It had been 6 months since Sybbie had her innocence stolen from her, it had been 6 months of hell to say the least. She had completely changed; she had lost so much weight that her dresses were hanging off her tiny frame and she'd had to get new ones ordered in specially as the boutique she would normally get them from in London didn't cater for girls as small as she was. Not only that but her attitude had changed; she was so angry at herself, her Aunt and Uncle and even her cousin, she hated herself so much that she wanted to disappear! They had first noticed this change around two months after Archie had violated her.
Sybbie had been getting herself dressed in her bedroom, even though the marks on her body had mostly healed she would still not allow anyone to come and dress her. She still felt too ashamed to let herself be seen, she felt dirty and unclean. It was almost like she couldn't bare to be in her own skin anymore, she hated Archie for everything he had done to her, for everything he had taken from her. Her virtue, her innocence, her childhood all gone in the space of one wretched afternoon.
She'd picked a dress out from the rack and put it in, watching in horror as the once close fitting dress fell to her ankles. She couldn't believe it! This dress fit perfectly barely a month ago. There was a loud knock on her door and she panicked.
"Who is it? Leave me alone!" She yelped, trying to make the dress fit with safety pins.
"Excuse me young lady!" Mary poked her head in, raising an eyebrow at not only the way her niece had spoken to her but the way her dress was fitting her.
"Sybil Mary Cora Branson that is not how we behave! Apologise immediately!" Mary moved closer to the young girl who flinched away from her, Sybbie was getting more and more angry. She didn't know how to handle the feelings that she was feeling, the way her stomach was doing anxious flips, the way her skin would crawl when anyone came near her.
"I said leave me alone!" She snarled, wrapping her arms protectively around herself.
"Don't you dare talk to me like that! What on earth has gotten into you? I know you've been going through a hard time but that does not give you the right to talk to me in that manner! You've lost weight, your dresses aren't fitting anymore! What is the matter with you? Do you not like the way you look? Is that it?" Mary's tone softened slightly and Sybbie turned away from her, clenching her jaw shut to stop the tears from flowing down her face.
'Oh Aunt Mary... if only that was the reason' Sybbie thought.
Another 4 months after that incident and nothing had changed. If anything she had gotten even worse. She would sit at the table and play with her food, not talking to anyone. Matthew and Mary were despairing over their niece's behaviour, George had been at Radley for most of the time so he hadn't seen the sudden changes in Sybbie's personality. Not until now, at least.
"Syb, can you pass me the tea please?" George had his hand out expectantly, waiting for his cousin to hand him the pot of tea. Sybbie began to shake angrily, hearing that name again was enough to make her want to explode. She looked up at George, fury in her eyes. A fury so strong that he recoiled back slightly.
"Stop calling me that! Stop calling me that fucking name! My name is Sybbie, alright!" She spat, hot tears running down her face as she took sharp breaths. Matthew and Mary gasped, they'd never heard their niece use that language and they had never heard her talk to George like that.
"Sybil! Apologise to your cousin at once! There is no need to ever speak to anyone in that way, what is wrong with you?! George always calls you that nickname and you have never minded before! So what's changed now?" Mary raised her eyebrow as she watched the young girl get up from her seat and storm out of the dining room and straight out towards the garden. Mary was about to go after her until she felt Matthew's hand keep her in place.
"Mary... don't go after her. She needs to calm down, something is very wrong with her! This isn't the Sybbie we know, you also need to calm down as well. How about you take George to the train station and see him off? I'll stay here with her" Matthew stroked the back of his wife's hand and smiled reassuringly at George.
"Will she be alright, Father?" George said worriedly, this was so out of character for his cousin. Matthew smiled softly at his concern, gently reaching over to ruffle his hair.
"She will be fine, dear boy!"
Around three hours later and Sybbie came in from the garden, her body racking with sobs. The guilt she felt for hurting her cousin, how she knew her Aunt and Uncle would hate her, how could they possibly love her after the way she had behaved! Matthew was in the library and heard the commotion, he came out and stared in horror as he watched the little girl who had stolen his heart all those years ago fall apart.
"Sybbie? Oh my darling girl! What's the matter? What's wrong? Come in the library... come on," Matthew gently guided her into the library and onto the most comfortable chair that they had in there. He turned to the phone, his hands shaking with fear and anticipation; he'd never seen her in such a state before! Not even when Tom had passed away.
"Carson... can you bring some tea up? With milk and sugar please. Yes, can you bring it up immediately? Thank you." He put the phone down and turned towards the little girl who was falling apart even more.
"I am so worried and concerned about you, we all are. You've turned into someone that we hardly recognise! You're so thin, you've been angry towards your cousin and your Aunt Mary! That isn't you... You know that you can talk to your Aunt and I about anything don't you?" He sat down next to her, making sure to give her plenty of space. It took everything for Sybbie not to cry even more.
"I"m fine Uncle Matthew... really I am!" Sybbie said through her tears. Matthew raised his eyebrow and was about to argue with her, she was clearly not fine. He wasn't impressed at all by the way she was lying to him. He was interrupted by Carson who had bought up a huge pot of tea and lots of different biscuits. Matthew smiled his thanks and began to pour them both a hot cup of tea, he handed one to her.
"Please drink this darling, it will help calm you down and soothe your nerves. There we go... good girl, that's it just drink a little bit more!" He said encouragingly, watching as she had drunk half of the cup, he was beginning to feel very proud of her.
"Why are you not eating? You're wasting away... you don't need to lose weight! You are beautiful just the way you are!" Matthew began to gain in confidence as Sybbie moved closer towards him, her hands began to tremble slightly. He reached out his hand and grasped them gently but firmly, he was surprised by the way she clung to his hand tightly.
"I'm not deliberately trying to... I just feel disgusting, I'm dirty, I'm a burden. If I tell you what's really going on then you'll hate me can't you see that?!" She fell apart more, breaking down in front of the one man who had never let her down. Who had shown her so much love and kindness over the years, almost as much as her beloved papa! Oh god, how much she missed him.
Matthew could not believe what he was seeing and hearing for that matter, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his handkerchief. He handed it to her and she accepted it gratefully, she dabbed at her now very red and swollen eyes.
"Look at me Sybbie, look at me," he paused until she looked at him, the amount of pain in her eyes haunted him. He would do anything to help her, something was so desperately wrong and he'd do anything to make it better.
"There is nothing you could do that would make me hate you, ever. I love you so much! I love you just as much as I love George, you will always be apart of this family, my darling. No matter how much you shout and scream and get angry!" Matthew cooed, talking to her in the same way that you would talk to a very small child.
Sybbie fell apart even more and stood up, pacing the length of the library several times. Matthew began to walk alongside her, growing increasingly worried by the way she was behaving.
"You don't understand!' She screamed, taking herself and him by surprise. She fell to her knees, babbling more about how much he and her Aunt would hate her if they knew. If they knew everything that had happened.
He bent down and slowly edged forward, careful not to startle her further. He reached out and picked her up within his arms, instead of fighting him and pulling away; she wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed pitifully. She screamed and sobbed in a way that he had never heard before. His little niece wasn't just upset, she was completely and utterly traumatised.
"Just please make it stop! Uncle Matthew... it hurts so much! Please... please make it stop!" She wept, soaking his shoulder with her tears. Matthew tightened his hold on her and moved them back to the sofa, gently sitting down and cradling her in his lap as though she were an infant.
"I'm here my darling, I've got you. You're safe now, please let us help you." He whispered, beginning to rock her back and forth. He stroked her hair as she wept on his chest. She cried for her mama and papa, she cried for him, her Aunt Mary and her cousin, it was all a massive jumble. He pressed a tender kiss to her forehead, his heart was breaking for the little girl in his arms.
"Come on... try to take deep breaths sweetheart, I'm worried that you'll be sick!" He wiped her tears with his thumb and only looked up when he heard the door open.
Mary came into the library in a panic, she had heard the tears and sobs before she'd even got into the house. Her heart melted at the sight of her husband lovingly cuddling and comforting her niece, it made her fall in love with him all over again.
"Sybbie, sweetheart what's wrong? Matthew what on earth?" She whispered, enveloping them both within her embrace, she felt sick as she heard her niece's next words. Out of everything that she thought could've been wrong with her, this was the last thing on her mind and she felt so incredibly stupid.
"Hate myself... disgusting... dirty... never be clean again!" Was just some of the things she could hear that was muffled by Matthew's chest. Mary ran a hand through Sybbie's hair, gently shushing her and calming her down. Matthew gently shook his jacket off of his shoulders and wrapped it around the little girl, smiling sadly as she snuggled even closer to him. Sybbie clutched his shirt tightly, she could smell her Uncle's aftershave and the faint smell of her Aunt's perfume. Safe... I'm safe... her mind told her as she let herself be comforted for the first time in 6 months.
Mary was horrified! She had felt this way many years ago when she was assaulted by Pamuk. The way she felt, how dirty and violated she felt... She couldn't believe that her niece, her little niece had been violated in that way.
"Sybbie darling, I'm so sorry. I need to ask you something incredibly important ok?" Mary slowly lifted the young girl's head off of Matthew's chest and stroked her tears away. She felt violently sick as she looked at the little girl.
"Have you been hurt intimately my love? It's ok, you can tell us. I need you to be honest... We are here now!" Mary soothed softly and Matthew's arms tightened around Sybbie, his face turning ashen. It all made sense now! The anger, the weight loss, the way she hated being touched! Sybbie broke down even more, she felt so ashamed and embarrassed.
"Please don't make me say it! Please I can't!" She sobbed pitifully, hiding her face within Matthew's chest. He stood up, his niece cradled in his arms and he looked down at Mary. They were both completely horrified that she had gone through this.
"It's ok little one...you don't have to say it. We know... we know, you don't have to talk about this right now! But your Aunt and I are so proud of you, we know how much courage it took for you to tell us. Shhh... you've done nothing wrong my darling!" Matthew cooed holding her protectively in his arms, tears slid down his cheeks as he felt the little girl relax in his arms and whimper.
Matthew made his way upstairs towards their bedroom, Mary following on behind him. He put Sybbie down on the bed and left the room so Mary could get her changed into a night dress, she was so emotionally numb that she couldn't undress herself. After Mary had gotten her into pyjamas, she swept the child up in a huge hug. She gently rocked back and forth and kissed every inch of her.
I'm so sorry... I'm sorry that I've been so hard on you my darling. I love you so much..." She felt Sybbie's arms loop around her waist and she could hear the soft snores from her niece. She was slowly beginning to calm her down and she felt the bed dip as Matthew climbed in the otherside. He pressed a kiss to Mary's lips and one on Sybbie's forehead.
"I should've known and seen the signs! How did we not see this?" Mary sobbed slightly and Matthew comforted her.
"You couldn't have known my darling! But we do now and I swear when I find out who's done this, I am going to kill him!" Matthew growled, only softening when Mary stroked his cheek and kissed him.
"She's so young... she's just a baby really!" Mary said softly, snuggling the little girl within their embrace. My God, Tom and Sybil I am so sorry.
"We will be there for her every step of the way!" Matthew said soothingly, unaware of how hard this was going to be.