Disclaimer: Hawaii Five-0 and its characters do not belong to me.
A/N: Hi everyone, once again thank you for reading and your reviews on the previous chapter. Here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy!
...
The sound of laughter deepened the ache in Danny's chest. He closed his eyes, imagining the one voice that was missing from the raucous cacophony. The team had gathered at the house, having a bbq in the lanai just like they always did after closing a case satisfactorily. They were trying to keep things the same, as though Steve never left. But the truth was that, nothing was the same.
Steve leaving had changed everything.
And no matter how much they tried, things would never go back to the same way it was before. Not for him, at least. There was a large gaping hole in his chest, one that just seemed to grow larger with every passing day that his partner wasn't with him.
He couldn't do this. He couldn't watch the team gathered in front of him when the man who was the reason the team even existed was not there. It hurt him too much, the hole pulsating in his rib.
He turned to Adam who was sitting next to him. "Hey.. I'm a little tired. I'll be heading upstairs." He said.
"Are you okay?" Adam asked, his brows furrowed in genuine concern.
"Yeah.. yeah just a little tired.." He explained to the team whose eyes were all focussed on him now.
He hated it. He hated that they all looked at him with that sympathetic look in their eyes. He was a sorry case, he got that. But he didn't need to be reminded of it every second of everyday.
"You sure?" Lou asked. "The food's almost ready.. Grab a bite before you go upstairs?"
"No it's alright… I'm not hungry anyway." He said, slowly reaching for his cane to hoist himself up.
"Let me help you inside." Junior was quick to volunteer the moment he stood up.
"No, I'm good..I'm fine, really." He gestured with his good arm. "Stay here. You guys enjoy, alright. I don't mean to be a party pooper but I'm just getting old, huh?" He faked a small laugh hoping they didn't see through his terrible act. "Good night, guys." He called out as he turned towards the house.
He walked as fast as he possibly could, finding it difficult to shove the ache in his chest and prevent it from showing up as tears in his eyes. He didn't know when they would stop. Both the ache and the tears that never seemed to stop flowing.
When would he stop seeing Steve in every corner of the house? When would he cease hearing Steve's voice everywhere he went? When would the scent of his partner's cologne stop triggering a crushing ache in his chest?
God, his heart ached. When would it all stop?
...
Alone in his room (or rather Steve's ex-room), the tears that he had held hostage finally escaped his eyes. Away from the prying eyes of his team members, he could finally allow himself to feel the bone-crushing weight in his rib. He clutched his chest, hoping to soothe the anguish tearing through him. He could barely breathe through the memories that assaulted him.
"Hey, you okay there?" There was a soft knock on the door before it was pushed open.
He breathed shakily, struggling to hide the evidence on his face as his privacy was abruptly intruded.
"Typically, you're supposed to wait till someone says 'come in' after you knock on the door." He griped, wiping the tears on his face.
"I guess you're right. I'm sorry." Adam said, clearly not looking at all sorry. "You alright?" He asked again.
He nodded. "I'm fine."
"Doesn't look like it." Adam pressed on, settling next to him on the bed. "I could hear you."
He swallowed. "Let's not do this.."
"What are we doing?" Adam asked.
"I don't want to talk about this." Danny pushed further.
"Alright.. I won't force you to." Adam said.
They sat in silence for a good few minutes.
He breathed through the ache that was slowly vanishing. "Adam.. I'm really okay. Just go.. please."
"I'm sorry I can't do that." Adam said. "Not when my friend is hurting."
"I'm fine."
"Really?" Adam asked. "Danny.. we are all really worried about you."
"I'm.."
"You're fine?" Adam finished his sentence. "You don't look it. You haven't been yourself since Steve left... We know you aren't really eating or sleeping well. Even if you tell us you're fine, even if you try to convince us.. it's obvious you're not okay."
Adam paused, taking a long breath. "And I recognise that look Danny. I recognise what you are going through. When Kono and I broke up.. I went through it all and you.. you were there for me then."
Danny laughed bitterly. "Seriously? You're equating Steve leaving to your divorce?"
"Well.. we've always thought you guys were like an old married couple." Adam smiled fleetingly.
"Yeah, funny."
Turning serious, Adam looked at him. "You know when Kono left.. when she asked for the divorce.. I didn't just lose my wife." Adam breathed. "I lost my best friend, my confidante, the person I trusted the most in my life."
Danny looked up at him, watching Adam closely and he was right. He saw the same look in Adam's eyes that he saw in his own. One of emptiness.
"She was.. there for me for everything, she was the first person I turned to. During my best and my worst. She was always the one I knew I could go to. She was there with me in some of my darkest moments, Danny, and I really.. I really never thought it would all end."
Danny breathed shakily, the ache in his chest returning. He felt every word Adam was saying. He and Steve were always each other's backup. He knew Steve was always there for him and even if he were to one day lose his life on the job, he knew his family would be okay because he had Steve. But now. Now Steve was gone and it felt like...
Like he had lost everything.
"When she just left.. I lost everything. I questioned what went wrong. How, when, where it all started falling apart? When did I start losing my best friend? Why didn't I notice the signs? I blamed myself a lot too." Adam said. "And you know what the worst part about losing your best friend is?"
Danny looked at him, shaking his head slowly.
"The worst part about losing your best friend is that you can't even tell them about it. You just feel like you're in the loneliest place on earth."
"Yeah." Danny said, a tear sliding down his cheek. "It sucks."
"It does." Adam nodded. "But you know, Danny. I want you to know that you're not alone. The same way you were there for me.. I'm also here for you. And all of us. We're all worried about you. Most of all, Steve. Even if he's not here, he still cares a lot about you."
"If he did, hewould stillbe here." Danny blurted.
"Dan.."
"No.. I understand. I do." Danny said. "It's time he thought about himself. He had to leave. I don't blame him for that. And that's really the hardest part. Because I know, he's not wrong and I want him to be happy wherever he is. But I still... still wish he was here." Danny breathed in, wincing at the new bout of pain it brought in his chest. "Does it.. does it ever get easier?"
Adam smiled sadly. "I wish I could say it does...but it doesn't. But I guess eventually, you learn to start living despite it all."
He didn't know if he could. The ache in his chest was consuming him. Every little thing that reminded him of his partner ripped him with quaking agony. And staying in Steve's house where every corner reminded him of their friendship was a separate torment altogether.
In that moment, like an epiphany had descended upon him, he made up his mind. If Steve wasn't coming back, what really was the point of him staying behind?
He should leave.
...
A/N: Hope you liked this significantly shorter chapter. more coming soon. Do let me know what you think of the story so far!
On a side note, I understand different people have different preferences on the show's ending. I for one wasn't a fan of the last few minutes and therefore I am writing this story. But, having said that, everyone is entitled to their preference and this fic will not bash any character. It's just my interpretation of what might have happened if the show had gone on for another season for instance. So let's keep it respectful here, alrighty? I appreciate all you wonderful readers so let's just enjoy the story :)