Jasper sat on the backseat of Alice's car, the garage was the best hiding spot in the house, plus, he's learnt these past months that if you won't take a car, you should stay out of the garage.
Rosalie's garage.
That's how Alice had called it once, still, strange enough, Rosalie won't kick him out like he's heard her do to Emmett and Edward several times.
He likes hiding here when he wants to make something for Alice, she never comes here unless she's got planned going shopping, so he has less chances at her catching him.
Because as stated before, surprising that woman was an absolute challenge, he's gotten better at it though.
He was knitting a scarf, it was coming out a bit… questionable in shape, but at least it wasn't as terrible as his first few attempts.
He was never able to get the hang of it as a human, he was quite sure his grandmother had tried to teach him several times without success.
But Esme's been giving him tips, he wanted to make a scarf for Alice, she loved scarves, and seeing that she made clothes for him all the time he felt like he should make something for her to wear too.
It's been over a week since María's visit, knitting also helped him distract himself from that particular reminder.
So focused he was he didn't felt the approaching emotional signature until he heard a jingle and then something hit his arm before landing beside him, he almost jumped out of his skin at it before realizing what it was.
Car keys.
A snicker made him turn to glare at the invader of his peace.
Emmett .
-Sup bro, let's go into town.- Were Emmett's words, amusement and giddiness bleeding all over the place.
-'m busy.- Jasper told as a statement of fact.
-Aw, come on man. You can do that later.- Emmett protested, climbing into the backseat with him.
-Take Edward with you. Or Rosalie. Or Bella, or just about anyone else.
-But I want to go with you.- Emmett nearly whined, oozing pure disappointment, but streaks of amusement and mischief still shined through.
Jasper ignored him, if he ignored him he might leave him be.
-You can drive.- Emmett offered suddenly, hoping against hope that that would get him interested, who could resist the idea of driving his wonderful baby? Even Alice drove it through the forest like a madwoman once.
What he hadn't been expecting was for Jasper to give him an odd look.
-What? You don't want to drive? We can take her all over the forest instead. She can take it.- He said, now holding the keys infront of him with a wide grin, Surely that wouldn't be turned down.
Jasper still held his stare with that weird expression of his.
Then, an odd thought crossed Emmett's mind.
Jasper was old. Like, cowboy old. Cowboys had horses and carriages. He doubted an army of vampires would need cars, and he doubted the Volturi had bothered to give anyone there driving lessons.
Emmett could only feel disbelief as this new revelation struck him.
-You don't know how to drive?
-Why would a vampire need to drive? It's a stupid thing to think 'bout when you truly give it thought.- Jasper muttered, grabbing the box at his side and placing the scarf inside, having the feeling that he wouldn't be able to get anything done as long as Emmett was here.
-I can teach you.
-No thank you, I don't need to drive.- Jasper refuted, already getting out of the car, Emmett following right behind.
-Of course you do! Think about how cool you would look like while driving.
-Not interested.- He told, stepping out of the garage.
Stubborn.
Was Emmett's thought, then an idea struck him and he grinned, oh, he knew exactly how to get him to agree.
-Alice knows how to drive.- He told, and as expected that got Jasper to halt, throwing him a look over his shoulder.
-So? She's got a car, stands to reason she knows how to drive.
-Uh-huh, but, how can you call yourself a gentleman if you can't drive her around?- Emmett knew he had him when Jasper's expression changed to one of utter horror.
He almost reminded him of Edward with how obsessed he was with being the "perfect gentleman", just that Jasper seemed much more… intense than Edward.
Emmett guessed it was because Jasper was from the 1800's, and because he was old, he was much more obsessed with being all gentlemanly and whatnot.
-Is it wrong for me to not know how to drive? How can me drivin' make me a gentleman? It doesn't make sense.
-In modern times, a gentleman drives the girl.
-Can't she drive?
-She can, but would you seriously let her drive for a date? Imagine it like this, you have a horse, and she's the one leading the horse while you just sit there and let her do all the work.
As expected, Jasper gave him an horrified look, Emmett grinned.
"Gotcha."
-Come on Romeo, you must learn the modern gentleman ways. Driving is one of them.- Emmett told as a statement of fact.
And that's how Jasper ended up behind the wheel of a car he's never seen anyone drive, feeling too tense for comfort, because Rosalie and Edward had ended up hopping in the car too.
And while at first he was taught the basics; gas pedal, brake pedal, turn signal, and mirrors, and was able to make a few laps without causing the car to jolt when he braked, the worst came when he was convinced into getting on the road.
Because once there, it didn't take long before he was getting swarmed by three different voices and three different emotional signatures that drowned the whole place, all their shouts about how to do things right. What was easier. Better. Quicker. Simpler. Wrong. Dangerous.
And then Edward and Rosalie broke into an argument, and Emmett turned the radio on, music blasting from the radio and doing nothing to help the situation.
He couldn't even hear himself think.
-Come on man! You can go faster!- Emmett cheered, and like the idiot he was, he complied, because he had no idea how this thing even worked, if Emmett said he could do it, then it was surely safe?
It wasn't.
The feeling of the speed increasing made his stomach tie into even more knots, how did people even drove something so big? You had to look forward, had no idea what was happening around, outside, a little wheel to control something the size of living rooms itselves.
He felt his dead heart drop and panic seize him when two deer appeared on the road.
-Holy shit!
-Stop the car!
-Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes!
-Turn the wheel! Turn the fucking wheel!
-Pull over!
The panic in the car burst like an explosion going off, sinking its claws into his skin and making his throat close, it merged with his own panic in a giant mass of absolute hysteria, and rather than hit the brakes, the gas is what he hits. Hard. The car lunges forward with violence.
-Jasper!
Emmett tried to take hold of the wheel from his side, but Jasper's hands were frozen in place, as was his foot on the gas, so his attempt at gaining control of the steering wheel did nothing but bring even more chaos as the car aggressively swerved off the road and into the forest, the underbelly protesting loudly as something scrapped violently against it.
-The brakes! The brakes! Hit the brakes!- Edward shouts as he half climbs from the back in an attempt to reach the brakes.
-Emmett, stop yanking on the wheel! You're going to-
Rosalie's words were cut off when Emmett, trying to wrestle the wheel out of Jasper's grasp, ended up ripping it straight off the car.
-Shit!
-You fucking idiot!
One of the side mirrors was ripped off as the car's side hit an oak tree.
-Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck!
Emmett's sudden shriek was understandable when the car dropped down a hill which did nothing but increase its speed. It hit a boulder on the way down, the force of the collision lifting the car's rear off the ground and sending it crashing down the hill in a violent spin.
And after it finally landed with a deafening crash, the quiet was almost deafening; the only sounds left were glass clinking and hissing from somewhere in the car. Liquid dripping and-
Liquid dripping.
Gasoline.
-Fuck! Get out! Get out!- Edward shouted as he kicked the door off its hinges and scrambled out. Emmett and Rosalie were hot on his heels.
Jasper took longer to get out, and Emmett had to yank him away from the car, just in time for it to blow up; the explosion echoed across the forest.
-Carlisle is going to kill us.- Emmett said after a moment as he stared at the raging flames coming from the upside down car.
That car didn't belong to anyone; it had been Esme's, but she had gotten a new one and this one... well... Carlisle had been thinking about selling it so it wouldn't take up unnecessary space.
Emmett's words, though he didn't know it, finished sending Jasper over the edge, and he grabbed his hair as panic crushed his chest with a new flare of horror and hysteria, throat closing and chest constricting to the point of no return.
Because, oh fuck, he fucked up big time here. Carlisle surely wouldn't forgive this so easily. He knew cars were extremely expensive, and that people used them a lot, even the Cullens despite not needing them, but humans used cars and being perceived as humans was a very important thing for them in order to carry on this kind of lifestyle.
And he had destroyed someone's car and- He was so gonna die.
His throat closed even more, and he had to fight for a breath he didn't even need. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe past the fact that he fucked up, fucked up, and he couldn't breathe, couldn't breathe, he couldn't fucking breathe, and since when did he even need to breathe? Breathing shouldn't be an issue, but it was, and it was suffocating him, strangling him, and he couldn't work past it. He was gonna die.
The sudden hands on his arms did nothing but make his panic flare even more, and he snapped at them. The hands left him, and he curled in on himself, fighting and failing to get himself back under control. But he couldn't fucking get it to work, and that was doing nothing but make the panic grow. His chest hurt and hurt, and he still couldn't fucking breathe.
Someone was talking, talking, talking, but he couldn't make out their words past the blurred mess that the world had become. Because he fucked up and he was gonna be chained and sent away, to never see Alice again.
A sudden wave of calm slamming into him made his chest tighten, and a pitiful sound stuck at the back of his throat. But the calm persisted, and he held onto it like a madman, seeking something to ground himself with. Still, it took him a while before he was even able to take that calm and use it in his favor. Breathe. Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.
The mass of emotions around him had dissipated, leaving only one. Calm. Calm. Calm . It helped ground him, and as the tension left his shoulders, he was able to focus back on the world around him.
And as he raised his head, he was met with the sight of Rosalie sitting in front of him, though she was at a generous distance from his pathetic display.
He was quick to wipe away the few tears that had unwillingly escaped him, hating the sole fact that he was even displaying such embarrassing scene infront of anyone.
It was bad enough when he did it infront of Alice, he didn't need to do it infront of someone who doesn't even like him.
-'M sorry I wrecked the car.- He found himself muttering. Rosalie scoffed before standing up and walking over to him, offering him her hand. He stared at it for a moment, hesitant on how to proceed, and still, he ended up taking it.
-It wasn't anyone's car, and Carlisle was going to sell it anyway since it was taking unnecessary space. Edward and Emmett went back to the house; we should head back too.- Rosalie told him as she began walking away.
To be honest, the last thing any of them had been expecting was for Jasper to freak out the way he did.
He thought Carlisle was going to actually kill him for wrecking the car. To chain him and send him away.
Or at least, that's what Edward had said.
She had sent them back to the house, both because neither of them was being helpful and because she knew that being crowded while in such a state would only agitate Jasper more.
Touching him had been out of the question, so she just had to hope that his empathic abilities would work even when he was panicking.
Still.
It had unsettled her, to see such explosive reaction at the idea of having to face Carlisle's anger.
Even now, it was still unclear the extent of what the Volturi had done to him, but if the few things that they knew were any indication, it was a wonder he could still manage to be around people at all.
And still, it wasn't up until now that she realized how much they had messed him, for him to react like that… she hadn't quite understood Alice's words until now.
They had kept him in line through torture , and apparently, chaining him up had also been part of their punishments.
It made her sick.
She got it, he had been a monster, but what was the need for torturing him? Drugging him? She's heard him throwing up, and she's seen how much he can start shaking sometimes, other times he looks flat out sick, and other times he will be just fine and then, out of nowhere, he will completely shut down.
There was one time where she heard Alice had to physically restrain him from trying to actively look for vervain.
Rosalie didn't like him, but that didn't meant she was glad about his suffering nor that she didn't care, in fact, she made a point at making sure there was no vervain growing anywhere near the house whenever she went hunting.
Because this… addiction of his, it's not his fault, it's not something he even did to himself, it was the result of other people's greed and twisted minds.
All he had been to them had been nothing but a puppet, a tool, a weapon.
And Rosalie might not like him, but she would never stand for such a thing, he was a person, with actual thoughts and feelings, not a friggin weapon nor machine for the Volturi to manipulate him as such.
She's seen him these past months, he likes chess, and cards, and videogames, he has the exact same terrible sense of humor as Emmett, and while he might not say it out loud, he hates Edward's all knowing attitude.
That last makes Rosalie like him a little bit more, her relationship with Edward might have gotten better with Renesmee, but that didn't take away the fact that he was still an absolute pain in the ass at times, an arrogant know it all who thought he knew what was best for everyone.
She threw a look at him over her shoulder, noticing that he had stopped walking, he was crouching on the floor, and it took her a moment to realize what he was doing.
He pulled a brown rabbit out of a friggin rabbit hole.
Holding it close to his chest as it struggled against his hold, and not even a few seconds later the rabbit was settling down as Jasper stroke its fur.
Another moment, and he was standing up with the now calm rabbit, holding it against his chest, a soft look on his face.
How the hell did he even got the rabbit to quiet down? Rabbits were prey animals, prey animals went absolutely crazy when vampires caught them off guard or just handled them the slightest bit roughly.
But the rabbit wasn't even fighting, nor screaming over having been pulled away from its home.
But again, this was the same guy who brought Alice weirdly and extremely calm birds, he brought her a tame mountain lion, and even tame squirrels.
Was it because of his gift? But she thought he couldn't affect animals?
And still.
What even did he want with the friggin rabbit?
He met her gaze, and didn't said a single word as he began walking again, walking right past her, still holding the rabbit.
What the hell?
She followed after him, and he still kept the rabbit, even upon arrival at the house.
Alice was waiting at the porch with a concerned look, Jasper was infront of her in a blink, holding the rabbit out for her to take.
-I found a rabbit.- He informed, to Rosalie, he sounded like an excited puppy waiting to be praised.
-I can see that.- Alice conceded, smirking in amusement as she glanced at the rabbit, wondering what did he expect her to do with it, she couldn't eat it, she found rabbits too cute to eat, she didn't have the will to kill one, she wasn't Emmett who's favorite animal were bears and held no hesitation whatsoever over wrestling them and feeding from them.
-Thought you would like to see it, you said before you liked rabbits 'cause they're cute.- Jasper's words caught Alice's attention.
Oh.
He brought it so she could see it.
-It's cute.- She said, stroking the rabbit's fluffy head with her finger.- But you shouldn't interact with wild animals unless you're actively hunting.- She reminded, at his kicked puppy look she couldn't help but take the rabbit from him.- But I guess it can't hurt to hold a little rabbit for a while, they're seriously skittish anyways.
He brightened at that and she smiled.
-Are you alright?- She asked, remembering her vision of the car wreck. How upset he was afterwards, at least Rosalie had calmed him down, but she still worried.
-'m fine.- He didn't sound fine, but he could be too stubborn for his own good, so all Alice did was touch his arm, he would talk to her when he was ready.
-Hey, you two, come upstairs, Carlisle wants to talk to us.- Came Edward's voice as he threw a look at Rosalie who had been aiming to go to the garage, and then at Jasper.
Rosalie scowled, Jasper tensed.
-You're gonna be alright.- Alice assured softly, Jasper didn't seem very sure, but he still nodded and followed after Edward alongside Rosalie.
~
-It wasn't his fault. I'm the one who forced him to come; he didn't even want to go out, let alone drive. All he wanted to do was to carry on knitting.- Emmett stated.
Carlisle had the four of them sitting on the couch of his study. Telling him the details about the car crash had gone as awful as they had expected.
Even more so after he found out about their terrible teaching methods. And while, of course, no one but the car had gotten harmed, it didn't lessen Carlisle's stern scowl.
At this point, Jasper had lost his concern over being physically punished, though that was mainly because Alice had said he would be fine, and he trusted her, he knew she would never send him to his own demise.
Point is, he was almost leaning against Rosalie. The emotions from earlier, the panic attack, all of it had ended up making feel much too exhausted to focus, he didn't sleep as much as he used, but he still slept a lot, and while he knew Rosalie might bite or punch him for it, he wanted nothing more than to let his head drop and shut the world out.
-You know full well he's never been in a car, throwing it all at once is not how things are done.
-I know, but I thought it would be a good idea to teach him to do it all at once, I thought it would have been quicker that way.
-The three of you?
-I only invited Rose; Edward just butted in.- Emmett defended, crossing his arms over his chest and throwing Edward an accusing look which got him a glare in return.
Carlisle sighed, dragging a hand down his face, couldn't he leave the house and come back without having to find trouble? Still.
He could understand their wish to take advantage of this to spend time around their most elusive sibling, but pushing him to drive when he didn't even knew how anything from a car worked or anything basic at all was nothing but a recipe for disaster. He glanced at Jasper who was nodding off.
And as Jasper's head dropped onto Rosalie's shoulder, much to her visible annoyance, he sighed.
-Jasper?
The sound of his name caused the young man in question to straighten back up in a flash, and for a moment, he looked every inch of the soldier he was at heart.
-Yes, sir?
-You are not in trouble, go to bed.
The boy gave him a short nod before disappearing from the study.
Carlisle's attention fell back on the remaining three.
-I understand your desire to spend time with him through any sliver of opportunity-
-Like hell that's it.- Edward cut off, Carlisle ignored him.
-But you must remember he's still adapting, there a lot of things he still has to learn, throwing it all at one at him won't make him learn quicker, it will just confuse him or overwhelm him. Next time, think twice before deciding to give someone driving lessons in such disorganized manner.
-It's not my fault he didn't hit the brakes.- Emmett huffed.
-Well, all things considered, it's understandable that he didn't hit them. You know, with that of having three people shouting at you while they drown you in nothing but panic to the point where you don't even know what are you feeling and what is not yours.- Edward stated, he had been able to catch a glimpse of Jasper's mind.
Too late.
But it gave him a different perspective on the matter, he had frozen up because of them, too overwhelmed to even react.
And he did admit he felt a bit of guilt over that, Carlisle was right, that had been such a terrible driving lesson, no wonder the car ended up wrecked.
Carlisle for his side pinched the bridge of his nose.
He could almost see it.
Hopefully, the incident hadn't left Jasper traumatized enough that he would refuse to get inside another car.
-I will teach him how to drive, alright? I don't want any of you trying to teach him. We don't need another car getting destroyed.
Emmett pouted.
-Fine.
~
Jasper wasn't quite sure how to feel about this situation.
Carlisle had offered to teach him how to drive, and of course he had agreed because well... the man was offering, and part of him felt...
Happy.
He wasn't that good at "bonding" with Carlisle as much as he knew the man wished, but as someone who wasn't used to this kind of relationship with their coven leader, he would say he was doing great.
As Alice said: baby steps.
His only driving experience so far hadn't ended up well, which made him a bit anxious about how this one would go. What if he wrecked this car too?
He was rather surprised to see Carlisle waiting for him by his car. Carlisle's Mercedes, Carlisle's very own, very not for dust to collect Mercedes.
The man used that car to go to work.
His throat closed at that, because what if he wrecked that car? He had money, he made a lot of it from his jobs, but he's quite sure he heard Alice say cars were several thousands and at times even millions expensive .
He didn't had that kind of money.
The sudden squeeze on his hand made him look down at Alice's reassuring smile; her love and affection sent ripples of comfort across his chest.
-It will be alright.- Her voice was soft as she assured him; her hand rested on his cheek, and he couldn't help but lean into the touch. Her comfort and calm emotions lulled him.
-Thank you.
She smiled at him, and be couldn't help but lean down, pulling at his mask just enough to press a fluttering kiss on the back of her hand as he took it into his own. One last kiss on her cheek and he was bidding her goodbye.
He felt nervous as he approached Carlisle, he had forgotten he was there, but he didn't seem mad over Jasper having kissed Alice, even if on the cheek. So he let himself relax a bit.
-Are you ready?- Carlisle asks, he seems much more relaxed than Jasper had expected him to be in this kind of situation, wasn't he gonna teach him an important skill for their human facade?
He would have expected him to put up a more stern look.
And still.
-Sort of...
-Don't worry, I'm a better teacher than Emmett could ever dream to be.- Carlisle assured him, amusement dripping from his voice as he got into the driver's seat.
With some hesitancy and one last look at Alice, who gave him thumbs up, Jasper got into the passenger's seat.
God, he hoped this wasn't a mistake.
He spent most of the drive staring at Carlisle's movements and listening to him as he told him the names of every single thing in the car and what purpose they served, he didn't speak a mile a minute like Emmett had done.
And he did explain in detail the why's of everything.
-You know, from what Edward told me, you did pretty good considering it was your first time behind a wheel.- Carlisle's sudden words caused him to look up at him with a frown.
-It wasn't the first time. I… drove a car once.
More like crashed it.
That one hadn't even counted as driving.
And still, his words piqued Carlisle's interest.
-You drove before?
-... I stole a car once while in Italy. Crashed it into a store on the first try, I thought it would be easy, I watched humans do it, I thought that was enough to drive it… but it wasn't enough to be able to control it.
And while no one got hurt, Aro had kept him locked in the dungeons for a month, without food or even someone to keep him company, chained, muzzled and forgotten in the middle of darkness.
He had hated it.
Hadn't gone anywhere near a car after that.
-That's alright, cars can be complicated at first, but everyone can drive, you just gotta have the proper teacher for it. You won't wreck this one, promise.- Carlisle assured him. One of the reasons he had chosen the Mercedes for this lesson was to show Jasper his trust.
God knows he needed some reassurance on that department, he looked at Carlisle at times as if he were expecting him to be mad at him for the slightest of things, from bickering with Emmett and feeding off of humans to doing something as innocent as hugging Alice.
And Carlisle couldn't for the life of him understand what drove him to believe he would be mad at him for showing affection to Alice, they were a couple and they were both old enough to make their own choices, as long as their PDA wasn't inappropriate he could care less about it.
Jasper for his part doesn't have the same confidence in himself as Carlisle does, and he can do nothing but duck his head and bring his attention back to the forest.
He wished Alice had come with him.
But she had told him he needed to spend time with Carlisle. Bond.
And what better bonding time than letting the man teach him how to drive?
"He taught every one of us how to drive, he's a good teacher, you can trust him. He won't be mad if you wreck the car."
Alice's words came back to him, and still, as reassuring as she had been he couldn't help but feel like he should seriously not wreck the car.
God, please let the car survive him.
~
Alright.
Jasper could officially say this wasn't as much of a mess as he had first expected.
Unlike Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward, Carlisle oozed nothing but calm with streaks of pride.
Pride. Comfort. Trust.
It wasn't something María nor the Volturi had ever given to him.
Support.
It was… much more exhilarating than María's or the Volturi's ever was. Warmer .
Getting pride from María had been near impossible, but when it happened, it had been like a flash and most of the time, if not all, it was mixed with either greed or lust.
From the Volturi, the minuscule pride Aro ever felt for him was never not hand in hand with greed, arrogance over having such a weapon by the leash.
Carlisle's was neither
His was warm and good. And no one had to die for it.
And he wondered if this is how it felt like, to have a coven leader who actually cared and saw him as more than just a weapon.
And more like an actual person.
It would be nice… if he could stay here, with Alice, with the Cullens, to belong in a finally peaceful place.
Meanwhile, Carlisle couldn't help but smile as he watched Jasper.
-Jasper, you can relax, you know? You don't need to sit so straight.- Carlisle said, biting back the amusement from his voice at the sight of the teen's persistent soldier-like posture.
-Alright.- Was all the answer Jasper gave.
He didn't relax.
He looked as focused as a soldier in the midst of battle.
-And you can go a little faster. You will be fine, I promise.
That Jasper can do.
He pushes on the gas with the caution one would use to approach a wild animal, and when the car's speed increases, he tenses, but doesn't press on the brakes, so Carlisle took it as a win.
Watching him drive filled Carlisle with pride, and he couldn't help but wish Aro and María could see him now, see that he could be taught without needing to use violence, that he was more than just a weapon or a tool to be used.
That he could do more than just kill and hurt others.
And that look on his face… he was happy.
Carlisle had to resist the urge to pat his back, he couldn't touch him, he still didn't react well to being touched, Alice and Renesmee seemed to be the exception.
And Esme.
Carlisle isn't sure when, but he's seen him growing less skittish around Esme, he's seen his wife bump against him several times when doing gardening together side by side, he never jumps at her touch nor tries to get away from it.
And he saw Esme touch his shoulder once to get his attention.
But Carlisle guessed that was just Esme, she had a fascinating way of getting through their children's walls, they all one way or another ended up gravitating towards her rather quickly.
Even Rosalie who was sharp as a knife would soften around Esme, or how Edward's stubbornness never failed to disappear when Esme was the one confronting him.
At times, he had to admit he had felt a bit jealous over the ease with which Esme managed to get their children to relax around her while he was regarded as the serious one, but at the same time it made sense, Esme was the kindest person he's ever met, her ability to love others with ease and just care deeply about everyone…
It stood to reason even their most difficult children would gravitate towards her.
And Jasper as an empath had to feel her positive emotions, with more reason he would gravitate towards her, Carlisle couldn't imagine how overwhelming the world had to get sometimes for him.
Even when he came back from feeding off of humans he would look sick and wouldn't be seen for hours and even the whole day.
Alice said hunting humans took a tool on him, and while Carlisle wished he would take on the animal diet permanently and completely, just so he wouldn't suffer, he also knew that he couldn't force him.
He would never force anyone into this lifestyle, as long as he didn't hunt in Forks (nor Washington for that matter), he wouldn't put a stop to it.