"There is nothing to settle." Vivienne said coldly, fuck she flipped fast, bracing her hands on the back of her hips as she stared him down, one brow raised. "She loves you, I'm forced to accept it. And I have-"

"This is you accepting it?"

"Just because I accept that she forgives you doesn't mean I have to."

"So what, we just go the rest of our lives hating each other?"

Jay didn't know what her scoff was for but he knew it hurt, right down to his core. "I don't hate you. I did. And then I became indifferent. You, on the other hand, have no reason to hate me."

"I don't hate you." He said quietly but she just shrugged, tapping her foot like she was in line at the grocery store.

"Then we're done here."

"No, we're not."

"Oh my god get the fuck out of my room!" She shouted again, shaking her head as she took a few deep breaths.

And that was how he knew they weren't done.

If Vivienne had really hated him, or been indifferent she wouldn't be struggling this hard to keep a hold of herself; she either really wouldn't care or she already would've kicked his ass to get out of here. That she hadn't meant there was a part of her that did still care about him. She was just refusing to listen to that part which meant he needed to find a way to make her.

"You are my sister."

"Oh fuck you."

"There's a bed right there." He said with a wave to it and again he got that flash of humour, right before her eyes got sad again. "You are my sister Vivienne. And I hurt you and I am so fucking sorry about that but you hurt me too. All I'm asking is that we figure out a way forward."

"Sure as shit can't go back can we?" She snapped, the next flash satisfaction at hurting him before even that went away and she deflated again, turning her back and looking out the window.

If it had been Tess he would have tried to comfort her but Jay knew Vivienne didn't like being touched when she was upset.

The only one who could get away with that was Tess.

She knew her better than any of the others who'd known her longer, better than anyone period. But… he knew her too. In some ways he knew Vivienne as intimately as he did Tess, as he did himself. He knew she'd joined the AirForce because her father didn't believe women were suited to the military lifestyle, not the same as his father who hadn't believed he was suited to the military lifestyle but something they'd bonded over. He knew she'd started experimenting with girls to spite his homophobia, religiously based because like him she'd grown up in a strict Christian household- hell, he had fucking held her while she sobbed after the bastard had disowned her for it, and hadn't been able to talk himself out of calling in several favours just to leave the man a scathing voicemail that had never been returned. He'd held her in other ways too, caresses both tender and fierce, a closeness he'd only shared with a few women and an intimacy he had only ever known with Tess, the same way Tess knew Mouse and they all knew each other. Not entirely a sister. But the love he had for her… that was real. And it was strong. When his eyes found hers again she was just turning to him and he saw the same emotions in hers, just as raw. Just as deep. But while they carried the same heaviness she had a greater understanding.

And as much as it hurt he was grateful when she shared it with him.

"She didn't smile for months. And even when she did it was just the motion, there was nothing behind it except… an exasperated desire to make us feel better." Her sharp inhale hurt and she placed her hands back on her hips, physically steadying herself as opposed to Tess who held herself together. "I am not a person who scares easily but who she became… it scared me. She had no warmth, no light and even when it finally started coming back it was different. Colder. She still believed in everything she had before just… to a point. And once she reached that point…"

He'd never heard Vivienne speak so haltingly before, she was the most sure person he'd ever met which was why he knew this wasn't uncertainty in her voice. It was memory.

Jay was remembering things too.

It's only because I'm still enjoying my post-retirement glow that I'm not looking for retaliation.

"It wasn't losing Lydia that broke her. It was having her taken from her. And she didn't let herself become cruel, she was firm on that, except for a few moments but she took what she could. What she thought was fair. What other people thought was fair too." The noise she made then, like she was impressed.

And why wouldn't she be?

Who else had done what Tess had?

And then she smiled, the saddest, most proud smile that broke his heart. "You should have seen her. All five foot six and three quarters of her staring down the heads of every agency, every fucking head of state, kings and queens by birth or blood. And every one of them bowed to her. Maybe she didn't win every battle but she won the war."

"I wish I could have seen it."

"I wish you had. I wish you'd seen what it did to her."

Now she was the one who was cold, not an ounce of mercy in those emerald eyes but it didn't last long; once again exhaustion took over, her shoulders slumping lower than he'd ever seen them as she let out a heavy sigh and took a seat on the bed. He'd been so focused on Tess he hadn't paid enough attention to how her actions had affected everyone else.

His other family.

Maybe he owed her the most but he owed them a lot too.

A lot better.

"You have no idea how much of that weight is back on her." Vivienne whispered, the sight of her rolling her eyes at herself as she blinked back tears bringing some to his own. "And yes, you are helping to lift some of it but you don't know. You don't know."

With as steadying a breath as Jay could manage he took a seat next to her, close but not so much that he crowded her. "I know I don't. But I want to. I'm trying to. But I need you to tell me because what I do know is she's not telling me everything."

"No shit."

He huffed a laugh and though his hand shook a little, something she definitely noticed, something she probably appreciated she let him take hers. "I'm really sorry Vivienne. I'm so fucking sorry."

"You know what you should really apologize to me for?" She asked after a long moment of looking him dead in his eyes, her own so carefully blank he felt his stomach rising to his throat. "The God-awful amount of Whitney Houston I had to listen to."

The laugh just burst out, startled at first but when she started chuckling too it grew stronger until he could no longer hold back the urge and yanked her into his side, ignoring her grumbling to squeeze her tighter until finally she grabbed him back. They sat there until they stopped laughing, until their tears flowed again and stopped again and the rift between them finally felt closed. Still some jagged edges that would need to be smoothed out, cracks they'd have to seal up as they kept shifting to their new normal but it was closed.

She was his sister again.

"There was a lot of Celine Dion too wasn't there?"

"Oh so fucking much."

They both chuckled as they slowly disentangled themselves, looking each over with the same pain but also the same love. "I'm really glad she had you."

"We had fun with it. You know her, everything she does she puts all of herself into."

Yeah she did.

Jay could see it so clearly- Tess would have spent a while, months shutting out her emotions to deal with the chaos in front of her, and behind and around her but once she'd finally been safe enough to pause she would have let them in. Would have fucking dove into the storm raging inside her, riding the waves of her heartache until she tamed them. The question of whether that had happened before or after she'd found him with Erin pulled him out of imagining her sobbing out some sad lyrics while drinking tequila with Vivienne, likely right out of the bottle, likely right on the floor. In the Loft.

She'd grieved him while he was in the same fucking city.

"I always hoped that was the one first we'd never have." He said roughly, unaware his head had dropped until he was staring at the well manicured hand that rested on his white knuckled fist.

"I'm not going to say I didn't try to get her to move on, but I always knew you were first. And I knew you'd be last."

To whatever end.

So long as…

"Am I really helping her?"

"Yes." She answered dryly, but softly, patting his hand as it slowly relaxed.

The door opening caught their attention and they straightened as Tess slowly walked in, looking them over with a barely concealed and brimming hope. "So… are we fucking?"

Jay could see the weight that lifted off her when they burst out laughing, the brightest smile that made his heart ache with the sweetest pain when she leant against the doorframe to watch them and he knew exactly what she was thinking. Everything was going to be okay. It wasn't going to be like it had been but that was okay.

It was going to be better.

"Well?" He asked Vivienne, grinning when she just snorted and shook her head, that softness he'd missed so much creeping into the eyes that were so similar to his own.

"I think right now I just want you as my brother."

"Well you are from the South."

This time she shoved him and then as one they turned to Tess, beckoning her into the space between them. And when she came he knew he wasn't alone in feeling even more weight lift off her so to make them both laugh again when he and Viv wrapped their arms around her he pulled them all backwards until they were a mess of limbs all tangled together and finally, finally she relaxed.

"We got you." He heard Vivienne whisper and in response he gripped them tighter, lifting his head so he could see them, so they could see him when he made this promise.

"We've got each other."

To whatever end.