Rating: T for occasional language
Summary: Set in early season 5 when Harm was out flying. This story gives Harm a different (better!) reason for changing his designator than the show provided. And may just open the way for him to find his happily ever after – with a little trouble along the way, of course.
Disclaimer: JAG was created by Donald P. Bellisario and is owned in whole or in part by Belisarius Productions and Paramount Network Television (CBS Studios). This is a work of fiction playing with the characters that I have loved for more than twenty years – I make no money from this and no copyright infringement or disrespect is intended.
Letters Home: Doin' It Their Way
By: visions2share (a.k.a. Vi)
Friday, June 11, 1999
U.S.S. Patrick Henry
Mediterranean Sea
Mac,
I'm so sorry you haven't heard back from me sooner. As you know sometimes the internet usage on a ship is restricted to official business only. We had one of those situations over the last twenty-four hours or so. I don't know if you were/are annoyed or worried or angry or some combination of all three – and I don't know what I can say to make it better. What I can say is that it may well happen again and there is nothing I can do to change that, unfortunately. I hope we can take this extra complication in stride and find a way to be okay with it between us. Please just know that if you don't hear from me when planned, I am thinking of you and loving you, and whatever I'm doing (likely sitting in my stateroom staring at my laptop waiting for the internet to work again) – even if that's flying, I'd rather be with you!
How'd the Drake appeal come out? I seem to remember that your case was strong for the original prosecution – what grounds are they trying to use to appeal?
Since I wasn't flying the last twelve hours but rather waiting for internet access to resume, I spent some time getting acquainted with my shipboard supplemental duties – I'm serving as the air wing's legal officer. Usually, an air wing's legal officer is someone who has taken a few classes on filling out forms necessary for wills etc. in the Navy not an actual lawyer. The officer would guide others through any necessary form and then submit those forms to the shipboard JAG to complete the official instrument. There were a few to do but I just drew them up myself – the shipboard JAG is a lt jg on his first assignment out of law school. I've seen him several times as he briefs the air wing on the constantly evolving rules of engagement. He has his hands full.
I've mentioned before that the briefings are hard to sit through as the pilots are all so eager for excitement they mouth off at the JAG and are rowdy – the JAG isn't helping the situation as he seems determined to talk down to the pilots and lecture us like he's a law professor and we are freshman considering law adjacent careers but without the LSAT scores to get into law school. I hate to say it but the situation has got to give or something bad will happen. I don't want to be disrespectful to the CAG but either Captain Weston is going to have to take a firmer hand with his pilots or shake some sense into the JAG lt. I don't want to overstep my bounds – after all I'm just a pilot now not the senior attorney at JAG HQ anymore – but I'm considering e-mailing Chegwidden. Maybe I should try to council the JAG myself first? I'm not sure which is the smaller step: the counseling or an unofficial e-mail to AJ? What do you think I should do?
Anyway … I'm glad you'll have Bud with you on the Gaffney thing. What did the admiral have to say about that situation?
I think you said, and didn't say, exactly the right thing when asked about the roses. I've been thinking about your conversation with Brumby you related and I wonder if the "strangest look" he gave you was because he thought you were making up a new guy to make him jealous. I, obviously, don't know if this is the case but it is a possible explanation for his behavior. Although, if true, it just proves how little he knows you as you and I both know you aren't the kind of woman who would pull a stunt like that. If he doubles down on his attention, he either thinks I'm fictitious or is insanely competitive. Either way seems awfully disrespectful to me – or maybe manipulative – to blatantly continue to pursue a woman who is patently uninterested just seems wrong to me. Of course, this is all just speculative he may take the hint and back off in a gentlemanly manner. I hope for your sake he surprises me and backs off.
I cannot count all the times – probably can't even remember all the times – I wanted to hold you and couldn't. Sometimes I couldn't because you or I were seeing someone else or we just weren't together yet. Sometimes it was timing – like while watching Bud and Harriet say their vows. And many times, it was because we were in uniform and on duty. I know that when a man tells a woman he longs to hold her she thinks he's using that as a euphemism for sex – and that is likely often a correct assumption. I will freely admit I have often fantasized about the two of us together in that way. But I can honestly say that even more often I've dreamt of hugging you – of holding you to me when one of us has had a bad day and needs consoling, or when we've had a good day, or just a happy moment and want to celebrate. When you stand behind your desk and stare out your window in deep thought I ALWAYS crave to come up behind you, put my arms around you and pull you back against my chest and just hold you there forever. Shall I risk telling you something that might frighten you as too much too soon? I guess I will but, please, if this is too much too soon – or some other version of the wrong thing to say – please be honest and tell me. Please! Here it is: at the party (reception?) after little AJ's baptism when I came over to talk to you while you were holding him, I had the strongest desire to step up behind you and wrap both of you up in my arms so I could pretend, even if only for a moment, that you were both mine and we were a family. Does that scare you?
I'll build off my confession for my question – where do you see our relationship in five years? In ten? I see a future for us that encompasses the whole rest of my life. Do you see that too?
All my love,
Harm
P.S. As long as I have internet, I'll be on at 1400 Saturday for our IM date! I'm excited!
Friday, June 11, 1999
Defense Justice Head Quarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Harm,
I'm really relieved to hear from you! When I didn't have an e-mail from you by lunch recess I was concerned and checked on the status of the carrier and then I was worried. I shouldn't admit to checking the status since I had no official reason to do so – so don't tell on me. Okay?
I was worried that something had happened or would happen and that you were in even more danger than normal. I am so relieved you are alright. I hope you'll tell me right away if you are ever not alright. I'd hate to hear about a scare through orders out for an investigation. You know I'm not fond of surprises even when they're positive – when it's bad I hate being surprised even more.
Drake is trying to have his case reheard in a civilian court. His civilian attorney is arguing that the military is unjustly harsh in the sentencing of crimes involving bribery charges. It didn't fly – obviously. I thought Cpt. Seabring was very controlled to not laugh out loud – I know I struggled not to.
I gave Bud a copy of the Gaffney file to review, then Monday, right after the staff meeting, we're heading to the brig at Quantico for another interview. I didn't warn Bud specifically about the Sgt – but there is a copy of the 729 form in the file. I'm hoping that he'll be able to be more impartial without my history with the sgt and Farrow getting in the way.
Brumby is definitely not gentlemanly enough to back off. Or maybe he's just too stupid to take the hint. He sent me flowers today – had them delivered just as everybody came back from lunch so the most people would see them. Although, to be fair, that may have just been a coincidence. At first, I thought maybe they were from you before I saw them – when it was just the new Gunny telling me I had another floral delivery. I knew as soon as I saw it that it wasn't from you. It was huge – the kind of thing at a big formal wedding or funeral. Or remember those center pieces at the Bahamian embassy last year? They were so big they hung over the plates and we couldn't see over, around, or through them to the people on the other side of the table. Like that. Hideously ostentatious – and a million different shades of pink. It was garish. The card read, "More interesting than roses. More appreciated by noses. Mic." They were smelly and in a cheap plastic basket. I carried them in and set them on his desk card and all. He's in court this afternoon so he hasn't seen it there yet.
I would have been grateful to have you hold me any of those times. I've never been in a relationship before where I could see years into the future. Even when I was married to Chris, I knew it couldn't last – although that was because, in my sober and honest moments, I thought neither of us would live years into the future. But, I have seen a future with you from almost the very beginning – even if that future involved nothing more than friendship. There are times when I can't quite remember what my life was like before I met you – I know the facts, but there is a disconnect that I don't try to bridge because I don't want to go back to a time without you – even in my mind.
No, your confession doesn't scare me. I often look at the picture of the two of us and little AJ from the baptism and pretend that's my life – that's our family – that we are married and celebrating the birth of our first child. Or even second or third child. Now whose scared?
When I fell off the wagon last year after Dalton was murdered – the biggest regret, biggest worry, I faced was that I'd lost your respect. Lost the best, truest friend I'd ever had. Would ever have. You have an amazing ability to make every day brighter just by being my friend. Since we've been together my whole world seems to sparkle – even when we're so far apart. I can't even imagine how it will feel to be together and together! I hope your deployment schedule sticks and you're home before Thanksgiving! It's so far away but the idea is still so exciting!
My question: in the future you see, how many kids do we have?
Love,
Mac
P.S. Talk to you 1400 tomorrow!
Author's Note: Thanks for sticking with the story! ~Vi