Clarke and Murphy sat at the table with Raven. No one moved or talked. Clarke and Murphy weren't going to push Raven to do anything. Murphy remembered the echo of Clarke's gulped sobs on the prison walls. Raven hadn't shown any grief yet, only anger.
They sat for hours before Raven silently got up and went to what had been her room. Clarke followed her. "Do you want me to stay?"
"No."
"Murphy will be here, and Roan's in his bed, and healers are in and out if you need anything."
Raven didn't respond and Clarke quietly closed the door and returned to the table. She wasn't leaving until she had to, but she didn't want to sleep. There was too much to do.
Within the hour, Clarke was nodding off at the table. Murphy sent her to the other room. He'd moved his pack out of his room earlier, so he had his furs and could sleep on the floor. Or the counter. It was a tossup as to which was worse.
100 – 100 – 100
Murphy was up early. He checked on the others. They all slept. It seemed like nearly all of Polis was sleeping as he went out to find breakfast. He listened to the conversations around him and volunteered to help clear bodies. Other groups were going out to get wood for pyres.
Murphy welcomed the work. He didn't have to think. It was disgusting, but he figured he had killed his share and should help clean up the mess. He'd skip the ceremonies at the pyres, though. He didn't give a damn what they believed and the smoke made him sick.
100 – 100 – 100
Lexa finished her morning duties and told the Natblida to help where they could after lunch. She put a tray together and took it to the Azgeda suite. She left it on the table while she looked for Clarke. She found Raven first, curled around a pillow in her bed. She skipped Roan's room and found Clarke in the last one. Clarke slept deeply, too. It was likely they would sleep away the rest of the day and all of the night.
Lexa checked every few hours, coming and going from the field where she spoke the final words over the pyres.
She slept alone again that night.
100 – 100 – 100
Clarke woke in the afternoon. Polis was still quiet; the work was going on outside the walls. Clarke dropped her armor in the floor. She couldn't believe she slept in it. She left her boots on the floor and checked the wardrobe. There were still some clothes in there, and she took what she needed with her to the bathroom.
When she came out, Roan and Lexa were talking. Lexa smiled at Clarke and pulled the chair beside her away from the table.
Clarke sat down and leaned over for a kiss before asking, "Where's Raven?"
"Sleeping."
"Did you check?"
"Yes."
"She probably had a lot more tea, given how wired she was," Clarke speculated while looking over the food on her plate.
"Probably," Lexa agreed.
"Roan, how are you?"
"Better."
"Good." Clarke gave up on conversation and ate.
When she finished, Lexa said quietly, "Come with me."
"Anywhere," Clarke smiled, but Lexa didn't smile back. She didn't say anything until they were in their own rooms.
They sat on the sofa. When Lexa still didn't say anything, Clarke asked, "What's going on?"
"Ontari is dead."
"I know."
"I do not want to call a conclave. Aden is the oldest, and he is still far too young."
"You were 15."
"He is 12. They are all babies."
Clarke waited, her stomach doing a slow roll.
"You must take the Flame."
"No."
"There is no one else."
"You can be heda again."
"Then you must be Fleimkepa. There is no one else, Clarke. You, Raven, and I are the only adult Natblida. Raven cannot be heda. The people like Raven but they will not accept her as heda. They will accept Wanheda."
"No."
"I cannot hold the Coalition as Fleimkepa."
"The Coalition is already broken."
"More stayed than not. The Coalition holds."
"So you can keep working with them."
"There must be a heda."
"As long as it isn't me."
"You do not understand."
"I do. I'm just not going along this time."
"Then you should go say goodbye to the strikon Natblida, for they will die. That is always what happens when there is no heda."
"I can't."
"You must," Lexa insisted. "One position or the other, and you are better suited to be heda than flamekeeper."
"No. I don't want to do this. Please don't make me."
Lexa looked at her hands. They remained still in her lap by force of will. Clarke would fight every step, she knew, and time was getting short. She didn't know what else to say. Clarke hadn't even decided yet, but Lexa saw their relationship crumbling. She decided that they would have one more time, and forced her memory away from filtered sunlight on Clarke's face, eyes blue as the sky.
Lexa looked at Clarke, surprised that she was still there, more surprised when Clarke looked back. She offered her hand and Clarke hesitated but took it. "Come to bed," Lexa asked softly.
Clarke nodded and waited for Lexa to get up.
They made love slowly, and Clarke waited for Lexa to sleep before she ran.
She didn't go far, down to the Azgeda suite. Murphy looked surprised to see her, but not to see her get a bottle and mug from the cabinets. He held out his mug, too, and Clarke filled both. Murphy watched, astonished, as Clarke emptied the full mug. "What the hell is going on now?" he asked while she refilled it.
"They still here?"
"Out cold. I just checked."
"Lexa wants me to be heda."
Murphy got up and went around the table. He pulled Clarke up and grabbed the bottle.
"What the hell?" Clarke protested.
"Not here."
"Fuck," she cursed, and let him lead her out of the tower to a secluded corner of the garden.
He handed her the bottle. "Say it again, slowly."
"Lexa wants me to be heda," Clarke repeated, and took several big swallows before handing the bottle back.
Murphy tried to formulate some response and had to settle for, "Holy fucking shit."
"Exactly. I can't be heda, Murphy."
He took a swig and passed the bottle back.
"I don't think you have a choice. There's you and Lexa, and she's already chipped."
"She said she'd do it but I'd have to be Fleimkepa."
"Fucking hell, Clarke."
"The Natblida aren't old enough. Lexa said they'll be killed if I don't and I can't do that, either."
"I'm sorry."
"What the fuck am I going to do?"
"You know."
"I fucking hate you."
"Yeah." He took the bottle back, half empty now, took another drink, and passed it back to Clarke.
"I wish we never got sent down here."
"But we're here now, and involved, and I'm pretty sure the time to bolt was a long time ago."
Clarke punched him in the arm.
"Hey!" Murphy protested. "I didn't do anything to you."
"You're here," Clarke answered sullenly and drank again.
This time, Murphy kept the bottle when he got it back. It would take Clarke a few hours to sober up and he knew Lexa well enough to know she wouldn't let Clarke agree to her plan while she was hammered.
"I spent the last two days carrying bodies to pyres. Your girlfriend spent them checking on you after every one."
"Guilt. Thanks a lot."
"For what it's worth, I agree with Lexa. You should be heda. Half the grounders are already terrified of you. The rest will fall in line once you drag Lander and his cronies back here for public execution."
Clarke turned to the side and puked.
"You didn't drink that much."
Clarke spit a few times to clear her mouth before glaring at him again. She defiantly wrestled the bottle from Murphy and emptied it. She threw it at his feet and walked away. Murphy picked up the bottle and followed her. He stayed outside the Fleimkepa's chambers when she went inside.
100 – 100 – 100
Lexa waited on the sofa and sighed when she got a whiff of Clarke.
"Don't," Clarke said and dropped on the other end of the sofa. "I'm here. I hate everything but I'm fucking here." She turned her back to Lexa while pulling her hair aside.
"Not now," Lexa said quietly.
"Do not fucking torture me."
"You must be sober. You do not want to face the others drunk."
"The mood I'm in, they don't want to face me."
Lexa slid down to sit beside Clarke. She got Clarke to let go of her hair, turned Clarke so they could see each other. "In the morning, you will bathe. I will put your braids in and we will go down to the arena. The Natblida will come in and swear fealty to you. We will return to the Tower and you will receive the Flame. When you wake, you will be heda."
Clarke dropped her eyes and wished she had gone to the stables instead of to Murphy.
Lexa locked their door and took Clarke back to bed. They laid together without talking, Clarke looking at the sky, Lexa watching Clarke slide further away from her every second.