Rating: T for occasional language

Summary: Set in early season 5 when Harm was out flying. This story gives Harm a different (better!) reason for changing his designator than the show provided. And may just open the way for him to find his happily ever after – with a little trouble along the way, of course.

Disclaimer: JAG was created by Donald P. Bellisario and is owned in whole or in part by Belisarius Productions and Paramount Network Television (CBS Studios). This is a work of fiction playing with the characters that I have loved for more than twenty years – I make no money from this and no copyright infringement or disrespect is intended.

Letters Home: Doin' It Their Way

By: visions2share (a.k.a. Vi)

Monday, June 7, 1999

U.S.S. Patrick Henry

Mediterranean Sea

Mac!

I spent twelve hours flying and every single second I spent thinking about how soon I'd be able to see if you'd written back.

OF COURSE I am still one hundred percent interested in building a future with you! You are already the best friend I have ever, could ever, have! There is nothing, NOTHING, you could tell me that would scare me away. I hope the same is true for you. I don't have a great track record in relationships either. I didn't have a girlfriend in high school – I had a lot of one-off dates to various dances more often being the one asked out rather than the one doing the asking. There was a girl or two who hung around a little longer but they were more interested in benefitting from my generous allowance than in me personally. It was well known around La Jolla that Frank had money and Mom was something of a socialite and those girls wanted an admission into that world. And I used their desire for that to satiate my rampaging teenage hormones.

I suppose the first real girlfriend I had was Diane, if girlfriend means both companionship and sex. I've mentioned before that you and Diane are complete opposites personality wise but I don't think I ever really explained. Diane took nothing in life seriously – not the Academy, not the Navy, and not our so called relationship. I was fascinated by her because she was always so incredibly carefree and I couldn't remember ever being anything but focused and serious. I didn't love her – I feel bad admitting that since she's dead but it's true and I'm positive she always knew that. She liked to take me home to her folks – her father was a dedicated naval officer and he was the only thing, the only person, I ever saw her take seriously. As a cadet I was the studious picture-perfect image of a future naval officer and gentleman. Every time she brought me home, her mother wanted to discuss wedding plans and her father wanted to discuss where we should put in to be stationed that we could serve together. I can hear you thinking that wedding talk would have made me run all the way back to the safety of the Academy – and it would have if I'd thought there was a chance in hell Diane was interested. As it was, going to see her folks gave me a good excuse to limit my time home with Mom. Then I'd spend the rest of break on the farm with Gran. I guess I'll never know for sure but, when she called that last time to arrange our weekend away to talk about the future, I assumed she was just looking to use me to put her parents off again.

There were other women over the years in different ports of call but none who were more than bed buddies. Then there was Kate – she was my training partner at JAG – she, like Diane, was a good time girl not looking for anything more. I was lucky that for the time we worked together, and those few times we met up since, we were able to interact as friends. She's the last person I was with that you don't know.

The two you witnessed, Annie and Jordan, were my first attempts at mature relationships but were both still mistakes although for different reasons. Annie is easier to explain: I wanted to play a bigger part in Josh's life and Annie pushed for a relationship between us. I knew it was a bad idea even as I fell in line with her plans. Jordan was a response to something I didn't want to think about too closely at the time. I knew I was falling for you but also knew nothing could come of it at the time. I dated Jordan because I was afraid if I didn't find someone to date I'd take to following you around like a pathetic lost puppy. I used her as a distraction and as a result it never could have lasted. When I got my eyes fixed and decided to come back to flying she told me she'd started dating a lawyer and wasn't willing to date a fighter pilot so if I changed my designator it would be the end of us. I was so relieved not to have to be the bad guy because I knew that getting out of JAG was my opportunity to take the chance of asking you out and I had to get her out of the way first. Writing that makes me feel like a monster. Am I?

All these explanations to say I don't know how to have a normal relationship either – but who says we have to do it the same way as everyone else? What if we just declare ourselves a couple and take this opportunity to talk about every single little thing – most importantly about how we see our life together and what we want, expect, and need from a life partner. Then, when I get home, we can go on that date – out last ever first date. I really think if we can be open, honest, and vulnerable with each other we can build something amazing that will stand the test of time.

What do you think, Marine? Are you up for the challenge?

Hugs,

Harm

P.S. You didn't say if you let Bugme in or if you reported the sgt. Take good care of yourself; you're special to me.

Monday, June 7, 1999

Defense Justice Head Quarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Harm!

Yes! Yes! A million times yes! I was worried about doing this right but I think your plan to allow us to be a couple in our own way is perfect! I like the idea of declaring ourselves a couple and then finding our way forward together. I think it might be fun to play 20 questions – focusing on what we each want in a romantic partner and from the future. Would you be open to including something like that in our e-mails?

I did not let Brumby in when he showed up. I lied and told him I'd already eaten and had several things I needed to do around my place. He argued and tried to convince me. I had to repeat myself a couple of times – just as I was about to get rude my phone rang. I told him that it must be the long distance call I was expecting – then I shoved the door closed and locked it. Had to put my weight behind it too because he was edging his way in and was fully in the doorway. I was borderline worried he was going to try to push his way in – but looking back on it I don't think he was, I think he was just trying to charm me into changing my mind. It was – he was annoying – but in the end it worked out alright. I do, however, owe my neighbor Mrs. Gerkin across the hall in 412 a thank you. She heard me trying to get rid of him and called just to give me the excuse to shut the door in his face. It was very nice of her to bother. Brumby tried to talk to me twice already today about making plans for the weekend. Since we have to work together I don't want to have to be rude but I wish he'd take a hint.

I did, I think you'll be pleased to know, look up the proper form and file it re. Sgt. Gaffney's behavior. I don't think the admiral has seen it yet as I expect to get called in when he does. I wasn't going to request co-council but I guess it wouldn't hurt to have a witness. Although if the admiral tries to stick me with Bugme I think I'll go it alone instead.

I assumed that we are just declaring ourselves a couple to ourselves … or did you want to make an announcement. That seems awkward to me – as does the spelling of the word 'awkward'.

Miss you,

Mac

Author's Note: Wishing everyone a good start to the week! Thanks for reading! ~Vi