A/N For all of you wanting to strangle Legolas for not revealing the bond, his reasonings will be shone in the coming chapters I promise.
"I'm not doing that," I stated crossing my arms.
Elfwine had invited me to one of his tutoring sessions. His tutor was a lovely Rohirrim woman, Gretchen, who was trying to show me how to use a quill to write.
It all started when Elfwine commented how Legolas wouldn't even know what my letter said. He was teasing, but it hurt.
"Piss Off!" I shouted at him then quickly, "Don't repeat that."
At first, the lesson was fine, Gretchen was a sweet woman, she taught me the proper way to angle the quill and how much ink to grab. But when it came time to write letters and not mere lines or swirls Elfwine continued making comments.
"That's not how it's written," I argued.
"It is," she said gently as if I were the foolish one, as if I wasn't the one who could read and write already.
"I'm not doing that."
Elfwine laughed, "Let me see." He leaned over the writing table and squinted dramatically, "Chicken scratch, or orcprints more like it."
"Like you could do any better," I rolled my eyes.
Then the adopted son of the king adopted a new role, and became my scribe. He took a seat next to me while Gretchen held in her giggles.
He picked up a fresh sheet of parchment and laid it flat, then brought the quill up to his chin furrowing his brow, "Let's see…'Oh, Legolas the Elven fair' " He started causing me to glare at him.
" 'Tis I, the Commander of the north, I have conquered Uruk-hai and orcs alike and now my next conquest is your heart.' "
"Stop! I never even said I like him!"
He laughed holding the quill out to me as if it was a sword, "But you do!"
oOo
"I'm right here," Elfwine said from my side. He had forced me into the stables.
I wasn't exactly avoiding it, but the horses reminded me of that night. The horse I hadn't even bothered to name that died underneath me as I was hauled up to safety. The walk to Edoras was fine, I wasn't on a horse, and they were nearby but it wasn't the same.
The air was heavy with the pungent smell of hay and leather, and the earthy aroma filled me with unease. The horse, a massive and powerful creature, regarded me with large, unyielding eyes, its presence both intimidating and overwhelming.
"Here, she likes carrots." Elfwine placed a carrot in my hand and gave me a gentle shove.
The stall, though spacious, felt claustrophobic to me, and the sight of bales of hay and rows of bridles and saddles made me apprehensive. The speckled horse's muscular form and dappled coat seemed even more imposing in the confined space, and I couldn't shake the feeling of vulnerability.
"I can't," I tried to dig my heels into the dirt but ended up sliding on a wave of hay with his shoves.
"Thúl is the gentlest of mares." He stopped his shoves and let his arms fall to his side. "I think about it too," he said in a small voice.
I didn't dare turn around to face him, "When I am older I will join the Éored. I am Rohirrim I cannot be afraid."
He continued almost as if he forgot the whole point was for me to get over my fear, "Éomer, my father." The mare shifted her weight impatiently clearly wanting the carrot I held but not willing to approach me herself.
"He told me you fight fear by being afraid." The mare huffed out a breath and stomped her foot.
"Before he married my mother we would sleep in the stable together." The mare decided the best course of action was to get the treat herself so she took small steps toward my outstretched hand, her head lowered in submission.
"When I would wake up screaming of the orcs or the war he would yell 'Fight it! You are stronger than your fear, fight it!' " I was holding my breath, I know logically I shouldn't hold my breath when I'm scared but I was and the horse was breathing enough for the both of us. I would know, her hot breath was gracing my palm as she felt around with her lips for more carrot.
"I don't get them so much anymore…Oh see she likes you," he walked passed me with a smile on his face.
"Oh… maybe this was enough for today. You look green."
oOo
Elfwine and I were practically inseparable, on my part it was because I knew him before, for his part, I'm not sure why he bonded so much with me. Gretchen often would either invite me in on tutoring sessions or if she didn't she would find Elfwine with me after he had snuck off with the excuse of running to the bathroom. So we were both getting learned and schooled, and safe to say, I am stupid.
Whereas modern written English is simplified and it's more work I suppose when reading it, modern math is the opposite. I don't even know how to divide if it isn't long division! And once we get into multiplication, a piece of paper is definitely needed.
The Rohirrim rarely use paper for math however, Elfwine can do most math problems in his head, they aren't hard, they're just ones I would have needed a calculator for. They don't use algebra thank the Valar.
"You're getting better," Gretchen encouraged from my side as I concentrated on perfecting my calligraphy. I smiled up at her then turned my gaze triumphantly toward Elfwine who sat next to me. It didn't matter that he was half my age; I still stuck my tongue out at him to assert my dominance.
"The messenger we sent to Minas Tirith arrived this morning…" I felt my tongue retreat into my mouth as I urged him to continue.
"Your Friend," he air quoted, "must still be in Hornburg or the messenger just missed him."
"Quit teasing you both have at least two more sets to do before the midday meal," Gretchen chastised gently though there was a small smile on her face.
oOo
Exactly two weeks after I had written Legolas he had shown up at my door. I was growing used to the routine in Edoras and part of me began to think of it as home. I wanted to leave, go to the Golden Wood, go and see Aragorn and Pippin and Merry and Barasil but I felt if I did things would change again, and I did not exactly want to ride a horse, especially alone.
Elfwine took me to the stables once a day now in the evenings, I hadn't ridden yet but I was becoming more comfortable. I would brush Thúl, give her treats, and even baby talk her. And at night, we sleep in the stables, this only started a few days ago. I played along because it sounded fun and adventurous, and Elfwine had a way of gently bullying me into submission. He truly is my brother.
Lothíriel had shown me her solar, which held a wealth of information in its library. Most however were not written in the common tongue and those that were had so many extra flairs added to the letters and archaic spelling I had no hope of understanding it.
So that's where I was when he came, I was sitting on the windowsill, my back to the door, my skirt bunched up and a book on healing in my lap as I paid more attention to the birds outside than the actual book.
"Milady, I've come to tell you dinner is ready," Nimiel spoke from the threshold. She was one of Lady Lothíriel's handmaids, I took to calling her Nim, because it seemed anytime I fully addressed her I could never pronounce her full name correctly.
"Thanks, Nim" I jumped off the sill slapping the book shut and setting it back down on the sill for me to return to. We walked side by side to the dining hall; I had the way memorized so I no longer needed to follow.
I entered the room as I had so many meals before; I didn't even bother looking up as I marched toward my designated seat next to Elfwine, the rascal. It wasn't until I was seated and lazily looked up that I saw a frozen Elf. He wasn't seated, he stood and gripped his chair as if he either was in the middle of sitting when I entered and forgot to sit or he stood up abruptly when I entered.
I swallowed when our eyes met, he looked the same as I had seen him before, and though Éomer king had said something and Elfwine too had thrown in a comment I heard neither; I don't think Legolas did either from the way his vision was trained on me.
I broke the eye contact first, smiling to the handmaid that began serving over my shoulder, "It's good to see you." I said though for some reason I was too flustered to look at him when I said it. With Elfwine's constant teasing I knew it had to be obvious, if he could see I was in love with the Elf then couldn't everyone else? And what did Legolas think of it?
"I came as soon as I saw your letter," he only sat down as the handmaids began weaving around him and he seemed to realize he was still standing.
"I thought you were in Hornburg?" I frowned twirling my fork.
"Aye, Gimli and I went to visit the caves."
I looked up at him and saw he too was uninterested in his meal; his utensils lay next to his plate unattended. "Where is he?" I looked around.
"Minas Tirith, we had only just returned when I saw your letter…" He trailed off.
Elfwine snickered and I kicked him under the table, "You were able to read it?" He asked.
Legolas chuckled, he didn't answer a yes or a no, deflecting the question perfectly as the prince he was. But we all knew the answer; nobody could read my chicken scratch, not even I.
"You didn't need to come all this way after your journey, you could have just written me." I began drinking my glass of wine knowing well, I should not be drinking wine.
His jaw clenched, he opened his mouth to speak but Elfwine beat him, "It's good you're here, Calli has gotten annoying and it'll be good to have someone else here to keep her entertained."
I went to kick him again and missed, hitting the table loudly, Éomer chuckled spilling ale onto himself and Elfwine simply smirked.
"If I were so annoying you wouldn't abandon your tutor for my company," I crossed my arms.
"You're not thaaaat annoying…" He teased lovingly.
Éomer turned to Legolas then and began asking him questions regarding his visit but I couldn't focus. Elfwine turned to me, pushed my hair behind my ear, leaned in close as if he were to tell me a secret, then whispered, "You Liiiiiike him."
Legolas though speaking to Éomer flicked his eyes into our direction and all I could do is pray he couldn't hear or know who we were talking about.
"Leave me alone," I hissed back.
He giggled, then like an annoying brother, he did not listen, nor did he heed. "Should I tell him about that dream you had?" He whispered into my ear.
My eyes widened, "What do you want?"
I felt his smile against my ear, "I get all your dessert for a week."
"Fine, whatever, leave me alone about it." I tried to shrug away from him. Just as I admitted to defeat the handmaids again came above our shoulders to clear our dinner plates and present dessert. Tonight's dessert was a type of custard.
I angrily shoved it aside toward him, "That was a dirty trade deal."
He pulled away from me double fisting spoons, "Are you backing out? Do you wish to negotiate our terms?" He smiled with one spoon hanging out of his mouth.
I glared at him. The dream was unspeakable, it happened in the stables. It started as a nightmare as most of mine do now, but turned into a very pleasant dream. Legolas was there, he had killed all of the monsters that were chasing me and then when I in my dream state commented on the blood on his shirt he removed it. And then there he was, glistening in my imaginary light, until Elfwine shook me awake. He had heard me say 'Legolas' and assumed it was another nightmare. Now he takes every opportunity to tease me for it.
"Legola-" He started to say in a breathy voice imitating mine from that night, I hurriedly placed my hand over his mouth smearing custard over his face.
"Nothing nevermind." He mumbled as he began wiping himself clean. I turned back to my wine and noticed the rest of the table had amused expressions watching us.
Lothíriel and her husband both exchanged knowing glances, both probably thinking back to their own siblings. Legolas however held the most endearing smile. In high school a kitten had got run over near my house, he was a terrible weak thing. Couldn't even meow, he'd open his mouth and it'd be a silent cry. I remember nursing him to health, begging my mom to keep him. The way I looked at the kitten was how Legolas looked at me now. Every small step that the cat made I was amazed and filled with pride, for silly things, the cat could be drinking water and my heart would swell. He died a few months after I got him, ran out of the front door, and proceeded to weave through traffic until he got hit again.
I took another gulp of my wine, and Éomer smirked, "Is the custard not to your liking Calli?" Lothíriel slapped his shoulder and gave him a playfully stern look.
I cleared my throat, Elfwine grinned mischievously. "Well, I thought I would be kind as I am a kind person and I took it upon myself to share with Elfwine because I am a kind and loving person."
"No other reason?" He pressed, causing Lothíriel to exclaim an "Éomer!" as she slapped his shoulder again.
I narrowed my eyes at Elfwine, "Is that so hard for you to believe my friend?"
Was my crush that obvious? Yes, it was. And Elfwine was not discreet at all, I'm sure the entire city of Edoras knew of my crush, even if I denied it.
Éomer slammed his tankard down with a hearty laugh, "Anything involving my son means mischief if it is you two." Elfwine beamed, I couldn't tell if it was pride from getting called a son or pride from his reputation.
"I'm on the straight and narrow," I held my right hand up as if I were taking a pledge.
The awkwardness faded away and the meal continued with lots of laughter and polite conversation.
Elfwine was the first to retire with a dramatic yawn and a, "Goodnight all."
I took my leave next as soon as I stood however Legolas also stood, and spouted, "May I walk you to your room Milady?"
I tilted my head to the side, "Why did you come here?"
He blinked, his jaw tight, "I got your letter an-"
"Please call me Calli, or even Calliope. You traveled all this way; you need not regard me so formally." The lighting in the room cast a warm glow on his face making him appear flushed, but Elves don't blush I don't think.
I took his arm that was extended out to me and gasped as the feeling of a vibration coursed through me. I tried to hide it with a cough as I took the lead.
"You look beautiful." He said as we began walking up the steps. He's an Elf, who is bonded; Elves are ignorant and innocent creatures. He does not know of your feelings or how his compliments affect you. Orophin has called you beautiful it means nothing to an Elf.
"Thanks," I turned my face away from him and wanted to unlink my arm from his and run away but didn't want to be rude. So the rest of the walk to my room I purposely looked everywhere but him and he seemed to be dragging his feet.
"Can you control it?" He asked. I knew what he was asking about without further context.
"No," I whispered. I was terrified. The thought of falling through time again at any moment was a constant.
The muscles in his arms flexed, and then before he could reply we stood before my door. "Well, this is me, goodnight," I said awkwardly.
"Goodnight Calli," he unlinked our arms but before he turned to walk to his room he held my hand in his, brought it to his mouth, and kissed the top of it tenderly as he did the first time we met.
I shut the door quickly and made for the window, Elfwine would think I was forgetting about him if I didn't hurry!
I quickly opened the window and eyed the drop. The dress I wore was simple, it wasn't sleepwear but I didn't feel comfortable sleeping out there in just a chemise. Elfwine however would wander the streets to the stables and back in nothing but his undergarments.
The warm night air brushed against my face, carrying the faint scent of distant wildflowers and adventure. However, as I gracefully maneuvered myself through the narrow opening, the delicate fabric of my gown caught on an unforgiving nail that jutted out from the window frame. I froze, a mix of frustration and apprehension surging through me. The nail's cruel grasp threatened to tear the dress and jeopardize my escape. "Hell," I muttered.
Elfwine and I agreed it would be best to sneak rather than walk through the main doors of the hall. Éomer would probably pat his son on the back and be in support of his methods of therapy. Lothíriel however would not, and we both knew who the true ruler of the Riddermark was.
I yanked at the dress, muttering a string of curse words, one leg hanging over the edge the other brought up to my chest as I yanked. With a sudden, unexpected force, my dress tore free, and I found myself losing balance. "Oh no," I let out a small shriek, I flailed my arms.
There was a large oak tree next to the window, but to reach the branches and safely climb down you needed to leap from the window, and at this angle, I would hit it on my way down, and die. I would definitely die.
My door opened, I could see the faint glow of the candlelight from the hall. Hopefully whatever maid came in to check on me hadn't seen me dangling from the sill, and assumed the curse words were spoken in my sleep.
The ground rushed up to meet me, and I braced for impact, my heart racing and my breath caught in my throat. I flailed trying to grab at the branches to do anything to break my fall.
Strong arms reached out and caught me, cradling me in a firm but gentle embrace. The unexpected savior had appeared in the nick of time, breaking my fall and saving me from harm. I blinked once then twice; Legolas looked down at me with furrowed brows, his face heavily shadowed in the moonlight.
"Were you just in my room?" I asked instead of thanking him.
"I heard you cry out." His arms flexed around me tighter. I swallowed trying to look everywhere but his lips. "Yes, well… Thank you for that." I began squirming.
He did not get the hint, because Elves do not understand social cues, I cleared my throat to say something about how I wished to be set down when his wrist caught my eye. It was the hair tie I had made for him years ago, now though instead of green it was a faded muddied gray and was ripped and frayed, but still adorned his wrist.
I felt my eyes welling up, "you've kept it all this time?" I squeaked. I needed to climb out of his arms; I needed to get away from him.
He adjusted his hold, gripping me with only one arm and using his knee to help prop my body as he brought his hand to me allowing me to turn his wrist over and over and examine the frays and battle-scars the hair tie had borne.
"I'll have to make you a new one, this one is no good," I murmured.
It was oddly sensual, the way he peered down at me while holding me to his chest, the way I held his single hand with both of mine and flipped it over again. I cleared my throat again, "Goodbye." I squirmed again, not able to think of anything else to add.
He didn't release me right away, then when he did lower me to the ground his hands hovered as if he were afraid I would again fall and he would need to scoop me up again. It was annoyingly endearing.
"Goodbye Elf," I said a bit aggressively, I was thankful for the darkness so he didn't see my flush. If Elfwine can see my feelings then can't Legolas? How embarrassing!
"Where are you going?" He asked, as I began walking passed him.
"Yes, thank you for catching me, goodbye now," I answered hoping he would get the hint. He did not and took it upon himself to walk me wherever I was going.
"I'm not some weak child; you don't need to follow me around like I'm going to get hurt." I hissed at him as we descended the city.
"You just threw yourself out of a window." He deadpanned. "Where are we going?" He asked in a softer voice, his eyes never left me.
"I am going to bed! You are following me around." I was getting steadily more annoyed, and it was unwarranted. What did Legolas do that was wrong? He was handsome and cared about my well-being.
He said nothing in reply but when I stole a glance at him he was shaking his head with a small frown on his face.
We reached the stables quickly, and even after several dismissals the Elf did not leave. "Goodbye now thanks for the unsolicited walk,"- "Goodbye." –"Yes, the night is late you better get to your own bed."
I pushed it open slowly, the hinges creaking softly in the quiet of the night. A sliver of moonlight spilled into the stable, revealing the shapes of the horses within their stalls. I let out a shaky breath. The door swung open, and the stable's interior was bathed in a soft, silvery glow. The horses, sensing the change, shifted in their stalls, their movements graceful and unhurried. I stepped inside; the warm, earthy scent of hay entered my senses.
Legolas followed after, his posture was tense, his eyes darting to and fro different horses. "Why are we here?" He asked in almost a panic.
"Elfwine thought it would help me, I haven't really done well with horses since what happened… so we've been sleeping in the stable." I ignored Legolas and began whispering "Elfwine," hoping he would poke his head out and reveal himself.
"He's not here," Legolas answered. "Shall I walk you back?"
I contemplated it. Without Elfwine forcing me to sleep here I really had no wish or desire to, but maybe it would help. I shook my head, "No."
Legolas didn't leave and I felt as though my feet were frozen I wanted to take further steps into the stables, walk to the empty stall that had a blanket and a nice haypile waiting. But without Elfwine I began losing my confidence.
"Could you, actually stay with me for a bit?" I shook my head at myself.
"You need not ask," he replied, holding his arm out to me, and instead of grabbing his forearm I reached for his hand and intertwined our fingers. It wasn't romantic; I needed something to grip tighter than muscle. His face split open into a large grin, as I took small steps toward the empty stall. "You must think me foolish for being afraid," I began rambling needing to fill the silence with something other than the beating of my heart.
When we reached the stall I made to release his hand from my hold but his hand held firmly to mine, as if he knew I secretly needed him and didn't wish to bother him further. He led me to the pile of blankets on the hay, and even as he sat down next to me he didn't release his hold.
It was then it all hit me and it all came pouring out. "Did you return to the Golden Wood after the War?" I asked, though I couldn't look at him when I asked. I brought my hands up to my chest even the one that still held his.
"Nay, Gimli and I have traveled to many places but we haven't returned there yet."
I frowned but didn't ask the question I wanted to. The Golden Wood is where she is, his lost love.
"Do you plan on traveling to the Golden Wood?" He asked hesitantly.
I squeezed his hand, "I'm afraid. I'm afraid of traveling, to be honest." I gave a self-deprecating smile, "I want to go back, but what if I do something wrong or I take a wrong step and I'm gone again… and I'm alone." The last part ended in a squeak.
He said nothing, there were no words of comfort he could give, and it was almost more comfort him not trying than if he had.
He didn't try to distract me like Barasil would and as we lay there holding hands I found myself drifting off to sleep.
I woke lying on top of Legolas, not the way I would lay on Barasil which involved only my upper body and lots of drool. No, my entire body was on top of his, his arms were wrapped around my back holding me to his chest. He didn't at all seem bothered, but he was always polite.
I tried to sit up and ended up straddling his stomach, his hands moved from my back to my thighs as I sleepily looked up at him. There were perhaps 3 seconds we made eye contact before I had the sense to scramble off of him. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to climb on top of you!" I began rambling trying to straighten my dress and look everywhere but him. "Barasil would just shove me aside if he didn't want me on him," I met his eyes now that I was comfortable with the distance I put between us. "I never had a sleepover or slept in the same bed as someone when I was younger so I guess I didn't realize I was like this."
He scowled, obviously annoyed and not hiding it well that I had laid on him all night. "Did you also write him?" He asked, his voice level.
I shook my head, the scowl turned into a smirk; I placed my finger on my chin. "Maybe I should, I haven't written anyone else. That makes me a bad friend, doesn't it? Yes, I should do that today, I should write him."
I stood up dusting myself off, "You didn't need to stay all night," I shifted my weight awkwardly.
"What did you dream about?" He asked instead of making normal conversation. He stood to his feet easily, his form towering over mine and though he had bits of hay in his hair and his clothing was crumbled where my body was he looked every bit magnificent.
"What?" I asked, suddenly breathless.
He took a step closer to me, quirking a brow. "You said my name last night,"
I locked my knees purposefully, hopefully, I would faint and I could avoid the conversation. "No, I didn't," I argued.
"Was it a nightmare?" He pressed, his head tilted to the side, "You were whimpering and thrashing, I pulled you to me, hoping to calm you."
I felt the color rushing to my face. It wasn't the same dream I had had before, this one was far more embarrassing. "I almost woke you when you began calling out for me,"
Oh, Valar why?
"You sure your Elf ears heard that?" I nervously tried to play it off, "Legolas… sounds a lot like um, solace. Obviously, I was saying solace because I was so peaceful, and nothing to worry about at all. Thank you, goodbye."
His head straightened but before he could say anything I spoke again. "Goodbye Elf, thank you for staying with me, goodbye again."
Should I tell him? Should I admit my feelings? He can't return them, he's bonded, but wouldn't it be easier if he told me from his own lips he couldn't return them?
No, I can't risk our friendship, he's obviously valued it enough it come all this way.
He followed me as I made my way out of the stable and into the pale morning light. A cool breeze flew through the slit in my dress, it didn't seem that bad last night, but that nail had ripped the fabric to my mid-thigh. The delicate fabric now torn and frayed, waved in the soft breeze exposing glimpses of my bare leg. Strands of hay clung to my tousled hair, and I was annoyed. Edoras was just starting to wake up, and it felt like nothing but a walk of shame as I tried to quickly hop along the cobblestone path back to the hall before too many people saw me in my unraveled state.
Legolas stopped me as we rounded a corner, his arm darting out and covering me with his cloak wordlessly. I was thankful for the covering, of course, the cool air was biting and goosebumps pricked my flesh. "I'm not cold, I don't need it," I argued but made no move to remove it.
The closer we drew to the hall and the more people we saw the more Legolas would pause and turn to me to adjust the cloak. I wasn't even terribly cold and his mothering was annoying. He would frown and attempt to pull the cloak down, to cover more of my body then sigh and wordlessly turn around again. At one point he even tried to wrap the cloak around my waist as if it were a skirt, to which I shooed him off, "It's not even that cold,"
The fourth or fifth attempt at this mothering I snapped at him, "I'm not cold, I'm not a weak child and I'm fine you don't need to worry about me."
We reached the hall and Háma greeted me with a smirk, I knew what he thought seeing me with my tousled hair and flushed face walking back early morning accompanied by the one everyone knew I had a crush on. This truly was a walk of shame. I was thankful he did not follow me the entire way to my room.
I did not see Legolas again until well after the midday meal. I had found Elfwine prior and cornered the rat.
"Did you sleep well?" He asked me when I had burst into the study room, Gretchen had taught in.
I had changed and no longer had hay in my hair but still felt just as much unraveled. "You were behind something!" I accused.
He smiled straightening the papers in front of him, "Me? I had only asked Legolas to walk you to your room."
I pointed my finger at him, "You ditched me," I glanced at Gretchen then back at Elfwine, "You know what you did."
He flew into a fit of giggles, "Oh Calli, it is not that bad." He glanced at Gretchen, "So did you stay then?"
I blew out a hot breath, "Yes! No thanks to you!"
He narrowed his eyes at me, "You weren't alone…"
I said nothing instead trying to clear a spot at the large table for me to sit down, finally after sitting down I clasped my hands together. "Do you know Elvish?"
He tilted his head to the side, "No."
"Isn't your name supposed to mean Elf friend?" I teased, "Anyway, I wanted to write another letter to a friend, but I don't think he knows the written common tongue." Then under my breath, I added, "And he definitely wouldn't know mine."
Elfwine rose to his feet, "I have just the perfect thing, stay here." He turned to Gretchen, "Can we end lessons early today?"
She nodded trying to hide a smile and failing as he raced out of the room and she followed with gentle steps, leaving me alone.
I expected him to bring a book of translations, not an Elf, but I did tease him for his name. Legolas entered with a tight jaw clearly not wanting to be there but too polite to tell the boy no. He dragged him to the seat next to me, "I already told him you needed a letter in Elvish, I'll leave you to it." He started for the door, but before reaching it he turned around and winked at me, I knew what he was doing.
I cleared my throat trying to stay professional, "Sorry again, I didn't realize he was going to grab you, I thought he would have grabbed a book…" I trailed off.
He remained stiff at my side, "What do you want me to write?" His words were polite yet they felt cold.
I tried to ignore it and his many moods, placing a finger on my chin as I thought. "Well… I guess I should apologize first for not writing him sooner."
He scoffed but said nothing as the quill danced across the parchment elegantly, "Oh, and an introduction too so he knows that it's me, ok so it will say sorry for not writing sooner it is me Calli."
He scowled into the parchment scribbling out what he had already written and rewriting next to it, "And then hmm, say I wish to visit him and see the Golden Wood again."
The quill he held snapped against the page and the ink splattered as he cursed in Elvish under his breath and grabbed a new one. "I've been in Edoras for several weeks, no, no that's boring don't write that."
He took a deep breath pushing the parchment aside and grabbing for a new fresh sheet. "Sorry," I mumbled.
It was awkward, I didn't want to have a middleman for my feelings, I wanted to be able to talk to Barasil myself. But slowly after three more new sheets of paper, I became comfortable enough and spoke exactly what I wanted to say without caring that Legolas was overhearing.
"-And you'll be proud of me because Elfwine has forced me into the stables more," I smiled thinking of Barasil, he had become everything I never imagined him to be. Sure he was a womanizer, but he wasn't like that with me, he didn't judge me for my nightmares and I tried not to judge his relations.
"-He remembers you, you left quite an impression it seems. I hope you are doing well and we can meet again soon. I miss you," I sighed, then turned to Legolas remembering he was there. He had finished writing his knuckles were white as he gripped the page.
"Thanks for doing this Legolas, I know the last thing you'd want to do is write letters for me." I rested my hand against his back hesitantly, he snapped at me. "Do you wish to add more? Perhaps confess your love?"
I recoiled instantly, the paper he held so tightly glided down softly to the table as I stood.
"Calli I-" He reached out to me, his tone much softer.
I refused to look at him; my cheeks were flushed in embarrassment and fury as I slowly backed away from the table. How dare he get annoyed and upset with me when he was a people-pleasing Elf! Learn the word no! And he thought I was in love with Barasil? What a moron!
"Thank you for your assistance, Prince Legolas of Mirkwood." I bowed to him formally, he sighed standing to his feet.
"Calliope, forgive me." He suddenly stood in front of me.
I couldn't shake his comment, "You think I am in love with him?" I looked up meeting his eyes.
"Barasil is my friend. We do not see each other in that way." I don't know why I felt the need to say anything, I didn't owe him anything.
He raised a brow but the rest of his expression was blank, "Is that how he sees you?"
I felt righteous fury bubble through me and the need to defend my friend's honor, "You don't like him! You've never liked him and you were the villain! You left out many details in your relationship with Tauriel, like her being bonded to Barasil. You-" I paused swelling with anger, "You whore!"
He gritted his teeth grabbing my wrists and holding them tightly to his chest, "He beds anything that moves and you curse profanity at me?" His voice was dangerously low.
My logic was flawed, however, I refused to back down, I narrowed my eyes up at him digging my nails into his chest as his hold on my wrist tightened. "She was my first and only."
My eyes widened, was I truly surprised though? Sure Legolas was attractive, but his moods were terrible.
"You loved her," I stated.
He shook his head, "No, but I wanted to."
I instantly felt deflated; would it have been better if he had bedded hundreds? Would it have hurt less if he were a womanizer as Barasil was? "I tried to force a bond that wasn't there, I was foolish and I'm still paying the price for it."
I knew I should apologize for calling him a whore, but apologies hurt, especially regarding Legolas. So instead I went back to our original topic before he decided to use vulnerability as a tactic of distraction. "Barasil and I are friends, nothing more." My knuckles were white as I realized I had been gripping at his tunic, "Thank you for helping me." I didn't let go, almost needing to hold onto him as much as he held onto me. His head dipped low.
"Goodbye," I said, but made no move to free my wrists.
"Goodbye Elf," I said as his other hand snaked around my waist and pulled me closer.
"Goodbye," He said as he yanked on my wrists and crashed his lips into mine. I wanted to slap him away, to shriek and call him a whore again. He was bonded! And he was kissing me! Instead, I did the only logical thing one could do, I kissed back. His lips felt like heaven. The tingling sensation of his tongue against mine lit a fire in my veins. All I was aware of was the warmth of his hands holding me close to him, and his desire that was evident in the way I could feel it pressing against my stomach. I could smell the flowers on his cheek, and the evergreen scent that clung to his skin.
I smelled nothing but him. He smelled like no other elf I'd ever met. He smelled like the forest after the spring rain, like the earth after it had been freshly plowed. I moaned into the kiss as he bit my lip softly, his hand moving from my waist to my hair, next thing I knew he was yanking my head back as his mouth dove down kissing and sucking gently on my neck. My eyes felt like they'd roll back into my head quite involuntarily. My breath came in short quick pants and if it weren't for him holding my wrists I would have probably collapsed with my trembling shaky legs. My soft moans were being drowned out by the sounds of his kisses, the sounds of his breath hitting the top of my neck.
It was only then that I tried to get away from him; I squirmed against him, unable to form a decent thought or sentence. His grip on me tightened pressing me against him, "Stop." I whimpered.
He instantly stopped, pulling away and looking down at me with a horrified expression. I was still panting; my hands hung midair as if I had forgotten about them after he released me.
I felt the tears welling in my eyes, how could he do that? He was bonded, wasn't that cheating? Did he feel no remorse? He was no better than Barasil. And I was no better than a common whore. Is that how he saw me? Why he came?
"You know of my feelings?" I asked blinking back tears.
His skin was so pale; he swallowed and nodded as if afraid to speak.
"…so you came here, to beguile me. And you were mad because you thought Barasil would beat you to it?!" My heart broke at how he treated me.
"I-" his voice was soft, but I wouldn't buy it anything he had to say was lies anyway. Was Tauriel truly his only one? No, he was Prince of Mirkwood, I would be surprised if he didn't have a higher body count than Barasil himself.
"I can't believe I was so foolish. Excuse me," I rushed passed him.
Dinner was an awful awkward affair. It was easy to ignore until Elfwine living up to his name, not only as a friend to Elves but adopting their tone-deafness as his own, decided to speak. "How did that letter writing go?" He wore a teasing grin as his eyes darted between Legolas and I.
I glared at the Elf as I answered, "Prince Legolas was so kind as to help me."
Legolas slammed his fists down onto the table uncharacteristically, "Really Calli?"
Éomer and Lothíriel both looked between us and I felt my cheeks flushing at the attention, and the fact that he called me Calli and not Calliope and Calli sounded hot coming out of his mouth. "I cannot change the past, I have already told you I regret what I have done."
I gaped at him, "You think… I'm upset… because you were with her?"
He threw his hands into the air almost hitting one of the maids that stood behind, "I cannot change what I did! If I could I would!" He growled out.
I rose to my feet leaning over the table, "I don't care about your past relationships, stop talking about them, you whore!" Name-calling was low, but I was not above it, and Legolas brought out the worst in me.
He scoffed. Éomer coughed into his tankard trying to hide his laugh.
Lothíriel turned to Elfwine, "Don't repeat that,"
I felt nauseous, how was he allowed at the same table? "Does your offer for riding lessons still stand?" I asked Elfwine though my eyes never left the Elf.
It took him several seconds to realize I was speaking to him; the silence that filled the room was unbearably awkward.
"You think you're ready to ride already?" Elfwine asked hesitantly.
"Yes," I narrowed my eyes at the Elf. "I plan on traveling to the Golden Wood. The sooner I'm ready the better."
I turned my gaze to Elfwine's not wanting to be manipulated further by the melancholic blue of the Elf's gaze. "You plan on leaving?" Elfwine asked quietly.
"I'll come back," I reassured. "The Golden Wood is home to me."
He scratched the plate with his fork, "This could be home to you." He grumbled.
I let out a breath; this was turning into the worst dinner. Lothíriel took diplomacy finally steering the conversation gracefully away from me. When it came time for bed Legolas didn't offer to walk me to my room, though he stood at the same instance I did. And when I walked down the hall he seemed to follow me.
I ignored him completely, and instead of climbing out of my window to sleep in the stables again I decided to sleep in my bed for once.