Smoker nursed a swollen jaw, cigar clenched between his aching teeth, as he rummaged through cabinets stuffed with weathered bounty posters. Tashigi made her own search, muttering to herself every time papers spilled out of her grasp, and half a dozen other Marines pulled more boxes out of the archives.

"Sir," Tashigi said nervously, "Is there a reason we're going through every single bounty poster? All the Straw Hats are too young to be in here."

"You never know with Devil Fruits," Smoker groused. Tashigi grunted, and Smoker glanced over just in time to see her tugging on an oversized folder crammed into the cabinet. A firm yank sent papers scattering over the place. Smoker snatched the folder out of the air, but crinkled bounty posters spilled all over the floor.

"Sorry sir, that one was stuck. I'll clean and organize them straight away!"

Tashigi hurriedly scooped up the papers. Just as she was about to grab a pile, Smoker snatched a poster that had caught his eye.

"Tashigi," Smoker said ominously, "What pirate crew was that?"

Tashigi checked the folder. "The Gold Roger Pirates, sir."

Smoker showed her the poster. Tashigi went white as she read the decades-old poster for Izuku Midoriya.

"How did you know, sir?"

"When those two kids fell through me, I only felt one of them. Check and see if the girl's in there as well."

The Marines all dropped their boxes and came over to join. A minute later, a marine said, "We've got a match sir!"

"The girl?" Smoker took the poster. His cigar burst into flames as he saw Buggy's nervous grin. "Great. How did we let him fly under our watch? We'll update his bounty. Three - no, four hundred million."

"Y-yes sir!"

Moments later, Smoker uncovered another bounty poster. His eyes went wide. He had thought thirty-million for a snot-nosed brat had been a steep bounty. Now it seemed far too small.

When Smoker personally put in a call to the Fleet Admiral, he made sure to mention that Luffy had Armament Haki. Hearing how high his bounty leapt only made the ache in his jaw worsen.

"Wake up, you stupid brat."

Izuku's groaned and pried his eyelids open. A tingling sensation crept through his shoulders. He blinked and sat up. "Crocus? Didn't we leave already?"

"I'm flattered, kid, but I ain't Doctor Kureha."

Izuku rubbed the blurriness out of his eyes. The Crocus that stood before him had lost a bit of height, and his skin had far more wrinkles.

"Oh wow, Crocus! We really did it!"

"That, or you figured out that old bag's trick to living forever. I personally think it's spite."

Izuku looked around. A bright blue sky hung overhead, but the surroundings felt too dim for an open ocean. As he tried to stand, two wires attached to his shoulders tugged him back. He felt the current stop when he pulled the wires out of himself. "Where are we?"

"I'd tell you, but then, someone would probably die."

"Who?"

"Me."

When he got no further clarification, Izuku stood up and rolled the tension out of his shoulders. "Where's Mei?"

"Checking the plumbing. Keep an eye on her, would you? Any explosions could kill Laboon."

When Izuku stepped towards the Going Merry floating next to Crocus' abode, Nami strode up to him and smacked him on the head.

"Ow! What was that for!"

"That was for not keeping Luffy out of trouble! Do you have any idea how high your bounties are?"

Izuku blinked. "Oh wow. What did I miss?"

Nami ran as she saw the thunderclouds forming overhead, not out of any fear for the rain ruining her new clothes, but out of sheer certainty that Luffy was about to bring the entire port down around her head.

"Usopp! Come on!"

"Just a sec, Nami." Usopp adjusted his monocle, cheap, fake glass, with a price tag for far too much money still tied to it. "They have all sorts of neat stuff here!"

"Luffy's about to do something."

Usopp dropped his monocle. It cracked on a rock. "Oh crud, uh, I'll buy everything!"

Nami grabbed him by the ear before he could put any beri on the table. "Come on, we just have to make it back to the Merry before - oh no."

The Marines had the boat surrounded. Nami froze, then casually walked away from the twitchy marines leveling firearms at every shadow that moved in the alleyways. If they took anything off her ship, she'd steal it back later.

"New plan. We find Sanji."

"What about Luffy or Zoro?" Usopp asked.

"Do you think we have any chance of finding those two?"

A screaming Marine flew high in the air. Usopp smirked, and Nami groaned as she plucked the Marine's wallet out of the air. "Fine. We'll meet up with Luffy."

Except, to her complete surprise, Luffy was nowhere to be seen as Marines went flying left and right like leaves blown about a storm. Hatsume bounced from Marine to Marine, arms flashing out and Dials clicking with every movement. One arm, clasped with a bulky gauntlet, flung Marines away from her, while the other wreathed her body in a gray cloud. Bullets ricocheted off its fluffy, metallic surface, oftentimes hitting other Marines. Nami wondered if there was someone she could steal that kind of gear from.

"How many did she take out?" Izuku asked.

"Wh- I wasn't exactly keeping count!"

"I was!" Usopp piped in. "And sure, she got a couple, but Captain Usopp took care of five-hundred with his trusty slingshot!"

Sanji's foot snaked out and sent Usopp flying. In either hand, he held plates bedecked with croque madame and tender slices of fruit. "Do you dare besmirch such a beautiful lady's reputation with your lies? I'll tell you how it really happened…"

The shadows cast by the turbulent sky failed to conceal the imperfections of the seafood hawked by the swarthy, gap-toothed man.

"You uncouth wretch!" Sanji slammed his foot on the counter, narrowly avoiding the tuna's head. "You dare claim this tuna's freshly caught?"

"O-of course, can't you see the color? You only get a red this deep when it's straight from the ocean!"

"Oh, I can see the beet juice you rubbed into the fish just fine! And don't think I don't see the discoloration around the edges. How could such a delicate angel like Nami-swan ever stomach such foul fare? Huh? I'd barely consider feeding this to Luffy!"

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a Marine flailing in the air as he landed face-first into a window. Sanji disdainfully eyed the tuna and said, "It might serve for soup stock. Half price, or I walk."

With the entire tuna trussed up over his shoulder, Sanji headed towards his captain. But rather than his captain, an angel, no, a Valkyrie, a warrior from beyond the veil with unearthly grace, whose slender form only served to accentuate her generous, ample curves, danced through the boorish Marines trying to lay their filthy, callused paws on her. The nerve of them! Before any of them even had a chance to defile her tender beauty, Sanji leapt into action, legs whirling in a protective shield, mowing down marines like a scythe before the wheat. And once they fell, the clouds parted, and cast in the radiant hues of a thousand sunbeams, stood a precious, delicate flower-"

"Guh." Sanji's eyes rolled back, and blood spurted out of his nose as Nami's fist slammed into his skull.

"Do I look like a stupid flower to you, meatloaf for brains?"

From his spot snoozing on the floor, Zoro cracked open an eye. "Nice one Nami, that's what happened next. You beat a group of Marines but can't take a hit from a girl? Guess the marines lowered their standards."

Sanji fumed with anger. "Like you did any better! You weren't even there!"

"No, I'm pretty sure I was. I know exactly how it all happened."

The store had lots of swords in its barrels. Chipped blades, worn hilts, wobbly and dull edges, none of them worth using for a toothpick. A dark luster caught Zoro's eye. Sleek, sharp, dangerous, the sword called out to Zoro. The shopkeeper shouted at him, no doubt realizing the sword was worth more than its brothers, calling it cursed. Zoro laughed, tossed it up, and held his arm out. His luck won.

The shopkeeper, no doubt humbled by Zoro's display of swordsmanship, presented him with another blade. Good steel, that one, sharp and light in his hands.

There was a girl with swords there. She scared the daylights out of him, looking like Kuina. She got mad at him, challenged him, and lost. Kuina would've been better.

The sky was dark, the streets white with Marines, and his captain needed them. The blades sang in his grip as he slashed his way through. The balance felt perfect on all three, each slice cutting steel and flesh with equal ease, even the air snapped as-"

Sanji, frothing at the mouth, swung a kick at Zoro's head. The swordsman blocked with the hilt of his sword. "You cut a girl?" Sanji yelled. "I'll kill you!"

"She started it first. Do you want me to tell the rest, or not?"

"Yes, we get it, your new toys are long, hard, and penetrate all those dainty little marines super deep," Nami drawled. "You still owe me money back, by the way."

"What for? I paid back everything you loaned me."

"But you still need to pay interest."

"Interest? It was two hours!"

"Exactly! Interest compounds hourly."

As Zoro and Nami haggled over the swordsman's debt, Usopp puffed out his chest and said to Izuku, "Now let me regale you with the tale of the legendary sniper as he valiantly fought to save the crew!"

Usopp crouched in the shadows, flashes of lightning illuminating his muscular frame as he pulled back the sling of his trusty slingshot. He took aim with naught but a rotten egg he had salvaged from a nearby trash receptacle, then bam! The egg slammed one marine on the cheek, knocking him off his feet, before richocheting across the plaza. Marines dropped left and right, all felled by the same projectile, before the egg slammed into the Marine Captain himself! Rotten egg splattered all over his face, and its putrid smell drove him to his knees. He knelt before the mighty Usopp, rotten egg dripping down his chin, begging Usopp for forgiveness! Being the generous pirate that he was, he-

Sanji, Nami, and Zoro all punched Usopp at the same time, shouting, "That's not how it happened, you idiot!"

"Your stupid egg broke when you tried to fling it."

"And I nearly slipped on it! Nami-swan could've gotten injured!"

"I wasn't even there, and I know that's a load of bull."

Usopp nervously chuckled and backed away. "Well, a good story needs a little embellishment, right? And, um, oh look, it's Mei!"

Izuku whirled around. Mei merrily squeezed oil out of her shirt and shook herself off. "How was my newest baby?"

"The generator? It worked great!"

"Thanks!" Mei's face fell, and she reached for Izuku. His body collapsed into a static cloud inside Mei's arms, but Izuku returned the gesture.

"I messed up," she said glumly.

"What do you mean? It worked perfectly. I'm up, right?"

"No. I mean, I thought everything would work out fine. But because I forgot to charge the battery all the way, you had to charge it. I thought so much about the past that I didn't even consider the future. Izuku, you almost disappeared."

Izuku's chest seized up. "What do you mean?"

Mei knelt on the cobblestones next to Izuku. His body flickered and turned translucent. She tried to nudge him, but her hand sank into his shoulder. It had the consistency and texture of whipped cream. Scooping him up didn't work either. Izuku phased right through her arms.

"I can't move him!" Mei rummaged through her knapsack, digging through Dials and scattered bits of metal. "Maybe I could-"

Luffy reached down. Izuku flopped like a rag in his grasp, but he didn't pass through Luffy's rubbery skin. Luffy flung him over one shoulder and said, "We'll get him some food."

"Will that work?"

"Works for me."

As they ran down the alleyway, Buggy leapt down from the roof in pieces, reassembling himself from bottom to top. "Stop right there, Straw Hat! You might have gotten lucky on the platform, but now I've got you right where-" He froze when he saw Mei. His eyes widened, and the knives fell from his grasp. "Oh no. No, this can't be happening."

"Hi Buggy!" Luffy said. "Did you get a haircut?"

"No, you idiot! I - um, I'm Baggy! Buggy's my older and much flashier brother!"

"Really?" Luffy scratched his head. "Because you called yourself Buggy earlier."

"You must've misheard me."

"And you have the same goofy nose."

Buggy lunged at Luffy. "What did you say about my nose? I'll gut you, you bastard!"

Luffy took the knife straight to the chest. Buggy froze and stared at the black sheen stopping his blade.

"You really did come back," Buggy said, amazed. "How did I forget that?"

"Did you not remember until just now?" Mei asked. "Do you think Tom forgot too?"

Buggy backed away, eyes widening. "We never met, you hear me! I want nothing to do with it!"

Before Mei could ask him anything else, Buggy sprinted out of the alley. He shrieked in terror as a Marine tried to lop his head off with a sword. Mei looked behind and saw more Marines boxing them in.

"There he is! Open fire!"

Luffy raced towards the Marines, but Izuku slipped off his shoulder. Luffy scrambled to hold him steady as bullets fired around him. As Mei watched Luffy stumbling around, her thoughts scrambled to a halt. Her inventions felt silly, in the face of her ashen-faced friend sitting in the cross-fire. How would a crossbow help him now? What could she give him or Luffy that would help them fight the Marines?

As a Marine grabbed at Luffy, Mei activated the Dials in her shoes. The sudden boost made her stumble into the Marine and bowled them both over.

"So you are with Straw Hat!" the Marine shouted. "Die, pirate scum!"

Mei shoved the Impact Gauntlet over his face. The blast drove his head into the cobblestones.

When Mei picked herself up, a firing squad took aim at her. She fumbled for the Iron Cloud Dial in her knapsack and drew up a wall just in time to hear the bullets ping off of it. With another wave, she opened a gap and leapt through.

"Luffy! Take Izuku and run!"

Mei didn't know if she heard him or not. Her world disappeared into a sea of white, of heart-stopping leaps with seashells strapped to her feet and an aching arm that felt ready to shatter every time she activated the volatile Dials attached to it. She didn't even notice the scratches on her arms, or the burning line drawn by a grazing bullet on her thigh until she clocked Sanji in the face.

"And eventually, we found Luffy running around in circles carrying you, we got back on the Merry and went up Reverse Mountain again. Then a whale ate us, and now we're here."

Izuku looked around. The bright blue vistas, upon closer inspection, had distinct brush strokes, and metal pipes made linear lumps along the walls. When the walls twitched, Izuku glanced at the water and wondered if it would digest them.

"Eh, we've been weirder places."

Nami and Usopp gave him aghast looks. Luffy leapt down from the ship's forecastle and said, "Ooh! My turn to tell a story!"

Clown-guy got a new haircut and ran away the moment the Marines showed up. Luffy tried to fight, but Izuku kept slipping and he couldn't drop his friend because his friend needed him, but all the stinky Marines wouldn't let him get his friend properly balanced on his shoulder. The baby-making girl told him to take Izuku away, so he did.

He ran and ran, some smoke guy tried to hit him, and that weird not-sword thing hurt even though it wasn't a sword and he was made of rubber. Luffy tried punching him, but punching him didn't work because he was smoking a cigar, so Luffy punched him even harder, and that worked. Eventually, he ran into everyone else. All the Marines were on the ground, which wasn't fair because Luffy didn't get to hit any of them, then they went up that big mountain, went down the mountain, and some big mean stupid whale tried to fight them and Luffy won.

"I punched it and it yelled, that means I won, right?"

Zoro and Nami both punched him and shouted, "No you idiot!"

As Luffy nursed two swollen bumps on his head, Crocus walked over and said, "I would appreciate it if you would stop hitting Laboon. He's getting enough cranial injuries ramming himself into the Grand Line."

After hearing the tragic tale of Laboon and the Rumbar pirates, Luffy gave Laboon a quick paint job. Izuku looked up at the ship's jolly roger and gave thanks to whoever convinced Luffy to not paint it himself.

While Luffy clambered around on Laboon, Crocus came out with a wad of bounty posters and laid them out on a table. "The others already know," he told Izuku, "But you need to hear this as well."

He unrolled each bounty poster. Izuku's eyebrows shot up when he read the numbers.

"Luffy got half a billion?"

"And you're not far behind. A quarter billion."

Izuku groaned. "I barely even did anything, and my bounty is that high? How embarrassing."

Nami whacked at him, but her hand passed through him. "That's what you're complaining about? Do you have any idea how many bounty hunters are going to be after us? They even gave me a bounty!" Nami held up her own bounty of fifty-million. "That's just for being on the same boat as you two morons!"

"Nami is quite right," Crocus said. "But worse than bounty hunters will be the Marines. If they get any idea what path you'll take through the grand line, they'll have a blockade set before you can even reach the island. They'll do everything they can to stop you from resetting your Log Pose."

"Log Pose?" Nami asked. "What's that?"

"It's what you use to navigate on the Grand Line," Izuku said. "Did you forget to get one?"

Nami growled and swiped at him again. "Forget? How was I supposed to know we'd even need one when none of you even mentioned it?"

"I thought everyone knew."

Crocus held out a Log Pose. "Here. I keep a spare on hand for idiots like you. Just make sure you stay long enough for the needle to reset for taking off again."

From just out of sight in the corridors lining Laboon's insides, Princess Vivi Nefretari, masquerading as Miss Wednesday, pondered how she could convince the two Gold Roger pirates that showed up out of nowhere to drive Crocodile out of her father's kingdom. Simply walking up to them and offering her kingdom's treasures would be simple enough, except…

"Would you look at that," Mr. Nine muttered, leafing through bounty posters. "That's nearly a billion right there. This could be the windfall we're looking for."

Vivi swallowed nervously, hoping the gesture wouldn't go amiss given the situation. "It's too dangerous to continue," she said. "We should head back."

"And give up on the whale? We need that meat, Miss Wednesday. We'll just wait for them to move on before jumping the old man and-"

Mr. Nine cut off as a hand closed around his neck. The hand yanked him forward, down to the ground in front of Luffy.

"Thought I heard something," Luffy growled. "What was that about hurting Crocus?"

Vivi backed away. A green blur raced by her, and Izuku blocked her retreat.

"Hello there. Try not to move too much."

Before Vivi could think of running away, Izuku grabbed her by both shoulders and raced her down to the others. Left standing next to Mr. Nine, Vivi tried to gather herself while Mr. Nine bowed low at Luffy.

"Do forgive my hasty words, Captain Luffy. What I meant by jumping the old man, was, well…" Mr. Nine struggled for a moment, before hesitantly answering, "Jumping over him. Yes, have you seen the size of this whale? It'd be quite impressive to jump over him in one go, right?"

Sweat poured down his face as he waited for Luffy's response. Luffy hemmed and hawed, before suddenly slamming his fist on his hand. "I've got to try that."

As Luffy went outside, Izuku and the others gathered around the interlopers a bit too well-armed and ill-equipped for jumping over a whale.

"So." Nami's voice sounded dry enough to kill a cactus. "What's the real reason you two are lurking around here?"

Mr. Nine put on a brave face and insisted that he was only jumping, but Vivi gave a dramatic sigh and put a hand on his shoulder.

"There's no point. We might as well tell the truth."

Mr. Nine looked at her confused before understanding glimmered in his eyes.

"Why yes, you are right! You have to forgive us, our village is in such dire straits. It's the only way to keep everyone fed!"

"What are you talking about?"

"We're running out of food! Our fishing nets come back empty, and the island, alas, is as barren as my dear wife. Not a child between us, no matter what we've tried, and not a single speck of greenery for all the seeds we've sown and all the water we've poured over the lifeless dirt. This whale was our last hope. It would feed the village for months! Then we'd have enough time to ship dirt from another island."

Vivi felt the tension leaving her shoulders as, one by one, the Straw Hats nodded acceptingly. Usopp, dabbing tears out of his eyes, said, "That's horrible! But fear not, for the great might Captain Usopp can-"

Nami smacked him over the head. "Shut up, we are not getting involved in this!"

"We could at least check it out," Izuku suggested. "Unless you feel like letting them kill Laboon."

Nami gazed up uneasily at the painted sky. "Ergh… fine, just as long as we don't waste any time or money on it. Got it?"

Mr. Nine gave a beatific smile. "We would be most grateful if you could come by. Even if you couldn't do anything, the gesture would be most appreciated."

"And we could give you a ride there." Zoro looked them over with suspicion.

Mr. Nine froze. "Why, we couldn't possibly impose-"

Vivi suddenly had an idea. Sailing with the Straw Hats might give her an opportunity to split from Mr. Nine. As surprisingly kind as he had been, she couldn't trust him to side with her over Baroque Works.

Vivi jabbed an elbow into Mr. Nine's shoulder and said, "That sounds like a wonderful idea, if you would have us."

Mr. Nine shot her a look, before grudgingly following her lead. "Yes, of course. It would be an honor to sail aboard your ship."

As they sailed off with the Straw Hats, Vivi whispered to Mr. Nine, "Jump off as soon as you can and let them know they're coming."

Mr. Nine looked aghast. "What about you?"

"I'll keep them distracted, so they don't suspect a trap."

"It's far too dangerous for you to remain here." He held out their Log Pose back to Whiskey Peaks. "You can go instead."

Vivi gritted her teeth. Her plan was unraveling right before her eyes. She gave a quick look around and saw all the Straw Hats distracted with hoisting the sails and watching the needle twitch on their new Log Pose. Seizing the opportunity, Vivi shoved Mr. Nine overboard.

The splash drew the Straw Hats over. Zoro drew his swords, while the others rushed over to the railing. Vivi risked a quick glance over and saw no sign of Mr. Nine.

"What did you just do?" Nami asked.

Vivi's heart fluttered as she knelt on the deck. "My name is Princess Vivi Nefretari of the Kingdom of Alabasta, and I would like to hire you to remove Crocodile from my father's kingdom."

A/N: suffice it to say, the oversized bounties on Izuku and Luffy have slightly changed Vivi's plans. It was kinda fun writing the little tidbits by pretending that the characters were the author for a bit. Life is still lifeing, I learned that baking soda can expire and it leads to un-flat cookies, and I may or may not have a one-shot in the works that abruptly and violently seized my attention.

That's it out of me for this week. On to the reviews.

ProjectIceman: "And ironically it was Izuku who saved Luffy. Not Dragon."

Bardothren: that would be a paradox, actually. Dragon saved them the first time. Then Izuku assumed he had to do it and did it himself. Otherwise, there would never be a stable time loop since Izuku wouldn't have been there the first time. I'm not going to outright say that, and I didn't have a convenient place to say 'oh hi Dragon', so I simply left it to everyone's imagination.

UnlawfulGentleman: "The only thing I have to criticize this chapter is very, very minimal.

I get the whole green electricity thing is an Izuku staple, but in MHA canon I think it's just how One For All expresses itself through Izuku"

Bardothren: "It's a fair criticism, and a decision I pondered for a bit. Green lightning, or yellow? Yellow is One Piece canon, but I couldn't resist giving MHA canon the nod with green lightning. I won't use green for everything, mainly for detail on Izuku so he isn't simply a yellow blob every time he goes full Electro.

Fun fact, this also sent me down a quick internet rabbit hole to see if lightning can be other colors. Turns out it can. In fact, lightning can be any color of the visible spectrum, though green is among the rarer colors and only really seen in snowstorms. The more you know."