Chapter 3 - Birth time

Over the next 4 months I grow quickly. My small size in the start of my pregnancy is quickly made up. You can tell I'm 8 months pregnant with twins now, even if I struggle to believe it myself sometimes. I spend most of my time with Ben trying to solve callings. I make it my main focus so I don't have to think about anything else.

Frustratingly I am not having many callings of my own and the only calling I am having I can't quite work out.

I became quick friends with a passenger called Polly, she is also pregnant, about 2/3 weeks behind me. Her boyfriend, and the father of her baby, became a janitor in the compound when we were detained. She is just as scared to become a mother as I am. Polly has a similar personality to Zeke. She never fails to make me laugh. It's comforting to have her even if I get a pang of sadness every time I see her with Jordan.

Zeke visits me in the glow every few days. He is starting to fade, to go back to the cave. I've begged him over and over to stay with me, I can tell he's trying but I'm afraid he won't be able to hold on until the birth.

"Mick!" Polly comes rushing into my room, waking me up, "there's something wrong." Her hands are pressed protectively to her swollen belly and a pained look is spread across her face.

"What is it?" I ask sitting up, something that has become progressively harder, I look at my alarm clock its 3:30 in the morning. I feel one of my babies give a sharp kick to my ribs and rub my hand over my belly.

"I don't know." Polly admits, "I think its the baby."

Just as she says that an alarm sounds through the compound, "The compound is on lockdown." Speaks a robotic voice through the loud speakers, "I repeat the compound is on lockdown. No one is to leave or move from the room they are currently in." This could not have come at a worse time.

Polly looks at me with fear. I'm scared too but know better than to show it.

"It's alright." I say to her, "come sit down. What are you feeling?"

She sits on the bed next to me, "its like the Braxton Hicks Saanvi said I was having but worse, way worse."

"Do you think you're having contractions?" This had to be the worst time for her to go into labour. Not only was she 6 weeks early, the compound was on lockdown for some reason.

"I don't know." She started crying, "I fell over last night. I thought it was fine, I fell on my side not my stomach. What if i've hurt my baby?"

"Its alright. You'll be alright." As she starts hyperventilating I say, "smell the roses, blow out the candles." This has become my mantra to help me calm down when I loose control of my emotions. It's a miracle what a few deep breaths can do for you. I can hear Zeke's voice in my head calming my down when I say or think these words.

She calms down slightly, "I need Jordan." She cries, "i need Saanvi."

"Stay here." I tell her struggling to my feet, "I'll see what's going on, what we can do."

I leave my room and go straight to Ben's. It's empty.

There are a group of passengers standing against our fence shouting at the guards on the other side, demanding answers.

I see Ben at the outskirts of this group and pull him away, "I think Polly has gone into labour." I tell him, "We need Saanvi."

"She's not here." Ben shook his head, "she was pulled out last night to go to the medical room and she hasn't returned."

I swore, we need a doctor, "What about Jordan?" I try. There is a chance he was in our quarters when we were locked down.

Ben shook his head. "There aren't any staff this side of the fence." He says.

"Right." I nod getting into a game plan, "try and get Saanvi here. I'm going back to Polly, she's in my room."

I rush back to Polly, she's doubled over in pain now. She is standing in the middle of the room with a puddle of water below her.

"I'm sorry Michaela. I felt a pain and I stood up and then all this just came out." She points to the puddle of the floor.

"Don't worry about that." I shake my head and lead her back to my bed, "Lie down. It looks like you are having this baby." I try to smile. She doesn't need to know how worried I am.

"I can't!" She panics, "Its too early."

"I don't think we can stop her now!" I try to joke.

Polly's labour seems to be developing quickly. Her contracts are coming fast and strong.

Ben appears in the door way. I look at him. He shakes his head. He wasn't able to get Saanvi.

"Ok." I nod at him, "get us towels and water." I tell him.

"That might be a problem." He admits, "the issue seems to be with the water. I don't know if its just our section but its all coming out as blood."

"Just do your best?" I ask him, I can't deal with water turning to blood right now, I need to focus on Polly.

"Jordan!" Polly calls out, "Where's Jordan?"

I take her hand and squeeze, "I don't know. No one is allowed to move. Ben will try and get him to you. Just focus on you and your baby. You can do this. You're going to have a baby!" I was trying to stay positive. Truthfully I was terrified to be delivering her baby. Secretly I hoped that my experience wasn't going to be like this.

Her labour went fast. Soon she screamed and shouted, "I think I need to push."

"Push when you need to." I told her going to catch the baby. I wanted to sound like I knew what I was doing.

I caught the baby as it was born. I lifted her up expecting her to cry. She didn't. I started rubbing her begging her to cry.

Panic coursed through me with every second she didn't move or make a noise. Just when I think she might not cry she let out a scream, "Thank god," I breathed under my breath, I didn't want Polly to know I was worried, "here's your mummy." I said to the baby, placing her on her mother's chest.

I went to sit beside Polly, "You did it!" I smile at her, "She's here!"

"I can't believe I just did that!" Polly smiles as she holds her daughter close.

I spend the next hour with Polly and the baby. I help her deliver the placenta and clean up. I sit with her as she breastfeeds for the first time. I hold her baby. She is so small and so delicate, it's hard to believe she is real. It's even harder to believe that in the next few weeks I will have two of my own.

Eventually Ben comes rushing in with Jordan behind him.

"Jordan!" Polly grins when she sees him. I stand up to give him my spot next to her.

"I'm so sorry baby." Jordan says, "I should have been here. I tried everything I could. I'm not suppose to be here but I managed to slip in."

"Its ok." She pulled him in for a kiss, "meet your daughter." She hands him the baby.

"She's perfect." He grins down at the baby, "are we still going with Chloe?"

Polly nods.

My stomach drops. I can't help but think of Zeke when they say her name is Chloe. I think of everything he's going to miss. I know if Zeke was here right now he'd be panicking about being a father. I know he'd be the best father. I also know he would panic that what happened with Chloe could happen to one of our babies.

"I'll give you some privacy." I say going to leave.

"No." Polly says, "this is your room. We should leave."

I shake my head at her and leave.

First I go to take a shower. Then I remember that there is no water. Still wanting a minute to myself to gather my thoughts I head to that bathroom anyway.

I stand there for a long time. Soon it is going to be my turn to have my babies. Saanvi has warned me that twins often come early and I only have just under 4 weeks until my due date. I was suppose to have my babies before Polly had Chloe.

Then I am drawn to think of baby Chloe. She was so small and perfect. The name Chloe created such an emotional response in me. So many of Zeke's struggles come from what happened with Chloe. I had thought about naming our daughter Chloe but had eventually decided against it. Our daughter is going to be Eve Priscilla Landon, after Evie and Zeke's mum. I know Zeke's mum was important to him.

I start to cry thinking about all the things I have to do by myself. I had to name our babies alone. Zeke and I never talked baby names. Babies weren't a discussion we ever had. We decided early on we didn't want any. Now standing here 8 months pregnant with twins that decision feels alien to me. It's funny how quickly life can change.

I am going to go through birth alone. I'm going to do the newborn feeds for two babies by myself. I won't have anyone to wake up with me. Then as they grow I'll have to raise them alone. The thought terrifies me and I do my best not to dwell on it. I promise myself in that moment that I will do everything I can to keep Zeke's memory alive for our children.

Sorry this chapter is a bit shorter but it felt like the right place to end it before i went into the next chapter