We were walking downhill, I saw the sky, I've been living here for 2 years, but somehow today, that sky looks prettier. We got inside the diner, the bell rang. Emily was behind the counter, she waved at us. "Welcome back! What do you fancy kids?" Emily asked cheerfully. There wasn't anyone else inside.
"No one's here tonight Emily?" I asked, the old folks usually flock to Emily's after a day of daydrinking. Still early I suppose, it is only 9.
"Not yet, so what'll you two have?" Emily replied.
I looked at the menu taped to the diner's table. I don't really want to eat anything not gonna lie. "I'll take today's soup and some breadsticks," I said. I don't eat that much now that I think about it. "Lily don't make Emily wait, fuck do you want? And it better be enough to last your ass, I'm not waking up in the middle of the night because you got hungry."
"I- uhh... I'll have the spaghetti and meatballs," Lily said. "Thanks,"
"How about drinks?" Emily asked.
"Hot coffee for me," I said.
"Hot chocolate for me!" Lily said.
"Coming right up!" Emily said enthusiastically as she left for the kitchen. I don't know what I'm feeling right now. It felt like an uneasiness that doesn't have a cause. It was sudden. I guess, if I were to describe the feeling, I'd say that it is the feeling that tells you to know your place. What the hell am I feeling? I sighed. I heard loud engine roars outside, I turned my body around and looked outside, and I saw bikers parking their bikes in front of the diner. Bikers do come here sometimes, it's normal, I mean we do live near Mt Hood. Hopefully, they aren't the type that grab the nearest ass they see. Just as Emily came back with our meals, the bikers got in. "Welcome to Anderson travelers! Do make yourself at home," Emily greeted them. There were 3 of them. One of them sat on the stool beside mine and the other two beside him. They were loud.
"Thanks Emily," I said as she poured me a cup of coffee. I took a sip of my coffee and I grabbed my spoon. Bread sticks and mushroom soup. I grabbed breads, or sticks, whatever you call them, and mashed it inside the bowl of mushroom soup. It made a gray sludge that looked unappetizing, but its delicious. Lily looked at me in horror as if I just committed a hate crime against the entire human race.
"Fuck off, I'm not sharing, eat your own damn food," I said as I pulled my bowl closer.
"You know you just made a crime against humanity with the way you're eating your food right?" Lily said, disgusted at the sight of crushed breadsticks in a bowl of mushroom soup.
"Yeah, your sister's a bit weird when it comes to soup," Emily commented as she sat down plates for the bikers. "Who the hell eats like that girl?"
"Other than her, I don't know," Lily replied.
Michigan...
"Be safe," Jordan whispered into Lincoln's ear as she hugged him tight.
"I will," Lincoln replied into her ears. "I'll call you when we get to the airport, alright," Lincoln kissed her.
"Remember to pick up the kids," Lori ordered Bobby, "And make sure Ricardo eat his veggies, and feed the turtles," Lori continued as she hugged Bobby.
"Alright, alright, make sure little sis get back here," Bobby replied as she let go.
"Update us on the latest news about Lily, we'll be back in a week," Lincoln said as he got inside his black 2019 Chevrolet Camaro. Lori got in the passenger's seat and they started driving to Capital Region International Airport. As the stallion's engine roared, the sky brew her tea.
We finished our meals but Lily wanted to stay for a bit. So we sat there. Lily chatting with Emily about something I didn't focus on to know what is. Now that I noticed something, I think I've drank at least 7 cups of coffee tonight. If I don't get any superpowers I am gonna flip. Or a stomach ulcer, that works too.
"Emily, how do you cook so fast?" Lily asked as she took a sip of her hot chocolate. I felt cold. I felt weird. I wanted to join their conversation properly, but I don't know how. I felt left out. It's my fault. I don't want to talk. The people that tolerates me now will hate me when I talk. I don't want to talk. I'll die alone. I don't care.
"I'm just built different honey," Emily replied as she refilled my cup of coffee. "That's the last cup of coffee I'm giving you tonight, you look like a dead ghost,"
"I don't even want to ask what that is," I replied as I took a sip. The bikers beside us are still loud. They ordered so much food. I finished my cup of coffee. Emily shook her head, she's not giving me anymore. I sighed. "I'm gonna have a smoke, here," I opened my wallet and paid for the food. Emily took the cash and gave half of it to Lily. "Why are you giving that to her?" I asked, confused.
"It's my money, I do whatever the hell I want with it," Emily replied.
"Just don't sue me," I sighed as I got out. I sat on the bench outside and I took out a rollie from my container. A moke this time. I sat it on my lips and I lit it up. Fucking hell. Why am I sad now? This is supposed to make me happy, I thought as I took it out of my mouth. Maybe I just smoked it wrong. I sat it back on my mouth and I took a long puff. I coughed. Fuck. What the hell is wrong with this shit? I feel sadder. Fuck. I could feel tears flowing down my face. God damn it. I took another puff. It's getting worse. It's unbearable, I put the light off and I threw it back in the container. My vision turned blurry, fuck am I crying? I got up. I looked through the glass door and I saw Lily still talking to Emily. I can't let her see me like this. Fuck. I walked to the back of the diner where the darkness is the norm, and I sat down with my back to the diner's brick wall. Fucking damn it. What the fuck is wrong with this shit? Fuck. Fuck. For a moment I really thought that it was the blunt's problem, turns out it was mine. I cried, I felt that loneliness. What the fuck is wrong with me? I really want to join them talking. I really want to be a part of the family again, even if it's just Lily, I really want to be with my family. Fuck. I'm selfish. I'm frustrated with myself. Fuck. I fucking hate myself.
"Luna, you're a bad person, you don't deserve to be happy." I told myself, but why does it hurt so much, I've been like this for years already, what the fuck is wrong now? "Luna, just accept the fact, you're a pathetic cunt, you don't deserve to be happy." I said again. I took out the half smoked rollies and I sat it all on my palm. 3 of them, full tobacco, moke, and a kush. I lit all three of them up and I sat it in my mouth. Fuck it, I don't care what kind of effect smoking three things at once, and I don't care how it looks like. It didn't take long. It only took for all the ashes to fall on my hand. I flinched. I got up fast. I felt dizzy. Fucking hell. Am I high right now? No, I've built enough resistance to it I can walk straight. I'm probably just pathetic. I looked through the window. Lily's still talking to Emily. I feel really annoyed. I want to go home. I want to go back to Michigan, I want to go back. But I can't. I feel sad. I feel angry. But I can't show it now. I need to sleep before I snap. What the fuck is wrong with me? I got back in the diner, and I saw that the bikers were still there.
Lily turned her head, and she saw me. Her face turned from joyful, to worried in a second. "Luna you alright?" Lily asked. Why is she worried? She barely know me.
"Yeah, I'm fine, just smoked some weed," I said. My head felt so dizzy. "I'll just sleep it off, let's go home," I said. I don't want to have a breakdown in Emily's diner. I'm pathetic enough already.
"Alright, come on you dumb piece of shit," Lily replied pulling me up. She sighed.
"Bye Lily, bye Luna!" Emily waved at us. We walked uphill. I could feel the dizziness fucking me up. I don't have time for this. Lily saw the way I'm walking, so she pulled me to her side and help support me walk. I'm so fucking pathetic.
"Fuck, you're heavy," Lily blurted as she caught my arm. "For a big sister, you're more pathetic than me," Lily said nonchalantly, "you smell like crap too." Lily continued.
"Fuck you," I laughed slow. But it is true. "Hey Lily,"
"Yeah?" Lily asked.
"I'm sorry for leaving you guys," I blurted out. I'm not high, I'm just dizzy. Maybe I am high. But I'm still lucid. I know what I'm doing, but I don't know why I'm doing it. "I'm sorry," Fuck it. I don't care anymore. "I don't expect you to forgive me for leaving you guys like that, I really don't. I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry for what I did. I know the opinion from a deadbeat sister like me doesn't worth much, but yeah... I just wanted you to know."
Lily sighed. "Shut the fuck up Luna, you're heavy," Lily sniffled. I guess the night sky looked down on us that night, because I know I teared up.