Disclaimer I own nothing
Here we go
Onwards
Leon walked down the never used corridor filled with memories of a small blond child, haunting him
with every step. His destination was known to only Arthur and himself, their own private spot where the
king could drop everything and just be Arthur, the little boy that Leon kept safe. The last time he was in
this place the prince was 12 and had just completed his first kill. Leon remembers being a squire at age 17
holding the shaking sobbing prince in his arms while he shivered with his loss of innocence. He never
once in his 37 years regretted being the princes honor guard, he had the privilege of teaching, loving and
protecting a great man, his closest friend. Stepping out onto the balcony he saw the man that little boy
became curled up in a ball rocking back and forth. Steeling himself, he became Leon, Arthurs support and
nothing else. Sitting down beside his old friend nothing was said as he pulled him into his arms and held
him as the tears came just like all those years ago.
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Arthur let it all out the moment he felt encased in Leons arms it had been so long since he had felt this
safe and protected. Here and now he could just be himself and for the first time since Merlins death he
allowed himself to truly feel and god did it hurt. He was unaware how much time had past when he pulled
away and wiped the tears from his face, he looked out into the night avoiding eye contact after his show
of weakness.
"Your not weak Arthur, don't ever think it, you needed this for months its about time, holding it all in was
killing you we could all see it."
"I know that but tonight, god what I almost did, I don't deserve any kindness if you only knew."
"Then tell me. I will never judge you I never have, there is nothing that would ever change how I feel
about you, just start slowly what happened when you got to her chambers?"
"I wish I could blame it on the wine but I can't, what I did, what I was going to do, it was all me. During
the dance she pledged her devotion to me and it triggered a possessiveness that I only ever felt with Merlin.
She is so much like him it hurts I started to think about her as mine, as an object nothing else. Until she
told us about her bloodline and virtue and hearing she was untouched and mine made me want her more
then ive ever wanted anything and I almost always get what I want."
"But not tonight, she refused you."
"No, not tonight. The kicker is that she didn't refuse me and she told me she never would, I could see she
didn't want it, want me, but wasn't going to let that be a factor."
"So then why are you here and not in her bed?"
"Oh god, Leon it was, I don't have words to decribed what happened. It was like she gazed into my soul
and ripped out every fault, every fear, every secret shame I've ever felt and tossed them at me like spears.
She showed me the repercussions of what would happen, she explained that I was still mourning and was
unaware of what I was feeling. She reminded me of everything I loved, everything I've fought for,
everything I have spent the last 11 years trying to be. She stood there unafraid and asked me if what I
wanted was worth dishoronering Merlins memory over. God man! don't you see! I was going to rape
Merlins sister just because I missed him. I was going to toss away my kingdom, my queen, everything,
just because I miss him to the point of madness. He would be so ashamed of me, I almost failed him Leon,
I almost failed the man who had never failed me."
"Arthur look at me, the Merlin I knew would never be ashamed of you, disappointed possibly, but never
ashamed and you did not fail him and even if you did he would forgive you. That man loved you with
everything he had and then some and I know he would be proud of the man you became."
"Thats the thing,who am I really? All my life I've tried to be what everyone told me to be, the best fighter,
the best hunter, the best knight, my fathers son. Even Merlin expected me to be this great king but not
once did I stop and think about what I wanted to become. I know I am not my father and I don't want to be,
I don't want to be a figurehead or a stranger to my people but at the same time I have no idea what type of
man I want to be, let alone what destiny wants."
"You are Arthur. You are who you are, just be true to yourself and the rest will follow. You might not
know what you want to be but you know what you don't. Start from there, you don't want to be or do
something then do the opposite. Lifting the ban, knowing the people your already making a great king the
people love you more then they ever loved you father so you must be doing something right."
"See that was Merlins doing those were his ideas not mine."
"Oh Arthur, sometimes I think you are the dollophead he named you. Merlin did not give you those ideas
you had them all along I remember you were 9 and you saw your father execute a healer and you ran up
here and threw a fit. You broke you training sword and 2 fingers on the wall, you were so mad and
confused about the death of a magic user that did something good. Also you were 10 and you sat on the
steps in the courtyard and watched with tears in your eyes as Gwen and Elylen chased hens wanting
nothing more then to go join them. Don't you see? You always wanted justice and your peoples love even
as a young child it just all got buried under the prince your father wanted you to be. Merlin did not make
you think or feel those things, he just unburried them. You are your own man and a good one at that. Now
are you done with this? Its kinda cold and your wife is waiting for you."
"Oh god, Gwen. How could I even think about hurting her? What do I do? She will never forgive me."
"Well you won't know until you ask, if I may say it your a better man then me."
"Whatever do you mean?"
"Emrys, I think I love her but im not sure."
"I've seen how you look at her Leon your lovesick."
"You have to understand that before Merlin died I kinda fell in love with him, he didn't know, he died
before I could tell him. After everything with Mordrid I looked at him and saw my entire life and dreams
personified, I fully didn't realize until I saw him on the battlefield commanding the earth itself but then
you were hurt and he took you away to save you. When you both returned alive and unharmed I had
never been so happy, I found someone who was devoted to you like I was. I was going to tell him the next
day but then he came into the courtyard bleeding out in my arms and I lost him before I ever had him, he
died never knowing how I felt. Then Emrys appeared like an angel so much like him but at the same time
totaly unique and I realized that I had my second chance so I took it. I might not have ever got a chance to
love Merlin but I will not miss my chance a second time even if its his sister does that make me a bad
person? I know she is not him but everything I loved about him I also love about her is that fair?"
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The knock on her door startled her. The first thought that ran through her head was please don't be Arthur,
please no. When her door opened and queen entered her mind cleared the same time her heart sank.
"My queen, what can I do for you this evening?"
"I thought you did not like titles Lady Ambroise?"
"Sorry, take a seat Gwen, care for a drink?"
"Yes, thank you Emrys, I feel after tonight we both need one."
"Too true, we both know why your here just ask I will never hide from you, what do you want to know?"
"My husband had every intention of sharing you bed tonight with or without your say and yet he is not
here I wish to know why and what happened?"
"There is not much to tell, you should know that nothing occurred not even a kiss was shared. We talked
and I explained a few truths to him and he left."
"That must have been some conversation Arthur has ways of always getting whst he wants."
"Yes ive noticed that, but thats what were here for right? To keep him humble and not let him become a
spoiled, entitled..."
"The word your looking for is prat, Merlin called him it daily to remind him to be humble and for the
most part it worked, he was the only person who could fully keep Arthur grounded."
"My brother sounded like an amazing person."
"He truly was. He was special to everyone in his own way. He was my best friend he treated me like I
was worth something, like a sister. He was odd but in a good way, his smile lit up any room he entered I
don't think he had a negative bone in his body. Even his enemies he treated with every kindness I think
we all still miss him, we never really got to say goodbye he died so quickly."
"I am sorry it hurts to speak of him but he was the answer to your question. Arthur had his mind set on
well... your aware of what he wanted from me I just made him realize that I was not Merlin and made him
think about how my brother would feel and how he would react. The way he froze was a surprize I never
knew how much those words would effect him."
"Thats because you don't understand what they were to each other. Arthur and I were not a couple It was
like I had two husbands. Merlin and I each were in a relationship with Arthur. I am his wife I have
physical intimacy as all wives should his body is mine as was half of his heart. Merlin and Arthur had
spiritual intimacy he was the owner of Arthurs soul and had the other half of his heart. We split Arthurs
love evenly between us I am his wife and Merlin was his soulmate together Arthur had all the love one
man could ever need. Then Merlin died and half of Arthur died with him for 3 months it was like living
with an empty shell. Now you showed up and it was like he woke up but you not him, your not Merlin, so
why?"
Emrys looked at her friend and knew she had to tell her some truth but at the same time keep her unaware
of what truly happened.
"Gwen what im about to tell you cannot tell Arthur understand?"
"Yes I understand am I wrong? are you Merlin? are you him?"
"The answer to that is yes and no. I am Emrys a woman and Arthurs protector but if you recall my story I
was to be more, Merlins life was to be mine. It was like when he was born a part of me was ripped away
and givin to someone else. Merlin was not only my brother he was a part of my soul shoved into a male
body and givin life. Now that he is gone I feel complete like a blind woman having her sight returned I
don't know if its my Magic or his soul but once in a while I get flashes, moments in time where I
experence parts of his life. In those moments I think what he did, I feel what he felt its like I am being
given his memories in order to help and understand you all. Now the memories are Merlins but in the
moment he died I felt a small shard of his soul has been returned to me and by proxy Arthur as well. That
small shard allows me to understand him and allows Arthur to feel him near which explains his draw to me,
so I am not him but he exists through me, does that make sense?"
"So, he is dead but a part of his soul that belonged to Arthur now resides in you giving you his memories
because Merlin originally was part of you. Wow thats really complicated but it explains the moments
when you say or do something that he did that no one but him would know and in those moments we all
see him, no you."
"I know and I'm sorry that I hurt you like that, your all still mourning him I have a spell that might help
with that but it will have to wait until things settle down. The next few weeks are going to be crazy
establishing magic in the kingdom and all. On that note I think it would be best if we both went to sleep
the kingdom won't run itself tomorrow. Gwen go easy on the prat I broke him."
"Leon will put him back together for me I learned kicking a man while hes down makes the lessons
stick."
There we go character development complete for now
Onwards to the plot
Thanks for reading please review
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