No. 12: "I haven't slept in days but who's counting?"

Nikolai rubbed at his eyes as the words on the documents he'd been reading began blurring together. He reached for his cup of coffee and took a sip, only to grimace as the brew went down cold. It had stopped making him feel more awake hours ago anyway.

The door to his study creaked open and Alina entered, dressed in her night robe.

"You're still working at this hour?" she asked.

"The needs of the country don't sleep," he replied, leaning back in his chair to affect a casual air. "What keeps you up this night?"

She ducked her gaze for a moment. "I miss Mal."

Nikolai nodded sympathetically but couldn't think of anything to say.

The silence hanging in the air was awkward.

"Okay then…" Alina turned to leave.

"I'm sorry," Nikolai said. "I'm afraid my charm and wit have gone to sleep and left you with poor company."

Now it was her turn to give him a sympathetic look. "You should get some sleep. You'll do Ravka no good if you run yourself into the ground the first month of your rule."

Nikolai tried to hide a grimace. He didn't say he'd been intentionally avoiding sleep because lately his dreams had been plagued by horrifically violent nightmares. Ones where one of the Darkling's shadow monsters tore Nikolai to shreds. Sometimes from the inside out.

Alina was studying him carefully. "When is the last time you slept?"

He shrugged. He hadn't slept in days, but who was counting?

The awkward silence stretched between them again, and he leaned forward to resume his work, but he couldn't get his mind to process the figures on the page.

Alina strode over and took his arm, tugging him upward. "Come on."

He reflexively resisted, but he didn't want an argument, and so he let her pull him to his feet and then he walked her back to her room. As the king's "betrothed," she had rooms in the Grand Palace rather than the Little Palace, so the walk wasn't that far. Nikolai saw Alina to her door and wished her a good night. He considered going back to his study, but his own room was closer and he was dragging at this point, so he relented.

But the moment he looked toward his bed, the flashbacks of previous nightmares assaulted him. He pressed his back against the wall and slid to the floor, dropping his aching head into his hands. He didn't sleep.

The next morning at a meeting with his generals, Nikolai realized he hadn't heard a word that was being said. He tried to muster the needed concentration, but the next thing he knew, his council was filing out and he didn't remember dismissing them. Then he was surrounded by his Triumvirate, and he straightened under their concerned gazes.

"You look awful," Zoya said.

"That's hurtful," he replied, though even he could tell his tone lacked its usual jauntiness.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" Alina asked.

"Some," he lied.

"I've spoken to the guards and servants," Zoya put in. "They've all confirmed you've been pulling all-nighters in your study."

Nikolai bristled. "I do have a country falling apart to try to hold together."

"At the rate you're going, you'll be a dead king. What good will that do Ravka?" Zoya retorted.

"Are you having trouble sleeping?" Genya interjected more kindly. "I can make you a tonic."

"No, thank you," he said politely but firmly and stood. "If you'll excuse me, I'll go get some rest."

With that, he walked out. But he didn't go to his room to sleep and instead went for a brisk walk outside, hoping the fresh air would invigorate him.

It didn't.

When he next met with his Triumvirate, they didn't bring up the sleep. But as Nikolai sat at his desk going over reports, he felt his eyelids drooping heavily and his head sinking like lead. He didn't notice the conspiratorial looks the three Grisha women were exchanging over his head, or how close Genya had gotten. All he knew was his head ended up pillowed on his arms and darkness took him.

The nightmare immediately assaulted him. Nikolai felt something squirming inside him, and then a clawed hand was punching its way out of his chest. He screamed and screamed, unable to flee as the nichevo'ya ripped its way out of his body, leaving him bleeding and mangled on the floor.

He jolted awake with a scream and grabbed his shoulder as fire speared through it.

"Nikolai?" Alina called in alarm, rushing over. "What's wrong?"

Gasping, he frantically pulled and yanked at the fastened buttons of his coat, trying to make sure the dream wasn't reality. But there was no blood, no arm made of shadow extending from his chest. He patted himself down in panic.

"What was that?" Alina asked again.

"Looked like one hell of a nightmare," Zoya commented.

Alina looked at Nikolai in concern. "Is that why you haven't been sleeping?"

He shuddered, the memory still visceral, and gave a jerky nod. Another stabbing sensation went through his shoulder, and he folded forward with a pained gasp as he clutched at the old injury.

"How long has your shoulder been paining you?" Genya asked.

"It comes and goes," he managed to respond.

She frowned and raised her hands to hover over the area, but if she was attempting to soothe the pain, it didn't work. Her frown deepened. "May I see it?"

Nikolai reluctantly unbuttoned his coat, then his shirt, and pushed everything off the one shoulder.

Genya's one uncovered brow rose in alarm. "This hasn't healed."

"I know."

Alina's eyes widened in dismay. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"It's a shadow wound; it can't be healed, right?" He paused before adding, "Genya's scars didn't."

"This is different," the Tailor said stiffly. "The wound isn't scarred over; it's still open and raw." She moved her hands over it again, probing with her power.

There was another flare of pain and Nikolai grunted, wanting to curl in on himself again. Genya recoiled abruptly, and Alina sucked in an audible breath. At the perturbed looks on their faces, Nikolai glanced down to see black veins slithering beneath the surface of his skin, extending from the wound like blood poisoning. Only, it wasn't that. In his heart, Nikolai knew it was so much worse…and the terror stole the breath from his lungs.

"What is that?" Zoya asked tensely.

"I don't know," Genya said. "But it's not good."

A tremble went through Nikolai as he remembered the monster he saw in the mirror the day of his coronation, and now the nightmares of what was lurking inside him…

Darkness had torn this country to shreds, and Nikolai was trying with all his might to hold it together by threads. But it seemed his future would be to suffer the same horrible fate…

Then who would be left to save them?

A/N: To be continued in No. 13