I am back! After a long absence I am back to finish this story. I had the worst writers block. I could not write a single word but i know where i want this story to g and i am finally able to put what is in my head back onto paper. Hopefully you will enjoy this chapter although it is a heavy one. Please review
Chapter 7: Losing
Cersei groaned and stopped her needle work to put a hand on her growing belly. She hissed in pain and put closed her eyes. The babe in her was kicking. Hard. She was big now. Very big. She was close to her due date. She was a moon away maybe a moon a half an she will be a mother.
"Your Grace are you well?" Lysa Arryn said and looked at her in worried and put her needle work down and put her hand on top of Cersie's. Cersei looked at Lysa and smiled a little bit at her as she took a breath.
"I am well the babe is just restless today. It will not stop kicking." Cersei smiled her green eyes shines with happiness. Lysa smiled at her and took went back to her needle work back in hand.
"The babe is a true Baratheon. Restless and strong. Just like his father." Lysa said and smiled. Cersei looked at Lysa and smiled a little. It was four moons since she went into the Hands Tower and told the Lord Arryn that she was with child. Four moons since she befriended Lysa or at least tried to. Cersei needed a friend and she was the only option. Even if she was a little dull and delicate she was better than nothing. Cersei thought of her like a little sister she never wanted. Lysa needed a friends as well. It was a fortnight after they spend their days together when Lysa told her about Peter Baelish. About how she loved him and gave himself away to him and how she became pregnant by him. How her father made her drink moon tea to kill the child. Cersei held her as she cried and told she will help her. It was probably the reason she could not keep a pregnancy. So Cersei made sure she ate regularly and well and she made sure that Grand Maester Pycelle gave he medicine to help her and now she was with child. She found out a moon ago about the babe and Cersei could see that Lysa was terrified but happy at the same time.
"I made a blanket for my babe." Lysa said and showed her a blue baby blanket with a falcon on the and a Tully fish. Lysa looked at her and her blue eyes shone with happiness.
"It is beautiful. Have you take your medicine and eaten today." Cersei asked and Lysa smiled little at Cersei
"I have Cersei. Have you?" Cersei looked at Lysa and chuckled. Both return to their needle work.
It was four moons she she found out that she was with child and she was big now. Her belly swelled with her child and smiled. She have yet to see the babe and she is already so in love with it. She want to sing and kiss the babe already. It was not a hard pregnancy. She did not feel sick at all. She ate a lot and was a little tired but that was it. It was easier than expected. What was harder was that she was alone. Alone to go through with it. Her handmaidens were never pregnant and Lysa who was pregnant twice never was this far in her pregnancy. Aunt Genna could not come as her brothers wife was also pregnant with a child and she was helping her. So she was alone scared and lonely. With only Lysa for her company.
Since the night that she told her husband she was with child and their night of passion her husband avoided her like a plague for about two weeks. He was no where to be seen. It was like he vanished. He went hunting. It hurt her deeply as she though they had a breakthrough that night. He was with her that night. He paid attention to her that night. He wanted her that night. Every other night when he bedded her he was always somewhere else. He was never present. But that night he was and he only wanted her. She saw it in his eyes and she revelled in that.
Two weeks he spend in the forest and when he came back he came straight to her chamber again and ripped her clothes off and fucked her with abandon. He kept coming back and at least once a week after that. They did not talk much. They mostly fucked and say nasty things to each other. She never though she would say such thing to anyone. She was brought up as a lady. A high born lady. Bred to be a Queen and with her King she acted no better than a common whore and she loved every bit of it. She never dreamed of feeling such passion. Not even with Jamie. Just thinking about her King made her almost crazy with want. The King frequented her bed most nights even now when she was getting bigger. He still looked at her with so much lust she nearly begged him to fuck her.
Cersei heard chuckled coming from the person in front of her and she remembered where she was and blushed looking down at her lap. Lysa looked at her with knowing look.
"I bet the King pleased you well. You almost looked like you were about to climax." Lysa said and Cersei blushed even harder making Lysa laugh a melodic laugh.
"I do apologize. My mind just drifted from me." Cersei said and Lysa shook her head.
"There is nothing to apologize for. You are happy with your couplings. You are a new bride still." Lysa said putting her blanket down and picking up her plate with fruits and eating.
Cersei looked at Lysa and put her own blanket down and picked a goblet with water. She looked at Lysa and asked.
"How are your coupling with your husband." Cersei asked and Lysa looked at her and shrugged.
"It is not a secret I do not desire my husband and he does not desire me that much. This was all a political marriage he. He always makes sure to please me and I am very great full for that but I would not mind when we stop our couplings." Lysa said and not for the first time she felt pity for the young woman. She was not in a happy marriage. Not happy at all. Cersei herself was in a complicated marriage where her husbands heart was still with someone else but at least he desired her which was a good start. There was still hope. Lysa had none. Her hope was with the children she will produce.
Cersei was in her bedchambers. She was alone. She knew that now. Her husband was an imposing man and he scared her handmaidens when he came to her bedchambers. He came to her like he had dome many nights before and he stood there and looked at her. He always looked at her. His eyes dark as the night itself. She was in her night shift standing by her vanity. Her hair was left undone. Just how he liked it. He stood there making her large chamber feel small. He looked at her. His eyes like the midnight sky. She could barely breathe already and they did nothing yet. She felt wetness pool between her legs and she could not take it any more. She all but ran to him and smashed her lips to his and kissed him hard. He growled into the kiss and took a hold of her nipple and squeezed it making her break the kiss and let a straggled moan. The were very sensitive during her pregnancy. Robert looked at her and smirked. His other hand moved down her body until he reached to her core and touched her sensitive nub.
"Your cunt is so wet for me already." he said working on her bringing his head to her ear and taking it between his teeth. He was making her crazy.
"Always." She said in a breathless whisper. He smirked and took his hand away from her core and ripped her shift and stepped back and look at her. Cersei did not blush any more. She did not have to. She instead started to play with her nipple with one and and the other moved down her body and touched her core moaning at the feeling. Robert looked crazed with lust and ripped his clothes of. Standing there with his black haired chest , his member rock hard. He walked over to her and kissed her hard and picked her up. She kissed back with much fervour and her hand went to his hair trying to bring him closer. He pushed her against the wall and roughly entered her making her break the kiss and screamed as he pounded into her and attacked her chest. At this moment she forgot who she was or where she was. She was pleasure herself.
"What have you done to me. I cannot stop thinking about your teats and you cunt." Robert said harshly into her ear making her smile and look at him.
"Good. They belong to you my King. Those is your cunt and teats." she said biting her lips. Robert growled loud and claimed her lips for his own until he needed to breath.
"That is Robert. Fuck me hard like this . Do not stop. Fuck me hard Robert." Cersei panted out making Robert drive into her harder and faster and Cersei sank her teeth into his neck to stop from screaming and marking him as hers.
"I will not stop. Never stop." He said and took her nipple in his lips sucking it and at that time Cersei screamed in pleasure as she came with Robert fallowing her in a loud growl.
They both sank onto the floor panting heavily. Cersei looked at Robert. Her husband. Her king and smiled. She heard that he had not been to a brother for many moons now and she felt good about that. She closed her eyes still smiling when she heard Robert
"What are you smiling about?" He said panting. She opened her eyes and said nothing just sat up and kissed him softly and put her head on his shoulder trying to regain her breath her eyes closing already as sleep claimed her. Robert looked at her and chuckled and shook his head.
"It seems that our fucking always puts you to sleep my dear wife." Robert said and Cersei smiled lazily.
"You please me greatly my husband." Cersei said and Robert felt a tightening in his chest but he decided to ignore it and picked Cersei's smaller frame in his arms and carried her to her bed. He laid her down sleep already consumed and and looked at her. She was a striking woman. The most beautiful woman he ever met. He was not blind. Yet he did not desire her or even want her near him. All he wanted was Lyanna. His wild wolf. His untamed beauty. His heart still bled for his lost love who was taken away from him so brutally. His heart will always bleed for her but he looked at the belly of the woman who he called his wife and his heart started to breathe faster. He touched the growing belly and smiled at the babe inside kicked hard against his hand.
"I cannot wait to meet you my stag." Robert whispered and kissed the belly. His heart grew larger when he found out about the babe. He was hunting. Trying to kill every poor animal that came his way. Trying to take out the rage inside of him when the rider came with the news of the new Queen being with child and it was like his heart grew in size. He rode hard back to the Castle to see his Queen and when he went to her bed chamber it was like he saw her for the first time that night. Up until now she was not real to him. She was his duty. This time he saw a woman. A beautiful woman who had his child inside him. That night he wanted to please her as gratitude. But her smell her taste and her sound were like drug to him.
Robert laid next it to her and let sleep claim him with his hand protectively over her belly.
Cersei woke up with an uncomfortable feeling in her back. It hurt her really badly. She opened her eyes and hissed in pain and it spread from the back to the front making it very uncomfortable. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes and saw Robert sleeping next to her with his hand on her belly and she smiled her heart beating faster. She loved him. She already knew that. She will love him until he loved. And he will. She was sure of that.
Cersei hissed again and this time the pain was almost blinding her and she felt wetness between her legs.
"No no no. This is too early." Cersei moaned ears falling from her eyes as she began to sob. Robert woke up and saw Cersei crying and looked at her worried. He felt something wet on the bed and he took the covers off and saw a pool of blood between his wife's legs. He looked into Cersei's scared and wet eyes and did not even care he was naked as the day he was born. He ran out of the the chamber and found guards and told them to get the Maester to the chamber as this minute or he will personally behead them.
He ran back to the chamber and found his wife on her knees holding to the headboard screaming loudly as blood trickled down her tights.
"It is too early." She sobbed and Robert wiped her eyes and shook his head.
"The babes come when they want to come. My son is strong and so are you." he said to calm his wife down who was in hysterics. Crying and screaming in pain. He knew that the babe might not survive. He knew his wife might not survive. Just then he realised he does not want his wife to die. He did not want to lose her. The feeling was foreign to him and it shocked him.
"Your Grace we need you out of the bedchamber. We need as much room as possible" The old Maester said and someone took him out of the room and the last think he saw was his wife's green eyes wide with fear and he did not want that look to be the last he saw on her face.
"You need to push Your Grace." The Maester said to Cersei but she shook her head screaming in pain.
"I cannot. It is too early." She sobbed out. Cersei was delirious with pain. She did not want to birth this child. She did not want to lose her child.
"You have to Your Grace of the child and you will die." He said and Cersei took a hand of her handmaiden who was crying also with her Queen and nodded her head and screamed as he pushed. The pain felt like she was being torn apart.
"You are doing wonderful Your Grace. A few more pushes. I can see black hair." The Maester said and Cersei nodded. She looked at her handmaiden and laughed and cried at the same time.
"Just like his father." Cersei said and screamed as she pushed hard until she felt light-headed. She was losing her strength but she will not give up. She was a lioness of Casterly Rock and she was the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. She will be strong so when the Maester looked at her and nodded again with a mighty roar she pushed until she felt the baby out of her.
Cersei fell on the bed and took deep breaths and closed her eyes but fought the darkness that wanted to take her. Something was not right. Something was very wrong. She was meant to hear the shrill of a new born, her son was meant to cry out like a lion but the chamber was silent. Silent as the darkest night. Cersei opened her eyes and looked at in front of her at the Maester who held a very little body with a sad look on his face.
"No , no , no. This cannot be. Do something. Please so something." Cersei shook her head and begged the Maester to help her babe.
"I am so sorry Your Grace. The boy did not take a breath." The Maester said and Cersei's heart shattered into million pieces. She shook her head. It is all a lie. It is all a bad dream. This cannot be. Her son cannot be dead.
"Your Grace what do you want us to do with the body?" Her handmaiden said and Cersei wretched her hand away from her and wiped her tears.
"Give me the babe." Cersei said and all of the looked at her with sad eyes and she hated them for it.
"Give me my son!" she shouted and the Maester put the babe into her arms and she cradled the little bundle in her arms and cried. He was so small. His head was full of black hair and his face looked so heavenly beautiful. He looked like his father. Cersei kissed his little forehead and closed her eyes and let her tears fall. The pain she felt was even worse when her mother died. She felt like she was about to fall apart. She wanted for the stranger to take her so she can be with her son. She had not reason to live anymore.
She opened her eyes and looked at the babe trying to memorise his features to her brain so she could always remember the perfection that she carried under her heart and sang a lullaby her mother used to sing to her. She did not pay attention to her surrounding
Robert stood in front of his wife's bedchamber. Jon Arryn stood beside him with a comforting arm. He was still shocked from the discovery he made earlier. He did not want his wife to die. He did not want to lose her. He grew used to her. He might even hold some affection for her.
"Stop it you fool. You do not need her. You can just go back to whoring and drinking all day." Robert shook his head as his thought battled in his head. Even thinking those word felt wrong. He has not been to a brothel in weeks. The whores paled in comparison to Cersei. They faked their pleasure and their pleasantries. He did not even care to pleasure them. Cersei was real. Every sound, every touch and every bite. They were real and he wanted to make her crazy. He wanted for her to lose herself in her release. He wanted to please her. He did not want to lose her.
Robert and Jon sat there for what seems like hours listening to his wife's scream. They did not utter a word. They did not need to. Robert knew that Jon was in his shoes and he lost his first wife due to birthing complication along with their daughter. He lost his second wife. And he lost two babes with his third wife as well. They were both tragic.
For what seemed like days finally the screaming had stopped. The room was deadly quiet. Robert and Jon looked at each other with sad eyes before they both burst into the chamber. What he saw nearly made him puke.
The bed was pooled with blood. His wife was covered in blood from the waist down. Her golden hair wet and stuck to her face with what seemed like waterfalls falling from her eyes. She was cradling a silent babe to her and singing a lullaby he knew from his childhood.
He looked at the Maester and he shook his head,
"The boy did not take a breath Your Grace." Robert howled and raged as his heart broke once more. He cried and punched the wall so that the pain would be anywhere else than his heart or he might break. He punched and punched the wall until three guards pushed him back down on the floor. He looked at his hands and they were bloody.
"I am so sorry my son. So sorry." Jon said and hugged Robert who sobbed into the man's shoulder until he had no more tears left to cry. He wiped his face and looked at his wife who still cradled the babe and he walked to them and took his wife in his hands. He looked down at the child and cried again. The boy looked so small. So beautiful. So innocent. He touched his little cheek and took a deep breath. The babe was so cold. Just like stone.
"We need to take the body Your Grace. It will start to smell soon." The Maester said and Robert nodded. He tried to take the babe from his wife but she held tighter to him and shook her head.
"Do not take him from me please. Do not take my boy." She said in a hoarse voice and Robert felt like a worst man alive at that moment.
"We have to." he said and She started to sob.
"Please Robert don not take my Joefrey from me. Please." She sobbed and Robert closed his eyes. He could not take him away from her so he just held her as he closed his eyes. He felt someone next to him, then he heard his wife terrible scream. A scream that will haunt him forever and held his wife as he tried to get away and go after her son. His son. Their son.
She screamed for what seemed like hours and he held her still. He held her tight and let his tears mix with hers. This pain was worse than anything he felt. Nothing compared to this. Not losing his parent . not even losing Lyanna. This pain was a new level of pain. Pain he is afraid will never end.
When Cersei finally passed out he let them clean the bed and clean Cersei and put her in some clothes before he let them clean his and bandaged his hand. He ordered everyone out and laid next to his wife in the bed. Putting her head in his chest and holding onto her.
He could feel her tears on his chest but neither said anything. They just laid there in pain together.
Wheeefff! I am glad that was over. I know it is a heavy chapter but i really wanted to put that scene to life. Since the time where she spoke to it with Catelyn i wanted it to come to life, it is a sad scene. It broke my heart but i always saw that lose as what ultimately bring them closer together and hopefully open Roberts heart a little more so that he could let Cersei inside. So please review and let me know what you think.