending to leave soon. -she finally said.
-Unfortunately I have obligations elsewhere. -he started to say apologetically, but she stopped him, turning on his arms and touching his lips with her delicate fingers,
-We haven't discussed the first thing about the wedding.
-Whatever you want. -he declared simply- Anything gold can buy.
-I need a list of names, to write the invites. I need to know if you want anything special on the feast.
-I trust your taste on what should be served. It must be the best Westeros can offer, and if is not good enough we'll send for it in Essos.
-And about the invites?
-I will write you a list, your lord father can write another. And your little hands can start with the invites. I have, in fact... -he reached for a piece of paper on his pocket, and gave it to her- Have being thinking about it, but keeping it to myself as I do not wish to pressure you with arrangements.
She unfolded the paper, and it was a simple drawing. Inside a circle, a trout in full jump, the body arched obeying the contour of the circle. Next to it, the lion of Lannister. The two crests almost fully joined inside the circle.
-Is just a rough sketch, but this morning when visiting the city, your uncle took me to the jeweller, and there he made a better version of this.
-What is it for?
-Your seal. For the wedding invites, but it can remain yours, for your letters for when you become Lady Lannister.
-Oh... -she was pleasantly surprised, opening a smile. She certainly thought he had fashioned her some jewellery, but he was actually thinking of the wedding, and he noticed that the key for keeping her satisfied, was to participate.- Speaking of correspondence, what should I do about this?
She produced a letter, hidden in the folds of fur. She didn't seemed very bothered by it, maybe somehow amused, and when Tywin saw the handwriting on the paper, he almost removed it from her hands, trying to prevent her from reading the words, only to realise that she already knew its contents.
-You mustn't pay any mind to my daughter. She is expecting a babe, not quite herself. –Tywin didn't need to know what was written there to assume that it was purely abuse.
-She is the queen, as she pointed out repeatedly throughout her letter.
-Do you wish me to read it? –he asked.
-You do not deserve the hurt. –Catelyn said simply- However, I was ordered to break the engagement. Otherwise my actions, on marrying you, would be treason. –and she laughed lightly- So, based on this… I have no hope of ever making friends with your daughter. Pregnant or not, queen or not, I will not be spoken to like this. –and waved the paper.
-I will fix it. –he promised- Not that she has any power on this matter, and she knows it, as she hasn't replied to me yet. I will be heading Southwards soon, for the birth.
-You are not welcome. –Catelyn informed, indicating the letter- Not if we are still engaged.
Catelyn observed as he stood up, clearly upset. She couldn't know which feelings plagued him, but it was obvious it was all negative.
-I was debating if it was right to tell you…
-You must never hide anything in regards to the twins from me. –he said as an order.
-Yes, my lord. –she agreed, still seating on the furs and observing him pacing around- Do you wish to read it?
-Yes. –he thought for a second and extended his hand, receiving the letter. He excused himself briefly, walking away from her and reading it.
Catelyn observed as he shook his head negatively to the words, and was surprised that he was actually paying any mind to those disgruntled rambles and oversexualised filthy comments. She had always known Cersei to vain, unkind, cruel, manipulative… It shouldn't come as a surprise to her own father. Beautiful was one of the only good things Catelyn had ever heard about the woman, and beauty cannot excuse anything.
She should have waited for another time to speak of such thing with her lord, as she had being in possession of this letter since the day prior. Part of her was regretting telling him about it at all, but as his wife, it was not wise to keep that kind of thing a secret. What if Cersei decided to act on her delusions?
Tywin tried to handle her the letter, once he finished reading it. His face was red with rage. Catelyn made him help her stand up, ignoring the paper and wrapping her arms around his neck. She kissed his face repeatedly, forcing him to embrace her. He took a deep breath.
-What am I to do? –he asked- The way she spoke of you was very hurtful.
Was he asking if she wanted him to punish his daughter? The queen? Because of uncomfortable words and lies?
-I am not hurt. I am, in fact, amused by it.
-You cannot underestimate Cersei, darling.
-So what are you telling me? That I am in danger?
-No. –he tightened his embrace and buried his face on her neck- I will make sure that you are protected at all times, that Cersei won't spy on you or infiltrate your domains…
-I am safe. Riverrun is my home. I only surround myself with people I trust, that's why my court is so reduced. Also, I have no secrets, she cannot gain any leverage as I know who I am.
-What I am to do? –he asked again- Should I go to King's Landing?
He hadn't expressed to Catelyn why he wanted to be there, but that wasn't necessary. He would not be able to admit, but he was traumatised by the loss of his wife in a bed of blood. It was dangerous, a battlefield, and no woman should go through it alone. And besides Jaime, she only really had him, as Robert turned out to be an abusive, whoring, bastard of a husband, still obsessed with Lya.
-You want to know what I think or how I feel?
-Both.
-I fear that you wouldn't forgive yourself if you missed the birth. It is your first grandchild. It is the heir to the Iron Throne. –she said, looking him in the eyes- However, I believe that rewarding bad behaviour isn't wise.
-I see. –and she couldn't guess what conclusion he was taking from her words, he was the one to decide on his actions, and she would not try to influence either way in this instance.
-Will you let me know when she writes you? –Catelyn asked.
-I will let you read it. –Tywin decided it was for the best if they both knew where things stood- And I promise you that Cersei's words hold no weight.
-I know. –she smiled- Now, we shouldn't trouble ourselves any further. We were talking of the wedding…
-I am sorry, my darling… -his mind was clearly elsewhere- I have matters to attend now.
-Tywin…
-No… -he silenced her softly, resting his thumb on her lips- You keep thinking on the wedding, planning how you would like everything to be. We will talk on it before I leave, I promise. Right now, I have to attend to this. You should enjoy the good weather.
And kissing her one more time, he marched towards the castle, signalling to his guards that were always around and out of sight. She observed how two men followed his decisive stride and how his expression was dangerous. Catelyn couldn't know what he planned on doing, but she wouldn't be surprised if the next letter she received, was an apology from her good daughter to be.