As Sara slowly drifted back to consciousness, she knew something has shifted. Brass's hand was still holding hers, and she knew he probably hadn't left her side since she was able to sign that she wanted him to stay. But contrary to what she had tried to tell them earlier - she knows without seeing him, hearing him or feeling him, that Grissom is there. Someone had dragged him back.
She so desperately wished she could have managed more than a simple yes or no. She wanted to tell them to leave him be and let him be at peace in the middle of the ocean. Let him go and live out his life without having to face the woman responsible for the loss of his child. He deserved the freedom he so desperately seemed to want and need.
But someone, and she suspected it was Catherine, had made him come back and face a problem that shouldn't be his. He had made it clear he wanted to be free of his obligation to her and perhaps she should have changed her medical power of attorney... but she just didn't know who else could take that role. She had hoped with the mass of paperwork she had signed that every possibility was covered. But who was she kidding, even if that was the case, the team was so attached to the idea of her and Grissom together forever that even if there was no reason to bring him home, someone would have suggested it.
And she briefly wondered who had even found him, because she knew that tracking him down and getting ahold of him was tricky at the best of times, even when he wasn't avoiding her.
Brass squeezed her hand gently, and she realised that her other hand was also being held. The grasp was warm and familiar and despite everything she still found a great deal of comfort in it. Feeling his hand gently stroke her cheek somehow made the pain less. She tried to focus as hard as she could on any sounds around her, but while she knew he was speaking to her she couldn't make out the words. Still, his voice made her feel safe. Should she try to reach out and let him know she could hear him? Perhaps she should. She knew that she wanted to do something, anything, so he would know she knew he was there. But she was still scared to face him, and instead just quietly reveled in how he made her feel.
It was Catherine's voice that surprised her. Sara hadn't even known she was there. She struggled to make out the words but her mind couldn't focus on them. Without realising it, her efforts to bring her mind into focus were what alerted them to her slow return to consciousness. She could hear quick movements and excited voices. Brass squeezed her hand, and she felt Grissom's hand cup her cheek. She was shocked when she felt his lips press gently to her forehead. Grissom gently held her free hand in his left, and brought it to his right hand so she could feel his fingers. As he gently guided her hand over his, she recognised that he was signing the first sign she had learned - a raised thumb, index finger and pinkie. He was telling her that he loved her. Her lips lifted up into a brief smile and there was no misunderstanding the gasp and cheer from the people in her room. Opening her eyes was still too difficult but she was able to squeeze both Brass and Grissom's hands before falling back asleep.
All the anxiety Grissom had felt about his return vanished when he saw the very brief smile flicker across Sara's face. He was so focused on her that he was oblivious to Brass and Catherine exchanging a look behind him, and Catherine's nod to Brass along with the "see, told you" she whispered.
For the first time since Sara had been brought to hospital, Brass felt a weight lift off his shoulders. One look at Grissom told him he still loved Sara more than anyone else in the world. Sara's brief smile told him that she was relieved he was home.
"I think that's my cue to leave. I need to go home. Shower, you know." Brass said as he got up from the cot beside Sara's bed. "I'll be back tomorrow to check on her. And you've got my number if you need anything." He told Grissom.
"Thank you, for everything." Grissom told him, tearing his eyes away from Sara to look at his friend. "I can't thank you enough."
"Yeah, well. She needed me." Brass said, shrugging. He leaned down to Sara's ear. "I'll be back tomorrow. You rest well and wake up for us, ok?" and then he left.
Catherine gestured for Grissom to take the cot, and she sat down in the chair he vacated. They sat in comfortable silence for several minutes before Catherine spoke.
"So. You've got a lot of explaining to do." She told Grissom, gesturing for him to say something.
"I know. And a lot of apologies as well." He acknowledged what she had said. "There is no justification... I just wanted her to be happy. And I thought she would be happier without me." He said simply.
"Well that's stupid." Catherine replied immediately. "If you wanted her to be happy, you should have come home! Not talk to a lawyer and send her papers for a divorce."
"It was... complicated." Grissom told her. "She wanted more than just a career and a husband." He paused, letting his words sink in. After a minute, a look of understanding hit Catherine's face.
"She wanted kids?" She asked, surprised. "And what, you didn't?"
"We tried." Grissom explained. "But then... I thought maybe I was the problem. I was too old." Catherine raised an eyebrow at his admission.
"Yeah, right. Men can father children well into their 90s Grissom. You know that."
"Yes. But there are risks involved. And I thought, perhaps, Sara would be better finding someone younger who could be a better father."
"That's stupid, too. Sara loves you, she always has. And from what I've heard she's been miserable as all hell the past few months. Did you even talk to her about this?" Grissom looked down.
"No." He said quietly. "I should have. I know that. I just... I didn't know how."
4 months earlier
Grissom had called Sara the moment his phone had reception again, excited to hear her voice. They were wrapping things up early and he would be home in just two weeks. As soon as they ended their call, he would phone the airline to book his tickets. His call was unanswered but moments later, an unfamiliar number was calling him and he quickly answered.
"Hello, Dr. Grissom?" The voice asked.
"Yes, that's me." he answered, confused. The voice was vaguely familiar but he couldn't place it.
"This is Dr. Winters. I'm Sara's obstetrician. She asked me to call you." His insides clenched and he felt lightheaded. He knew the colour had drained from his face.
"Oh God, no, is Sara ok?" He asked breathlessly.
"Sara came in a few days ago in premature labour. I'm so sorry, Dr. Grissom but the baby's heart had already stopped." Tears welled up in his eyes as he sank to the ground.
"Is Sara ok?" He asked again.
"Physically, Sara is fine. She has been discharged after staying with us for just over 24 hours." She reassured him. "I am sorry Dr. Grissom. I wish we could have done something but sometimes these things just happen. There was no obvious reason that we know of as to why the heart stopped. Sara agreed to have testing done but it came back inconclusive."
"And what happens with our baby?" Grissom asked.
"Sara asked for her to be cremated. Her remains will be returned to Sara as soon as possible." She explained gently.
"Her? It was a girl?"
"Yes. A beautiful little girl. We had a photographer come and take photos of her for you. I believe Sara was planning to send them to you. But she asked that I be the one to tell you what happened. I don't think she's ready to talk about it yet but she has been referred to a grief counselor and we can provide you with a referral as well if you like."
"OK. Thank you, for taking care of Sara." Grissom managed to say. "I'll... I'll call her again soon."
"Please let me know if there's anything else you need." The doctor told him. Grissom hung up the phone and retreated to the room he was staying in for the night. He sent a short message to his supervisor to tell him that Sara had lost the baby and requested 48 hours of leave, then turned off his phone and cried harder than he could remember crying in his adult life.