Chapter 4

It didn't take him long to reach her quarters. When he entered, he saw her perched on the floor in front of her meditation candle. He could see she was trembling. Her eyes tracked his movements warily as he sat down carefully opposite her. After he received the information she was about to impart, she realized that this might be the last time he would be with her like this. She regretted deeply what she was about to share. She could not stall any longer. Her beloved deserved to know.

She solemnly handed him a PADD which contained a Vulcan to English translation of the letter she had received from Koss. She covered his hands with her own as she passed it to him, needing to touch him, intensifying their connection. Neither moved or spoke for some time as they closed their eyes and just breathed in for a time.

"Trip," she whispered, breaking the moment.

He nodded and took the PADD from her. His eyes widened as he began reading what Koss had written. She could see his nostrils begin to flare as he continued.

T'Pol, daughter of T'Les, parted from me and never parted, as thou art my most recent spouse, thy immediate presence is required on the occasion of my Pon Farr.

He knew what Pon Farr was from his conversation with Kov, the engineer of the Vahklas, the ship carrying the V'tosh Ka'tur, Vulcans without logic. Trip had become fast friends with the affable Vulcan engineer and Kov had told him about Vulcan mating rituals. It was then he had learned that Vulcan males are driven to mate once every seven years. This must be Koss's seventh year.

Trip felt as though he had been kicked in the gut and his breathing became labored. He could barely finish reading the letter which informed him that the son of a bitch was already in San Francisco, waiting eagerly for his rendezvous with T'Pol!

Unable to remain still, he bolted to his feet suddenly, his newly healing legs protesting under the sudden movement. Ignoring the pain, he began to pace the floor swinging the PADD in his hand wildly as he spoke.

Almost on cue, Trip steamed,

"This can't be serious. 'Your presence is required?' So, you're supposed to just do this against your will? Just a small favor–no big deal, right? I can't believe the nerve of this guy! First, he extorts you into a marriage to save your mother's career and reputation and now this?" He was barely holding his emotions in check. "I want to be there when you tell him where he and his Pon Farr can go."

He laughed sharply, shaking his head incredulously.

T'Pol looked down at her hands, scarcely able to meet his eyes. "It's not that simple."

His eyes narrowed as they bored into hers "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Trip exclaimed.

She continued, struggling to maintain her control, her tone suggesting she was losing the battle. "Legally, he may be correct, Trip. We were married. We only recently separated. It has not been sufficient time for Koss to secure an alternate mate. Without mating, Koss will die."

"And why is that your problem? " Trip seethed in disbelief. "You're not together. You're not married anymore. He has no right!"

"On Vulcan, there is little precedent for this situation. A Vulcan marriage is typically not dissolved by any means other than death." she said quietly.

"I don't see an issue with that. Let the bastard die." He was not proud of his primal impulse, but there it was.

"You are not being logical." she retorted.

That remark inflamed him even more, if it were even possible at this point.

"I'm supposed to be logical while you go sleep with this guy again? I've done that before. I can't do it again." His eyes were fiery orbs, alight with the jealousy consuming him.

She met his eyes, shaken, "What do you mean 'again?' I told you after my wedding ceremony, I went to Mount Seleya--alone."

"And I'm supposed to believe you didn't sleep together then? You were gone for two weeks and you were married!" he charged.

"Nothing happened between myself and Koss," she said emphatically, placing her hand upon his arm in an attempt to reassure her mate, but with the knowledge that it was probably futile. She felt the same rage he did. She too had murderous thoughts about Koss at the present moment, but if she gave into those emotions, it would consume her.

"Nothing happened? Did you forget we were already probably bonded when you married another man. Do you even know what that felt like?" He railed at her staring through her, his blue eyes aflame as if daring her to contradict him. His feelings fluctuated between incredulity and despondency. He broke eye contact and began pacing intently.

"I am deeply sorry for the pain I caused you then. I did not believe I had a choice. When our minds merged, I felt the agony you experienced during my wedding as if it were my own. I, too, felt the same agony. We are bonded, Trip. You've seen inside my thoughts. You know I felt nothing for Koss."

"How would I know anything? You're always blocking our bond whenever it suits you while you have full access to my thoughts. I'm always open with you. Did you ever stop to think how unfair that is?" He cried out in frustration.

T'Pol could not look at him, afraid of what she might see in his expression when he looked at her. He was right of course. There was no defense for her actions of late. She did not know how to tell him that she was simply afraid. Long ago, he had once told her that Vulcans weren't so tough after all. If he only knew how astute that observation was. In truth, Vulcans are not supposed to experience fear, but she always feared she would lose him, one way or another. Whether the fragility and relatively short lifespan of humans would be the reason or if he would decide the emotional price was too high to be in a relationship with a Vulcan, she felt certain it would happen. She knew he would vehemently deny that he would leave her and he had already tried to reassure her more than once. Instead of accepting this, she blocked him, the thought of it too overwhelming for her to bear. She should have told him she loved him so deeply that she was terrified that something could happen to him. He was nearly killed as recently as the last away mission. It was unbearable to recall how close she came to losing him, but she could still not bring herself to admit to the vulnerability. She should have told him, but she did not know how. Instead she urged him quietly, "Please stop pacing."

This had the opposite of the intended effect on her mate. "Stop pacing? That's all you can say? I'm in love with you and we're bonded and you're about to sleep with another man–a man you married in the past right in front of me, and I'm just supposed to be calm and logical?"

He was right of course and she could find no answer for this question.

"Doesn't this bond between us count for anything? We're together in a committed relationship. That has to mean something?" he steamed.

"Not on Vulcan. Your human heritage will not carry the same weight as if there had been a bond formed between two Vulcans and sharing our bond with the world will further alienate me from my people who will certainly instantly comprehend how a bond developed between a human and Vulcan," she blurted out, instantly regretting it, her head dipped to her chest in shame. The vile, bigoted truth of her people which had just flowed from her lips made her nauseous.

For his part, Trip felt as though he had been slapped hard in the face. His expression sobered.

"I see. So a bond with me doesn't count because I'm just a lowly human? Well, maybe someone ought to remind them that this human positioned our human-crewed starship between warring Vulcan ships and an Andorian ship that wanted to blow each other out of the sky–one of multiple humans that prevented a war!" He yelled furiously, throwing the PADD containing Koss's letter recklessly, sending it clattering to her desk. He had heard enough. "I guess that's it then. I'd better go. The Captain wants us in his dining room with Samuels and Admiral Gardner at 1800 hours." He said icily, his tone cold and businesslike.

Repressed tears were pooling at the corners of her eyes and her breaths were shallow and rapid. Her head felt ready to explode in her own despair and from the melange of human emotions flooding through loud and clear from the bond. She could scarcely handle her own feelings; she certainly could not process Trip's emotions in addition to her own. She nearly capsized from the swell of the amalgamation of the two. Her vision began to darken, bringing her to the brink of unconsciousness from the emotional assault.

Trip felt the imbalance immediately through the bond and grabbed her by the shoulders to steady her.

Anger, hurt, and jealousy shifted immediately to concern and tenderness. "Are you alright? You look like you're about to pass out." He said, studying her to ensure her stability.

She was nowhere near alright, but at least the feeling had passed for now, moored by the strength of his arms holding hers. "I am physically unharmed." She responded quietly.

He sighed and put his lips to her forehead, intoxicated by the scent of her. "Please don't do this." he begged softly, his voice cracking, thick with emotion. He wrapped his arms around her possessively and held her close to his chest. She inhaled deeply, both his mental and physical proximity helping her to regulate herself. "You said you would never leave me," she pleaded, her voice muffled into his chest.

She turned her head upwards, her lips grazed his neck tentatively, questioning. He closed his eyes and exhaled deeply and shuddered, meeting her lips with his own. The kiss began to deepen until Trip tore himself away, breathing heavily, his chest heaving. He couldn't do this. Not when so much was up in the air. He had to preserve what little dignity he had left until he could think clearly. All he could do was escape or he would suffocate. Wordlessly, he stumbled out of her quarters, not daring himself to look back.

Author's Note: I understand this chapter will not likely please some of the romance fans out there, but I do hope you bear with this author. Unfortunately, our duo's relationship needs to be quite strained in order to be in a place where Trip accuses T'Pol of hiding a pregnancy and both no longer want to be bonded (as was the case in Demons and Terra Prime). If angst is not your cup of tea, my apologies. Thanks to all who took the time to follow, favorite, and review.