CHAPTER 12: A RELIEF

Christian Grey slept the whole day away. When he woke up and saw his dark bedroom, he first assumed that he slept a few hours and it was still the same day. But the thirst he felt, the way his throat hurt and his whole body ached made him suspect that he slept much longer than he thought. He got out of the bed, and stretched, his muscles protesting. He felt so hungry, his stomach clenched. He scrubbed his face and was looking at his reflection in the mirror when he heard Anastasia calling his name. He took a deep breath and prepared himself mentally for a fight, surely, she would rip him a new one for the way he acted yesterday. He cried like a baby for God's sake. She entered the bathroom, leaning to the door frame and watching him.

"Hello. How do you feel?"

"Hello. Thirsty and hungry." She smiled gently, her eyes searching his face.

"You slept more than 20 hours." His eyebrows raised, he didn't remember sleeping that much, ever. "I assumed you would be hungry, Gail made your favorite, mac and cheese. Come." She held out her hand. His eyes switched between her hand and her face, why did she look so soft and unbothered? Maybe she wanted him in a good physical state before shouting at him. He took her hand and let her lead him to the kitchen table, where Gail was setting two plates down. She smiled at him in relief.

"Hello, sir. Are you okay? We were worried for you." His frown deepened. Why was she here? He told her not to come back until he called her. "How's your feet?" He looked down involuntarily and saw both of his feet were bandaged. His throat hurt more than his feet, but they still stung when he walked.

"I'm good. Thank you, Gail." He sat down and watched as Gail squeezed Anastasia's shoulder in support before getting out of their sight. He immediately poured himself water from the pitcher on the table and drank two big glasses before Anastasia stopped his hand.

"You didn't eat anything, you're gonna get sick if you drink water this fast." He threw her an annoyed look. He wasn't buying this nice act. He felt guilty then, she wasn't manipulative like that, where did these stupid thoughts come from? The moment he put the fork into his mouth, he started eating, there were no more thoughts inside his head other than food.

Anastasia watched him with an amused expression on her face. He wasn't eating well before, and after sleeping 20 hours straight, being famished was expected. He devoured pretty much the whole casserole, except for the one plate Ana managed to get herself. A part of her felt good, watching him eat but she was also worried at the "on the edge" face he put on. He acted like he was waiting for her to pounce on him. It was unsettling.

He finished the last plate and bent down over the table, groaning. His hands were holding his stomach tightly.

"I ate too much too fast." He groaned again. She felt bad for him but it was better than not eating so she didn't comment and waited for him to feel better, occasionally offering him water. He leaned back after 10 minutes.

"Better?" He nodded, watching her with the same guarded expression from the moment she found him in the bathroom. She sighed, she expected to have some quiet time before diving into deep stuff but Mr. Grey had other ideas.

"Do you want to sit down and talk?"

"We can talk here." She rolled her eyes.

"I'm pregnant, these hard bar stools are hardly comfortable." She stood up and walked to the sofa in the living room. "Not that these are any better." She mumbled. Christian's loft wasn't designed for comfort, it was designed to look refined and scream "rich".

"Let's start with what happened yesterday." She said quietly when he followed her and sat down to the puff across her. He was watching her carefully. "Would you like to tell me what happened to cause you to break down like that?" He rubbed his face, he knew that he was going to sound like an asshole.

"I asked Sawyer for an update. Sometimes I ask your security, just to know if everything is okay with you. They don't report your every movement to me, don't worry. It's usually a small text, all is well or something like that. Today- I guess yesterday-" He rubbed his face and leaned down, effectively blocking her view of his face. He was ashamed. "Yesterday he sent me a photo. You were looking at baby clothes with Kate. You were happy and so beautiful. I just- I got mad."

"At me?"

"You, myself. Baby. I didn't want to see you, but I also craved to see you. I hated having you around, I hated missing you. I can't eat, I can't sleep and I was feeling very bad physically already. Seeing the photo just pushed me to the edge."

"Why you didn't tell me about your worries about the baby before?" She asked.

"I'm not worried, not exactly. On an intellectual level, I know that sadism and other stuff I do are not inherited. I know. But I keep having nightmares. Sometimes I kill you and the baby. Sometimes he's grown up and he hits you. Sometimes he begs me not to hurt him. No matter what I do, I couldn't escape those dreams and I guess eventually I started to believe them." He put his hands down and looked at her finally, full of shame. Tears were spilling down her face, a painful expression on her face. He hated hurting her. He tried to reassure her. "You don't need to worry, it's not hereditary. I checked. Your baby-"

"Christian!" She exclaimed, reaching and holding his shaking hand in hers. "I told you yesterday. You are not a sadist. You wouldn't hurt a child, or anyone else. I'm not worried about my baby turning out like you, I'd be very happy to see them like you. I told you yesterday, I meant it." Her voice was so strong and so sincere, he looked down in shame again, remembering the things she said about her baby and him. He closed his eyes, it was difficult to believe that she meant what she said. But what would she gain by lying to him? "I wish you told me before. Before you felt this bad. We could've talked. I hate seeing you in pain like this."

"I called your parents here yesterday." She did? He couldn't remember seeing them after the nurse came to stitch his feet. "After you fell asleep." He watched as a guilty expression filled her face. What did she have to be guilty about?

"Why?"

"I told them about Elena." He looked at her in confusion, surely, she didn't mean what he understood? "They needed to know. You asked me to help you yesterday, and I will. They will, too. But we can't do it while we still keep this huge part of you hiding. Not from your family." He was quiet for a few moments.

"Do you feel better now?"

"What?"

"I treated you awfully, I don't deny that. But telling my parents my secrets for revenge was... I don't know, Anastasia. Was it worth it? Do you feel better now?" She felt anger rising inside her.

"I didn't tell your family to get revenge. I told them because you need help." He chuckled without any humor and looked at her with gray, stormy eyes.

"And them hating me will make me better?" Anastasia could barely keep her tears at bay. He had such a twisted outlook on himself and his family that he thought they hated him. That she hates him?

"They don't hate you, Christian. Of course, they were upset and shocked at first, as expected. But I spoke with Grace today, this morning. She told me to tell you that they love you very much and they will be with you in every step of this journey. You might not believe me-"

"OF COURSE I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!" He roared, making her jump. "Elena is one of my mother's best friends! What good will come from making them hate each other?! You did this for revenge, to make yourself feel better. Why? Because I asked for you when I broke down? I PROMISE IT WON'T HAPPEN EVER AGAIN!" She didn't interrupt, she just watched him shout and shout. She expected this, Christian was a control freak and his first response was always to shout or hit something when he felt out of control. Understanding his motives didn't erase her hurt, though.

"Of course, your mother would feel bad. As she should. I told her, too. They let you sweep your problems under the rug because it made them feel better about themselves. Your mother is trained to recognize the signs of abuse on children and yet she didn't see hers getting abused. She needs to learn to accept her part, too."

"WHAT THE FUCK!" He shouted again. "How dare you?! It wasn't my mother's fault!"

"Whose fault was it, then?" Her calm demeanor was driving him even crazier.

"Nobody's! I had a lot of issues and Elena taught me a way to control myself! She was what I needed at the time! Stop twisting our relationship into something it's not! I wasn't a child, I was 15! I chose to be with her."

"Hm." She watched as he kept walking around in the living room in anger. "Grace told me how you used to hide in your closet when they first brought you home. You used to hide food in napkins under your pillows. And you had very strong night terrors. Is it right?"

"Yes. I have a fucked up childhood, so what?!" She nodded.

"And in those dreams, you were yourself, right? You saw yourself getting beaten up and abused?" She didn't wait for an answer. "But somehow along the way, you stopped relating to the little boy that was hurt by bad people and started to relate to the bad people. Why? And when?" He still looked mad but she could see that he was thinking about it from the deep frown between his eyebrows. "Why do you think you don't see yourself getting beaten up by my child in your dreams? Or me beating you? Why do you think that you placed yourself in your mother's pimp's shoes instead?" It hurt her heart to see him wrap his arms around himself, probably in an attempt to comfort himself.

"It's not like that..." His voice was low, unconvincing.

"It's exactly like that, Christian. She made you think of yourself as the pimp, the abuser. You were a victim. You were a child." He closed his eyes tightly, he didn't want to listen to her anymore. She got up and stood up next to him, holding his hand again.

"We can do this the easy way, or hard way. The easy way would be for you to take a look at the booklets Taylor brought, from different facilities. You need something extensive and quick, to give a headstart. You can take them to your parents and decide together where. After that, you can go and admit yourself. After the period ends, you'll move into the house next to mine while you find a new therapist. Don't say you have Flynn, he obviously isn't helping anymore. You need someone new." Strangely, he wasn't horrified at the suggestion of a facility. He wasn't doing well for the last month. Hell, he wasn't doing well for years. He was just scared to admit it. A part of him was enjoying this Anastasia, taking charge and giving orders left and right. He decided to tease her a little, he frowned, trying to look angry.

"And what is the hard way?" She sighed. She was hoping that it wouldn't come to this.

"The hard way is that I'll go to the police and tell them you attacked me yesterday. Jean was there with me when Luke said you wanted me so she'll be my witness. Taylor has the videos, the way you destroyed your apartment and threw stuff around. It wouldn't be so hard to convince them that you were already violent before I arrived. Your father agreed that he'll refuse to be your lawyer and Ros agreed that she'll deny you from using the legal office of GEH. They'll all say that you've been unhinged lately. The best case scenario you could hope for would be the court-mandated therapy. Is that really what you want?"He almost dropped his mouth open in shock. She thought this through and judging from the angry glint in her eyes, she was dead serious. She'd taken him to court. Maybe he should've been scared, but instead, he felt proud of her, and he was a little bit aroused. He smiled and pulled her into his arms, squeezing.

"I was joking. You are right, I need this. I'm sure Taylor already had found the best facilities. I'll pick one." He felt her relaxed, her body slumped into his. "I'm still mad at you about talking to my parents. You had no right. But I have to admit, I feel a little bit relaxed, too. Now that they know me fully, I'll have no illusions."

"Christian, they love you. And they support you." He squeezed his eyes shut.

"And I still don't agree with your theory about Elena. You don't understand the state I was in. But that's fine. I'm sure I can explain to my parents, at least my dad."

"I stopped going to your parent's house because of her, Christian. Your mother showed the sonograms of my baby to her. I threw up the second I heard this and I had nightmares, too, in which Elena groomed my baby, too. I'm telling you now if anyone from your family has any contact with that moment, they won't see my baby, ever." He sighed. She was being overdramatic, was it the hormones? It wasn't like Elena touched every minor she could get her hands on. Their relationship was an exception. But she had full control over the baby so he wasn't going to argue.

"Okay, I'll tell them." She nodded.

"And tell me, why am I moving?"

"You need to be close to me. I don't trust you enough to fall into bad habits but I also don't trust my libido to live with you." Libido? His curiosity peaked, he bent over and spoke directly to her ear, feeling her shiver.

"Are you suggesting that I'll seduce you, Miss Steele?"

"I'm suggesting that I'm a pregnant woman whose hormones are making her super horny and I won't promise to keep my hands to myself." He went to press his hard-on to her but immediately pulled back when he felt her stomach. It felt weird.

"Do you need... help?" He lowered his voice on purpose, enjoying this seductive banter.

"No thanks, Bob and I do just fine." He pulled back immediately, a spike of jealousy shining in his eyes.

"Who the fuck is Bob?!" She giggled, looking at him with shining eyes.

"Battery Operated Boyfriend." He rolled his eyes and told her to shut her smart mouth, making her smile brighter. She reached out and caressed his face.

"You're going to be okay, I promise. I won't let you sweep your issues under the rug."

"What if they can't fix me?" He hated being this vulnerable but when she was so gentle, and so soft and so kind, he couldn't help but admit his deepest fears.

"Nobody can fix us but ourselves." He smiled, he heard the same thing a thousand times from Flynn. But somehow, seeing how she "fixed" herself gave him courage. He remembered the first time he told her that she needed to fix her self-esteem issues. Now she stood strong, beautiful, and self-assured. Ready to take on the world.

"I'm proud of the woman you are." Her eyes filled with tears again but she smiled.

"Thank you. And you are worrying necessarily about my baby turning out to be a man like you. Because I'm having a daughter." He was very surprised, for some reason, he always imagined her baby to be a boy. A girl? A tiny girl with her hair and eyes would be very beautiful, though. He smiled.

"Congratulations. How do you feel about that?"

"Happy. But also worried." She frowned.

"Why?"

"This is a very cruel world. But more so to women. I hope I can protect her." Her arms caressed her belly protectively. He nodded, he understood her fears. He felt the same about Mia. He made a silent vow to talk to Taylor about increasing her security. It couldn't hurt.

His talk with his parents went totally the opposite of what he'd have thought. Everyone was kind, apologetic, and full of support. He watched his siblings cry and tell him how they didn't support him the right way but they wanted to start. His mother apologized for not seeing the signs she was trained to see. His father admitted that Anastasia was probably right, it felt easier to ignore his issues when he made a luxurious life for himself. He noticed, shockingly how right she was. His family loved him. They didn't judge the BDSM part of his life, they asked questions to understand. He felt uncomfortable, hearing them constantly say "abuse", like Anastasia did. They were wrong, it wasn't abuse, he was willing, he didn't say no. But no matter how much he tried to explain, his mother shot back. He ended up swallowing his words and just listening, trying to enjoy hearing he was loved.

He accepted his mother's insistence and stayed for the night. As he lay down in his bed, feeling lighter than he ever did, he typed her an e-mail.

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Thank You.

Date: April 4, 2024 21:20 EST

To: Anastasia Steele

Anastasia,

Thank you, you were right.

We decided on the one in New Hampshire, I'll be admitting myself tomorrow. They have a strict no contact with anyone outside policy but I'll be able to call and write. I know you feel like expressing yourself better when you write, I'll be happy to read your lovely words on paper, if you'd like.

I know I was very ungrateful, I'm sorry. I appreciate having you by my side.

Thank you.

I'll see you in 6 weeks. Focus on your health and well-being, please. Don't worry too much about me.

Laters

-Christian Grey, CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

AN: Hello!

Thank you guys so much for the ongoing support, It's one of my favorite things to do, to go and read the long reviews about your thoughts and reactions. Thank you!

The next chapter will be a quick recap of Christian's 6 weeks, I don't want to make this part longer than it is. I hope you won't have any reservations about that.

Any suggestions after that?