"He could not have been more angry with me." She took a sip of her tea, sighing as it warmed her from within. The weather was lovely and warm, but something about a hot cup of tea made her feel at ease.
"Well, what on earth did you expect?" Max didn't waste a moment in chastising her, taking a sip of his own tea as Georg rolled his eyes at his best friend's inability to think before he spoke. Maria shrugged, taking a tea biscuit from the plate in front of her.
After leaving the villa the night before, Otto had unleashed his frustrations upon her in a most uncomfortable way. She knew he would be angry that she hadn't been fully open to him about herself, and she understood why he would be upset by such a thing, but it was more than that. He was upset about the entire evening, about how comfortable she was around the Von Trapp family, how comfortable they were with her. She supposed he was upset that they taught him new things about her, and perhaps that she felt more free to be herself with them. For whatever reason, he seemed to have developed a jealousy over the way she interacted with the children. It was as if he expected her to withdraw completely from the children since she was married to him, which she was not willing to even think about.
"Ever since we arrived in Salzburg, I can't seem to do anything right." She took a bite of her tea biscuit as she avoided Georg's eyes. She didn't want him to think she was talking about their evening together. Even though that should have been the biggest mistake of her life, she couldn't possibly see it as such. They hadn't spoken alone since, so she only hoped he still felt the same.
"I'm sure that's not true." Max smiled reassuringly, but she shook her head.
"I keep finding new ways to anger him. We usually get along so well."
"You did invite seven children to your home without consulting him. You must admit that is quite an overwhelming thought." She smiled gently, knowing he was right. She never knew Max to be such a good girlfriend, she mused to herself.
"Yes, I can admit I went a bit too far with that one. I'm just so used to only having to answer to God and myself. It's quite different having to ask for someone's permission to…"
"Not his permission, you are not his property." She met Georg's eyes, finding him quite serious. He had been fairly quiet up until that point in their conversation, but she could see so clearly that he was holding back his opinions with great strength.
"Either way, it would have been common courtesy for me to ask him first."
"I've never known you to think you need anyone else's permission for anything." He took a sip of his tea, his eyebrows knotted together in frustration. She didn't understand why he was being so cold to her, what she had done to anger him too.
"I…um…"
"Honestly, Georg, give the woman a break." Max laughed to stop her stuttering, and she sighed in relief. It had been a long time since Georg intimidated her in any way, but suddenly she was uncertain how to speak to him.
"I'm only expressing my opinion on the fact that she's allowing a man to control her and call her his property. The Maria I know…" Her own anger sparked at his words, and she felt herself beginning to snap.
"I've said it many times recently; perhaps you really don't know me at all."
"Perhaps I know you extremely well by now." She scoffed, placing her teacup upon the table in frustration.
"Why? Because of what happened between us?"
"I knew you long before that, I assure you." Max's ears perked up, and he quickly interjected.
"Stop. I'm sorry, what happened between you?"
"Never mind." They spoke in unison, and he bit his lip in excitement. He couldn't wait to get one of them alone to learn any details he could. He began to wonder which of them he could most easily talk into confiding in him.
"Fraulein Maria!" The children cheered and shouted as they rushed to her side, directing her attention to the real reason she had visited the villa in the first place. She tore her angry gaze away from Georg's, redirecting her energy toward the happiness she felt at seeing the children.
She had arrived after breakfast, after her husband left for whatever business he needed to tend to for the day. She was hoping to use his time away as her chance to be alone with the children, to spend the time with them that she never seemed to be able to get enough of. In all honesty, she wanted to spend time with them without Otto bearing witness. She felt she needed to be a completely different person when he was around, and she wanted to feel a bit more freedom while her time with them was so limited. They had been out for a walk around the grounds upon her arrival, and she found Georg and Max having tea. It seemed harmless enough to join them while she waited…though the anger still coursing through her veins made her decide otherwise.
She excused herself from the men, the children leading her away in a frenzy of excitement. They had plans to show her the schoolroom and all the changes they had made to their own bedrooms, new paint and reorganizing furniture. She had a feeling she was going to truly be exhausted by the time she left, but she couldn't have been more excited. Exhaustion for all the right reasons would never bother her in the least.
Georg watched as the children swept her away, as she was removed from his line of vision. He couldn't hide his anger with her. Perhaps he wasn't angry with her, but it was very easy to use her as the sticking point for his feelings. The way he saw her husband act toward her the night before was something he couldn't stop thinking about. The man was rude and arrogant, and she seemed to be walking on eggshells to be certain she didn't embarrass him. He rolled his eyes, as if someone as wonderful as she could ever be embarrassing. He certainly would have been more than proud to have her on his arm.
"You must tell me."
"Max…"
"Oh, no, you have no choice. If you don't, she obviously will."
"She clearly thought I had already told you, otherwise she wouldn't have said anything."
"About what?" Max smiled excitedly, and Georg met his eyes in frustration. He sighed, knowing it would do him a world of good to talk about it, but quite afraid to speak the words into the light of day.
"You can't tell a soul."
"I would never…"
"Oh, you would. This time, please do not." Max nodded, fully aware that his friend wouldn't specifically ask for secrecy unless he truly meant it. "When I stayed in town, we met to chat both nights, and I…the second night, I took her to bed."
"Georg, you didn't! You absolute cad…"
"She was very much an equal participant, I assure you." Max gave him a look that told him he wasn't sure if he believed that, but it was true. Her intentions had been just as scandalous as his own that night.
"I knew when you were staying in town for those days that you were absolutely up to no good. I had no idea you were intent on sabotaging her marriage." He ran a hand over his face, shaking his head.
"I promise you, it was not…" He stopped, wanting to say that he hadn't intended to compromise her marriage, but he wondered why else he would have really gone into town for those nights if that were true. He could have just as easily driven in for his appointment with his attorney and come straight home. "Christ, Max, maybe that was my intention. I certainly didn't mean for it to be."
"You've been in love with her from the moment you met, even I can see that. What other intentions did you think you had?" He shook his head, wishing he had come to the conclusion of his truth alone. His own thoughts were so much easier to face when Max wasn't around to press him harder.
"I thought it would be enough to see her, to talk to her a bit. She has never answered any of my letters or phone calls…"
"So you thought she would want to see you in person?"
"I needed to know if she had any feelings for me. I feel desperate for her at times, and it makes me sick to be so weak." Max chuckled, taking a sip of his tea.
"Georg, I would never use the word weak to describe you. You're in love."
"And she's married. I shouldnt even be thinking about her in this way."
"Does he know?"
"I'm very doubtful. Things would have surely blown up by now, if so." He sighed, biting his cheek to relieve stress. "I honestly can't stand the man."
"He is quite boring, isn't he?" Max recalled having tried numerous topics of conversation, and even he couldn't keep things entertaining with Otto. Georg shook his head.
"It's more than that. He's cruel to her. He doesn't treat her as she deserves to be treated. He has no idea what he has. The fact that she chose to spend her life with someone like him…"
"Rather than someone like you? You were very much taken at the time. What else should she have done?"
"That's the part that is killing me. This is my own doing. Had I not been such a coward, then perhaps she wouldn't merely be visiting today." Max smiled, giving his friend a pat upon the shoulder in support.
"And what could possibly happen now? You think turning your anger toward her, like you did today, is going to solve this?" He sighed, his jaw tight with frustration.
"Of course not, I'll need to apologize." He wished he knew what could be done to win her heart at that stage of the game, but he knew there was no way for them anymore. Perhaps there hadn't even been a way for them before, but it hadn't felt quite so hopeless then.
"Then go do it before you miss your chance." Max's words took on a double meaning for him, and he wondered if that was intentional. He shook his head, no time for that, as he stood and made his way toward the schoolroom.
Maria excused herself to the bathroom, as she thought she would surely burst from all the tea she drank before the children arrived. She hurried down the familiar halls to the nearest bathroom, and she was quite relieved to have made it in time. She smiled at how nothing at all had changed in the room, not even the scent of the soap as she washed her hands. She closed her eyes and smiled, allowing herself to go back in time and pretend, just for a moment, that she was still the governess. It was nearly time for lunch, and she would have been preparing to gather the children to wash their hands and make their way to the dining room.
She gasped as she exited the bathroom, two hands taking her upper arms and pushing her back through the open door with no chance of refusal. He had appeared out of nowhere, and she could hardly gather what was happening before she was returned to the room. He closed the door behind them, silence enveloping the bathroom in a cocoon of uncertainty. Her arms felt hot from where he had touched her, skin nearly burning from it.
"What the hell are you doing?" The words left her mouth in anger before she could even begin to catch them. She was frustrated with him for speaking to her the way he had, for being angry when he had no right to be.
"Apologizing."
"Some apology."
"You haven't allowed me to yet." He chuckled a bit, and she crossed her arms over her chest.
"You could save it. I don't need you starting some petty…"
"I'm sorry I proposed to her. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I loved you when I had so many chances." Her head began to spin, her stomach dropping. She certainly didn't need to hear any of his words at the moment, her heart would surely break. "I'm sorry I didn't come and find you long before your wedding day. I'm sorry I…"
"Stop speaking, it's too late. I'm married to somebody else now, and you need to respect that."
…at least she wished that was what happened. She sighed, shaking her head to bring herself back to reality as she submerged her head into her bath water. She let out her breath through her nose, bubbles of air leaving her body as she sank to the bottom of the large tub, her hair floating about her face. She remained as long as she could before her lungs began to beg her for air, and she resurfaced, gasping to allow her body the breath it needed. She rested her head upon the back of the tub as she stared at the ceiling, reflecting on all of her numerous transgressions up until that point.
She had arrived at the villa, had tea with Max and Georg, shared some tense words. He had forced her back into the bathroom to apologize, not for the past, but for taking out his anger on her during tea. They argued a bit more, though she could honestly say she had no memory of the words they exchanged, not in the slightest. All she could remember was the way her body felt as she was lifted onto the bathroom counter, her legs wrapping tightly around his waist as their lips fought through their frustration. She could remember how hot his hands felt as he palmed her breasts, how he groaned when she sank her teeth into his bottom lip, their tongues meeting as their hips moved together, teasing one another through their clothing. She wanted him desperately, and she was fully ready to allow him to have his way with her again, to be made his. She hadn't realized until that moment how truly weak she was to his advances.
He quickly stopped them, apologizing yet again, before hastily leaving her alone in the bathroom to wonder what on earth had happened. She was disheveled, and she swore her heart had never pounded as hard as it was in that moment. Even at the present time, the hot water of her bath surrounding her, she wanted him to consume her. She wanted to rip off his clothes and explore his body with her mouth, to taste his skin. She wanted him to burst through the door and take her right there.
She could not have felt more wicked for her thoughts, for her actions, and she had no idea what she was to do about it all. Never in her life had she desired a man the way she desired him, and it scared her very much. She vowed so many things to her husband on their wedding day, and she had broken many of those vows in just the short time they had been married, nearly three months by that point. She couldn't believe that she, as a woman who was so intent on becoming a nun, had done such awful things in the name of…lust? No, it was more than lust, even though lust was fully what she was feeling in the moment. It was love; she loved Georg in every sense of the word, and she felt sufficiently horrified by that realization.
She shook her head, sighing as the water heated her body. She didn't want to think about the kind of person she had become. Even if she wanted to, her body was not allowing her to think properly. She felt rigid with need, frustratingly turned on from nothing else but the memory of him. His lips were so hot against hers, his hands gripping her in all the right places. She closed her eyes, imagining the sound of him groaning in her ear as she ground her hips against his. Biting her lip, she moved a hand down her body, closing her eyes tightly as she found the growing desire between her legs with her fingertips. She sighed, parting herself with her middle finger and applying the pressure she needed, rubbing circles against her swollen flesh.
"Maria, I'm back." She gasped as her husband knocked quickly upon the bathroom door, water sloshing about as she nearly jumped out of the tub. She brought a hand to her chest to steady her heartbeat, which was completely out of control. "Maria?"
"I'll be right out." She shook her head, pulling the plug on the bath and standing to get out. She grabbed her towel and dried her hair with it the best she could, doing her best to relax and calm her heartbeat. She could not have been more surprised by her husband's sudden return to the hotel. She had expected him to go out for drinks after his meeting, like he had many times since they came to Salzburg.
She dried her skin, wondering what was to become of her marriage. It was not in great shape at the moment, they had both seen to that in their own ways, and she knew they couldn't go on at the same rate. She wasn't sure he had the ability to put his pride aside and acknowledge anything was truly wrong, so she knew she had to be the one to take certain responsibilities into her own hands. She knew she would eventually have to tell him about her transgressions, it was the only way they would find themselves on level ground, even though she knew how much it would hurt him.
She swore quietly to herself, shaking her head as she wrapped her towel around her thrumming body. She knew the things she needed to do, but she was not even close to being ready. There was so much fear of his reaction that she needed ample time to prepare herself for the argument. In her current state, she was not quite equipped to handle much of anything. She wondered when she had become so desperate for another's body, when she had become that kind of a woman. Georg had absolutely and completely corrupted her in every way.
"There you are. I missed you today." She returned her husband's smile as she exited the bathroom, and he quickly stood from his seat upon the edge of the bed to press a gentle kiss to her lips. "You smell gorgeous."
"Just clean, I suppose." He laughed, and she was glad to see a lightness in his eyes. His last meeting must have been a good one, she decided, as she rarely saw him so chipper after a day full of business.
"I was hoping you'd like to stay in tonight. We can order room service." He had never spoken more beautiful words to her, she was certain. As much as she loved being home in Salzburg, she did not feel prepared to spend another evening out.
"I would like nothing more." She smiled brightly in her happiness, and he leaned forward to press another kiss to her lips. His mouth moved gently against hers, and he deepened the kiss after a moment. She felt his hands touch the small of her back as he pulled her closer. He pressed his hips against hers, his fingers beginning to toy with the opening of her towel. She pulled away from their kiss, her heart pounding from the thought of making love to him. It didn't feel right, not with all things considered. "Otto…"
"We haven't made love since we've been here. I miss you." She closed her eyes, his kiss trailing down her neck as she tried to think of a good reason why they couldn't. Of course, there was none in his eyes, and she felt a bit helpless about it.
"I thought we were going to order room service." He gave a small laugh against her skin, pressing kisses to her collarbone. They could easily order their supper afterward, of course. He removed his shirt, having already begun undressing prior to her entrance, and he began working on his pants. His eyes looked into hers with a hunger that she recognized well, and her heart was overwhelmed with guilt. He had every right to want her in that way, he was her husband after all.
He kissed her, his tongue sliding across her bottom lip before he slipped it into her mouth, and she felt herself giving in to return his kiss. It terrified her that she felt nothing when he touched her, when his lips were upon hers, and she had never before realized just how little she was actually attracted to him. She closed her eyes, willing herself to feel something, anything. He didn't deserve for her to feel the way she did, she had simply learned what it felt like to be with a man who could make her body quake with desire, and it was just not going to happen with him. In one swift motion, he dropped her towel to the floor, revealing her naked body to him, and a groan of delight escaped his lips as his hands were immediately all over her.
His touch was a bit rough, his hands squeezing her breasts more than she would have liked, but she touched him in return all the same. Eyes closed, she did everything she could to ignite a flame of passion inside as his hand began to rub between her legs. He pulled away from their kiss and met her eyes in disbelief, and she felt her heart skip a beat with nerves. Could he somehow tell that he wasn't the last man to touch her there?
"You're soaked." She blushed, hating when he was so blunt with his observations, but hating herself even more, for her body's reaction was certainly residual from her thoughts of Georg and the touch of her own hand during her bath.
She tried to respond, but his tongue was immediately in her mouth again, and she hurried to meet his movements. He quickly laid her upon the bed, surprising her by remaining face-to-face as he slipped between her legs; he had always preferred her on her stomach, taking her from behind. It was very rare that he made it a point to look into her eyes in the moment their bodies connected, and she was taken aback. He thrust deeply, and she knew it would at least be quick with how enthusiastic he was already.
She closed her eyes as his lips pressed kisses across her neck, one of his hands gripping her backside, and suddenly she saw a vision of Georg's eyes. Her body pulsated at their connection, and she nearly gasped in surprise as her eyes flew open. She couldn't believe herself, guilt flooding her heart. She hadn't meant to think about him, use him in that way, but she also found that she craved the feeling of peaking once again more than anything in that moment. The thought of her body convulsing and shaking as she came undone was overwhelming, and she wished for it to happen again. She was entirely corrupted, she knew.
Pushing the guilt aside, she closed her eyes again and imagined Georg's hands over her body, the warmth of his stomach flexing against her own as he thrust. She wrapped her legs around his waist, moving her hips with him as he increased their pace. He ran a hand through her hair, kissing her once more before trailing his lips across her cheek, his breath hot in her ear. She imagined Georg's complete abandon as he tasted between her thighs, his tongue parting her and lapping at her with pure enjoyment. Every part of her body was throbbing at the memory as her husband thrust even harder. She remembered how he pressed his fingers against her, causing her body to catch fire.
"Touch me." She whispered, and he stopped moving for only a brief moment, clearly stunned that she said anything at all. Her eyes remained closed as he continued moving. She knew if she opened them, the spell would be broken.
"How so?" She took his hand in hers, moving it to their connection and pressing his thumb against her sensitivity. She bit her lip at the feeling, her body humming in delight. She moved his thumb in circles against her, her own fingers showing him exactly what she needed.
"Like this. Don't stop." Her voice sounded weak, and she imagined the way Georg grasped her hips in his hands, his own moving perfectly along with her. He touched and tasted every single part of her skin, his movement so certain and confident, skilled beyond her wildest dreams.
And then she felt it; the heat inside of her pelvis as he continued to move, the boiling flood of warmth. He moved faster, her body tightening around him as he continued to move his thumb. She gasped, gripping his shoulders in her hands when she felt the explosion inside. Her stomach tightened, and she shivered as he continued to move through his own pleasure. He groaned into her ear as he fell weak, spilling into her as his own movement became difficult. Her eyes remained closed as she took in the moment, her body relaxing against the mattress beneath her as he collapsed on top of her.
"Did you just come?" She opened her eyes, finding Otto to be only inches from her face. He seemed excited, as if he was well aware she hadn't enjoyed their bed in the past, and she nearly rolled her eyes at how pleased he was with himself. If he only knew.
"I…yes…" She answered a bit blankly, embarrassed by the question. It should have been quite obvious, she thought. But it was more than that, it was the way he took pride in it, as if he had suddenly unlocked a secret and won a prize. It wasn't about her in the slightest, it was about what he had done. She didn't mention that he never would have gotten her there on his own, but she only felt guilty at the thought.
They lay next to one another for a moment, silence enveloping the room. She knew what she had done was more than wrong, adding it to her ever growing list for confession. She had become someone she never imagined she would be, and he certainly didn't deserve to be deceived in such a way. He truly thought she had enjoyed being with him, never suspecting how she was lying, and had been lying to him. It crossed her mind in that moment to tell him, get it all out in the open, but she quickly stopped herself. She needed time to process what she had done on her own before she could bring it to him. She did know one thing; she could not continue on the same road of destruction. She would never survive.