"Haibara…"

Someone said my name. I realize I'm lying on top of someone else. He lightens his gadget watch and I see his face: a round face with big, round eyes and a wild wisp of hair. Great, I just woke Conan up.

"You just fell onto me…" he whispered.

It dawns on me that I just had a nightmare, I fell from my bed and I woke him up. Wait, why is Conan in my room? I look around and I remember: we're having a slumber party with the Detective Boys. I have three seven-year-olds in my room and I look seven myself. So the last six years didn't happen, my friends didn't turn their back to me and I don't have an eating disorder. What a relief.

"What happened?" Conan asked.

"I had a terrible nightmare," I say. "I found the antidote and…"

Wait, I dreamt of the antidote! So maybe I can remember it! I rush to my lab and start writing onto the whiteboard. I give up after five minutes. I can't remember anything.

"It's OK," Conan says. "Dreams make no sense."

"Mine was horrible."

"You found the antidote. Wasn't it a good dream?"

How can I explain him? When a boy hits puberty, people praise him or don't even notice. When the same thing happens to a girl, she always gets slut-shamed or sexualised by grown men. Puberty feels humiliating for girls. Yes, I want to find my real body back but I also feel incredibly safe in this temporary, asexual body. I don't think he'll ever understand.

"It wasn't good. The antidote worked on you. I didn't take it and you completely forgot about me. Then I got an eating disorder, I stopped eating and it drove all of us apart. And…"

I start crying. He pats my shoulder awkwardly and I embrace him. I keep crying for some time. Then he steps back and looks at me.

"I'm putting too much pressure on you," he says.

"No. I don't feel too much pressure."

"Haibara, come on! There's a common denominator to people with anorexia: pressure. You're working too hard on that antidote, that's what your dream is telling you. You need to relax as much as possible."

"How?"

"Let's play soccer!"

"What? Now?"

"There's no moment like now! Come!"

I'm about to tell him that we're too old to play soccer in the middle of the night. Then I remember that we're supposed to be children and children do silly things sometimes. So we put on sport shoes and we went to the garden, still wearing our Kamen Yaiba pyjamas. He puts the ball into the ground and asks:

"Who do you want to be, the scorer or the goalkeeper?"

Honestly, I don't care. We start playing. It's awkward for me as he's an amazing soccer player and I'm barely average. I guess it's probably awkward for him too. Then I aim wrong and I send the ball onto a window.

"I'm no good," I say.

"Don't give up now!"

"I'm out of it."

"You need an outlet. There's no better outlet than…"

He doesn't finish his sentence because Mitsuhiko opens the window and stares.

"What are you doing?!"

"We're playing!" Conan answers mischievously.

Mitsu starts explaining that children need to sleep at night. He's interrupted by Genta and Ayumi, who want to join in the game. Mitsuhiko gives up and we all start playing together, in our pyjamas, like children. I stop worrying. This is too much fun.

We go back to bed about one hour later, covered in grass and dirt. Ayumi, Mitsuhiko and Genta look so happy. I can't help whispering into Conan's ear:

"You know, sometimes I feel bad for lying to them."

"They're kids. We have to lie to protect them."

"I know."

"By the way, if you ever get anorexia or anything like that, you just tell someone, OK? Tell the professor, or tell me or anyone you feel comfortable with. I don't want you to be alone with your problems."

I whisper that I will and I cannot help smiling. We tiptoe back into my room. I know the fun won't last forever, I know we'll walk apart sooner and later and maybe it's OK. Just now, we're having a good time.

The end!

Note: this fanfiction is inspired by the OVA "the stranger from 10 years later".

Spoiler alert:

In this OVA, we learn at one point that teenage Haibara skips meal and her friends worry about her. Does it mean that she may have an eating disorder one day? I was disappointed by the way this issue is pushed under the carpet in the OVA and I couldn't help writing this story. Have a nice day!