Forks -
Jasper laid on his stomach with a book at hand, Alice sat on his back, her knees touching his biceps, he could feel her fingers carding through his hair as she aimed to get enough hair to make another little braid.
The house was rather quiet, he could hear Esme in the attic with Rosalie.
Playing air hockey.
Air hockey.
For what he heard from Alice Esme was merciless on that game, she might not be that good at baseball, but she could crush anyone on air hockey.
And she was merciless on it, no one got a win out of her, not even one out of pity.
Not even Renesmee.
He found it both surreal and hilarious that someone as kind and nice as Esme was the exact same woman who was currently oozing burning determination, amusement and even arrogance.
But as his brother had once said, mothers wielded a completely and most terrifying kind of power, specially when it came to anything reflexes' related.
He could also feel Rosalie's determination, irritation and stubbornness. He wondered what kind of face must she be pulling at having someone kicking her ass at something, she gave him the air of someone who liked to be competitive.
Still.
He could also feel Bella's amazement and Edward's amusement, both were at the living room, most likely watching Emmett and Carlisle.
Emmett and Carlisle who had been playing chess since last night, he still found it surreal that those two had been on the same game since last night, last night!
Alice told him that their record of longest chess game was a week.
Who the hell took a week to play one round of chess?
He felt Alice shift on his back before her arms were coming around his neck as she leaned forward, a fluttering kiss being deposited on his nape before she was resting her head on his shoulder.
He smiled.
Suddenly, her arms grew lax and her emotions became a jumbled blur.
A vision.
He's learnt to recognize the signs through her emotions, and he would forever hate that he could do nothing but wait it out and make sure she was safe.
He frowned at her rising emotions; confusion, shock, anger, alarm, panic, fear…
And then her grip tightened again and she sucked in a sharp breath.
-What's wrong?- He questioned in alarm, shifting around as he did, Alice sat beside him, she had a troubled expression on her face, her emotions all over the place, he touched her face.- Alice?
-It's her.- She whispered, her voice strained.
He could feel the alarm from downstairs, right, the mind reader, it still irked at him that Edward could see Alice's visions, as stupid as he knew it to be, but a little part of him felt jealous that he could connect with Alice in a way that he could never do.
Still.
-Who's her? What's wrong?- He asked, feeling anxiety starting to set in. What was wrong? Was there danger coming? Who was "her"? What did she see?
And still.
Nothing could have ever prepared him for her next words.
-María. She's coming.
He froze.
He had known she would turn up sooner or later, but he could have done with a little more of time, what did she even want? Kill him for stabbing her on the back? God, what about Alice? He didn't want them to see each other, he didn't want Alice to get upset nor for María to put so much as a face nor even a name to the woman he cared most about in this world.
No, focus.
He couldn't panic now, he needed to concentrate, people who panicked brought nothing but chaos and mistakes.
Two things he could not allow to happen if he wanted to protect Alice and those she loved.
-When? Is she comin' alone or does she've people with her? How hostile does she seem?- He questions, needing to know the most important details, he needed to know if he wanted to do this right.
Yet, he wasn't quite prepared for Alice to grab his arms, her grip was tight, and something about the fear in her emotions didn't quite feel as the general fear someone might feel towards something frightening.
-She will be here in an hour. She's alone. She doesn't want to fight nor is she seeking trouble… she just wants to see you and speak with you.- Her grip tightened even more on his arms.
It wasn't until he felt that hint of sadness and doubt in her emotions that he realized what the fear meant.
Ah.
She was worried he might want to go back.
He touched her wrists for a moment before pulling her on his lap and wrapping his arms around her waist, pressing a feather-light kiss on her cheek.
-You've nothin' to be worried about my love, I could never leave you nor do I want to, not for anythin', and certainly not for anyone. You're much too important to me for me to even entertain such a thing. I love you and only you.- He whispered into her ear, enveloping her with his emotions, wanting her to feel the weight of his honesty, his love.
He didn't want her to ever feel like she had to be worried over something like this, he had loved María, a long time ago, but that relationship had brought him nothing but unhappiness and a lot of stress and insecurities.
But ever since he met Alice he's been questioning if what he ever felt for María was even love, he had been more like a puppet, the lap dog, the favorite, but at the end just that.
An overglorified lap dog.
He didn't want to kill her, he didn't hate her, but he didn't want to see her either, he would rather never see her again, couldn't she just do that? Leave him be and live on her own life?
What was the need of turning up now? But again, he was in part to blame for requesting help from her, he could have done so with just Peter, but no, he had to go and remind her he existed.
Of course she would want to see him, possibly hunt him down to get back at him for backstabbing her.
God, he just hoped this didn't went as terrible as he was almost imagining it to be.
Meanwhile, Alice found herself leaning against Jasper, fingers gripping his shirt as she buried her face into his chest.
She knew it was stupid, she trusted Jasper, she knew he loved her.
And still, a little part of her was terrified of the idea of losing him, even more so because she saw it.
María was touching his face and he was letting her.
She shouldn't draw conclusions, life has taught her to never draw her own conclusions based on her visions, Carlisle himself has told her over a dozen times to not act as if her visions are the absolute law when it's not clear what is actually happening or when she doesn't have the full context.
But what else is she suppose to think when she sees María touching him and him doing nothing about it?
But she can feel how much truth his words wield, she can feel his love, his cheek resting on top of her head…
It wasn't fair for him for her to be doubting him, if she had learnt something about him it was that Jasper was a man of his word, if he said he wouldn't leave her, then he wouldn't.
And if it came to it, she trusted him more than she trusted her visions, she shouldn't put mind to visions out of context.
She took in a deep breath, cherishing this last moments of peace before chaos came.
Like the calm before the storm.
~
-You sure you are alright?- Emmett questioned as he watched Alice passing around the porch.
-I'm fine.- She snaps, not even bothering to look at him.
Jasper had left not even a few minutes ago, he had refused to let María get anywhere near the house.
Carlisle had offered to go with him, so had Emmett, but he had refused, he had said it would be fine, Alice had assured them María didn't want trouble, that she just wanted to talk with Jasper.
Emmett still felt the uneasiness crawling under his skin, because he liked Jasper, he's become like a brother to him, so the idea of him being alone with the same woman who lied to him about how death and violence was all that there was in the world, for years, same woman who made him kill thousands to expand her territory not caring about what that might do to his emotional state considering his gift…
It wasn't comforting.
Carlisle had said so himself, it was a miracle in itself that Jasper hadn't ended up as most empaths did.
Insane.
What if she did something to him? He might be The Major, but ultimately, she was the one who trained him, what if she could overpower him? What if she took him, kidnapped him?
Meanwhile, Carlisle was much more anxious than he ever thought possible, he tried not to be, I mean, Jasper was strong and much more skilled than any of them was, a seasoned fighter, he could protect himself just fine.
Didn't mean Carlisle could find it in himself to not be anxious, The Major had been terrible.
Yes.
But María… she had led armies, dozens of newborns, taken over hundreds of territories, killed twice as many people as The Major, a warlord some had called her.
The Major had been her second in command, what if she hurt him? What if she decided she wasn't done with the wars and tried to take him with her? He should have gone with him.
Esme for her side… well, the nerves were eating at her, but she wanted to believe that things would turn out alright, if Alice had let him go alone or go at all that meant things would turn out alright.
She couldn't bear to lose the son she was just starting to get to know, there was still so much she wanted to do with him, to teach him, she couldn't lose him so soon.
She isn't even gotten to take a picture of him for the family album, they haven't had any vacations for her to make a scrapbook with him in it, she isn't knitted him a sweater just yet, she isn't even gotten around talking with Carlisle about getting him something with the family crest.
There was so much to be done, so much for him to experience, she wanted to see him smile, to hear him laugh, to see him lose the mask permanently, for him to stop being so afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing, for him to do something stupid with Emmett, she wants to see his and Alice's wedding, for him to finally be comfortable and just happy here.
She knew his past would forever be present in his mind, that that wasn't something he could just forget, but she did want him to learn to keep on living despite it, for him to learn to forgive himself.
For him to just be happy.
Rosalie for her part sat on the couch, scowling at the open door, she didn't care about Jasper, and still, there's an uncomfortable feeling at the pit of her stomach.
An uncomfortable feeling she refuses to acknowledge as concern, because she doesn't care about him, she's just worried about what his fate might provoke on Alice.
That's all.
He doesn't need people's concern, he could protect himself just fine, and she isn't even close to him, she does admit she might have had several rounds of chess with him, and UNO, and Scrabble.
She also lended him one of her books about how to make origamis, he's left several origamis all over the house that went from flowers, animals and vehicles to insects, chains that held connected little animals and objects, Renesmee had a whole collection of them, so did Emmett, and she knew Carlisle, Esme and Bella had also kept a few.
Admittedly, so had Rosalie, she never managed to get the origamis to acquire any shape whatsoever, his came out very neat.
So what if she kept a few? It wasn't a crime and he never reclaimed them.
Point was, she didn't care about him.
He was nothing to her…
Right?
Bella on the other hand… she is aiming to not be nervous, Alice said things would be alright, so she wanted to believe things would be alright. She liked Jasper, he didn't speak much but she's gotten several good book recommendations from him, and she's let him borrow some of her books too.
She isn't even sure how did that exchange of books even began, but it's nice to have someone to talk with about her favorite books. And he was also a great opponent in chess and at Mario Kart.
Plus, he's taught Renesmee several interesting things, at least once a week her daughter will turn up either with a fish she caught herself or a rabbit she's cleaned already and wants cooked.
She could even make a basket out of hay, and Bella's caught her several times making herself jam out of oranges, raspberries, blueberries, strawberries and just about any fruit she can get her hands on. She even knew how to make cream, cheese, ice cream and apple sauce.
Renesmee was absolutely crazy about him, always excited to show her anything new she might have learnt, Bella was just happy her daughter got to develop those kind of skills that her human part could definitely benefit from.
Edward though, he could care less, he isn't so much as crossed words with Jasper in these past months, neither of them bothered the other and that was it.
He had said he would make the attempt of getting along with him, but it wasn't like there was much to do with him, plus, he put Edward on edge, something about him…
It felt dark.
Like he was hiding something, the fact that he couldn't read his mind didn't help much with that.
The only reason he even cares if something does happen to him is Alice, she would be devastated.
And Edward couldn't bear the idea of his sister being hurt.
So, he hoped the bastard would come back.
Alice?
Alice's proud at how well she's done at not just using her gift to see what was going on, she trusted Jasper, the one she didn't trust was María.
But she couldn't use her gift to spy on him, that wouldn't be right, it would come off as her not trusting him, which wasn't true, she did trust him, she knew he loved her, he had told her himself.
But it still eats at her.
~
Jasper never expected that seeing María after so long would feel so…
Awkward.
But this was the same woman he had backstabbed and then requested help from, and she had agreed without so much as a protest.
She didn't feel hostile nor like she might have ulterior motives, but even then he had wanted to intercept her before she could get to the house, he didn't want her near Alice nor the Cullens.
She should never put face, names nor scents to the people he's grown to care about.
-Long time no see.- That was her greeting, amusement dancing in her emotions as she looked at him from head to toe, something akind to anger flashing in her emotions for a split moment.
And then.
-You smell like a woman, so I gather that's the reason why you didn't let me come to you?
That made him tense.
Big mistake.
A smile broke across her face, something dark flashing in her gaze for a split second.
-Is it?
His jaw tightened and his fingers curled into fists, something dark and eerily familiar curling around his chest as he took a step forward.
-You so much as go anywhere near her and that will be the last thing you do.
It's not a threat.
It's a promise, and both of them know it.
He would never let her near Alice, if María so much as looked for her he would rip her apart. She had no right to see her, to talk to her. Nothing.
Because he knows that if she does, she won't hesitate to poison Alice with her words.
Or worse.
Hurt her.
María had had a particular hatred for soulmates, a hatred driven by the loss of her own mate.
If she knew Alice wasn't just some random infatuation…
He didn't even want to think about what she might do.
She smirks at him, as if she could care less about his threats and whatnot.
-So, she isn't a one night stand?
He bit back the urge to snarl at the sole implication of it.
-What I do or not with my life has nothin' to do with you.- He snaps instead, resisting the urge to divulge too much, the less she knew about his relationship with Alice the better.
-And you still asked for my help, I agreed, remember? Funny how things are.- She reaches out to touch his chest, he snatches her wrist midway, glaring at her.
-What do you want? Why are you here? 'm not going back if that's what you intend on askin'.- He told her as a statement of fact, because now that he knew freedom, free will.
It made him sick the sole idea of going back with her or anyone at all that would just pull him into a world where "no" wasn't an option.
He didn't want to go back to a world where she was the owner and he was the pet, where he was meant to do whatever she asked of him whether he liked it or not.
The thought of it alone made him feel suffocated, like running away and never turning back.
Something about the change in her emotions is strange, even the sudden look on her face. She pulls her hand back before digging into the bag she had with her.
That in itself was such a weird thing, he never saw her carry any belongings with her.
And still, he isn't quite prepared for her to pull out a familiar jacket from it.
His jacket.
Exact same one he had been wearing when she turned him, same jacket she took from him and wore for as long as he ever knew her.
She still had it? He would have expected her to have burnt it, destroyed it, gotten rid of it, anything but keep it.
And as she hands it to him he can do nothing but take it, confused over what the hell was happening.
-You can have it back.- María said.
To be honest? She hadn't wanted to come looking for him, much less because she knew he was no longer hers, would never be so.
But she also knew she had to if she wanted to start anew with her life, that's what she had been told, it wasn't right for her to keep on hanging onto that jacket, onto the past.
She had to move on.
But in order to move on, she had to face her past and deal with what she could never acknowledge in the first place, what had led her to make so many mistakes.
-You kept it?- He questions, he seems rather surprised, she can't blame him, even she was surprised she had kept it after what he did to her.
Selling her out to the Volturi.
-Yeah, it's quite symbolic if you think about it, you had it on when I first met you, I took it from you right after you woke up, and I tried to burn it a few times after you left, same as I wanted to look for you and burn every single piece of you, but I could never really bring myself to do neither.
Because as much as she had plotted to kill him, as much as she had wanted to rip him apart for backstabbing her…
The sole idea of killing him wasn't something she could handle, because she loved him too much for that, and the thought alone of his life being in danger is enough to make her feel like the world is closing in on her, like she's losing something precious again, like the world wants to destroy the little light she managed to snatch after decades of nothing but darkness and hatred.
And it fills her with most terrible memories and feelings, she can't lose him like she lost him .
But she did end up losing him.
She can smell it on him, hell, she can see it in his eyes, he has someone, someone he loves .
And she hates it.
Because if she had done things right, she might have gotten to keep him, but she had been too focused on gaining power and taking over territories, killing people and giving the world the exact same pain she was given.
She had wanted the world to suffer under her reign and power, for them all to feel as desperated as she had felt when her home and those she cared about were taken from her, as impotent as she had felt at that time, for them all to lose it all like she had, for them to feel like she had felt for a long time.
And in her search for revenge she hadn't stopped to realize that she had also been hurting those she had been meant to protect, Jasper was her favorite.
But she had cared about her newborns, she had let them spend their free time however they wanted and she had never hurt any of them unnecessarily, the only reason she was ever as harsh as she was was because she had wanted them to survive.
The weak ones had to die, there was nothing to be done about that, a weak vampire couldn't survive in the South, males would get crushed/dismembered and females would be raped, putting them down was a much more merciful ending than either of those if she were to let them go.
And she did lie, she had no excuse for that other than it had made it easier to keep them under her grip, with her, it was the best they would ever get to live.
-... Why are you givin' me this? You didn't just came here to give me this, right?- Jasper's voice caught her attention, he was giving her a suspicious look now.
And she wonders, when was the last time he ever looked at her with bright and adoring eyes? Those eyes that had followed her all over the place.
When did he began looking at her with such coldness? Suspicion and just flat out mistrust?
She can't remember.
And it hurts, because she hadn't even known what she had had until he slipped through her fingers.
And still, she forces herself to speak, she needs him to hear this. Needs to make things right, or at least make him aware of certain things.
-I guess giving you this back is a way for me to finally give up on the idea of getting you back. I know this can't really fix what I did in the past, but I do want you to know that I'm happy for you, and that I am sorry things went as bad as they did between us, I did love you.
She still did.
-But someone recently told me that you can't love someone right when your mind and heart aren't in the right place. It will just end up hurting them in the long run. And that's exactly what I did to you.
He narrowed his eyes at her.
-I was mad at the world, resentful over having lost the only thing that ever made me feel like the world wasn't such a terrible place.
Like this cursed life could be bearable as long as she got to keep an angel with her.
-When I first saw you, all I saw was the potential of finally being able to get back what had been taken from me. I do admit that at first I just wanted to silence the pain, you were always great at that, so I seeked you out. I just wanted you to silence the pain. So I forced you to bend to my will, and for that, I am sorry.
Silence.
-It's alright if you choose to not forgive me, while all I ever did was to make you stronger I also know that some of those situations hadn't been right, you have all the right to be mad about it, you have all the right to not forgive me, I won't hold it against you.
Jasper stares at María.
And stares.
He doesn't know how to take her words. Of all possible things he could have never seen her apologizing.
Apologizing.
He understands where she is coming from, he knows, that at the end, only the strong could ever survive in that place, showing any sign of weakness could either get you killed, torn apart, or worse.
It was how life was, there was nothing to be done about it, he might have not liked it, might hate the kind of things María's "teaching" methods ended up installing on him.
But he knows, that at the end, hadn't it been for her, he would have ended up dead long ago, or just going insane.
And while he wants to resent her, he can't, much less over hearing her admit that she had loved him, that it hadn't all been a game or some sort of trick to manipulate him.
It makes him feel lighter, like a weight he hadn't known was there had lifted off.
He's so lost in thought he doesn't notice she's infront of him until she's reaching out, her had resting on his cheek, it's such a light and unfamiliar touch it catches him off guard.
And he hates how a little part in him wants to lean into the touch, sadness dances around, her thumb caressing his cheek, he never even thought she was capable of such gentleness. That her hands could do more than just bring pain and aggression.
-I truly hope you live a good life here.
That was not something he had seen coming.
-Don't soften up, that's how you and those you care about get killed.- She told, dropping her hand.
And with those last words she steps back, disappearing into the forest.
He stares.
And stares.
What the hell was all that?
He did admit, that hearing her apologize was nice.
But how come he still feels the same? It did lift a weight off of his chest, but at the same time, he can't quite see the difference, he feels… normal. Apologies would never fix what he had become.
The scars were still there, aching, reminding him of what he had done. He couldn't even look at himself in the mirror without feeling nauseous.
The paranoia, the overwhelming, crushing sensation that something horrible would happen if he didn't read his surroundings at least twice every few minutes was also still there.
Those dark whispers in his head were still there, he was still there, lurking behind the shadows, waiting for the right trigger so he could come out and hurt others.
He looked down at the jacket, he had wanted it back once, now he just wanted to never see it again. He was glad she wanted to let go of him, at least it meant he would have something less to be worried about.
And he did hope she had a good life, but he didn't want to keep this, it did nothing but bring back bad memories.
Hanging onto the past was not good for anyone.
And so he burnt it, using rocks to get a spark and his venom to act as fuel.
He stared at it as he watched the fire consume it, hands clasped behind his back, he didn't want nor did he need that jacket anymore.
That life, that Jasper, all that was connected to who he had been was long gone, and he wanted it to stay like that.
He liked the peace, not being crushed under thousands of expectations or regarded as nothing but a weapon.
Here, while some wariness was present, people didn't look at him as if all that was there to him were his skills and power.
But more like he was an actual person allowed to like stupid things.
Plus.
He had Alice, his beautiful Alice… he wondered how she had to be feeling, she had been anxious, no matter how much he had tried to comfort and assure her she had been anxious, worried, she hadn't even wanted to let him go.
She had nothing to be worried about, he would never leave her, he would go wherever she went, he would love her now and forever.
Because she had taught him what it meant to be free, that there was more to the world than just pain and darkness, she loved him even knowing what he had done, despite his faults and messed up mind she was still there.
Giving him her unconditional love.
He could never leave her.
And once the jacket was nothing but ashes he put the fire out, he wanted to go back home, to Alice.
She must have seen him, because he felt her even before he was close enough to the house to be heard.
Her emotions were a storm of worry, concern, and just worry in general.
She burst from among the trees, throwing herself at him, arms and legs wrapped around him like a vice, her emotions bleeding with such overwhelming relief.
He held her close, nuzzling her neck.
-'m alright, she won't be comin' again, there's nothin' to be worried about, 'm here, see?- He whispered against her neck, her fingers gripped his shirt for a moment before her muscles relaxed.
He stood there for a while, just holding her.
And then a flicker of anger and alarm rippled through her emotions and she pulled back from him, releasing him and taking a step back.
-I smell venom, why do I smell venom? Are you hurt? Did she hurt you?- She questions, looking at him from head to toe, searching for any visible damage.
-She didn't hurt me, I did.- He said, pulling his sleeve back to show her his left wrist.- I needed the venom.
-What for?- She asks, confusion in her emotions as she reaches out, her fingers hovering over the bite.
-... She apologized for what she did in the past. And she gave me my jacket back, said that givin' it back to me was sort of like givin' up of ever gettin' me back… I didn't wanna keep it, so I burnt it.- He conceded, he still couldn't get the apologies out of his head. Was he being ungrateful and selfish for still feeling that pinch of resentment?
She was never good to him, no matter what he did, nothing was ever enough, those apologies while appreciated didn't felt like enough to make up for all she did to him.
And the truth?
No matter how much he understood her point, a part deep within him didn't want to forgive her. He wasn't ready to do that just yet.
The sudden hands on his arms caught his attention, Alice was touching his arms, such a gentle touch…
-Are you alright?- She asks, her voice soft, and somehow, it feels like she knows, and he can do nothing but pull her into a hug, burying his face into the crook of her neck and fighting back the terrible burning knot at the back of his throat.
He hates this feeling, he doesn't even know how to call it, but he hates it.
-It's alright, 'm right here.- Her fingers buried into his hair, her emotions caressing him with comfort, love, understanding, affection.
She would never begin to understand how much he felt for her, because at moments like these.
He couldn't help but fall even more for her and her gentle nature.
A/N: If María came off a bit OOC I blame it on the fact that I'm not used to writing her in a good light. I usually like making her the villain bc it adds to the drama, but I like her character, and I always wondered how would it be like to write or read about her apologizing to Jasper.