Hey everyone! Heres a new chapter :) Would have been earlier this week but I got caught up with a bunch of stuff. Can promise another update in a few days :) What do you think?

Also, I am posting this at AnArchiveOfOurOwn under LangsonGal - i find it more user friendly and I can answer comments so if you feel so inclined please go read over there and I can respond to everyone rather than just read and continue :)

Enjoy!3

Trevor watched Noah's face transform in to pure joy as soon as he set his eyes upon Ruby. He grinned as the young teen tried his best to walk, not run toward them. He knew that he had to keep his cool and not look desperate, but the child that still shone through at times was itchy to overflow with excitement.

As Noah got close, Trevor lifted his hand to wave at him. "Hi kiddo," he greeted him.

"Hi," Noah smiled, ignoring his coach for the big, fluffy dog who was the colour of rust with a sprinkle of white over her chest.

"This is Ruby," she sat next to Trevor obediently but her excitement was showing by a speedy wag of her tail as Noah drew closer.

"Oh my gosh, you're so pretty!" Noah remarked with a big grin, inching closer. Ruby stood up and then remembered herself and sat back down, torn between giving in to her excitement which was a match for Noah's, and remembering her obedience.

"Free," Trevor told his dog, using the word that allowed her to know she could get up from sitting position.

Noah got down low and began to pet her, the dog every now and then raising a paw to try to grab on to his arm. "You are so beautiful, Ruby!" Trevor couldn't help but to grin as Noah fell back on to the soft grass, letting his dog sniff him and nuzzle in to him. He hugged her and patted her, all over causing the dog to fall down beside him, exposing her stomach to him, wanting to be scratched.

"Ruby," Trevor laughed, rolling his eyes, "that's rude…"

Noah laughed too. "Trev, I love her, she's the best…" he barely gave the couch any attention, too busy lavishing the animal. "Does she like to play?"

"She sure does. I've bought her special B-A-L-L to play with and if you want, you could take her leash and go for a run with her, she would love that."

"Really?" Noah asked, "you'd trust me with her to take her for a run?"

"Only if you don't steal her," Trevor joked, "I don't mind Noah, I trust you, you're a young man of strong character, but if you steal her, I'll just go to the class addresses list and call your cop Mom to help out on the case."

Noah shrugged, "You think she'd be on your side?," he laughed, "no way, Mom would take one look at Ruby and we'd be on the run, changing identities so we never get too complacent."

Both Trevor and Noah laughed at the silliness.

"Okay well, it's a risk I'm willing to take. If you are willing to risk it all for my dog, then I guess you must have loved her more and maybe she's better with you," Trevor added, pushing his sunglasses on to his head.

"Maybe we'll go for a run first and then play b-a-l-l…" Noah told him.

Trevor called his dog. She jumped up from the grass and returned to her owner's side. He clipped her leash on again. "Here, sweetheart, Noah's gonna take you for a walk…" He patted his dog and kissed her on top of the head. "He's gonna take care of you…"

Trevor handed the lead to Noah. "Here you go, you've got your phone in case anything goes wrong and you need to call me?"

Noah nodded happily taking the dog leash. "We'll be okay, we won't go very far."

"Okay I'll just sit here on the bench and wait," Trevor told Noah, watching him turn with Ruby and head toward the jogging track of central park. Ruby looked back at him expectantly, but was distracted by Noah beginning a soft jog.

Trevor smiled. He pulled out his phone and texted Olivia. Hi Olivia, I hope Noah let you know this, but I invited him to Central Park today to play with Ruby, my dog. It was a promise I made if he did well on his essay - and I'm not sure if he told you but his grade went from an F to a B and I'm very proud of the work he's doing.

He enjoyed hearing from Noah's Mom. She was witty and sweet and she genuinely cared so much about her son. He was happy to update her — it made his job a whole lot easier when he was on the same page with the parents.

He remembered when he was trying to get Peter Blasko on track — his mother couldn't possibly have accepted that her son was a bully and because of her lack of support, not much had changed, he continued to terrorise kids and he could only do so much. He tried to get him involved in football; a place to channel his rage, but still it had only mildly changed the situation.

He enjoyed the relaxation of Central Park. He loved to spend a morning or an afternoon with Ruby playing ball or running around with her. She won him a lot of friends too and a lot of pats for herself.

His phone chimed and he knew without picking it up it was Olivia..

Oh, Trevor that was a really lovely thing you did - this is your day off, you don't have to make time for Noah on the weekends like this. You need a break too, who knows what kind of crazy my kid is driving you to… I am at work this morning to finish some things off and I told Noah not to go too far, he likes long walks - so I'm just grateful to know what he's up to. Is it weird that he hasn't mentioned you to me one single time?

He found himself smiling at the screen, thinking about his response. He looked up at some kids laughing and playing and for a second felt a little bit of longing. Maybe if things had turned out different, he would have bringing children to the park on the weekend rather than a self-proud curly haired dog.

He looked back at his phone, Can I ask, when you're at work - on nightshifts or dayshifts — does Noah stay on his own? Does he have someone he stays with? I am not judging, I'm just curious because you should know where he is and who he is with at all times; in my experience teenage boys are good at keeping their parents in the dark about things. I don't think Noah is doing anything sneaky by the way, I think he keeps a lot to himself. I asked him if he told you about me helping with his English assignments or if you knew about the football team and he says that he doesn't want to worry you or put more on your plate… so that's all I think it is, and I do believe him, he's very honest, your son.

He re-read what he wrote after hitting send and worried that it was far too long; that he wasn't keeping his texts short enough. She was the mother of a child he was helping out, not a friend. But, if he was honest, it was nice to have someone other than his older sister to text with.

He still couldn't see Noah and Ruby returning so he messaged his mother, it had been a few days since he'd spoken with her. She worried about him and he hated that he'd caused that, but darkness had a habit of overcoming him when he least expected and like Noah, he never ever wanted to concern his family so he kept to himself.

His text was interrupted by a response from Olivia.

He has a nanny on the days and nights I'm working and if for whatever reason that falls through one of my workmates who I have worked with since his birth, check in and sit with him. He would kill me for ever telling anyone he has a nanny. She fell through today but Noah is to meet me for lunch at the precinct and we'll go home together. When I'm not home during the week, the nanny usually she meets him at home after school just before dinner time and will stay the night or whatever I need. She's been in his life a little on and off since he was born too. Hey, thank you again for taking time out of your weekend for Noah, I know having some dog time will make his day.

He smiled, feeling appreciated and useful; it was a feeling he sometimes struggled with. Its my pleasure Olivia, I don't really do much on my weekends so I don't mind and your son is a really nice kid to be around, a breath of fresh air after dealing with some of his peers. I will make sure Noah is back at your precinct with you at midday." He hit send. He looked up as he saw Noah coming back, sprinting as Ruby kept up with him, panting, her mouth hanging open and her tongue lolling to the side happily as they made their way back to him, slowing their pace as they drew near.

Trevor laughed at Ruby who jumped around with excitement. "Hiiii, was that a good run?," he asked her, roughing up her fur as she jumped up on to his legs, her tail wagging crazily.

Noah stood, holding her lead, leaning over, resting his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath but still grinning.

"Stand up straight, arms above your head, you'll get a better air flow, remember?," he coached the teen, gently taking the dog lead.

Noah followed Trevor's advice, holding his arms behind his head, taking in some slow deep breaths, finding his recovery to be shorter. Once he had gained his breath back, he sat down next to the man who was turning in to an unlikely friend. "That was fun, I love her, she's so sweet," he remarked.

"She is, she's my baby, aren't you Rubes?," he laughed when the dog attempted to jump in to his lap. "No, no, you're too big, you maniac!," he and Noah laughed at the insistent dog. Noah got up and sat on the grass and patted a space in his lap. Ruby didn't need any further invite, she had no problem sitting herself right on top of him as if she was the size of a tiny lapdog.

Noah looked so happy, Trevor couldn't deny. He watched the boy take out his mobile phone and attempt to take a couple of selfies with the dog. "Do you want me to take the photo for you?," he asked him.

"Yeah, thanks…" he handed Trevor his new phone that Olivia had bought for him and smiled as Trevor got Ruby's attention. He got a nice photo and handed the phone back to Noah. He glanced at the photos and smiled a pure, sweet smile. Trevor was glad that he could finally provide a space for him to feel relaxed and happy.

"I wish I had a dog…" he remarked with a sigh as he put his phone away.

"Have you ever asked your Mom for one?," Trevor wondered.

Noah shrugged, "not for a long time…I don't want to make her feel bad about Elliot breaking that promise. I feel like if I brought it up, it might make her remember the bad stuff, so…" he shrugged.

Trevor felt surprised that he was opening up a little.

"Elliot is your Mom's ex husband?," he wanted to clarify, he couldn't quite remember.

"No, they never got married, but they'd planned to…" Noah replied, continuing to pet Ruby, speaking more directly than he ever had, distracted by the dog who stared at him lovingly with her big, brown puppy eyes.

"You know, you seem to give yourself a lot of responsibility in making sure you keep your Mom protected from feeling a certain way, but sometimes it really is okay to feel those crappy feelings because it reminds you how far you've come and how well you're doing currently…"

Noah listened but just shrugged. "You don't know my Mom. She didn't want Elliot to leave, it broke her heart and I know it still hurts her. He broke a lot of promises to her, more than he did to me. I was just a stupid kid falling for a stupid bullshit promise about a dog so he could shut me up because I annoyed him."

"You?!" Trevor exclaimed, shocked, "Nah, I don't believe that Noah, you say this was quite a few years ago now and I knew you back then, you have always been a good kid, I've never heard a single teacher breathe a bad word about you— save for maybe recently," he cracked a smile.

Noah finally looked up at the coach. "I used to do ballet," he chuckled, "I didn't realise it wasn't really a boy thing to do until Elliot talked me in to quitting and told me not to tell Mom, he didn't want me to a pansy, he wanted Mom to toughen me up because he didn't like how close we were, he thought it was weird."

"Without knowing the guy," Trevor replied, "he sounds like he was the one with the problem, and by the way, there is nothing wrong with dance, it's athletic and it asks a lot of your body and if you enjoyed it then who cares, right?"

Noah took it on board - no one else had ever suggested Elliot was the problem - maybe his Mom had in the moment, but he was always sure she was just placating him. He took Trevor's words to heart, maybe his coach was right, maybe Elliot was the issue, not him. It gave him hope that maybe he wasn't the cause of his mother's unhappiness and loneliness.

"Does your Mom know you're meeting with me today?" Trevor tried a different angle.

"Yeah," he fibbed, "I told her I was going to the park, she's at work for the morning."

Trevor caught eyes with him, "Are you telling me the truth?"

Noah couldn't lie to him. "No…" he sighed, "I just don't want her thinking dumb things and asking dumb questions."

"Like what?" Trevor pressed.

"Her job - she would want to do a background check, she would find it weird that I'm hanging out with my teacher and his dog and because of her job— she would interrogate me— I don't know, its just easier not to."

"Well… I'm happy for her to interrogate me, I don't really like lies by omission and I bet your Mom doesn't either so… I'm happy to meet with you on Saturday mornings for you to take Ruby on a run if that's what you want, but Noah, I need you to tell your Mom because you're only 14 and she deserves to not have to worry as you keep saying. So, it'd make me really happy if you give her a call now while I'm here and let her know."

Noah threw his head back and groaned. "C'mon, Trevor…"

Trevor repeated the teen's dramatic actions, "Ughhhh C'mon, Benson…"

Noah was able to laugh. "Okay, but if she has a fit, it's your fault."

Noah plucked out his phone again and glared at Trevor while he dialled his mother's number.

"Hi babe!" Olivia greeted her son.

"Hey Mom," he replied, "how are you?"

"Good thanks honey, what's happening? Are you back from the park already?"

"No…" he replied, "I just wanted you to know that I met up with my teacher. He helped me out with some of my essays and promised I could come and meet his dog if I did well and put in the effort."

Olivia laughed, "Really?"

"Yeah…" Noah was surprised she wasn't flipping out or even sounding alarmed. He smiled. "Sorry, I should have told you but I thought you'd think it was weird and you'd get funny about it."

"Look, I'm not going to lie, it seems a little unconventional, but… its okay, as long as you're safe," she remarked. "But… are you still there with your teacher?"

"Yeah," he replied.

"Okay, put him on please."

"No Mom, don't do that-" he said quickly.

"Noah," she warned, "put him on." He knew he couldn't argue with her. He sighed heavily and held the phone out. "I'm sorry, she wants to talk to you."

Trevor didn't seem too concerned. He took the phone. "Hello Ms. Benson," he replied, "I'm Trevor Langan, Noah's tutor for English."

"Hi Trevor," Olivia greeted Noah's teacher with a little smile, a secret that was theirs, she thought, better to not tell Noah that they'd already discussed him. Neither wanted him to feel betrayed or upset. "Thanks for meeting with my son, that was very kind of you."

"Well, my dog needs the exercise and my knees are too shot to run these days," he replied with a little smile. "I hope you don't mind."

"Nope, it's fine. Noah is due back to meet me in an hour and a half but if you need to go, don't let him bully you in to sticking around for his love of the dog."

Trevor laughed, "that's okay, maybe after we're done here we'll take a slow walk back with the dog to where he has to meet you so that I can make sure he gets there safely," he replied.

Olivia wasn't sure but she thought she might have detected a slight air of flirtatiousness to Trevor's tone. It was subtle, but it was there. "Okay sounds good. Thanks for looking out for my son, Trevor Langan."

"You're welcome."

There was silence before the phone was handed back to Noah. "See Mom, it's cool? Okay?"

"Okay my love," she replied. "Send me a photo of the dog, I'll see you at 12. Love you."

"Love you too," he replied, wondering how it had been so easy. He hung up the phone and looked at Trevor. "Thanks… sorry Mom can be a lot."

"No," he shook his head, "it sounds like your Mom is doing exactly as a responsible parent should," he replied with a shrug. "So, what now? Do you want to play b-a-l-l or have you had enough?" He asked Noah.

"No, we'll play," he smiled, taking Ruby's giant paws in his hands and patting them gently. Ruby gave him a little nuzzle. "She's so great, I love her, if you wake up and she's gone, just know that it was nothing to do with me…" he joked.

Trevor laughed, "Oh yeah sure, if you don't turn up to school I'll know you and your Mom are on the run, right?"

"Bingo," Noah fired a finger gun at his coach with a silly laugh.

The teacher drew a ball from his jacket pocket. Instantly Ruby leapt to her feet. Noah took it from him. "Is she okay to be off-leash?" Noah asked, "what if she runs off?"

"She won't, she's very obedient, I'll teach you some of her commands if you like…"

They played with the dog for almost an hour before Trevor decided it was probably around the time he needed to make sure Noah met his Mom. "Okay kid, we should get going, I don't want to make you late for meeting your Mom, I promised her I'd make sure you got to the precinct safely."

"Can I hold on to the leash?," he asked, seeming to care very little about Olivia and Trevor meeting up, Ruby had all of his attention and Trevor could see a picture of the most carefree, relaxed kid. He was happy that his dog was able to help the troubled child the same way she was able to help him through his own hard times.

That reminded him, he thought with a pang of pain spreading quickly all over him. He had purposely picked that morning to see Noah, perhaps selfishly, because it made him get out of bed, take joy in someone else's joy — it was a hard day for him. It was the fourth year anniversary of Lana's death. People lied, time didn't heal the wound, he just found he got a little better with coping.

Still, the anniversary was tough and he and his sister had come to an agreement that his wedding ring had to come off. It was time. She wasn't coming back and he truly didn't want to be alone forever. He couldn't imagine being with anyone though, but still, it wasn't his plan to be alone with a dog pining for his late wife.

"Of course you can…"

"Thanks for bringing Ruby to meet me, Trevor, it was nice to hang out with her."

"And me? Or am I just the uncool teacher who's blackmailing you in to football?"

Noah smiled and took the leash as they began to walk through the park toward the 16th. Noah had a better idea of how to get there, Trevor just followed. "You're cool, no other teacher has offered to meet with me outside of school hours so I can have some doggo-time because my Mom's ex was too lame to follow through with his promise," Noah replied. "You don't actually have to walk me to my Mom's work, I'm not a child."

Trevor shrugged, "I promised your Mom I would make sure you got there safe and you get to walk little miss thing over here," he nodded to his dog.

"We're not unhappy about that are we Ruby?" Noah asked the dog, petting her gently.

"So what are your plans for the rest of the weekend?" Trevor asked him.

Noah shrugged, "Mom might have to work tonight and I'll probably go to my aunt and uncle's house — they're actually my Mom's colleagues, not blood relatives of Mom, but you know…"

Trevor nodded. "Do you like hanging out with them?"

He smiled and nodded, "Uncle Sonny is awesome. He does guy stuff with me like… batting cages and he used to come to all my T-ball games when I was a kid and his wife is my Mom's best friend, she's a detective too and they have two girls and a newish baby. I feel like their family," he shrugged, "its nice."

"That does sound nice. Sometimes blood relatives aren't all they're cracked up to be," he admitted. "I don't have a lot of family, just my Mom, Dad and sister…"

"Still a Dad and a sister more than I've got," Noah shrugged. "Its okay though, I wouldn't change it, my Mom is the nicest person in the world…"

Trevor smiled, "I hope you tell her that sometimes."

Noah laughed, "I try to… sometimes I get really frustrated with a lot of things and I can be mean to her and I always feel so bad in the moment and every time I apologise she just always says its okay and that she loves me no matter what and … I can be such a jerk."

"Its part of growing up, being a little selfish and all, Noah its normal, you're just lucky your Mom understands."

"I don't know…"

"You just get frustrated with stuff and don't know how to deal with your feelings?," Trevor pressed gently. He knew he was dancing a line of Noah shutting down.

"Yeah…" he nodded slowly, thinking over his words. "I know how I feel but I just-"

"You don't have an outlet for your emotions. And you know what, Noah? Sometimes we are made to feel ashamed for crying or sharing our sadness or anger from male friends or even other male influences in our lives, so we keep it bottled up and it's not healthy. If no one has ever told you this before, I'm going to tell you, it's okay to cry and scream and get mad… it's ok to let your Mom see that because I bet she will fully understand."

"Thanks…" Noah replied. It didn't sound like much of a response and he wished he had the right words to tell his coach exactly how much it meant to him to hear that from another man — a far cry from the things Elliot had put in to his head.

He took Trevor's words to heart.

"My Mom's heart was broken so badly by Elliot and she hasn't been the same since, I don't want to make it worse, but sometimes I get mad with her too."

"I understand that. And also, you're growing up, that's a whole other set of emotions. But I will tell you this and you may not understand til you're older, but heartbreak — a bad one — can really change a person, it's not intentional and there's a good chance your Mom hasn't realised you've even noticed, she's probably trying to protect you too…"

Noah just sighed. "I really hate him," he muttered. "Elliot," he added as if Trevor didn't know. "He used to tell Mom I was weak and too emotional and that she was too affectionate with me… He hated everything I liked and always tried to change things."

"Sometimes it's okay to just say it, kiddo, people are just assholes…"

Trevor's words made Noah smile with satisfaction. Trevor noticed it and gave the teen a pat on the back. "This is why I think football will be good for you, it'll get rid of some of that aggression."

"I think I'm too weak for football in truth," Noah blurted out. "I want to be able to be good at it to prove to you I'm useful and can keep my end of the bargain but I'm not Pete or Ryan or .. even Adam."

Trevor stopped in his tracks and gently put his hand on Noah's shoulder. He looked him in the eye, "Noah Benson, I don't want you to be Pete or Ryan or Adam. I want you to be you. You. Are. Not. Weak. You got it? You are not. I would never set you up to fail, you can succeed. We just need some practice and I promise you will be great, it's already coming together at training."

Noah nodded. "Ok."

They arrived at the precinct. "Do you want to meet my Mom?" Noah asked, "you don't have to…"

"Sure, is it okay to bring Ruby in?"

Noah shrugged, "I guess… No one could say no to her face," he smiled.

Noah led the way, saying hello to the receptionist on the ground floor. He was familiar with her. Without a word about Ruby or Trevor, they continued on to the lift. Noah hit level 7, the level that his Mom's team worked from. As the lift doors opened he saw his Mom standing by the large wipe board with a marker in her hand. He gave her a little wave and stood to the side.

Trevor stood aside next to Noah too. She realised his teacher was with him, catching a glance at the man who seemed way taller than the first time they'd met. She self-consciously tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and cleared her throat, remembering that a bunch of eyes were on her.

"So I want you all to canvas the area around the bodega and remember we are looking for anyone who fits the perps description. Fin is going to take the reins until I'm back on in a few hours after I spend some time with my kid. Fin will be filling me in with any leads and if anyone needs to be reminded of what we're after, read the case notes carefully."

She looked around, "any questions?"

No one said a word, "Great, do not call me to field questions, call Detective Tutuola and if he deems it important, he will call me," her voice was loud, firm and commanding and Trevor was just a little impressed and a little taken by her, a little flutter in his stomach alerted him to a feeling that he hadn't had in a very long time. He pushed it away as he sensed Olivia about to make her way over to them.

"Ok Fin, you can take it from here… I'll see you guys at changeover at 8pm."

She smiled at her son and the teacher who stood to the side looking just a little bewildered. Amanda followed her to say hello to Noah. "Heeeey babeeeee!" Amanda drawled, making a beeline toward Noah. She threw her arms around him. Noah laughed, "Hi 'Manda…"

"Who is this?," she asked, glancing up at Trevor before looking down at Ruby. Noah kneeled too as Olivia slowly made her way over. "So, you're the teacher, huh?," she greeted him. She wasn't sure, but she thought that she saw him wink at her.

"In the flesh," he replied a little bashfully. "Noah wasn't quite ready to part with Ruby yet," he remarked. "It's lovely to meet Noah's Mom," he extended his hand and shook it.

"Lovely to meet you too, sorry, I didn't catch your name?"

"Trevor," he told her, holding her gaze, holding on to her hand just a little longer than he needed to. Once he realised, he let it go quickly. "Trevor Langan," he added.

They both nodded a little stupidly and Amanda was back on her feet, witnessing the uncomfortably long eye contact between Noah's teacher and her best friend. She almost smirked.

Noah was still talking to Ruby, getting ready to say goodbye to her. "Hey honey, you didn't even say hello to me," Olivia remarked, glancing at her son.

Noah looked up and smiled, "Hi Mom, look, this is Ruby, Trevor's dog…isn't she so cute?!"

Olivia smiled at how light and childlike her son looked, on his knees, cuddling and petting the dog who seemed just has happy for the attention.

"She's beautiful, you're right… did you have fun?"

Noah nodded emphatically without looking up. She turned back to Trevor and smiled at him, flicking her hair over her shoulder, "thank you so much for letting Noah meet your dog, he looks like he's had a wonderful time."

She realised Amanda was smirking to herself, standing beside Olivia, feeling invisible as neither Olivia nor the teacher had even glanced at her. "Oops, sorry, Trevor, this is my colleague, Amanda. She and her husband are looking after Noah tonight while I work."

"Oh, hello Amanda," Trevor smiled at the other detective. He was charming, for sure, Olivia thought. He was tall, his hair was a little long with a natural wave to it, and he had the makings of a beard and a pair of black framed glasses over his gorgeous, piercing eyes.

Amanda shook his hand and greeted him right back, feeling amused by the way her boss was shamelessly staring at her son's teacher. Amanda wasn't entirely certain, but it sure looked like she was being a little flirtatious.

"Well, Noah, I think its time to let Trevor go now," Liv told her son, "say goodbye to Ruby and use your manners…"

Noah got to his feet with reluctance. "See ya Ruby… thanks, Trevor," Noah smiled up at his teacher, "I had the best morning with Ruby."

Trevor smiled right back at him, "And me? You had a great morning with Ruby, but I was just the tag-along, huh?," he laughed with good nature.

Noah chuckled, his cheeks reddening, "No, I liked hanging out with you too, thanks for seeing me outside of school so I could have a run with Ruby, she's the best, you're right."

"I'm only kidding, Noah, you are very welcome. Anytime you want, ok? You just let me know…" he told him sincerely.

"Sure, thanks. If you ever need someone to take her for a walk, I'm your guy!"

Trevor laughed, "be careful, I might take you up on that," he winked. He turned back to Amanda and nodded at her with acknowledgment before turning back to Olivia, immediately a smile surfaced upon his beautiful pink lips - it was only a small one, bashful even, as Olivia stared right back at him without any reservation, not even realising how taken she was by their second encounter.

She was no longer looking at him as a strange man who was spending time with her kid unattended, but now she stared with admiration, recognition for the effort he was putting in to ensure her child was happy and relaxed and doing well with his grades.

Trevor felt the back of his neck heating up as the Captain before him boldly stared at him. "Nice to meet you Captain Benson…."

"Just Olivia is fine," she replied, "thanks Trevor."

He looked down at his dog. "Come on, missy, I'm afraid it's time to go home, you're getting a little too big for your boots with all this attention," he spoke to his dog who looked up at him with a cocked head. "Yes," he ruffled her fur, "I'm talking to you, come on…"

Olivia couldn't help but be endeared at his gentleness toward his pet and the way he cared enough to allow Noah time with her.

Ruby jumped up from sitting position to her feet. "Thanks guys," he gave a little wave and left to go back down the lift and back on to the street.

He decided to take the long way home — he wanted to avoid home for as long as possible. It might not have been the house he lived in when Lana passed, but the ghost of her still lingered just about everywhere he looked and it was the one day of the year he actively avoided his feelings. He tried not to be sad, he tried not to go over the circumstances in circles, thinking about all of the things he could have done to stop her death.

He took a deep breath, he was barely out in to the fresh air before he found it hard to breathe with the thoughts that immediately filled his head; they were unwanted and upsetting but trying his best to centre his attention to something else; it was the only thing he could do not to become upset in the middle of Manhattan.

He counted to ten five times, slowly and mindfully as he and Ruby traveled down the path back toward Central Park.

/

"Sweetie, I'm just gonna be five minutes, do you want to go grab a drink from the vending machine or something?"

Noah nodded as Olivia handed him some dollar bills. He was about to turn around and head to the kitchen but she stopped him, "Noah?"

"Come here… give me a hug," she commanded. He let himself smile, not even minding that Amanda was there too. He wrapped his arms around his mother and gave her a little squeeze. "Love you!," he said first.

Olivia grinned, "I love you too. You had a nice time with the dog, huh?"

Noah nodded, reminding her of when he was a tiny boy. "Yeah… she was so sweet, you think we could get a dog one day?," he asked slowly.

Olivia thought it over for a moment and shrugged, "maybe we can talk about it…" she replied with just as much thought.

Noah's smile turned in to a grin - a genuine, happy grin that she hadn't seen in quite some time. It made her feel whole again, if only for the moment.

"Okay," she let go of him, "sorry babe but I only have a few hours to hang out and then I'm gonna leave you with Sonny to take you home and collect your Nintendo or whatever you want to play with and its up to you, I can come and get you when I finish work which might be around midnight or — I can come get you in the morning."

Noah let go of his Mom and turned to Amanda, "It's up to Aunt Amanda and Uncle Sonny, they might want me gone…" he smiled charmingly, putting an arm around Olivia's long time friend. Whatever weirdness had been between Amanda and his Mom that he'd picked up on a few times was certainly gone.

"Its probably just easier if you stay, we get to hang on to you longer and Uncle Sonny might need a little more boys in the house to even things out."

Noah chuckled. "Okay. Are you on tomorrow, Mom?"

"Nope," she smiled. "We can do whatever you want tomorrow and we've been invited to dinner with the Carisi's tomorrow night…"

Amanda laughed at Noah's wide-eyes. He loved the big family spread that Sonny's Mom put on for them.

"Excellent." He turned back to his Mom, "Ok I'm gonna get a drink, I'm pooped."

"Okay honey, I'll just be a minute."

She watched Noah head down the hall.

Olivia and Amanda walked back to her office, "so we are going to ignore the elephant in the room are we?" Her best friend turned to the Captain and stared.

Olivia did a double-take. "What do you mean?"

Amanda laughed, "Oh don't 'what do you mean?', me, Liv, what was all this…" she did a dramatic reenactment of Olivia batting her eyelashes and acting girly and flirty with Noah's teacher.

Olivia scoffed at her with disbelief but nevertheless could feel her cheeks turning pink. "Oh thank you, Mr. Trevor, I am speechless because you're so heavenly looking, Mr Trevor…" Amanda dissolved in to laughter.

"Wow, sounds like you might want to date Mr. Trevor…" Olivia replied, grabbing her handbag and her work phone. She turned serious, "regardless of how beautiful that man is to look at," she chuckled in spite of herself, "he is helping Noah turn his grades around and he is the coach of the football team and is trying to get my son involved so he has an outlet for some of this shitty behaviour I keep getting calls about."

"Why does he care?" Amanda asked. "I mean, how did that not become a red flag, that an adult man wants to hang out with your kid? I don't want to put ideas in your head but…"

"Well, I'm doing everything I can not to do a background search on him, if that's what you're asking… but that was actually the second time I've met him. Noah came home late a few weeks back and I went out looking for him and I saw him and the teacher talking, when Noah left, I confronted Trevor and kind of… verbally attacked him and began interrogating him, we had words, he explained a few things and ever since we've both recognised that Noah has a lot of … emotional and anger problems that he won't talk about. There's a lot my boy is keeping from me and Trevor has been keeping me updated by text…"

"OOoooooh," Amanda smirked, "what else is that hot guy telling you by text?"

"Absolutely nothing, Amanda, get your head out of the gutter… This is about Noah. He seems happier at the moment, he's unloading a little on to Trevor and I don't know… maybe it is weird, but I just don't get that vibe from him… He seems genuinely nice and like he really wants to help my son."

Amanda shrugged. "Well okay, but all I'm saying is, its okay to have a one night stand every once in awhile, Liv…"

"Oh, get out of my office," Olivia laughed, as they both left together with Noah, going different directions when they left.

/

"So," Olivia sucked a mouthful of soda through her straw, "tell me about your morning with your teacher…"

Noah smiled at her and stared for a moment. "You want to do a background check on him, don't you? You're trying to figure it all out, like why a teacher would want to hang out with me on the weekend - its weird to you, I know its setting off alarm bells."

"Actually," she replied, poking her tongue out playfully, "I'm not. He seemed genuine and you met with him in a public place. If you've been hanging out with him at his own apartment or something, yeah, that would make me feel weird, but if you don't get any weird vibes, Noah, I trust you," she replied. Even though she trusted his instincts and her own, she knew she would probably still do a background check on Trevor eventually.

He laughed. "I don't believe you, Mom."

"What!," she exclaimed emphatically with a big smile, "I promise I'm cool with it. He seemed nice. I'm glad you got to have a nice afternoon with his dog— who by the way, was so adorable!"

"Right?" Noah agreed, "I want a dog like that… when can we discuss it?"

Olivia laughed, she regretted even saying that they could table it for a discussion back at the precinct. "Just… give me a hot minute to think about it a little bit and I need you to consider how you might look after this dog and I want you to really research the breed of dog you're after and you can present me with the facts."

Noah rolled his eyes and groaned, "why do you always have to take the joy out of things and make it home work?," he asked, his voice dramatically strained, flopping back in to his booth.

"That's what Moms like to do," she replied humourlessly, "make our kids lives difficult."

He shrugged and plopped some fries in to his mouth. "Well," he began, "I can do that — even though I think it's unnecessary."

"Honey, don't think I haven't thought about getting you a dog, but honestly I just worry that I'm not home enough to help you maintain a pet — but you're 14 now and I think you can be responsible, but I really want you to think about all the scenarios because a pet can't be a novelty. If we get a dog it'll be part of our family and it's a huge commitment. I'm not trying to suck the joy out of it, I just have to make sure you understand."

"Okay," Noah nodded, picking up. His burger and taking a bite, "that's fair."

"Chew with your mouth closed and don't talk when your mouth is full," she told him, tossing an onion ring at him playfully.

"And you, you don't throw your food," he retorted, his eyes widening as if he was greatly shocked by her behaviour.

They both laughed.

"Mom, I want to tell you something but…" he looked at his food, "I don't want you to make a big deal of it, okay?"

She glanced at her son intently; he definitely had her attention. "Am I going to be mad?," she wondered slowly.

"I hope not," he shrugged. "I just talked to Trevor today and he said that lies by omission are just as bad as lies so— I didn't really lie when I said I was staying back after school to get help with English. Trevor has been helping me with my essays because I was having trouble."

"Okay," she said slowly. "Where have you been meeting with him?"

A smile tugged at the corner of her son's mouth. "Told you you couldn't help yourself, nothing weird is going on. He doesn't have any ulterior motives, Mom, ok? We've been meeting in the library in a public space after school for half an hour. He helped convince my math teacher not to drop me from my AP class because my grade began to slip and … the teacher said I caught some attitude."

"Did you?," she asked, her eyebrow raised. He knew the look. It was the look that told him she wasn't playing about.

He shrugged. "My grade is turning back around slowly, but the trade off was that Trevor told me I had to come and practice with his football team…"

"Oh," Olivia acted surprised. "Why?"

He shrugged again, "he thought it would be a good outlet for me and would teach me about being part of a team and discipline blah, blah, blah…" he rolled his eyes.

"Right— and has it?"

He gave her a little smile. "I found out I can run faster than I thought," he offered, "when I go for my run in central park on the weekends. I didn't think I was fast, but I'm faster than everyone on the team,"

Olivia smiled, remembering watching him have a foot race with one of his team mates with Trevor waiting at the end of the field to celebrate his win. "Well, that's certainly something, you should join the track team. You know I used to be on the track team."

"Must be genetic," he joked.

Even though she knew it was a joke, it felt like a little stab. He noticed her smile drop. "Sorry, Mom, I was just kidding, I didn't mean that."

"Its okay," she said quickly. "So tell me," she shifted, "how's it on the football team?"

"Well, Trevor wants me to play for real, he wants me to be one of the positions that doesn't require me to be super tall and buff like some of the guys, and then he gave me a jersey and maybe I could be a wide-receiver…or even a quarterback, we're just working on my catching skills and my hand-eye coordination. That's why I got tripped, there's a jerk on the team who's been a jerk to me…"

"Oh, right… hazing. I know all about that," Olivia murmured slowly. "Noah, is this what you want? Do you want to play football?"

He shrugged, "I guess I didn't really have an interest before, but already I've made a friend and he's a really nice guy, he looks out for me and he comes from a home where it's just him and his Mom and his brother and sister so… we have stuff in common."

She smiled. "Do you enjoy it?"

He nodded. "I really like practicing, I like running and Trevor makes it fun too. I know he just wants me to be the same student I was when I was in his class back a few years ago, but… I've grown up."

"Maybe he saw your potential as who you are as a person, not so much about your school work, maybe he's trying to work on that with you."

"You don't think I'm the same person I was?," he asked, surprised.

"Fundamentally you are the same Noah Benson you've always been, but something has changed, honey and I don't know what that is. A month ago you got frustrated and you told me you felt sad and you didn't know why or how to fix it and then you never let me bring it up again…"

Noah fell silent. She noticed the new angles on his face, a tell tale sign that he was starting to turn in to a man. His soft baby face was slowly but surely fading. She almost felt tears in her eyes. "I don't know what to say to that, I didn't know what else to say then either," he finally responded.

"Its okay," she reached over and touched his arm, "its okay for you to feel sad, Noah, you know, I feel sad a lot too and when I feel sad, I don't know why or how to make it go away. It's… I don't know, I guess I don't know what to say about it either."

"I'm trying to be more honest," he said softly, the mood of their lunch slightly shifting a little serious.

"I know, I can see that and I appreciate you being forthcoming like you have no idea. I was getting worried about you. I can see you really look up to Trevor. It's nice of him to take you under his wing."

Noah nodded. "Do you feel like Sonny does that too?," she asked carefully.

"Yeah, but Sonny knows you and I know that even though he says he won't repeat anything I tell him, he's definitely going to."

A part of Olivia felt guilty given how she had been texting Trevor behind her son's back. "Well, if you want to play football, honey, I am here to support you however I can. If you need some stuff for training or whatever, you need."

"Thanks Mom… but do you think… that just for awhile, I can do this on my own? I just want something for me that I don't want to share with anyone," he paused, "does that make sense?"

Even though it was a bitter pill to swallow, she did understand. She hesitated, stopping herself from protesting. "Yeah, that makes sense. I'm disappointed, but I do understand."

"Not forever," he replied, "just for now."

"Okay," she agreed "but if you're gonna become a high school football star, I wanna bask in that glory too."

Noah laughed, "thanks Mom… I love you."

"I love you too, babe, I'm glad things feel if only a little bit more positive."

"Sorry about the comment I made before, I was being thoughtless…" he murmured, "about running being genetic."

"Honey its okay, you don't have to be sorry for that. I know you were just joking."

"Yeah but… Trevor told me something a couple weeks ago and I think that it means something—" he paused, "you wanna hear?"

Olivia nodded. It had been so long since he had opened up to her and he seemed to be a fountain of information that she was welcoming.

"I told him that I was adopted and that we've always been honest and open about that…" he admitted to Olivia. She was surprised, Noah as far as she was aware, had never volunteered that information to anyone besides asking Olivia a few questions once in awhile.

"And he said that… in a way it's more special than if you were my biological Mom," for some reason it still stung to hear him say the words aloud, as if it betrayed her right to motherhood. "Because you picked me, you didn't get me by genetic lottery, you saw that I needed a mother and you chose me, Mom, you wanted me more than the woman who grew me did and I think that makes you so special and it makes you the best mother that ever existed."

Olivia felt tears prickle her eyes and couldn't help but let them film over. "Honey, thank you for saying that," she smiled through her tears, "I did choose you," she said in a whisper, nodding, trying her best to choke back a sob, happy that her son felt like he was emotionally within her reach again. She sniffed. Her son reached over and took her hand.

"Don't cry, Mom," he murmured.

"Sorry," she managed to let out a breath, chuckling, "sorry, but that may be the nicest thing you've ever said…"

"Well it came from Trevor, but… I thought about what you told me about Ellie Porter and how you found me and what happened, how you took me home and I know you must have loved me from the moment you saw me and that's special because you have the best heart and you taught me how to be kind like you."

"Noah, sweetheart, where is all this coming from?" She laughed, wiping away a tear, "I didn't know you were this thoughtful and impassioned, I love you for saying all of that, that is absolutely the nicest thing to hear and it means so much to me that you put so much thought in to Trevor's words."

"I love you Mom…"

"I love you too, sweetheart."

He tossed her onion ring back at her, "now eat your lunch and stop crying," he chuckled and she knew he was kidding. He didn't really mind about her emotional reaction.