The storm was off and on as the rowboat floated along in the night. There was a break in the rain as the three cold, wet and miserable Warner siblings felt their spirits dampening along with everything else.
"I want to go home and take a hot bath," Dot whined.
"I want to go home and eat," Wakko added.
"I want to go home and watch the late night movie on cable," Yakko added with a sigh.
Wakko moved to the other side of the boat and tried to look out, but had to climb up on his siblings' shoulders to do it.
"Hey guys, look!" he pointed.
They did, and saw up ahead was a dock, and past that a small hill with a road leading up to a house surrounded by a bunch of trees.
"Alright!" Yakko felt his spirits perk up, "Land ho, sibs!"
The boat washed up to the shore and they got out.
The clouds had parted now, revealing a full moon in the sky and a few stars. Somewhere an owl hooted ominously and a sudden flash of lightning turned everything white for a split second that there was another crash of thunder. The brief illumination revealed the house they'd seen was a dilapidated 2-story house with broken shutters and parts of the banister missing on the front porch.
"Hey sibs, check it out!" Yakko pointed. "There's a light in the window. Someone must actually live there," he turned to the 4th wall and added cynically, "as if we couldn't tell."
"Maybe we can use their phone and call a cab back to Burbank," Wakko suggested.
They ran up the road to the house. Once there, they reached the window the light was shining through but it was covered over in filth. Yakko picked Wakko up and turned him around, using his tail as a windshield wiper to clean off an area big enough for them to peer in.
Inside they could see the house was just as much dilapidated as the outside. There were holes in the plaster on one wall and lath boards showed through. The place was sparsely furnished with old furniture, a grandfather clock leaned against one wall, an antique wingback throne chair sat in front of the fireplace, a kerosene lantern sat on a cupboard by the fireplace, and there was a broken mirror hanging on the wall over the fireplace which currently housed a large, roaring, inviting looking fire.
"Ahhhhh, I don't see a phone in there," Yakko said, "but we could at least warm up and dry out before it rains again. Let's go."
They went around to the front door and opened it up. As the door slowly swung open, there was another crash of thunder coinciding with a flash of lightning that made the whole inside white before returning to its regular color. The grandfather clock ticked steadily showing it was 11:45 P.M., the pendulum slowly swinging from one side to the other, the fire roared and crackled, past it there were a few framed pictures on the wall, and an old bookcase on the other wall that the middle shelf had broken and slanted all the books on it some time ago.
"Well, it looks like the place is deserted," Yakko observed, "So we probably won't get arrested for trespassing, let's warm up by the fire."
His sibs didn't need to be told twice. The three of them padded over to the fireplace and held their hands out in front of the hot flames. The chill that had filled their bodies for several hours started to dissipate.
"Ahh, this is more like it," Yakko sighed contentedly, and just happened to turn his head and look behind him.
A scary looking old man sat in the wingback chair staring at them. He didn't move but he had a sinister look in his eyes and his mouth. He was bald except for two large white eyebrows, his skin was wrinkled and covered in liver spots. His nose and ears were huge, a once dominant chin had given way for a second and third, and a neck full of turkey wattle skin. He was dressed in a green sweater and maroon colored pants, his hands were huge and his skin had an almost yellowish hue to it. Something about him struck the Warners as resembling a corpse.
All three of the Warners screamed and ran around in circles in a panic.
"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!" a surprisingly strong voice came from the old man as he pointed a large finger and cocked his head at them. He placed a hand on his chest and told them, "That's enough to stop an old man's ticker!"
The Warners all clung to one another in fear, huffing and puffing.
"Yeah well that sourpuss of yours isn't doing us any favors either," Yakko replied sharply.
The old man ignored his comment and told them ominously, "You picked a poor night to come visiting, my friends." As he spoke it showed that he only had eight teeth in the front of his mouth, two sets of three on the right side and two individuals on top of one another on the left, giving him an even more demonic look as he added, This could be the worst night of your lives!"
Wakko gasped, "Are there clowns?"
"Is Baloney the Dinosaur coming over?" Yakko felt his knees buckling.
"Don't tell me Mr. Director's making a cameo appearance!" Dot was close to screaming.
"Uhhhh, tell you what, pal, we'll just cut on out of here and be on our way," Yakko said, "Sibs, exit stage right. Don't be a stranger now!" he gave a wave as they moved for the door.
"STAAAAAAAYYYY!" the old man commanded them.
And just like that, the three of them moved right back in front of the fire on quivering tiptoes and waited to find out what was going on.
"What I'm about to tell you has never been told to another living soul," he said grimly, the last word accentuated by another clap of thunder and an accompaniment of lightning.
"Well that's catchier than 'once upon a time'," Yakko said, trying to sound nonchalant all the while his whole body was shaking and breaking out in gooseflesh.
"This island has a secret," the old man said, a drop of spittle forming on his lip as he continued, "a deep dark secret it has held for a hundred years." He wiped the drool off and rubbed it between his thumb and forefinger as he told them, "One hundred years ago tonight, a ruthless band of pirates held up in this very house. They had looted many ships, and were pursued by government troops. They were so heavily laden with their ill gotten gains, they had to bury the treasure before making their escape. However, before they left this island on that stormy night, they signed a contract written in blood."
As the Warners listened, they stood huddled together, shivering with cold, an a newfound feeling of unease, maybe even fear, though of what they weren't sure.
"They vowed to return for the treasure one hundred years from Halloween night, at the stroke of midnight," the old man said, "even if it meant returning from the grave!"
A louder burst of thunder, and a brighter flash of lightning, had even the old man turning to the side and covering his eyes.
"Uhhhh, that doesn't make sense," Yakko said, feeling his usual chatty self again, "why didn't they come back for it while they were alive?"
"Yeah, what good is a treasure when you're dead?" Dot asked. "You can't buy anything then."
"What could you buy with a treasure?" Wakko pondered.
"Probably hock the gems and jewels for coins," Yakko said, "I wonder what the conversion rate on that would be?"
"SHUT UP!" the old man barked at them.
The three of them swallowed noisily.
"Yes sir," they said meekly.
The ticking of the grandfather clock got their attention. It wasn't that it had gotten any louder, but perhaps it seemed more relevant to the current situation. They looked up and saw it was now 11:55.
"Uhhh," Yakko said, "do you really expect us to believe this story?"
"BELIEVE IT my friends," the old man said in answer. "The pirates had a 10-year-old cabin boy. I was that boy. I was there."
"Really?" Yakko blinked. "So you're 110 years old? You look good for your age."
"SHUT UP!"
"Okay," he replied with a small nod.
He explained to the three siblings. "I never took the treasure, because they would have found me. There's no escaping them. They know we're here! They know who we are!"
"Sounds like they could get a job with the National Enquirer," Dot observed.
"Well that sounds like our cue to get out of here," Yakko turned his attention to his siblings and repeated, "exit, stage right." He turned back to the old man and asked, "You wanna come too?" and stopped in his tracks with his eyes wide.
The wingback chair was empty. The old man was gone.
"How'd he do that?" Wakko asked, scratching his head.
"Where'd he go?" Dot asked.
"Who cares? Let's just get to the boat," Yakko told them.
They headed to the door, and once again stopped in their tracks.
Out on the water, a heavy fog was rolling in, covering most of the scenery in an eerie white. But the surrounding area was still clear enough that the Warners could see the old man escaping in their boat, using a tree limb for an oar.
"For 110 years old, he sure moves fast!" Yakko observed.
"How'd he do that?!" Wakko repeated.
"He's getting away with our candy!" Dot realized.
"Candy nothing, he's getting away with our only means of getting off this island!" Yakko replied.
They raced down to the dock and screamed at the old man to come back. He ignored their pleas and continued steadily rowing himself down the river.
"How do you like that creep?" Dot asked. "He left us poor little helpless kids here all by ourselves!"
"YOU DIRTY CROOK!" Wakko waved a fist at the man's descending image.
"Let's recap," Yakko said, "we got lost at sea, washed out to the middle of nowhere, nearly drowned in a rainstorm, we just lost our boat and our candy and are stuck on a deserted island."
"Can things get any worse than this?" Wakko asked.
Dot and Yakko turned to him with curled fists and murderous expressions on their faces. Inside the grandfather clock let out a heart stopping chime. Then another. Then another. Eyes wide the Warners ran back into the house and tried to stop the clock from fully striking the hour in a futile hope that it would do them any good. Despite their efforts, the clock clanged out 12 rings, then the house was silent.
"It's midnight," Dot said.
"I want to go to bed!" Wakko whined.
"Uhhh, do you guys see any ghosts?" Yakko asked.
"No," Wakko and Dot answered in unison.
"Do you see any ghosts?" Dot asked.
"Uhhh, no," Yakko answered.
"You think he was just pulling our legs?" Dot asked.
"Not me," Wakko said as he bent his body into a pretzel, "I still got mine!"
There was another explosion of thunder and lightning, but this time something seemed somehow...different. The three Warners looked at each other in grim and silent wonder and foreboding. They ran to the door and looked out from the porch.
Out on the water there suddenly appeared an eerie glowing whitish blue pirate ship from at least a hundred years ago. It sailed steadily on the water and neared the dock. White luminous puddles floated through the water near the shore, and up rose ghostly forms of skeletons with remnants of their pirate clothes, and evil scowls on their faces as they floated out of the water and towards the house.
The three Warners doubled back into the house and briefly ran around in circles screaming in fear.
"Hold it!" Yakko halted them, "what're we panicking for? Just because a bunch of bloodthirsty pirates have returned from beyond the grave and might kill anybody who stands between them and their buried treasure?"
Wakko and Dot nodded rapidly.
"Just checking," Yakko said nonchalantly before they resumed running in circles and screaming.
"Hold it!" he repeated as they skidded to a stop. "What we've got to do is hide, and quick."
They looked around the room, but their options were clearly limited. The three of them dove into the cupboard by the fireplace and pulled the doors shut.
Through a crack in the wood they saw an eerie glow enter the room. Peering closer they saw the windows light up with flashes of luminous lights, like giant search lights, then the pirate ghosts appeared in the windows, and floated through the windows and entered the living room. They flew around the room in a glowing circle, making it impossible to tell just how many of them there were. Finally they stopped, and dove under the floorboards. The wood briefly expanded, then the middle boards broke away, and the hole was filled with the same eerie bluish white light as the ghosts rose up with a giant old chest in tow. The floorboards were suddenly replaced as the chest was placed on the floor, and the lid was opened, revealing shimmering gold coins, diamond rings, pearl necklaces, rubies, emeralds, the works.
"Wow, the old man was right," Yakko uttered in a gasping whisper.
"That really burns me up," Dot said in a miffed whisper.
"What does?" Wakko asked quietly.
"Why should they get the treasure? They stole it from innocent victims," Dot explained.
"Or maybe they stole it from other pirates who stole it first," Yakko thought.
"Either way, it doesn't belong to them," she said with slanted eyes and a gesturing arm.
"You think it belongs in a museum?" Yakko asked, suddenly changed into a brown leather jacket and a battered fedora, wielding a whip.
"It doesn't belong to them!" Dot whispered in response.
"Uhhh, you want to be the one to tell them that?" he asked.
"Not really."
"I didn't think so," Yakko replied.
Then he thought of something.
"Sibs, quick, take your costumes off."
"What?"
"Why?" Wakko asked.
"They're pirates, we're dressed as pirates, if they see us they may think we're trying to take the treasure from them. You think they'd be so cold blooded to murder three random kids for the loot?"
"Guess he's got a point," Dot conceded as they removed their toy swords, earrings, bandanas, etc.
While they were doing that, they weren't as quiet as they should've been. The pirate ghosts heard the commotion and turned from their treasure to the cupboard with suspicious and murderous gleams in their eyes.
One floated over to the cupboard and opened the door.
"AHHHHHHHHHH!" the three Warners shrieked as they stood there in shower caps with washrags pressed against them.
"How dare you!?" Dot exclaimed as she jabbed at the ghost with a long handled scrub brush.
Yakko slammed the door shut from the inside.
The ghost floated there for a moment, confused, then resumed his murderous glare and passed through the wooden doors and entered the cramped space with the three oddball children. The Warners let out a scream and jumped out of the cupboard and into the living room with the rest of the ghosts, who were not taking kindly to the three intruders.
"You wanna see my little pet?" Dot asked as she took a small white box out of her pocket.
A ten foot monster rose to the ceiling, momentarily frightening the daylights out of the dead pirates.
"I'm gonna hate myself for this," Yakko said, and busted into his best impersonation of Mr. Director singing loudly and very off key, "Oh lady! I know a lady with high heeled shoes!"
The ghosts screamed and covered their ears as they flew around in angry circles like a hoard of hornets that had their nest kicked over.
"Hey!" Wakko stood on his toes and announced loudly, "Does anyone want to hear me play 'Yankee Doodle' on my armpit?" and proceeded to do so.
The pirate ghosts howled in dismay now and disappeared under the floorboards again.
"Great, let's get out of here while we still can," Yakko told his siblings.
Dot eyed the open treasure chest again. It just didn't seem right that a bunch of dead pirates could actually claim all this. She stuck her hand in and slipped a few rings on her fingers on their way out. The storm had passed and out in the moonlight they sparkled and shone and made her feel like a princess.
"So how long do you think it'll take us to get back to Burbank?" she asked as they walked along the road.
"Uhhhh, I'd say about Christmas," Yakko answered.
"What year?" Wakko asked.
"Got me there."
A monstrous growl filled the night air.
"You say something, sibs?" Yakko stopped and turned his head.
"Not me," Dot shook her head.
"Not me either," Wakko added.
They looked behind them and their eyes tripled in size as they saw a hoard of angry pirate ghosts chasing after them.
"What do they want now?" Wakko asked.
Yakko just happened to catch something on Dot's hand sparkling.
"Dot! You stole the treasure from them?"
"It's not theirs!" she insisted.
"Yeah well they've got 100 years invested in it, by common law statutes that makes it theirs," Yakko said as he pulled the rings off and heaved them at the ghosts, "have at it you ectoplasmic mateys!"
The solid gold rings passed right through the transparent pirates as they continued to fly right towards the Warners.
"Looks like we don't have any choice," Yakko said as he turned and saw the water, "we swim for it!"
Moving as one, the three children dove off the embankment and into the water. The current was strong and they were caught in the rapids. They sputtered and struggled and nearly drowned but they managed to find one another and stay afloat.
"Hey, look!" Wakko exclaimed.
They saw the ghosts on shore pick up the rings and float back to the house.
"Well, looks like they got what they want," Yakko observed.
"It's still not right!" Dot was furious.
"Well look on the bright side," Yakko replied, "maybe the ghosts of the people they stole the treasure from will come and beat the ecto-snot out of them and take it back now that it's been dug up."
"Hmm, might have a point there," she remarked.
They swam downriver a ways before reaching the shore. After shaking themselves semi-dry they found the road and followed it to wherever it would lead them.
"Well I don't know that I'd call this the worst night of our lives," Yakko said, "but it definitely places in the top 5."
"Definitely the worst Halloween we've had," Dot said glumly.
"Well look on the bright side," Yakko remarked, "at least Christmas is coming."
"Hey guys, look!" Wakko pointed.
They followed his finger and saw their boat up on the shore.
"All right!" they exclaimed and tore off for it.
There was no sign of the old man anywhere, but they didn't care. The boat was intact and could get them back to Burbank, and stuffed under the seats were their pumpkin buckets full of candy.
"Okay so we take back this being the worst Halloween," Yakko said, "Now let's get out of here."
"We don't have any oars," Dot noted.
"We don't need no stinking oars," Yakko said as they climbed in the boat.
He picked Wakko up, curled his tail up like a spring, pulled it like a lawnmower cord and stuck him over the side of the boat. Wakko made a sound like a race car as he stuck his face in the water and blew out enough bubbles to move them along like a motorboat.
"This ought to get us back to Burbank in no time," Yakko commented.
It was after 1 o' clock by the time the Warners returned to the studio lot. Ralph was long gone for the night so there was no usual chase around the lot leading back to the water tower. The three exhausted siblings made their way up to the tower and heaved a sigh of relief when they stepped in and knew they were home for the night.
"Hoo boy," Yakko commented as they put their buckets down, "what a night."
"What a haul," Wakko added.
"I'm just glad I can dry out now," Dot commented as she reached up and wrung out her flower under her ears.
"Gotta admit, guys, this has been a night like no other," Yakko said.
"And I'm thankful for that," Dot said as the three of them plopped down on the couch.
"I'm too tired to move," Yakko said.
"I'm too tired to eat," Dot added.
"And I'm too tired to sleep," Wakko added.
"Well then let's see what's on TV," Yakko picked up the remote and turned the set on.
The three of them jumped back against the couch as they saw the same old man on the screen, wearing a pirate hat.
"Good evening," he greeted, "And welcome to our all-night pirate movie festival."
"HOW DOES HE DO THAT?" Wakko wanted to know as Yakko clicked the TV back off.
"Uhhhhh, ya got me," he replied, "but what say we go to bed and try to forget this whole night, eh, sibs?"
"Right!" they agreed.
"Ready? Set...go!"
The three of them zoomed off the couch, leaving a contrail behind them as they ran for their large bed, they zipped under the covers at the foot of the bed and like magic appeared up at the top already dressed for bed, Dot with her hair in rollers, their eyes closed and snoring heavily.
Yakko opened one eye halfway and made a small smirk as he commented to the 4th wall, "Happy Halloween."