CHAPTER 9: A BOUNDARY

"I was expecting this call." Elliot Grey rolled his eyes, watching his brother sitting in his office. Christian was the guest in Elliot's office but you wouldn't be able to tell that from the way he was sitting. He was leaning back, his leg over his thigh with an angry expression on his face. He had a way of being the boss even when he wasn't. "She immediately ran and cried to you, didn't she?" He snorted.

"She didn't tell me anything. I figured it was either something you said or you and Kate fought next to her."

"We fought because of her." He sighed, remembering the horrible fight they had when they came back home from the Greys'. Kate had been sleeping in the guest room and not talking to him.

"Tell me what happened. Now." Elliot considered not telling him, but only telling Christian what happened in their parents' house would make him look like an asshole.

"Look, Elena and I bumped each other somewhere last week. I was taking my lunch. She came to say hi and I invited her to eat together. She told me about how Anastasia was isolating you from your friends and how your contract gave her nearly a million dollars. You and her used to be thick as thieves, I remember she used to visit you in Harvard when she went to Linc's Cambridge office. She told me you are not even answering her or your other friends' calls now. Is it true that you are not even allowed to date until she gets pregnant and gives birth? It's very unfair if you ask me. What if you meet someone? I'm not as naive as our parents, I know she wasn't your first. But Christian, can't you see how she's manipulating you? I'm not even going to talk about how this child would look in the eyes of a potential partner. You are going to look like an asshole and you are going to lose your chance at love." He watched as his brother's face filled with rage the more he talked, that was probably why Elena advised him to talk directly with Anastasia, Christian had a temper. But he couldn't keep his mouth shut like that, besides he doubted Ana would ever be alone with him.

"What friends?"

"What?"

"Did Elena tell you which friends I am not talking to anymore?" Elliot talked about it for a minute. He didn't know any of Christian's friends, not really but he thought Elena was in contact with them.

"No, she just said that you are isolated from the world and-"

"This is not news. I didn't even come to Sunday brunches regularly until I met Anastasia. Didn't you realize that? When did I ever make friends? I don't have friends and Elena certainly is not one of them."

"Why? You guys used to be so close and that close in the agreement about not dating-"

"Elliot, I don't date, I fuck." That made Elliot's mouth shut in surprise. "I wanted Anastasia to move in because I'm a control freak and she's a lonely young woman with nobody to take care of her. I wanted to make sure she and the baby would be okay so I wanted her to live with me during pregnancy. She didn't want to see me fucking others so we added this closure. This was all my idea. And this contract was made in privacy, I'll be having a few words with my lawyers to figure out how she learned what was written. That closure goes both ways, by the way, Anastasia also can't date. Am I isolating her, too?!"

"Nobody will want to bang a pregnant chick anyway, it's not a choice on her part." Christian squeezed his hands tightly, he was so close to just saying fuck it and attack his brother.

"Stop talking about her like this. This is a warning." He looked deep into his brother's eyes to make sure they understood each other.

"Anastasia didn't ask for anything. Being her donor was my idea. Offering her support and housing was my idea."

"She probably tricked you for this! I'm sure she came to you to talk or just to cry, didn't she? She kept coming to the brunches, even after you guys broke up. Who does that? The more I thought about it, the more sense it made! She set her eyes on you long before that. She's trying to trick you and trap you with this baby!" Elliot was almost shouting, desperate to make someone see the logic in his thoughts. Kate didn't understand, his father said he understood but he defended Anastasia, too. "She's just a gold digger!"

Christian closed his eyes and tried to count to ten, telling himself that Elliot wasn't used to Elena's venomous words and advice. She had a way of saying the most irrational things in a most common sense way that made you question your ideas. And Elliot only knew her as a family friend and a friend of Christian, he had no reason to suspect something else. But Elliot Grey was a fucking grown man. He should've gotten a hold of his psyche.

"Anastasia didn't know you'd meet Kate, did she?" He asked, as calmly as he could while a part of him goaded him to just jump and beat him to a pulp for talking about her that way. He didn't wait for a reply and continued: "If she's a gold digger, she should've done her best to get as much as she could from Kate, right? They knew each other for years, and Kavanaghs are filthy rich, compared to Anastasia." Elliot was frowning, Kate said something similar a few days ago but he thought it was because she was blinded by Ana.

"And did she ever take advantage?" He shook his head, thinking hard. Anastasia always did her best to keep material stuff balanced. If he paid for their drinks, she cooked them an elaborate dinner. If he picked them up one time, she picked places within walking distance for their meeting. It was something Kate hinted, a lot of times, that Anastasia tried to "pay back" by acts of service and how horrible it was to get her to accept something expensive as a gift.

"When we were... together, she was adamant that any gift I got her was "on loan" and she gave me back everything, phone, laptop, car after she left me. Did you know that Mom and Dad offered to pay for her to get pregnant and Mom wanted to pay for the pregnancy too? Anastasia refused."

"I want to give her the world, mainly because she'd never ask for anything. I gave her a black Amex, to use. Want to know how much she spent?" He watched as Elliot's face fell. Good, he thought. He deserved to feel guilty as hell for even thinking about those things, let alone telling them to Anastasia. "Literally zero dollars. She insists on using her savings because she's not pregnant yet. She thinks she doesn't deserve it. She's the last person on earth who could do something out of greed."

"She used to think the world of you, you know. She said that she was going through a very difficult time after our break up and you had been god sent. She used to look up to you and was very happy that you were excited to be an uncle. I can't believe you could think those things about a soul as pure as she is." He stood up, towering over Elliot, still fuming with anger. "She's a very festive person and she was very excited to celebrate Christmas with us. Thanks for ruining that. Don't try to talk to her or me until you are ready to make her forgive you."

He left his brother shell-shocked and left for work.

"I don't understand why are you so mad at Elliot, Christian." Flynn was listening to him rant and punch pillows for the past hour. But then again, that was the general theme of his emergency sessions with Christian Grey.

"What?!"

"He knows what Elena told him."

"He's a fucking grown man! He has his own mind. He's a husband for God's sake. And he knows Anastasia!"

"Hm. I remember you telling me that you can't be possibly in love with Anastasia simply because Elena told you that love wasn't for you."

"That's different. Elena knows me better than anyone."

"So what she told Elliot is correct? Anastasia is a manipulative gold digger and she's isolating you?"

"Of course not! Haven't you been listening?!"

"I am. I think you are not aware that Elena is telling the same things in essence, to you and your brother. But you think she's right in what she says to you but wrong in what she says to Elliot. How is that logical?"

"Ugh!" He took a pillow from the couch and shouted into it. His shouting and punching walls had been a constant issue in the past years, he switched to pillows to stop paying neighbors hush money and repairs of the office. "I hate you," Flynn smirked.

"Christian, you were right going there and talking to your brother. And from what you told me, you handled it perfectly. You even stopped yourself from calling and shouting at Ana for not telling you by scheduling an emergency session. You should be proud of yourself for those things, I know I am."

"I barely stopped myself because she's pregnant. She shouldn't be stressed and upset. But I still want to shout at her."

"That's fine. I'm sure there had been some days when she wanted to shout at you, too." He pulled the pillow from his face and looked at Flynn. Taking a seat and smirking.

"I'm sure she did. She doesn't have a submissive bone in her body. I'm sure I annoy her a lot."

"We didn't talk about your actual news, though. The baby. I want to congratulate but you are not exactly a father so I'll refrain. How do you feel about it?"

"Relieved and worried."

"Why?"

"Relieved, because every negative test made Anastasia cry and go to her shell. I'm relieved that she finally got what she wanted. Worried, because do you know what an awful thing a pregnancy is?! I started reading some books. Did you know that some women lose their teeth? Because babies are calcium vampires. Some have permanent bladder issues after birth, they can never hold their pee. It's disgusting. Her body is full of chaos of hormones, what if something goes wrong? Do you know how many diseases babies can born with? Thousands! And a huge chunk of them are not being diagnosed during pregnancy so-"

"Christian, stop. You are going to drive yourself to a frenzy. Take a few deep breaths. Yes. I understand this worry, and yes, you are not wrong. Pregnancies are relatively safer than they used to be before, but still, a lot of things can go wrong. But you can't spend 9 months like this."

"Why do women want this? I don't understand! You should've seen Anastasia when she learned her condition. She was devastated. I don't understand why."

"I don't know about others, but for my wife and I, both pregnancies were wanted because of the result. Nobody wants to carry a tiny human and sacrifice their body for them but they want the result, they want the baby."

"Why?"

"Being a father is the best thing that's happened to me. But you don't want to be one, so I'm not sure any of my explanations would make sense, Christian." He sighed and leaned back. He was feeling lost and confused, and he didn't like that at all.

"Were you able to think about what we talked about last time?" Flynn reminded him gently. "Now that she's pregnant, you should draw your borders clearly. Both for you and her. We know that Anastasia loves you and you don't love her. So unclear borders might hurt her in the long run."

"I don't know, okay? She's pregnant for the first time and I'm going to live with a pregnant woman for the first time. I don't know what am I okay with."

"But you should, Christian." He said disapprovingly. "Do you want to go to her appointments? To hear and see the baby? Do you want her to come to you in excitement when she feels the first kick? Do you want to be awakened in the middle of the night with crazy cravings? Baby showers? Shopping for baby clothes? Do you want to be present at the birth?" Christian's face was pale, he didn't know whether he wanted all those things or not.

"I... I don't have to, right? I mean, these are the things that fathers do, not donors. I shouldn't do them?"

"Normal donors don't make babies by having sex and they surely don't live with the women. So I don't think generalization applies here. You should think about what you want. And you should decide, soon, Christian. I can't imagine how upsetting and confusing it would be for Anastasia if you, let's say wanted to be present in ultrasounds but didn't want to go shopping with her. You should be clear about your boundaries and talk to her about these things soon."

"I don't know. They don't seem like awful things and I'd prefer if she didn't be alone. So should say yes to all?"

"She's going to be alone with the baby, though." He added. "She won't live with you after birth. So she's going to get out of the hospital alone, she'll nurse her baby alone, she'll wake up at night feedings alone, she's going to hear the baby's first words alone. She's going to be a single mom and I'm sure that she already knows these things. So don't do the other stuff because you feel bad for her. She's probably prepared for them mentally and frankly, she won't be your responsibility by then. She's not even your responsibility now. You take care of her because you want to." A deep silence fell into the room. Christian's heart was beating in his chest. Flynn had always been like this, he would take his deepest fears and darkest thoughts and put them on the table. He didn't know what to do but he didn't want to confuse Anastasia either.

"I think then, it's better if I'm not involved. I don't want her to get attached to me being there. You are right, she's going to be alone so maybe it's better if she gets used to it now. I'll try to talk to her after the new Year." He absent-mindedly got up, thanked John, and went back to Grey House.

John Flynn sighed, Christian had this stupid ability to take things completely the opposite way he intended to. He could see that he had been smitten with Anastasia since he first started talking about her. He could see how the lust and interest fell down in the list in his head, how he suffered through a heartbreak- even though he refused to call it so. He saw how excited he was about the positive pregnancy test in the last session. Sometimes he just wanted to slap him and tell him to get his head out of his ass.

New Year came and passed with excitement and happiness for Anastasia. She caved and told her father about the baby. She heard Ray cry for the first time in her life, of course, that made her cry, too. Elliot Grey appeared on their doorstep on New Year's Eve, after hearing that they wouldn't be attending the small party in the Grey Mansion. He was very upset and agitated, he kept apologizing but refusing to tell her where he got these ideas either. She told him that she accepted his apology, to not cause another drama in the family but both of them knew that she didn't forgive him. Kate started to spend a lot of time with her in Christian's apartment, and for that, she wasn't as kind as Ana, she couldn't forgive and forget Elliot's actions. "Even if you were the horrible person he thought, he should've been more considerate purely because I asked him to. This just showed me that he doesn't care about what I think." Kate explained. And Anastasia couldn't find fault in her words so she just kept quiet.

Christian told her that he wanted to talk and lead her into his study one day. She was curious but he didn't look sad, just resigned, so she didn't think it was bad.

"Anastasia, Flynn advised me to talk to you about our expectations and boundaries during your pregnancy." She smiled, understanding what the talk was about. Merida also had been bugging her to have this talk but she felt like their boundaries should be drawn by Christian so she kept quiet. She was prepared, and yet she still felt her heart break as he explained that he didn't want to take the partner role, the father role. He wasn't going to go to the appointments or anything, unless his presence was requested by the doctor. He didn't want to get any news other than that things were going as they were supposed to be. Of course, she was always welcome to ask his assistance about anything but he didn't want it to be their routine. He wasn't going to be in the birth and after some deep thinking, he also didn't want the baby to carry his last name.

"I think that would be very confusing for the child. To be a Grey, to come and go to Grey mansion, to see my parents and siblings and yet not meet me." She nodded. She already expected all those things and talked to Merida in detail. Still, the young woman in her ached to hear how desperately he was in love with her and wanted to be the father of her child. She felt her chest ache but she managed to keep a neutral smile on her face as she listened to him.

"Thank you, for initiating this talk. Merida also suggested that we drove these lines before my pregnancy progressed. I'm glad we know what we expect from each other. I understand all your points and of course, I accept them. But I want to raise a few concerns, too." He nodded, his frown deep. He was expecting a more dramatic response. Maybe some convincing to be more involved. Of course, he wasn't going to cave in, but he was expecting more resistance. Her calm demeanor bothered him.

"I don't want us to act like a couple in public either. I felt very bad that you stayed home with me in New Year's instead of celebrating with your parents. You don't owe me anything and I don't want to feel like we have to move as a unit. That doesn't mean that we can't eat or watch stuff together etc. but I think setting boundaries for this is also a must." He was dumbfounded. He enjoyed spending time with her, and he wasn't as comfortable as he is with Anastasia when it come to human touch. He craved it, even if it was to just feel her small hands running through his hair. Now she wanted to live like fucking roommates?

"This has nothing to do with you being pregnant. Why is it necessary? There are places I want to take you. Your Christmas present is sailing classes, did you forget? You can't take them without me?!"

"It has nothing to do with the baby but everything to do with me, Christian." She said kindly, she could see that he was getting mad and she didn't want that at all. And she needed to protect her heart. "The baby and I are a unit now. We are a package deal, from now on and until I cease to exist. You can't pick and choose which side of me you want or not."

"What about sex?!" He raised his voice, he felt so outraged that he could feel his hands shaking.

"Of course, we won't be having sex anymore. That was to make a baby and we did."

"That's just fucking great." She jumped when he pushed his chair suddenly and stood up, walking around angrily. "You are being unreasonable. We can keep going as we are now! You are happy, I am happy. Why are you trying to make it harder?" She felt a surge of sadness and compassion in her chest, for the confused and angry man in front of her. She wished that he wasn't so stubborn to accept that even he, the great Christian Grey needed people.

"You are being unreasonable. Do you expect me to hide my tummy when I'm sitting on your lap watching the next Marvel movie? How can I go and do everything by myself during the day and come home and let you fuck me and go back to my room? I'm not a submissive, Christian. This is not enough for me." He snorted angrily.

"Nothing is ever enough for you, is it?" She sat straighter in her chair. Taken aback.

"What do you mean?"

"What did you expect?! That we were going to play house and I'm going to be the father of the year until the baby is here? How would that work?" She was getting angry, too. He was the one who didn't want that stuff. Now why he was acting like he was being depraved of it?

"I'm not expecting anything more from you, Christian." She stood up, her hands in fists. "You gave me a baby and the means to take care of it. And I'll be grateful for that for the rest of my life. But you have another thing coming if you think that I'll pay you back with my body. I'm not a fucking whore and I'll never be." Her thinking that he wanted a payback shocked him, but not enough to make him hold his tongue.

"Oh really? I thought you liked being my whore and getting tied up and-" His head suddenly turned to left, a sting in his right cheek. He was so shocked that he couldn't process that she slapped him for a moment. She looked at him with disappointment and rage, her blue eyes almost dark as night, her face furious. She didn't utter a word as she turned her back and ran out of his study, leaving him standing there in shock.

"I don't know what to say..." He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. It was never a good sign that he left John Flynn speechless. He was sitting in the living room, and talking to him. It took him a good ten minutes to get over the fact that sweet, quiet Anastasia slapped him. It was good to know that she had a strong right arm but his cheek stinged so much so it wasn't a joy. The more he thought about how he behaved, the more he felt ashamed.

"I don't know what came over me. I just got so mad at her. I wanted to hurt her. I didn't mean what I said, I never saw her as a whore. I just expected more resistance and I felt enraged when she took it one step ahead. Do you think she said it to get back at me?"

"How?"

"Like... If you are not going to be with me during the pregnancy, I'll be a stranger to you."

"I don't think that's the case, Christian. I think it says a lot, the fact that she was also thinking about boundaries but she didn't come and talk to you. She left the ball in your court."

"I don't want us to stop spending time with each other! This is ridicoulous!"

"No, it's not. She's right, you are thinking of the pregnancy and Ana as two different things when you say that you want one but not the other. But it's simply impossible."

"She's being unreasonable."

"Why are you so agitated? You planned to insist on your conditions if she didn't accept them, didn't you? Why are you so upset that she accepted them?"

"I don't know."

"I think you do."

"I don't." Silence. "I said, I don't know." More silence.

"BECAUSE SHE SAID SHE LOVES ME! OKAY?! She said she loved me and if she loved me, she'd want to spend as much time with me as she could. But she's acting like it's not such a big deal!"

"Maybe she doesn't love you anymore." Came the quiet voice, halting the racing thoughts in Christian's head.

"What?!"

"People can fall out of love, Christian. You told her you don't love her and basically that you don't want her unless she's your submissive. You've been apart, for how long? 8 months?"

"7."

"Hm hm. Don't you think it's enough time to get over someone?"

"She's not over me. She immediately accepted my offer."

"She was going to go to a sperm bank."

"She can't." He whispered. He didn't know what to do with this new possibility. He counted on her love. "She's the most loyal person I know. She wouldn't say she loved me without meaning it."

"It doesn't mean that she lied. But 7 months is a long enough time to accept that someone doesn't love you. Unless you do?"

"I don't. I don't have a heart. I can't love anyone."

"You love your siblings, your parents..."

"It's not the same. I'm incapable of love. I'm a sadist."

"Really? So it's something you can turn on and off?"

"What?"

"You told me you didn't touch another woman since you broke up with Anastasia. And that you don't miss the scenes. Is sadism something you can turn off easily like that?"

"Stop. This is not about me."

"Christian, correct me if I'm wrong but I get the feeling that you wanted to be convinced to be a part of the pregnancy, didn't you?" He kept quiet. "You didn't want to say it like that, because it doesn't fit into your whole 'I'm a horrible monster and I don't have a heart' rhetoric but you expected her to convince you. She was supposed to be sad, crying, and lonely and you were going to sweep in, be the hero, the martyr, and be there for her. Am I right?" More silence. "It's okay to love people, Christian. It's okay to want to be a part of their lives."

"That'll be all, thank you." He didn't wait for his reply as he hung up the phone. He felt a horrible ache in his chest, and he rubbed. Was he a stranger to himself? He wasn't the strong, capable man in his mind? He was this manipulative, weak, emotional creature? He didn't want to be there during the pregnancy, did he? He was horrified with what happened to a woman's body during pregnancy, he shouldn't want to see Anastasia like that. But you know she'll be gorgeous either way. No. It's better to keep the lines straight. Black from white. His fucked-up-ness shouldn't sweep into her sweet nature.

He felt very ashamed then, looking at the state he drove her to. Anastasia was kind, she was light. She'd never hit someone normally. He insulted her, he made fun. He made her so mad that she acted out of her nature. God forbid what he could do to her child. He should stay away, yes, that was the better option for both of them. Well, three of them.

AN: If Christian makes you want to rip your hair out, or spank him, know that you are not alone! I was annoyed even as I was writing this chapter but he needs to learn to feel things, anger, happiness, sadness to recognize love. Right now he doesn't allow himself to feel anything. Give him time, ok?
As always, your reviews are appreciated and loved! Thank you!