I won't bore you with the details. Despite my rambling, you know Koby, and he had a pretty big ordeal with the Alvida Pirates. BUT, for the sake of human sanity, let's skip the long-winded explanation and get to the part where I get out of this rickety ol' barrel, huh?
I bust out of the barrel, screaming with elated joy as the worn-out bucket of tetanus-riddled bolts burst into more pieces than I could count. My feet land firm on the ground, and I can say with full confidence that–
"I'M FINALLY OUT OF THERE! WRITER, IF YOU EVER PULL SOME UNDERHANDED SHIT LIKE THAT AGAIN, I'LL MAKE MY GRAMPS DIE A HAPPY MAN, YOU HEAR ME!?"
—well, that too, but also, despite the crew invading the ship being sad sacks of miserable shit that happen to call themselves pirates, I wouldn't rather be anywhere else.
…
Annnnnd now everyone's looking at me like I'm insane. In their defense, they wouldn't be wrong to make that assumption. Maybe it was because I mentioned the Writer? Or maybe it was the yelling? Maybe it was a bit of both, with an extra dash of me bursting out of the barrel like a life-sized Jack-in-the-box… or barrel.
…
…
These guys are still looking at me. Didn't anyone ever at least tell them it was rude to stare?
Oh, and there's Koby.
…
…Huh.
It's a bit weird. I knew the kid looked dorky—trust me when I say the pink hair adds to it a lot— but now that I've seen him for myself, there was an extra layer to it that made it a bit more… complex? Unnatural?
Like I said, it's weird.
"Speak up, boy! Don't you know that we're vicious, brutal pirates?!"
Huh? That guy was talking?
Oh well, it must not have been important. Besides, none of them are Koby, so it didn't matter anyway. And vicious ? The only thing "vicious" about either of them was the smell of alcohol and B.O. they assaulted my nostrils with. Seriously, when was the last time they took a bath?
My eyes felt raw from the pure stench of booze on their tongues. I didn't, and after this horrifying terrorist attack on my faceholes, did I want to know how Alvida ran her crew, but if this was anything to go by, she's clearly not doing a good job.
"Huh? What did you say?"
Most of you may or may not have known this little tidbit, but I, as of ten days ago, am officially 17 years old. This means that I am, as per the laws set by the World Government, still a kid (Not that they care, but still). When you find yourself in my line of work, you'll also find that this can be advantageous (Not every time. No money-back guarantees, though.)
"Don't act dumb, kid! We'll make you pay for that!" They say, holding their swords to my face in an attempt to scare me. They have obviously never met my grandpa.
I give them a bored look, which makes them even angrier for some reason. They raise their swords high, swinging with a fierceness I can compare only to a quarter of the normal human limit. Maybe they felt bad, or maybe they were drunk. Didn't matter. Swords are swords.
Unsurprisingly, they each looked shocked when I dodged the hits by simply stepping back. With both lodged in the ground, I give them both a sharp kick—although it's more like stepping on them—and split them in two. Now, I have no shame in admitting the unhinged jaws were a pleasant sight. I know it's a bad habit, but people just can't help it around me.
I'm the best.
"I've seen bigger and larger from frailer," I say, trying to sound as serious as possible. Now it's my turn to do the intimidating. Y'know, school these shitheads on who the real alpha male was.
Heh. Never thought I'd ever say that.
"You–" was the only thing I could get out before they finally caved in. Without so much as a second thought, they high-tailed it like a pair of hyperactive kids.
Now that was upsetting. All that practicing, and I couldn't even put it to good use!
Ah well, the class of Intimidation 101 takes all shapes and sizes, and as long as I'm on this ship, then the period wouldn't be out just yet!
…
Oh, right, and I gotta make sure Koby doesn't get killed.
Fuck.