She checked her watch as she waited for Georg, wondering where he could possibly be. She arrived at eleven thirty as she promised, but the ever-punctual Captain was nowhere to be found. It was impossible that he was late, and she even went so far as to verify the time with the waiter. She asked to be seated at a table in the back of the cafe, out of sight just in case anyone would care to notice them, and she ordered their drinks while she waited.
Sleep was quite illusive to her the night before, for obvious reasons, she supposed. Her brain had still not been able to accept what happened between her and Otto. It just didn't make sense to her. He had never shown any signs of being violent toward her…at least, when he was sober, she reminded herself. There was the time he had bruised her wrist after a night of drinking, but she was so certain it was only the alcohol to blame at the time. He had never shown himself to be particularly violent.
He did have quite the temper though, she had to admit. But she certainly did too, and she couldn't allow him to take all the blame for their heated argument. He was right, she had been lying to him, and even when she was confronted, she couldn't stop lying. If the tables had been turned, she knew she would have felt just as out of control as he did. His heart was likely quite broken by her behavior, simply because he had never had a reason not to trust her before. There was no excuse for him to hit her, she knew, but she also did understand that she was putting him in a terrible position.
She was putting him in a terrible situation indeed...she found that she barely recognized herself anymore. The woman in the mirror was a complete stranger sometimes. She supposed the real change in her had started when she first arrived to work for the Von Trapp family, it just took her such a long time to notice. When she arrived as their governess she had learned many things about the lives of the upper class that amazed her, but she had also learned a great deal about herself. She learned about life and love, so many different kinds of love that she had never understood until she was faced with seven untrusting children and an arrogant sea captain. And then she learned about heartbreak, and she was certain that was when she began down the slippery slope of making the worst decisions of her entire life.
Looking back, there were so many things she would have done differently. She would have returned to the villa, regardless of what the newspapers said about Georg's engagement, and she would have professed her love to him. She would have found the courage to say all of the things that were in her heart at the time, and perhaps his ring would be the one on her finger instead of Otto's. She frowned, wishing she hadn't come to the realization that she regretted her marriage, but she couldn't lie to herself anymore. She had made a foolish decision due to her own pain and impulsiveness, and she would be paying for it for the rest of her life.
"You're here already? I was so certain we said noon." She smiled as he approached the table, and she offered her hand in greeting.
"I said eleven thirty, and you assumed I would be late. I don't believe I've ever arrived anywhere before you." He laughed as he took her hand, his thumb gently caressing her knuckles. To others it would have appeared to be a normal, respectable greeting, but the contact was enough to set them both ablaze.
"You are absolutely right. It will never happen again." They laughed, and he took a sip of his water, noticing that she had ordered him a glass of wine as well. He met her eyes in gratitude, and she gave him a gentle smile, excited to finally be alone with him after so long. While her entire life felt confusing and messy, his presence always made her feel safe and secure. He was her anchor in so many ways.
"Well, I am starving. What's your favorite here?" She looked over the menu, eyes scanning it for the millionth time, but she was finally able to read the words on the pages. Everything had been a complete blur until he had arrived. When he didn't answer, she looked to him in question. His eyebrows were knitted together as he observed her. "Georg?"
"What happened?" His words came in a whisper, as he did his best to be discreet.
"What do you mean?"
"What is that on your cheek?" She raised her hand to her face, astonished that he noticed a thing. She had spent so much time applying makeup before she arrived, hiding her bruise most effectively, she thought. He could always see through her, as if she were transparent before him.
"…I fell." He scoffed, sitting back to look at her in frustration.
"Bullshit, Maria."
"Shh, not here." His face was red, anger bubbling in his veins. She could nearly see steam coming out of his ears, and her heart raced even faster at the uncertainty of his reaction.
"I'm going to kill him." She took his hand upon the table, stopping him from standing and taking matters into his own hands.
"Stop, please don't." Her eyes looked into his, pleading for him not to react in a public setting. She certainly did not need them to draw attention in any way. The waiter suddenly arrived, and Georg gave him a brief smile through his anger and pointed to his menu.
"We will both have this sandwich, but we would like them wrapped to take with us as quickly as possible, please." The man nodded, hurrying away to put in the order. She sighed, unsure what exactly he was trying to accomplish.
"Yes, because taking food with us won't appear suspicious at all."
"There is no way I will be able to sit here like everything is fine and share small talk with you right now." He took a long drink of his wine, placing the glass in front of her, as he noticed she only had water. She met his eyes in question, and he nodded, before she lifted the glass and finished the wine herself. She supposed she probably did look like she needed a drink.
They didn't speak at all as the waiter quickly brought them their sandwiches and Georg payed the bill. She had never seen food arrive so quickly, and was reminded yet again how powerful he was in Salzburg. Everyone seemed to know who he was and treat him with the utmost respect. She left with him, timidly looking about to be certain she didn't recognize anyone, and she was thankful she didn't. She wasn't intending to be deceitful necessarily, but she knew how it would look to her husband if word got back to him that she was having lunch with Georg, especially after their argument the night before. She had no intention of anything besides lunch with him, but she knew he would never believe her.
He opened the passenger door of his car for her, eyebrows raised expectantly when she hesitated to get in. She only hesitated for a moment, of course, knowing full well that she would follow him anywhere he asked. He quickly pulled the car away from the cafe, needing to get her to a place where she would feel safe to speak openly. He couldn't describe the places his mind was going. The thought of anyone harming her in any way was unthinkable, let alone her own husband. Oh, how he hated that man. He wanted nothing more than to murder him with his bare hands in that very moment.
"Where are we going?" He didn't answer, he simply turned onto a dirt road that he took as a shortcut on his way home from town, certain they would be one of the very few cars to use it at that time of day. He drove off the road a bit and parked beneath a large shade tree before turning off the engine. She felt nervous, knowing he was prepared to do anything in his power to protect her at all costs.
"Please tell me." He turned to face her, and she met his sympathetic eyes as tears began to form in her own. She didn't want to cry, she had cried enough for a lifetime the night before, but she couldn't stop herself. She covered her face with her hands as sobs quickly wracked her body, and he hurried to move across the seat and take her into his arms. She sniffled, attempting to control herself.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't you dare apologize." She nodded, wiping her tears with her fingertips as she tried to calm herself.
"He was angry about yesterday, and we argued. He didn't like the way you and I looked at each other, he said." Georg frowned, not realizing they had looked at one another in any certain way, but it didn't sound unlikely. She was breathtaking, he couldn't keep his eyes off her if he tried.
"Did we look at each other any particular way?"
"He said we looked as though we were undressing one another with our eyes." He pressed a kiss to the side of her head as she took a deep breath to calm herself. His body felt warm against her, his arms so comforting and safe. "He also informed me that he found the letters you wrote me."
"Oh?" She felt him stiffen beneath her cheek, and she pulled away a bit to look at him. He wasn't sure how to respond to that. He wondered many times if she had received his letters, why she had never responded, but it wasn't the time to get into all of that. He never had the courage to ask her.
"I apologize, Georg, I didn't have the heart to read them. I was so afraid of what they would say."
"It's alright, I understand. Did he read them?" His heart beat a bit faster, knowing he had written many things to her that could be seen as incriminating. Those letters were meant for her eyes only.
"No, he said he didn't. And then he insisted that you and I must have had an inappropriate relationship when I was your governess. He called me a liar several times."
"That is preposterous, you're the most honest person I know." She shook her head, sitting up to fully meet his eyes. He could see the bruise upon her face so much more clearly at their close proximity, her makeup washed away from her tears, and he felt his stomach begin to ache at the sight. He wanted nothing more than to take her home with him and never let her go.
"He's right though. In the past week alone, I have cheated on him and lied to his face many times. If he's upset about a possible relationship that would have happened a year ago, I can't imagine if he found out I spent the night with you on this trip." She wiped a stray tear, sighing as she looked forward at a butterfly landing upon the front of the car. Her heart felt helpless.
"So what are we going to do?" She met his eyes once more, searching him for answers that she didn't have. His use of the word 'we' made her smile a bit. No matter how alone she felt, he would always be there for her, whether she felt she deserved his loyalty or not.
"What is there to do? Every option feels so wrong."
"What do you want to do?" She sniffled, shaking her head. She was so tired of lying all the time.
"I want to be with you." His heart broke at her words, knowing it couldn't be that easy. He wished so much that he had made the right decisions with her when he still had the chance.
"You could leave him."
"Divorce? On what grounds?"
"Cruelty, of course." She shook her head, knowing the courts would never grant her a divorce unless he was truly abusive to her many times, among witnesses no doubt. He came from a very distinguished and well-known family in Vienna. They certainly wouldn't believe a woman from the mountains with an unremarkable family name.
"What shape do you think he would leave me in if I asked for a divorce?" Her words were grim, but she couldn't help herself. She had grown up in an abusive household, and she knew what the chances were of things suddenly getting better.
"The thought of him harming you…it is taking every bit of my self-control not to go and find him right now."
"And do what, hit him back? What will that solve?"
"Nothing, of course. It would be for purely selfish reasons." She gave a small laugh, knowing he was quite serious, but loving him for the way he could make her smile. "You could admit to having an affair. Perhaps he would divorce you on grounds of adultery."
"He is so afraid of the world not seeing him as a strong, distinguished, manly kind of man, I can't imagine he would admit it to anyone." He hugged her tighter than before, hoping to pass along whatever comfort he could. "And what would you do if I left him?"
"I would take you home with me and never let you go." She closed her eyes, pulling him closer.
"I have so many regrets."
"No, don't say that." He pulled away to look into her eyes, gently placing a hand to her cheek. "I believe you've told me many times that everything happens for a reason."
"Do I always sound that ridiculous?" He laughed a bit, and she smiled, knowing that he was right. He leaned in slowly, pressing his lips to hers in a delicate kiss. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't have stopped himself if he tried. She certainly didn't try to stop them either, closing her eyes and taking him in her arms as their kiss deepened. He wasn't sure how he could possibly make things better for her, but he did know how to make her feel loved.
His kisses were slow and deep, so sensual as she ran her fingers through his hair. His hands moved to her waist to bring her closer, and she pressed herself against him. Kissing him was heavenly, and she felt she could never quite get enough. If she could spend the rest of her life kissing him, she would do it in a heartbeat. As disappointed as she was in herself for kissing a man who wasn't her husband, she wouldn't have stopped in that moment, even if they burst into flames.
xxxxx
She sat upon the hood of the car as she took a bite of her sandwich. Georg stood beside her, using the car as his table, so to speak. They had spent a long while simply holding one another, kissing and caressing, before her stomach growled loudly enough for him to hear. They shared a laugh and decided to eat their sandwiches, which were quite soggy by then, but they didn't mind at all. She was so thankful that he pushed her to talk, that he insisted on getting her out of the public eye. She wasn't sure what she was thinking as far as going to a cafe with her mind so heavy.
"Georg, I appreciate you very much." She sat her sandwich upon the paper resting on her lap, but she didn't turn to face him. He watched as she looked across the meadow before them, watching a few birds play together. "I want to make sure you know that."
"I do know that, and I feel the same about you." She finally looked at him, and he gave her a gentle smile.
"I've never been able to say this to anyone besides the children…and I know it isn't fair for me to say it now, but I love you." The words were so easy to say to him, as if he were the only person in the world she was meant to say them to. He smiled, afraid to allow himself to feel so deeply, but equally afraid that he would never get another chance to have the conversation with her.
"It isn't fair, to you or to me, but I love you too. With all of my heart and soul." She leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, brightly returning his smile.
"It is quite an unhealthy situation for us all, isn't it?" He laughed, knowing she was lightening the mood, but well aware that she was not joking.
"Yes, we do have quite a mess on our hands." She took another bite of her sandwich, simply pleased to be in his presence. "You will have to speak to him eventually, you know."
"Yes, I know. I pretended I was asleep this morning to avoid it." He placed a hand upon her knee in comfort, and she met his eyes with sadness behind her own. "Honestly, I'm not afraid of him at the moment. He seemed so surprised by himself last night, I don't expect he intended to…"
"Don't make excuses for his behavior." She placed her hand atop his and gave it a gentle squeeze to calm him.
"His behavior is inexcusable. But I am hopeful we can find a more constructive way to share our differences now." He looked to the ground, wanting to say so many things, to stop her from going back to him at all, but it wasn't his place. He certainly couldn't force her to do anything, no matter how badly he wanted to. "Georg, I know what you're thinking."
"You can't possibly." He chuckled, risking a glance to meet her eyes again.
"I do. I know he won't really change. These things do tend to only get worse." He raised his eyebrows, and she gave him a soft smile. "I grew up in a house that was far worse than this. I'm afraid it isn't new to me, just unexpected."
"That breaks my heart, Maria." She shook her head, not intending to upset him further. "If you know it won't get better, then why go back?"
"I can't just leave." She gave a small laugh, and yet she wondered what would happen if she did leave. What could he really do about it? She shook her head at the thought. She had run from her problems too many times in her life by then. "Things will get better. I don't know how just yet, but I know they will. God doesn't give us anything we can't handle."
"God does not intend for a man to hit his wife." She met his eyes, finding him quite serious.
"Yes, I suppose that's also true." She sighed, looking out across the meadow once more, the breeze blowing the grass about in a most calming way. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do next, but she knew she could not allow her life to continue forward as it was.