Jasper liked to sit at the porch sometimes and just watch Edward and Emmett (or Bella and Emmett) wrestle. It gave him a perspective on how well they could do in an actual fight.
Today it were Emmett and Edward.
Edward was faster, and with his gift, he was at an advantage.
Still.
Emmett was much bigger and stronger.
Both of them held great qualities, he could somewhat see how had they managed to overpower an army of newborns, Alice had taught them well.
He watched Emmett bring Edward down with his arms around his chest as he tried to dodge him. He tilted his head to the side, watching Edward spring back up with a kick.
This was a game, that's what Alice had called it, and while he did found it to be quite the odd game, he had to admit that it was interesting, how there were no bites or even actual aggression.
There was nothing but amusement rolling off of them. Determination. Playfulness.
He was rather amused himself when Edward climbed onto Emmett's back and managed to lock the other's arms behind his back. All in order to slam his face into the ground.
The situation was so stupid, he couldn't help but snort at it.
That proved to be a bad idea, for that got him the unwanted attention of Emmett and Edward.
-What was that snort about? You think you can do better?- Emmett challenged, no actual heat behind his words.
-I can, but I won't.- Jasper told him plainly, making sure to give Emmett what Alice loved to call his "condescending soldier face".
-Come on, I will even go easy on you.
That made Jasper narrow his eyes. Go easy on him? Did Emmett really think himself capable of taking him down?
Still.
He took it for what it was.
Harmless teasing.
That was how Emmett was, he liked teasing others for fun, never intending actual harm.
-No, thank you.
-Aw come on.- Emmett protested, almost sounding like a child whining because they weren't having their way.
-Leave him be Emmett.- Esme said as she threw her son in question a warning look. Emmett had been warned more than once to keep such requests in check. Jasper came from a complicated background, even more if one added the whole ordeal with the Volturi, what Emmett saw as a game, he saw it as a fight.
Even if he understood it to be a game he might not react well to it.
Emmett huffed, but he didn't bring it up again. He got it, Jasper didn't like people touching him, and there was also his issue with these kind of games, asking him to wrestle him might be pushing it too much.
That didn't stop him from feeling put out. He was craving to wrestle him, like, no one could tell him he wouldn't put up a good fight, much better than Edward, and he's seen him wrestle Alice several times, man was quick, brutal, and precise.
Jasper for his part just stared at Emmett, he could feel this one's displeasure and disappointment. He was aware how wrong agreeing to this kind of game with him could go, for both of them.
Emmett wasn't Alice, he was a male vampire much more stronger and bigger than him, quite sure he could snap him in half if he had the right training.
But while part of him felt unnerved at the idea of wrestling someone as huge and built as Emmett, another part of him felt curious on the how it would be like to fight someone like Emmett. For what he had seen, he had brute strength, but he was also one of the nicest vampires he had ever met. Sort of childish and harmless.
-I have two conditions.- He found himself voicing out. The surprise and shock in the air hit him like a thick fog.
Emmett spun around with disturbing speed, and in a blink, he was standing right at the bottom of the stairs looking like the picture of excitement itself. His excitement and joy could have rivaled Alice's own whenever she found something she liked.
-Whatever it is. Yes.
That comment alone made Jasper relax a bit, there was no hesitation there, just genuine honesty.
It was nice… to have people who actually cared about boundaries.
-... Don't tackle me from behind and don't grab my neck, not in a headlock, not with your hands.- He put extra emphasis on that last one, he hated people grabbing his neck, it reminded him of that time Caius almost decapitated him.
The scar was across his nape, close enough to his hairline for people to not notice, Alice had noticed it once thought, he could still remember her horror, and that she had spent the whole night hugging him tightly.
Point was, having people grabbing his neck wasn't comfortable.
-Deal!- Emmett agreed, again, no hesitation whatsoever.
Edward's emotions flickered with a mix of surprise and anxiety.
-Jasper, you don't need to do this if you don't want to.- Edward told him, not sure if he should stop this or let it run its course.
What if something went wrong and Emmett got hurt? Or what if Jasper started freaking out?
-I'm fine.
Even as Jasper said that, his shoulders were still tense, and he had to remind himself to be careful. No harm. No gift. No biting. No ripping. No breaking.
This was like wrestling with Alice, just a game where your safety wasn't actually in danger. He could do this.
But first… he pulled the mask off, ignoring the surprise in the air as he tucked it into his pocket. Alice said it was alright, Esme said it was alright, and so far he's isn't gotten fear nor disgust from the ones on his hands and neck. He wants to believe it's alright to take the mask off.
Even if not all the time, just for a little while, it makes him feel less exposed. And he's glad when Emmett doesn't point it out.
-Alright cowboy, you ready?- Comes Emmett's teasing voice, Jasper nods.
And then Emmett lunged forward, all brute strength as he went to grab him. Jasper dodged him and grabbed his arm, twisting around and kicking the back of his knees.
Four seconds and he had Emmett on the ground, his foot on his back and his hands gripping his wrists, which he held behind him in the perfect position to be able to rip them off with one single movement.
Shock rolled off of Esme, Edward and Emmett, but Emmett's was quickly replaced with absolute excitement and too much determination for someone who was in his position.
-I said I could do it.- He stated as a matter-of-fact, releasing Emmett and letting him free. He stepped aside, feeling rather proud of his control.
And then Emmett grabbed his ankle and yanked. The unexpected attack made him crash on the ground, and Emmett didn't waste a second in attempting to pin him. Jasper rolled across the ground, dodging the attack and springing back up, slamming his arms around Emmett's chest to bring him down once again.
The thing about this, Jasper was quick to find out, was that unlike a newborn, Emmett's attacks were as childish as they were non-threatening. And while he kept the upper hand, it was disturbingly easy for Emmett to catch him by surprise.
Much like how Alice managed to do the same most of the time.
The amusement and excitement rolling off him, along with those childish attacks, were the only things keeping him from doing actual damage.
He was somewhat aware of how now all the Cullens were watching them from a safe distance. There was anxiety, awe, amazement, interest, pride, happiness and so much more.
But he kept his focus on Emmett, and only Emmett.
It amazed him how despite the amount of times he brought Emmett down, he never lost any of his previous amusement and excitement. It made him wonder how someone could love fighting so much.
Keeping his desire to bite or scratch in check was hard, but keeping his desire to pull limbs harder than he should was near impossible.
But he managed.
And then, in a twist of fate, when he tried to dodge Emmett's hand, he got a hold of his arm; Jasper pulled away out of reflex, and the sound of silk ripping reached his ears.
-Shit, sorry.
-Don't worry about it.- Jasper stared down at the rather large tear on his sleeve, too messed up for it to be able to be saved with a sewing kit. He felt no surprise when the sleeve finished its demise, its remains sliding off his arm and dropping to the ground.
Well, there went the shirt Alice had bought him not even two days ago. He wondered if she would get mad about it.
The sudden wave of emotions in the air made him snap to attention. Surprise. Shock. Horror. Concern. Sympathy. Guilt.
For a moment, he wondered what was their problem to react like that.
But then it hit him as he glanced down.
Ah.
His arm was exposed, with all those ragged scars littering his skin in the most disgusting pattern, it makes his stomach twist uncomfortably, and suddenly, he feels sick.
Like he might throw up, vision zooming out, he reaches up, but the mask is nowhere to be found around his neck, and suddenly all he can feel are the stares, all eyes are on him, judging, laughing, disgust raw on their faces.
"For a vampire, you sure are a disgusting sight."
"You might be strong, but those deformities of yours make looking at you at all quite difficult."
"You aren't intimidating, you are just nauseating to look at. Taking pride on that is just embarrassing."
All eyes are on him, they are all staring staring, and he feels naked, he wants them to stop staring. But they won't stop staring.
And so he runs.
~
Alice found Jasper an hour later, she had given him time to calm down, she had known he didn't like others seeing his scars, but she hadn't expected him to react like he had done.
And after assuring Emmett it hadn't been his fault, and convincing the others to not bring it up to Jasper, she had gone looking for him, she knew he didn't like people apologizing to him whenever something like this happened.
She found him at the beach, sitting on shore and letting the waves wash around him, he was hugging his legs against his chest, head resting on his knees. Whenever he ran off, she didn't even have to look for him in her visions.
He always came here, he had told her once that the sounds of the beach helped him relax. She walked up to him, coming up to sit by his side, not caring about her clothes getting soaked, right now, the only thing she cared about was making sure he was okay.
She noticed the fresh bite on his hand, right between his thumb and index finger, silver glimmering across it. It made her heart ache.
-'m sorry.- Came his voice, barely above a whisper.
-Don't be, you did nothing wrong.- She assured, he didn't answer. Alice sat there with him in absolute silence, just listening to the waves crashing ashore.
He leaned against her at some point, his head resting on her shoulder, and she leaned her head against his, holding his hand into her own and inspecting the wound, she brought his hand up to her lips, pressing a soft kiss against it.
She then began licking the wound, because as stated before, venom was like fire, it could burn, but it could also help to seal wounds shut.
And when she was done she held his hand against her chest, stroking his knuckles and humming a song she's heard him listen to several times.
-You do know none of them mind, right?- She finds herself talking, because she needs him to understand this. The Cullens would never judge someone based on their appearance, much less because of scars.
-I know.- Jasper muttered, because with a clear mind, he could tell none of them had meant to come off as rude nor with ill intentions with their stares, it had been nothing but a reflex, surprise, shock.
Not disgust nor fear.
He was the one who overreacted.
Because he does mind, even if they don't, he does mind, he feels naked, vulnerable, not being able to cover his face, his arm exposed out of nowhere, it had made him feel as lost as in Volterra.
When he had nothing to hide his scars and all the stares would be on him, the laughter, the stares, the whispers.
At those times, he had felt so alone, so impotent, like he had no one in the world.
Alice's presence right now was like a star shining bright and warm in the middle of freezing darkness, the fact that she had seeked him out, that she was sitting with him, not caring about getting her clothes wet… she had even tended to his wound in such gentle manner…
It made his vision blur and his chest burn painfully, it hurt, but it also felt warm, like for the first time in his life he might actually have something beautiful, something worth living for.
He took in a deep breath, smiling as the salted breeze brought with it familiar lavender, Alice's scent.
He liked her scent, her smell was fresh but also warm, sweet, comforting, she smelt like home.
-Can we stay here tonight?- He finds himself asking, he likes the Cullens' house, but he misses sleeping at the beach with Alice, with no one but her around.
-Of course.- Alice conceded, they sat there for a while longer, watching the sun set, the bright yet warm colors being slowly washed away.
Jasper decided to stand up, feeling like it wasn't right to keep on letting Alice get soaked just because he was upset, he held his hands out, helping her up and pulling her close to him before remembering that she couldn't exactly feel cold.
Didn't stop him from hugging her.
-Thank you.- He muttered, kissing the top of her head, smiling as he felt her arms wrap around him.
-I will always be here for you.- Alice told as a statement of fact, he didn't answer, but she felt his arms tighten around her for a moment before letting go.
She let him lead her to sit under a tree, he didn't let her sit on the sand, instead, he pulled her to sit on his lap.
-Wet skin and sand don't make a comfortable mix, not even as a vampire.- Jasper felt the urge to explain, he was wearing pants, but Alice was wearing a dress, he didn't want her to get sand sticking all over her throughout the night.
But he didn't want her to get the wrong idea either, he's gotten much more confident and comfortable about having her on his lap, so there were no risks about awkward situations.
Or at least he hoped so, he felt the jolt of happiness in her emotions at his words, he couldn't understand what was there so important about those words to give her such happiness, but he didn't put mind into it, all he did was wrap his arms around her waist as she leaned her back against his chest, her head resting on his shoulder.
-You comfortable?- He asks, she hums at him, her hands resting on top of his.
-Very much.
Alice had to admit this was an interesting pose, and a comfortable one, even more endearing to remember the reason for it, he didn't want her to get covered in sand, they were at the beach, sand was everywhere, it was like glitter, it got everywhere, even in your mouth.
But who was she to ruin his cute behavior? That was one of her favorite things about him, how attentive and caring he was, always her cute gentleman, caring about the smallest of details, no matter how unimportant they might be.
She couldn't believe it had been a year already.
She can still remember him killing that deer at the forest, having to watch how the Volturi treated him, the abuse, the poisoning, the chaining, the locking…
She had felt so impotent, like she might never be able to help him.
But now all of it was gone.
He was safe now, with her, and while slow, he was recovering.
She took in a deep breath before relaxing against him, this was nice, just them and the soothing sound of waves crashing ashore, sizzling foam, the soft breeze…
Were she capable of falling asleep, she would have done so, because this was the most relaxed she's felt in a long time, she felt his hold around her grow loose, his muscles relaxing, this wasn't the most comfortable position for him to sleep, but she guessed that vampires didn't have the same "comfortable" concept as humans, she still felt bad for him though.
But she knew him good enough to know he would have fought tooth and nail to not let her sit on the sand, always her cute gentleman, a bit too much sometimes, but she wouldn't change it for the world.
She took it to watch the stars and trace the scars across his arm, connecting the stars above with her mind to mimic the shape of the scars she traced.
That's how she spent the whole night, just watching the stars and tracing his scars.
~
Jasper woke up to a lack of weight, and as he opened his eyes, he was met with a pretty view, Alice was standing by the shore, barefoot, letting the waves bury her feet from time to time, little diamonds kissing her skin as the sun rays washed over her.
Her hair was dancing softly has the wind blew, the skirt of her dress weaving gently in the air, and her hands clasped loosely behind her back, her emotions were warm, welcoming, relaxed.
And he couldn't help but smile, she looked like one of those delicate ballerinas in the music boxes, with her stunning white sun dress and the pretty lavender lace around her waist.
He quietly stood up, making a point at keeping his footsteps inexistent as he approached her, and right when he had her within reach…
-Gotcha!- Alice spun around abruptly, tackling him, the force of the impact and how unexpected it was kept him from reacting in time, sending them both crashing to the ground, she straddled him against the ground, grinning triumphantly at him.
-What did just happen?
-You do remember I can see the future of absolute decisions, right?- Alice questioned, the tinkling amusement in her voice making him smile.
-I do remember.- He told as a statement of fact, this before stealing a kiss from her, and taking advantage of the sudden distraction, he switched their positions, pinning her against the ground and smirking at her surprised look.- But 'm faster.
-How does speed competes against seeing the future?- She refuted, pouting before letting out a dramatic defeated sigh as she found herself unable to break free.
-A lot. You can't see someone who's much too fast to keep up with, even more so if it's someone who changes their decisions at all times.- Jasper said, leaning close enough for their noses to touch, holding her gaze, now it was his turn to smirk triumphantly.
-Fair point.- Alice conceded, were she human, her heart would have been beating a mile per hour, even after a year, Jasper's intense eyes were still able to make her feel as nervous as when she first met him.
Just that this time, unlike when she first met him, she can kiss him to her heart's content, and so she ends the distance between them, this time, being the one to steal the kiss.
And she would never get tired of feeling him return the kiss. She loves kissing him, it makes her feel warm and like she might combust from happiness.
She loves feeling his soft lips against hers, the way he holds her waist when he kisses her, it's thrilling in ways she couldn't quite explain.
This morning had also brought several… interesting new wonders and feelings, reason she had ended up going for a walk and grabbing some things from the house, just to distract herself.
Because she had felt it.
She knew it had meant nothing, he had been sleeping and she might have shifted a few times out of aiming to keep the occasional crab or seagull from potentially disturbing his sleep.
Point is, she should have known better than to move around when she was in the kind of position she had been, she was still quite glad Jasper hadn't woken up, not even with her burst of surprise as realization of what she had been feeling beneath her hit.
Had she been human, her face would have been red, she had been quick to get up, and careful to not wake him, because the last thing she had wanted was to put him in an awkward, uncomfortable or embarrassing situation.
She hadn't looked at him as she left the beach, the walk in the forest hadn't helped much considering Rosalie had asked her if she was alright, so she guessed her face must have been a poem.
But it hadn't been on him.
And now… she had no experience in that department, and she's never cared much about that, but with him… he made her feel a lot of things, and for the first time since she's met him she wonders how he feels about her in that department.
She wasn't as naive as people thought, she knew he must have slept with María, and who knows with who else, it made her seethe the sole idea of it, of someone else having seen him like that.
She knew it was stupid to be jealous over something from the past, things that happened long before he met her, he was with her now, he loved her, he chose her.
But it still makes her seethe.
Because she knows she isn't as good looking as María, one of the reasons she took such extra care in her appearance was because a lot of humans would either mistake her for a boy or a child, all because of her weird haircut and small size.
Did he even look at her that way? They have been together for over a year, and he's never given any sign of wanting more, was it because he was just being his usual gentleman self, or was it because he didn't felt that way for her?
She could ask, but she didn't want to put him in an awkward situation, what if her asking made him think she wanted it? He might agree to it just because he thought she wanted it, and the last thing she wanted was to make him do something he wasn't comfortable with.
Even more so if it meant taking such a huge step, she could destroy their whole relationship because of some senseless insecurity on her part.
She didn't want that to happen because of her insecurities, she wanted it to be something both of them desired, when they were both ready and comfortable with each other, because she knew that he still had a lot of insecurities about his body.
Plus, she knew him, and she knew that if she had to guess, he would definitely be similar to Edward on the fact that he wouldn't want to do anything until marriage.
Marriage… it was a thought that she sometimes found herself falling into, to imagine him wearing a tuxedo while she walks towards him, the idea of him becoming her husband…
It was an exhilarating thought, her husband.
A wedding, her wedding with him, she wondered how long would it take for that to happen.
Not that she had any rush, because at the end of the day, they had all eternity, they didn't need to rush anything nor do things just because it was expected.
She was perfectly fine with how things were right now.
And as the kiss broke she couldn't help but smile, she never seemed to be able to stop smiling at the most random of moments whenever he was around.
-You seem happy.- He comments, dropping on top of her and prompting her to chuckle.
-I am happy.- She conceded, wrapping her arms around him and stroking his back happily.
-May I know the reason?- He questions curiously.
-Do I have to have a reason?- At his insistent curious look she brought her hands up to touch his face.- I'm just happy to get to see your cute face everyday.
-'m not cute.- Even if he protested at it, Alice didn't miss how his eyes lit up at her words.
-Uh-huh, whatever you say.- She said, smirking at his frown.- Right, I brought you another shirt, and a mask.- She remembered, pointing at the backpack by the tree where he had been sleeping at.
He looks at where she's pointing before looking back at her, pressing a kiss on her cheek.
-Thank you.- He stood up, helping her up, the next few moments were spent with them brushing as much sand as possible off their clothes.
Once that was dealt with Jasper went over to the backpack, taking the shirt with the missing sleeve off before putting on the one Alice had brought him, it was a button up and he could feel her stare as he did each button.
She made him nervous sometimes, he still couldn't quite get used to having someone staring at him like she did, not with disgust, not with fear.
But adoration, love, affection, sometimes even with hints of delight, because she genuinely found him attractive, even with the hideous scars, and that was something he still had trouble getting used to.
Once he was done with the buttons she was right infront of him, reaching up to smooth the neck of the shirt down, he bends down to make the access easier, having her fussing over his appearance with this kind of warmth would never not make butterflies dance in his chest.
He liked it, having someone who cared so much about him, not because she was after what he could do, but because she loved him, for who he was, she loved him, she cared about him.
It was nice.
And he hoped it lasted forever.
Alice stepped back when she was done, admiring her work for a moment before smiling to herself and picking up the shirt from the ground, shoving it in the backpack, not before taking the mask out.
-Here.- She held it out for him to take. He took it with a grateful look, putting it on.
He knew he didn't need to wear it, but as stated before, he didn't felt ready to lose it permanently, he could take it off sometimes for a few minutes, but he still felt like he couldn't breathe right whenever he spent too much time without it.
Even more so if like yesterday, he couldn't find it, losing it unexpectedly was extremely overwhelming. He hated it though, that he couldn't take it off infront of the same people who had been nothing but nice to him, to not show his face to the people who have shown him infinite kindness.
But he couldn't help it.
All he could think of whenever he was around a lot of people without something to cover his face with was about the whispers, the stares, the laughter, the smirks, the judgement, the disgust, he couldn't handle any of it.
Made him feel like he couldn't breathe, like the air was growing much too thin and the world was zooming out. Like he might pass out.
Suddenly, he felt a hand rest on his arm, and as he looked down it was to find Alice touching his arm, she stroke his arm with her thumb, always comforting, always assuring, always understanding.
He took her hand into his own, bringing it up to press a kiss against her knuckles before picking up the backpack from the ground and throwing it over his shoulder.
Once Alice had her shoes back on she grabbed his hand once again, and they were on their way back to the house.
At the house no one made questions, nor were there apologies, and Jasper was grateful for that, he didn't need people bringing attention to things he knew were much too overdramatic at times.
Alice said it weren't overdramatic, but he still couldn't quite see how hyperventilating because he lost his mask wasn't overdramatic, it felt like he was overreacting.
Still.
It was nice, to not get told how overdramatic he was being because of something so small, Aro never wasted time to comment on how annoying, embarrassing or pathetic were his reactions to certain things.
"Aren't you an adult? Show some maturity. Tantrums are for babies and the uneducated."
That's what he would tell him whenever he had a panic attack, or when he started hyperventilating out of nowhere, or when he didn't want to do something.
He was damaging the Volturi's image by displaying such childish and embarrassing behavior.
"Even Alec and Jane can behave a dozen times better than you and they are 12, what's your excuse?"
Caius had loved comparing the twins' excellent behavior with his more "pathetic" control over his own emotions.
He had hated it.
Having Alice not minding was a nice change of pace, but one thing was Alice, she loved him, and she's shown several times that she didn't mind his oddities.
But something about the Cullens, Carlisle, not bringing attention to it felt… relaxing.
Like he might have hopes at belonging here regardless of his oddities.
A/N: Not sure if the "her face must have been a poem" expression is used in English. But it means a lot of emotions showing in a person's face