Chapter 15

Tommy adjusted the boxes in the backseat, arranging each into a nearly complete puzzle that filled half of the white Mustang. "Is this everything?" he asked, climbing out of the car to meet Tanya's brown eyes.

She looked up to the stair well leading to their apartment, where Katherine and Rocky were walking down carrying a box each. "This should be the last of it now," she said, handing off a crate filled with small lamps and an assortment of lampshades.

Tommy watched as Katherine and Rocky made their way to the back of the Jeep. He could see from the expression on Kat's face that Rocky was either not telling a very good joke or had failed at determining when to take his foot out of his mouth.

He then turned his attention back to Tanya, who now seemed more dejected than tired.

"Hey, you aren't still thinking about what Adam said, are you?" he asked, realizing it best to get to the point and that the words were still hanging in her mind's eye.

She looked away; her expression flat but pensive. Tommy always struggled to determine the exact emotion she was feeling over the years of their friendship. Tanya, out of all the girls, was the most reserved. When they first met, he assumed it was due to her abrupt addition to the team. However, as he stood by her in battle over the next year and a half, he began to understand she would hold back a little more than the others. Her addition not a swapping of Aisha for herself—but the introduction of an entirely different perspective on the dynamics of the team's bond. His response was always to prod a little harder, push her a little more to open up and reveal those thoughts she tried to bury behind her deep brown eyes and freshly pressed hair.

"I know what you're trying to do," she finally said, giving him a knowing look and meeting his eyes, "Just leave it. I don't want to think any further on him or any of it."

Tommy opened his mouth, then closed it with a quiet groan. "Look, what I'm about to say may sound insensitive, so—"

"You're gonna say it anyway?" she answered, curtly.

"Tanya, just listen for a moment. Please?"

To an outsider, Tanya's folded arms and now tense expression would pass for an obvious sign that it was time to end the conversation. Tommy, and most of the others in their inner circle, knew better. She was all ears.

"You know Adam pretty well. You have to know…this isn't like him."

Tanya raised an eyebrow and seemed to want to speak, but decided against her next sentence.

Tommy continued, "You never had the pleasure of a Rita or Zedd spell."

"Kat mentioned some of it, but she never talked long about it," Tanya said, leaning against the car.

"Did Adam or anyone else ever mention the Hate Master?"

"Not really…you guys always seemed to shut down when it came up. I stopped asking since it appeared to be a touchy subject," she said.

Tommy thought about her observation. It was a touchy subject, but not off limits. He and Adam always felt it was the elephant standing between their otherwise close friendship. He had experienced the mental toll of Rita's Green Ranger possession, so he assumed the aftereffects of Hate Master would be similar. However, they were not prepared for the flashes of anger and instability that haunted them over the last few years. In a way, he envied Tanya's inability to understand.

"Rita's spells always had a way of…staying with you. Long after you thought you were normal. You could be leaning in for a hug from your mom or enjoying a night under the stars when a flash of memories would appear from nowhere. Each evil deed and thought—how much you enjoyed it. Man, they haunt you like a nightmare."

Tanya considered his words and relaxed against the car. "So, I should just forget this all because it's just a spell?"

Tommy closed his eyes and carefully contemplated his next statement. "Look, that's not what I'm saying…at least not in principal. Tan, Kat and I could explain how deep those spells go better than anyone on the team. Rita's possession spells linger…scar the mind. But, the spell from Hate Master was something else entirely. It wasn't possession—in a way I wish it were that simple. It tapped into something dark we all had within us already. That's what made it so dangerous. That's what nearly tore us apart…and that's why I'm not saying to just forget it."

She met Tommy's eyes, visibly taken aback by his revelation. "I didn't expect you to tell me—"

"What? The truth?" he smiled, wanting to break the somber pacing. "Come on, you know I'm not gonna to sugar coat when there isn't any sugar. I wish I could tell you that everything we said to each other was due to that spell…but it's not the truth. The truth is that we all may not have been friends had we not been thrown together. And some of that came out."

Tanya's expression tensed again, and Tommy knew she wanted to ask the question she had only expressed to Katherine.

"That stuff he said—comparing me to Aisha—did everyone feel that way?" she asked, her gaze focused on an object unseen and long ago.

Tommy placed an arm around her shoulder and allowed her weight to lean into his. He finally felt the tension and rigidness her muscles held against her posture.

"His words don't speak for the group," he said with a sigh. "But, he's still human, Tan. And, you know he's still a good guy. He should have worked through those issues before making things more complicated with you guys, but I know consciously…he didn't mean what he said. Not then…and not now."

He could feel her relax a little.

"Besides," he added, "I know a guy—"

"Alright, I think we're done here," she slipped from under his arm, turning back to face him. "Thanks, Tommy," she smiled, reaching for a hug.

Tommy wrapped her in a tight embrace. "Hey…anytime," he whispered.

"So, are you sure you want to trust me and Adam to drive this stuff over?" Rocky smiled as he and Katherine each sat a box at Adam's feet.

Katherine gave him a look that said she was not amused.

Rocky noticed and looked to Adam as he placed one of the boxes into their Jeep. Adam, who decided it best to stay downstairs as they loaded the cars, looked over to Katherine from his place in the hatchback arranging items.

"Probably not a good time to joke, Rock," Adam said, placing a box into one of the empty spots.

Rocky leaned against the car, his expression turning more serious. "I was just trying to lighten the mood. Sorry."

Katherine sat on the edge of the bumper, just under the hatch. She leaned her head into her hands, letting her nearly white-blond hair fall across her face and let out a small grumble. Other than this sound of dissatisfaction, she made no other noise.

"Kat," Adam said, sitting next to her, "I screwed up, didn't I."

Katherine looked over to Adam. She and Adam were never particularly close, however she knew when he was being sincere. "Adam, she always thought you and Rocky felt she was trying to replace Aisha. I don't think you realize how deeply this will affect her."

"Geez, Kat!" Rocky bellowed, closing his eyes as he rubbed them in frustration, "We've told her a thousand times that's not the case!"

Katherine quietly contemplated Rocky's response to consider the reaction to her next words. "It doesn't matter. From Tanya's point of view, she was always being measured against someone else without her permission. Quite honestly, I felt the exact same way when Kimberly left."

Adam looked over to Tanya and Tommy who were noticeably running through an exchange about the afternoon's outburst. "Kat, we never meant to make you feel unwelcome—neither of you. Remember, the three of us told you we experienced the feeling of being someone's replacement. I wouldn't want to make anyone feel rejected like that."

"Besides, she was his girlfriend Kat. That has to count for something," Rocky interjected.

Katherine lightly bit at her bottom lip, chewing her words before allowing them to tumble out freely. Yes it counted…for something. But through countless nights of conversations and pondering Adam's unsaid words with Tanya, she was unsure what debt it counted against. "I don't think it is my place to hold any of the disagreements that you and Tanya had in the past against you now. Yet…what came out today was something that felt… visceral."

Rocky broke the brief silence between them with a look of annoyance. "Come on, Kat. This isn't fair! You act like the man has been holding this secret emotion in for four years and plotted for this to be the day it all came out!"

"Rocky, Kat's right…and so was Aisha. I put up a wall that shouldn't have been there," Adam stood to face the two. "I don't know how I'm gonna make this right."

Katherine stood, placing a hand on Adam's shoulder. "I'm sure the best place to start is to be more honest about your emotions—with all of your friends. I didn't experience Hate Master…but there's always a bit of truth in the subconscious. If you don't address it properly, it will continue to haunt you over time. And it's not worth losing friends over."

"Have I already lost my friends over this?" Adam looked into the cool blue eyes searching for an answer.

"Regardless of how it seems now, you haven't lost me," Katherine admitted before adding, "And…I suspect you may not have lost Tanya, either. But I would definitely give her a few days."

Rocky eased his face into a playful smile, "What about me?"

Katherine raised an eyebrow in his direction, "You are on probation."